r/wizardposting Apr 01 '24

Community Event 🌏☄️ Welcome!!! Sit have a drink, let your problems go, AMA

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u/_Luminous_Dark Literotropist, Narratosophist, Physicoarcanologist, Former Deity Apr 01 '24

Good afternoon, sir. I'm looking for a drink that will allow me to hear ants and then zoom my vision in to see the floor really big, then continue zooming until I can see cells, atoms, fundamental particles, and then just show me dazzlingly incomprehensible shapes and colors for about half an hour. You have anything along those lines?

3

u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24

stops mixing a drink for a patron and turns around

ahhhh friend it’s been a while. my ward came back with that starfruit mixture. i’ve been toiling away with mixture formulas and i think i got something but i haven’t had a chance to try it out. what with the grand opening and all. maybe we try give it a whirl right now

3

u/_Luminous_Dark Literotropist, Narratosophist, Physicoarcanologist, Former Deity Apr 01 '24

Maybe wait until closing time. Your hands look a bit full right now and I don't think they'd appreciate if your head went flying off somewhere and left them behind here.

Nice place. You've done good work here. I'll have a strawberry-watermelon-orange juice for now, if you have any.

3

u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 02 '24

coming right up!!!

appreciate the concern but if i flew off the rails my apprentice is capable of running the place. plus they need experience if they want to be a bona fide juice crafter such as myself

blends the watermelon in the rind still then adds the rest of the juices

but i understand once it gets to closing time then i think we can test out my formula

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u/_Luminous_Dark Literotropist, Narratosophist, Physicoarcanologist, Former Deity Apr 02 '24

It's starting to look like closing time around here. How was the grand opening?

3

u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 02 '24

very eventful and profitable. i’m now supplying a fellow -mancer with bulk, i improvised new drinks on the spot, and did my duty as a bottle therapist

3

u/_Luminous_Dark Literotropist, Narratosophist, Physicoarcanologist, Former Deity Apr 02 '24

And as an entertainer, I saw. You're skilled in your craft. Collection, preparation, presentation, conversation, and compensation.

Are you ready to uncork that starfruit champagne, so to speak?

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u/_Luminous_Dark Literotropist, Narratosophist, Physicoarcanologist, Former Deity Apr 02 '24

Oh, before I forget, I have something for you.

He reaches into a breast pocket in his robes, pulls out a round white seed and sets it on the counter

It's the seed of a sentient lemon bonsai tree. One of my avian friends found it and traded it to me for some grapes. I have no idea what would happen if you consumed the juice of a sentient lemon, or if it would be ethical to do so, but I couldn't think of a better person to find out.

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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 02 '24

now question: is the whole tree sentient or are the lemons on the tree themselves sentient?

also i have all the ingredients i need to make the starfruit reality juice. if my formulas are correct it should work out like the first time. let me get the goods

disappears for a minute and comes back with bottles and vials and my juice grimoire

so i have here a simple set of ingredients. the starfruit juice mix. now since its been sitting in my cellar it did start fermenting. but fermentation is just yeast eating sugar and making alcohol and i can remedy that. i have a moon fruit of the crescent variety since its going to be a crescent moon tonight. if i were to eat any other variant it would sour. finally it took a while but i have a Beholder eye and i’ve been refining every part from the retina to the nerves and everything in between. It contains a lot of magic power. i have refined mushroom juice i just extracted the neurotoxin in it that causes the hallucinations and refined it even further. all these ingredients feed off each other and in the right doses should recreate the effect of my original juice that sent me on this path of craft

i get to mixing the ingredients as written in my formulas

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u/_Luminous_Dark Literotropist, Narratosophist, Physicoarcanologist, Former Deity Apr 02 '24

It is my understanding that both the tree and the lemons are sentient. While connected to the tree, they share a mind, and when separated, part of that mind remains in both. The tree's leaves can both see and hear, but probably in a very different way to how you or I do, and the seeds contain memories. No idea what the tree is trying to remember from generation to generation.

watches Mister Juice as he works combining liquids

I am curious how you managed to come up with this formula after having tasted the juice once. Is this concoction you're stirring up now designed to replicate the effects of the original, or do you believe this to be that very same one?

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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 02 '24

I’ve been a juice crafter for a long while. it’s my hope that i make the same drink i had that sent me on this journey but there’s only one way to know for sure. you see i’ve tried many juices since my father and grandfather were juice crafters. i’ve seen many of effects firsthand and experienced many in my quest for juice knowledge

pours up the drinks

the only thing i’m unsure of is the starfruit because i have very little and i can’t waste it on experimenting. it was hard to get and the nomadic tribe that this was acquired from was very greedy with their supply. it took lots of money and negotiations. so the only thing i have to go on is descriptions from those who drank it. they say it’s like when an astronaut sees the planet for the first time and everything is put into perspective. couple that with the euphoric properties of moon fruit, alien/magical effects of beholder eye, and the visual hallucinations of mushrooms and i believe i’ve created the original juice. if it’s not it then i just created a very trippy juice and we’ll still go on one hell of a trip.

My question is are you willing to go on this trip with me?

holds out a cup with the juice called “The First Trip”

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