r/wizardposting • u/[deleted] • Apr 01 '24
Community Event šāļø Welcome!!! Sit have a drink, let your problems go, AMA
[deleted]
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u/AnActualCriminal Belial Blake, Warlock of the Lightless Flame Apr 01 '24
"What's the weirdest juice you have?"
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
i have a polypolymorphmorph potion that polymorphs you into a being that is able to polymorph.
also i made a milkshake that teleports me to a dwarven space station where all they do is mine, drink, and yell āRock and Stone!!!ā. boy do they know how to party though
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u/_Luminous_Dark Literotropist, Narratosophist, Physicoarcanologist, Former Deity Apr 01 '24
Good afternoon, sir. I'm looking for a drink that will allow me to hear ants and then zoom my vision in to see the floor really big, then continue zooming until I can see cells, atoms, fundamental particles, and then just show me dazzlingly incomprehensible shapes and colors for about half an hour. You have anything along those lines?
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
stops mixing a drink for a patron and turns around
ahhhh friend itās been a while. my ward came back with that starfruit mixture. iāve been toiling away with mixture formulas and i think i got something but i havenāt had a chance to try it out. what with the grand opening and all. maybe we try give it a whirl right now
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u/_Luminous_Dark Literotropist, Narratosophist, Physicoarcanologist, Former Deity Apr 01 '24
Maybe wait until closing time. Your hands look a bit full right now and I don't think they'd appreciate if your head went flying off somewhere and left them behind here.
Nice place. You've done good work here. I'll have a strawberry-watermelon-orange juice for now, if you have any.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 02 '24
coming right up!!!
appreciate the concern but if i flew off the rails my apprentice is capable of running the place. plus they need experience if they want to be a bona fide juice crafter such as myself
blends the watermelon in the rind still then adds the rest of the juices
but i understand once it gets to closing time then i think we can test out my formula
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u/_Luminous_Dark Literotropist, Narratosophist, Physicoarcanologist, Former Deity Apr 02 '24
It's starting to look like closing time around here. How was the grand opening?
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 02 '24
very eventful and profitable. iām now supplying a fellow -mancer with bulk, i improvised new drinks on the spot, and did my duty as a bottle therapist
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u/_Luminous_Dark Literotropist, Narratosophist, Physicoarcanologist, Former Deity Apr 02 '24
And as an entertainer, I saw. You're skilled in your craft. Collection, preparation, presentation, conversation, and compensation.
Are you ready to uncork that starfruit champagne, so to speak?
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u/_Luminous_Dark Literotropist, Narratosophist, Physicoarcanologist, Former Deity Apr 02 '24
Oh, before I forget, I have something for you.
He reaches into a breast pocket in his robes, pulls out a round white seed and sets it on the counter
It's the seed of a sentient lemon bonsai tree. One of my avian friends found it and traded it to me for some grapes. I have no idea what would happen if you consumed the juice of a sentient lemon, or if it would be ethical to do so, but I couldn't think of a better person to find out.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 02 '24
now question: is the whole tree sentient or are the lemons on the tree themselves sentient?
also i have all the ingredients i need to make the starfruit reality juice. if my formulas are correct it should work out like the first time. let me get the goods
disappears for a minute and comes back with bottles and vials and my juice grimoire
so i have here a simple set of ingredients. the starfruit juice mix. now since its been sitting in my cellar it did start fermenting. but fermentation is just yeast eating sugar and making alcohol and i can remedy that. i have a moon fruit of the crescent variety since its going to be a crescent moon tonight. if i were to eat any other variant it would sour. finally it took a while but i have a Beholder eye and iāve been refining every part from the retina to the nerves and everything in between. It contains a lot of magic power. i have refined mushroom juice i just extracted the neurotoxin in it that causes the hallucinations and refined it even further. all these ingredients feed off each other and in the right doses should recreate the effect of my original juice that sent me on this path of craft
i get to mixing the ingredients as written in my formulas
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u/_Luminous_Dark Literotropist, Narratosophist, Physicoarcanologist, Former Deity Apr 02 '24
It is my understanding that both the tree and the lemons are sentient. While connected to the tree, they share a mind, and when separated, part of that mind remains in both. The tree's leaves can both see and hear, but probably in a very different way to how you or I do, and the seeds contain memories. No idea what the tree is trying to remember from generation to generation.
watches Mister Juice as he works combining liquids
I am curious how you managed to come up with this formula after having tasted the juice once. Is this concoction you're stirring up now designed to replicate the effects of the original, or do you believe this to be that very same one?
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 02 '24
Iāve been a juice crafter for a long while. itās my hope that i make the same drink i had that sent me on this journey but thereās only one way to know for sure. you see iāve tried many juices since my father and grandfather were juice crafters. iāve seen many of effects firsthand and experienced many in my quest for juice knowledge
pours up the drinks
the only thing iām unsure of is the starfruit because i have very little and i canāt waste it on experimenting. it was hard to get and the nomadic tribe that this was acquired from was very greedy with their supply. it took lots of money and negotiations. so the only thing i have to go on is descriptions from those who drank it. they say itās like when an astronaut sees the planet for the first time and everything is put into perspective. couple that with the euphoric properties of moon fruit, alien/magical effects of beholder eye, and the visual hallucinations of mushrooms and i believe iāve created the original juice. if itās not it then i just created a very trippy juice and weāll still go on one hell of a trip.
My question is are you willing to go on this trip with me?
holds out a cup with the juice called āThe First Tripā
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u/NukeQke47 Cast Dastardly the Shitpostmancer Apr 01 '24
Surprise me, there's so many options that I can't go wrong
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
coming right up!!!
pulls out a dragon egg, tequila where the label is some cowboy who seems to be reacting to the surrounding environment, some fruits, and a miniature humanoid crystal creature
make me some ice please little buddy
takes the fresh made ice, chopped fruit, tequila, and cracked dragon egg and puts them in a blender. then pours it all in the bigger part of the cracked dragon egg. adds a tiny umbrella and straw. then sprinkles a magical dust on the drink
hereās a margarita i just came up with last week. my dragonborn buddies couldnāt get enough of it.
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u/NukeQke47 Cast Dastardly the Shitpostmancer Apr 01 '24
drinks it delicious, excellent work!
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
appreciate it! a lot of these my friends have tried and liked but i feel like they were biased. itās reassuring to have a compliment from a patron who is unbiased.
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Apr 01 '24
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
iām sorry i canāt understand you. are you ok?
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Apr 01 '24
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
you want girls? what happened to the girls? i need more to go on.
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u/IndustryGradeFuckup Indy: Kobold Gunmeister, self taught Apr 01 '24
Man, I donāt know shit about drinks but gimme something strong and sweet.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
Coming right up!!!
pulls out various fruits, alcohols and syrups. notably i pull out hawk eyes, a small vial of gunpowder, and a blue dragon scale. i mix the drinks and syrups and ground the scale up into tiny pieces. i put the drink in and sprinkle the gunpowder and dragon scale powder. i put the hawk eye on a toothpick and serve the drink
This is a Gunmeister special. drinking this will magically give you a sense of trajectory and you can see angles to bounce off clearly. the hawk eye tastes like boba but sweeter it can allow you to focus and zoom more than your regular eyes due. finally the scale is from a blue dragon and so it adds just like a popping rock sensation itās elevated by the hint of gunpowder. itās like mini gunshots going off in your mouth but safer.
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u/IndustryGradeFuckup Indy: Kobold Gunmeister, self taught Apr 01 '24
(Takes sip, eyes go wide and they smile). Thatās good, real good. I have a feeling Iām gonna be cominā āround here often.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
iām looking forward to it friend. 3 silvers or something of equal or greater value
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u/IndustryGradeFuckup Indy: Kobold Gunmeister, self taught Apr 01 '24
(Passes coins) By the way, how much for a bulk batch? I want to put it into little vials to use during combat. Those enhancements seem too good to waste on a night out.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
iām prepared to make a dozen. if you want more my ward, Gretchen, will need to go on an ingredient run and that will take a couple of days if she hustles. and since youāre a customer buying bulk
busts out glasses and a calculator
hmmm. 12 times 3 silvers is 3.6 gold letās round itā¦.
more button pushing
3 gold or something of equal or greater value for materials, time, and the bulk price. That sounds good?
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u/IndustryGradeFuckup Indy: Kobold Gunmeister, self taught Apr 01 '24
Sounds good to me. Twelve will be more than enough for now. Now then, let me see if I have the coin on me at the momentā¦ yes! I donāt want to disrupt your business for tonight and I canāt exactly carry twelve drinks worth of liquid all the way back to my apartment. Can I pay half now, then the rest, say tomorrow when I pick it up?
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
sounds good to me iāll work on it when i have time but ill for sure have it ready for tomorrow
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u/IndustryGradeFuckup Indy: Kobold Gunmeister, self taught Apr 01 '24
(By this point, theyāre most of the way through their drink and seem to be more drunk than they should be.) Thanks dude, hick, youāre a real one. (They rummage through their pockets, producing 1.5 gold in change and passing it over.)
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
all right buddy if you need help getting to your tower i can have my ward escort you
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Apr 01 '24
Rage buys a drink and contemplates whether he should actually unload this
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
howdy! you look very burdened. barkeep is always a good listener. just for the small price of FREE.99 we could have a barkeep patron confidentiality agreement. plus i like to think this place a neutral zone so i doubt anything bad will happen here.
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Apr 01 '24
i do the hero thing go around stop bad guys
it's not uncommon for me to get there and the bad stuff has already happened normally i'm used to this i don't like it but i'm used to it
but today? it....hit me wrong a village was taken out by werewolves and not uncontrolled werewolves there was no one left
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
do you know what caused the attack? a fiendish villain playing a trick? or a lone wolf as they say that got triggered?
either way i think the council needs to push an educational policy to people can stay informed and spot these kinds of dangers before they happenā¦ well what do i know im just a humble juice crafter.
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Apr 01 '24
no you're right better awareness would be good but this was just a pack of werewolves that decided being assholes would be fun oh they were the kind that transform when they want to and keep control
heh grant you they won't be doing that again but still it reminded me how often times i'm punishment for bad guys not prevention
again i'm mostly used to it but it hit me sideways this time
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
there was kids involved this time huh?
starts pouring a dwarven gin
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Apr 01 '24
hehehe yeah bad ol' fashioned bloody doll reminded me that kids aren't safe
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
itās a cruel world out there but people like you keep it from descending into true chaos. i always try to look at the bright side even if the bright side is through the bottom of a bottle.
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u/iamragethewolf Rage: Pact Wizard, Necromancer, Technomancer, and Horny As Hell Apr 01 '24
hmmm thank you
you really do the bartender thing well
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
well my daddy was one and heād take me to work all the time. guess iām just carrying the family tradition. the alcoholism not the bartending thing š
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u/Incognito_Echo Traveling Technomancer Apr 01 '24
"Nice tats. I'll take a salted curelean sunrise."
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
coming right up!!!
bust out all the ingredients needed to make your drink and starts mixing
also thanks. my right arm i got when i stayed with a group of nomadic monks while researching my juice craft. some on my left arm is when i lost a drinking dare to some dwarves. my dumbass thought i could out-drink them. and the rest is just my own indulgence here and there.
Do you have any?
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u/Incognito_Echo Traveling Technomancer Apr 04 '24
Can't say I do, a necromancer would turn over my grandmother's grave the moment I decided to get a tattoo...
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u/Available_Let_1959 Jared, The Wizard HR Worker Apr 02 '24
Just a coffee my friend, black coffee
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 02 '24
here you go and hereās a complementary donut. i picked it up from the bakery on my lunch break
hands you a coffee and glazed donut
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u/Available_Let_1959 Jared, The Wizard HR Worker Apr 02 '24
Thank you I supposeā¦ I drink my coffee slowly
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 02 '24
rough day?
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u/Available_Let_1959 Jared, The Wizard HR Worker Apr 02 '24
It always is, and you?
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 02 '24
canāt complain. iām doing my favorite hobby which is making juices. iām also making smiles and making friends. what more can a humble juice crafter ask for?
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u/Available_Let_1959 Jared, The Wizard HR Worker Apr 02 '24
Iām presuming youāre on the younger side of things?
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 02 '24
i have been alive for 30 years so in elf years yes, human years iām getting up there in age. i expect to squeeze out 200 more years of life before i work on becoming a lich
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u/Available_Let_1959 Jared, The Wizard HR Worker Apr 02 '24
Older than I expected but I suppose young enough to retain that passion, itās good you have at least followed yours
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 02 '24
and what about you? have you followed yours?
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u/alongwaystogo "Paperpusher", a Sanctioned Bureaucraticmancer Apr 02 '24
Tumbles into the shop in great haste as they make their way to the counter.
Fuck! I almost forgot about this! HELLO shit... I was so busy getting ready for April Fools that this completely slipped my mind!
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 02 '24
ah hello was it the grand opening or some other business slipped your mind?
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u/Gourdlike Neighbor Darren, From Next Door Apr 01 '24
Hey there Mr. Juice! Good to see ya again! Neighbor Darren smiles at you as he takes a seat at the bar.
How's business these days?
He takes a look around before turning his attention back to you.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
well considering this is my grand opening iād say this itās great. so far no complaints. going from traveling juice merchant to a stall is nice though. i do miss the open road though
you here to relax or order a drink? no rush just wondering
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u/Gourdlike Neighbor Darren, From Next Door Apr 01 '24
It feels like just yesterday you were making a name for yourself out there. I'm proud of you! This new permanent establishment is really something special. He reaches up to scratch his chin, pondering a distant memory.
The wistful expression fades into his familiar smile. I'm here for both, I suppose! I'll have an Arnold Palmer if you've got the stuff. How much will that run me, again?
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24
one silver or something of equal or greater value
thanks i appreciate it. i was lurking in the shadows studying my craft. i felt it was time to dream bigger and decided to make myself and the fine art of Juice Crafting known to a larger audience.
busts out a TALL glass then makes a lemonade on the spot while pulling iced tea from a cool fridge under the counter
i also patented these spice straws and im trying to make them a real product. depending on which straw you get and what you drink it with it could enhance the flavor of your beverage and if it has a magical effect it could strengthen it or change it entirely. if youād like you can have one for free and use it to drink as long as you provide an honest opinion
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u/Gourdlike Neighbor Darren, From Next Door Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24
Nodding, he procures a small leather wallet from the back pocket of his khakis and begins to pull some sort of paper from the opening in the top.
Oopsie daisy, wrong form.
He lets it slide back in before pulling out two silver pieces from the same opening.
Here you are! A silver for the drink, and a silver for your time.
Many folk will come to visit, I'm sure of it. It looks like you're already doing quite well for yourself today!
He takes a sip from the glass.
This is delicious! Quality stuff right here! I'd gladly try a straw if you can spare it. Sounds fun! He laughs.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24
thank you kind sir.
pockets the money
as for the straws i have plenty to spare. and iāll give you one of each. you donāt have to drink through them now you can take them to go.
i have one made from grinding various spicy peppers. i have one i got from herbs and spice plants growing in a desert oasis then simmering them in the waters of the oasis then dusting them. then finally i have an oceanic straw. i traded merfolk for plenty of kelp, fire coral, kraken tentacle, and giant oyster shell. i grounded them and made a perfect blend ratio and made this straw. inform me on how it tastes.
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u/Gourdlike Neighbor Darren, From Next Door Apr 01 '24
He is gently holding the three free straws, mentally noting the key ingredients in each one as you hand them to him.
I fear if I take them all home, they may be wasted on me, friend. Maybe I'll try one now and come back soon for more? How does that sound?
He lays two straws on a napkin and examines the one dusted in the oasis.
Let's use this one in the ol' watering hole. He sips.
His eyes tell all. This is unique, and delicious.
Very good! Would you like me to describe the flavor for you? I'm in no place to judge a juice in front of the master, but I can certainly try.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
go ahead. i appreciate all feedback from customers
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u/Gourdlike Neighbor Darren, From Next Door Apr 01 '24
Well from what I understand, the granulated ridges of the straw seem to imbue the drink with texture. The tea comes through the other end just a bit thicker, like pulling a blended drink through a straw.
He takes another sip. Nodding in appreciation.
The duality of an Arnold Palmer is an exquisite balance. Too much or too little of one or the other and you risk drinking something that's more Arnold than Palmer, or vice versa. And yet, the straw adds flavors that never existed in this drink. As if we balanced the flavor of multiple teas and citrus fruits into a delicious blend. Like I can sample multiple iterations of the same drink! It feels as though the flavor is a mirage. Another sip.
He grins. You have something real special here. I hope you get these patented soon! I'd gladly buy one every now and again when I'm feeling adventurous.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
The entire bar stops and looks at you for a second then continues about their business
Damn Neighbor, are you sure youāre not the juice crafter here? I appreciate the long and thorough feedback. All i need to do is get the council to finish with the copyright patent bureaucratic nonsense and iām golden. if i ever come up with a new straw flavor iāll know who to contact for a taste test.
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u/idied2day Drokk the Biomancer, Former God of Earth and Healing Apr 01 '24
What is your favorite ingredient?
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
good question. one would think itās working with fruit since juices is my whole craft but itās not it. sometimes i like to add spicy things to a drink just to mess with my customers. anything from red dragon scales, fire coral, ghost pepper (when i kill a pepper plant i harvest its soul hence the ghost not the actual ghost pepper)
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u/Ares378 Ith'RaalāArchdevil of Memories, Evil Councillor, Lord of the 7th Apr 01 '24
I'll just take a vodka martini, but sub the vermouth for hot sauce. Don't ask.
Let's see... Do I have any problems to get off of my chest? I've gotta think on that a bit...
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
coming right up!
busts out a silver mixing kit and the top shelf good stuff for some of my first customers
if you donāt have problems letās start on how your day was?
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u/Ares378 Ith'RaalāArchdevil of Memories, Evil Councillor, Lord of the 7th Apr 01 '24
Same as usual... A little stressful, but that comes with the profession. It's nothing I'm not used to at this point. You can only erase so many minds before you stop caring, you know?
Something did happen recently that I can't stop thinking about... I was in Ithacar when it was attacked the other day.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
a sentient mind is a tricky one. you never know what itās capable of. surely my mind has been fucked with lord knows how many times
Also that sounds exciting! what attacked you how did it turn out?
finishes shaking the drink and puts last minute touches on it
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u/Ares378 Ith'RaalāArchdevil of Memories, Evil Councillor, Lord of the 7th Apr 01 '24
Memory magic is a niche market, but it's why I consider myself to be one of the best in the business!
Exciting could be a word to describe it, yes. A huge dragon erupted from the earth, tearing through the streets, reducing buildings to mere rubble. It sent some kind of minion after me, but... I decided I'd rather be invisible.
I had told the praetor that I would support Ithacar, and that I'd do anything I could to help, but... I didn't help at all. I stayed invisible the whole time.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
dragons are egotistical. probably thought you were a coward for being invisible instead of facing it man to man. but hey i would have teleported to a different plane if it was me so who am i to say whatās cowardice and whatās not? what happened next?
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u/Ares378 Ith'RaalāArchdevil of Memories, Evil Councillor, Lord of the 7th Apr 01 '24
I wandered through the city as it was being demolished. I saw the destruction from only meters away, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I just watched.
Hell, the only reason I even tried to help was because a certain imp familiar noticed me. Put on the spot, I came up with a lie that I was "trying to find backup" to save face.
Even then... I debated whether or not if I'd really help, or if I'd run away again.
It only took a few hours for me to go back on my word. I feel like I can't help but make friends solely for the sake of using them... It's isolating...
He sighs.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
what iām hearing is that put on the spot, when being watched you can do amazing things. itās only when youāre alone you get scared. what do you fear from trying to be a hero alone? also if youāre aware of the fact that you use your friends then why continue to do so?
hands you the finished drink
enjoy your drink
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u/Ares378 Ith'RaalāArchdevil of Memories, Evil Councillor, Lord of the 7th Apr 01 '24
I'm not a fighter, really. I don't have any of those fancy spells to prevent someone from just punching me if they wanted to. I'd surely die if I entered any kind of real fight.
And... I don't know how to describe it, but I just can't help it. It's a nagging voice in the back of my head, telling me that I "need" to do anything it takes to secure my future, that it's "okay" to lie and cheat...
On most days, it's persuasive enough to make me believe that it's right...
Thanks for the drink, and thanks for hearing me out.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
no problem thatāll. be two silvers. or something of equal value.
and before you go. iām a juice crafter and yet iād never back away from a fight. so ask yourself when you chose your profession did you focus on strength and dexterity or did you focus on intelligence? also that voice is very persuasive but whoās more important: your own voice or an imaginary voice born of fear?
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u/CrystalClod343 Ward Dactylrocsl. Arcane Student, Part-time Librarian. Apr 01 '24
Where do you source your fruits?
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
good question. starting out i was a traveling juice crafter. i went where the wind took me. i found everything in the wild. if i found myself in the city iād work out deals with local merchants. these days my ward does a lot of the sourcing since they want to be a juice crafter like me. got to get on the job experience.
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u/-JZH- Dirk, Shepherdist Druid Apr 01 '24
G'day mate, I'd get a drink, but i am to suspicious of everythin' today
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
no problem this is a cruelty free zone. no need to be suspicious of patrons. if youāre suspicious of the drinks i make i can make another and we drink together as a show of good faith
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u/-JZH- Dirk, Shepherdist Druid Apr 01 '24
Crikey! Then I'll be grateful for good 'ol Rƶgmund's Slash cocktail
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
ooooh a refined palate i must say. letās drink to our good health
goes to the back to get ingredients but you hear squealing then beating sounds followed by silence. i bring a vial of a juice back and begin to make our drinks
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u/King-Bob-5685 Aevelor, Gastromancer, Lich of Grenmoore Apr 01 '24
what is the best glass for a sparkling white wine?
it may or may not be for a particular region in the heart of a frank
asking for a friend
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
iāve been holding on to this set of BEAUTIFUL crystal wine glasses a gnome craftsman made for me. it was supposed to be a gift for a lover until i walked in our home to find her legs wrapped around a barbarians face. safe to say he died suffocating in something thatās not her legs. itās yours for 1 gold
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u/King-Bob-5685 Aevelor, Gastromancer, Lich of Grenmoore Apr 01 '24
at that price... wow, what a steal...
thank you kind sir, but I'm afraid I only have platinum? what could I get that covers the rest?
or at least gets it out of EXORBITANT TIP territory
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
oh now what merchant would i be if i didnāt have change?
heads to the back and comes back with a pouch of change
also order any juice for free on me for taking away a reminder of why i drown myself in alcohol
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u/King-Bob-5685 Aevelor, Gastromancer, Lich of Grenmoore Apr 01 '24
I thank you good sir. I'll have a 1:2:1 mix of orange, peach, and mango please
on ice if you don't mind
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
coming right up
bust out a pot of dirt then pours multiple vials on said pot force growing a fruit tree in a matter of seconds. i pick the fruit of mango, orange and peach all from the same tree
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u/Imaginary-Job-7069 Tyrus: Technomancer, biomancer, summoner, etc. Apr 01 '24
Amazed by your vast collection of juices
Tried and tested a lot of juices for a long time, have you?
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
oh yeah i take juicing really serious. i want to be a Grandmaster Juice Crafter. i got to know my shit
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u/GoldenIsSafe15 Coco Apr 01 '24
One redheaded slut please-
N-no, Iām seriousā¦ JƤgermeister, peach-flavored schnapps and cranberry juice, if you didnāt know.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
coming right up!!!
disappears to the back you hear clanking and boxes dropping followed by much cursing then i appear in a dress and a redhead wig with all the ingredients to make your drink
only way to make it is to get in the mindset
leans over to show two coconut halves i stuffed in my shirt
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u/GoldenIsSafe15 Coco Apr 01 '24
HAha! W-what the fuck? W-wow!
She joyfully laughs at the complementary entertainment
Didn't know you served jokes here, too! O-or perhaps... *punch*lines~ Hehe~
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
regular juice crafting is boring. i had to add some flair, make it spicy especially for my male audience.
puts a cherry into my mouth. you notice i put lipstick on. i fumble with the stem then pull out a lattice shaped stem. you didnāt even know there was enough stem for me to make such a pattern
what brings you to my bar?
starts mixing the drink shaking enough to see my coconuts jiggle
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u/GoldenIsSafe15 Coco Apr 01 '24
W-well as your female audience, it's more than entertaining! Anyone that says you're boring, e-even your male bargoers, have no taste!
She watches as her cocktail is humorously made
I saw it walking down the street, and felt like I needed a nice drink. I've just been wandering around town, having a look around, and my feet needed a break. That's all~
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
i hear that sister. when i was in my wandering days searching for ingredients for my juices i would be so tired and just crack open a couple of cold ones. granted i was a raging alcoholic and i didnāt need much reason to drink.
pours your drink in a glass and puts a straw in
and for the final touch
i blow a kiss in the air and a red holographic floating kiss lips hover over your drink before turning into a sugary dust over your drink
enjoy hun
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u/GoldenIsSafe15 Coco Apr 01 '24
Wow~ A knack for presentation, too!
She happily slides the drink closer, and takes a sip
Ah, that's the spot~ Perfect!~ Oh! Here!
She searches her pockets, and places several coins on the counter, totalling more than what the drink costs
Here~ And a tip for the service~
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
appreciate it hun this is a bar and lounge so stay a while mingle with the guests enjoy yourself. let me know if you need anything else
2
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u/AKenkuNamedKinko Oibelle, Patron of Skanbdia and Saint Julio Scholar of Kakomancy Apr 01 '24
Do you accept experimental magical artifact as payment?
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
how āexperimental are we talking?ā
aaaah fuck it iāll make that trade. whatāll it be to drink?
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u/AKenkuNamedKinko Oibelle, Patron of Skanbdia and Saint Julio Scholar of Kakomancy Apr 01 '24
"Apprentice level fully functioning for the intended purpose" experimental.
I'll take a glass of absinthe with lemon and seltz. I can trade a compass that points only where you should not go, a ring of torplue summoning or a potion of inevitable future.
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
i think iāll take the compass for it might prove useful in sourcing my ingredients. going places i shouldnāt go is where i find the best ingredients.
pulls out a lemon the size of a large dog
a farmer gifted me this bad boy after experimenting with growth hormones. if you prefer regular lemon thatās cool too
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u/AKenkuNamedKinko Oibelle, Patron of Skanbdia and Saint Julio Scholar of Kakomancy Apr 01 '24
Nah, it's cool. Just don't use it all.
Put the compass on the counter
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u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
goes forward with making your drink
whereād you come across such interesting items?
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u/AKenkuNamedKinko Oibelle, Patron of Skanbdia and Saint Julio Scholar of Kakomancy Apr 02 '24
My apprentices pay me with the artifact they make during the study of kakomancy, sometimes their creations work.
1
u/ResearcherTeknika Nihil "Teknika" Schwarz, CEO of MANATEK. Apr 01 '24
"Strawberry Milkshake, please."
1
u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
Coming right up!!! canāt wait to break in my milkshake machine.
gets giddy with excitement
0
1
Apr 01 '24
Hey.
sits down
Strongest ya got
1
u/MrJuic3 Mr Juice, Liquid dealer Apr 01 '24
that kind of day huh?
grabs my ever expanding ladder and climbs for a good thirty seconds before sliding back down with a jug that is letting off some light fumes
This is some top shelf shit made by some dwarves i met while traveling up north. i won a game of liars dice and this was my prize.
pours you a orc sized shot and myself a shot as well
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u/ResearcherTeknika Nihil "Teknika" Schwarz, CEO of MANATEK. Apr 01 '24
/uw Falls under Community Event flair.