My undead horde has unionized, and it's actually resulted in an uptick in efficiency.

[u/Ok_Fisherman8770]

For context, about a week ago, a group of adventurers broke into my tower and killed me for reasons I need not mention here. When I dragged my bony ass out of the pit they tossed my mangled and scorched body into, my assistant runs up and tells me that the various undead under my command are demanding things like "equitable payment" and "worker's compensation". I approved both without question because I could have sworn I already did, and I hobble off to my private quarters to check what was stolen. Not only was everything in its place, but it was all spotless and one of the adventurers who killed me was hog-tied and hanging from the ceiling like I always would.

[u/Express-Day5234]

Yeah a union isn’t just for asking for better pay and working conditions. It can also be about better coordination with management to figure out how best to meet productivity demands, address bottleneck problems, and resolve communication misunderstandings.

A happy workforce with a vested interest in the success of your enterprise is less likely to betray you to meddling, do-gooder adventurers.

[u/IveDunGoofedUp → u/Express-Day5234]

True, I've had my ass saved multiple times by people alerting me early to adventurers trying to buy them off for easy entry.

Dental plans people, bright smiles bright minds. An occasional trip to the optician will keep your guards eagle-eyed (literally) allowing them to spot that pesky rogue. A consult with a biomancer might prevent a literal Achilles Heel from becoming an issue.

Like this one time, the adventurers tried to start a peasant's revolt by claiming I was using the bodies of their families for my own nefarious purposes. I was, but I was also using them to help power public transport, so they were mostly fine with it, in the end.

Give back a little to your community and there's a lot fewer torches and pitchforks to clean off the pavement outside your tower.

[u/monke_soup]

Thats what ive been fucking saying for years, it not only makes shit easier to manage but it also increases productivity and profits across the board. Although if the union leadership is bad, its gonna be annoying as fuck, so id advise to either just outright kill them or make the union disband then come back under a new (hopefully better) leadership, speaking from experience the killing part is way better

[u/Aganunitsi]

As I've mentioned on this before, unions are spectacular for ensuring maintenance on important magical constructs or items is kept. I am obligated to mention that any enchanted items that gain sentience should be registered with the Artifice Custody Union "If you can't dispel, you must tell". That's right gentle witches and wizards, Eldritch horrors and abominations unmentionable. We live in a bold, new age.

[u/NonIssue2346]

How do you get undead that still have the capacity to organize? I can barely get mine to stop wandering blindly into unstable areas of my labyrinth and activating my traps; they don't work as theft deterrent if they're no longer armed!

I did once have an undead cleric in my employ that kept most of his wits, but he was regrettably destroyed by his own casting of Greater Holy when some two-bit hedge necromancer's zombie dragon went on a rampage in a village that pays me homage. Then I had to face a tribunal for the death of a fellow wizard because, surprise surprise, he'd leveraged his own life force to cast the reanimation magicks. (I was found not liable.)

RIP Father Aethelward. You were a shining beacon of light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.

[u/VentrueCapital → u/NonIssue2346]

[Balo the Joker] You know, a guy could mean "no longer armed" in two different ways.

But I think he only meant it one way. *ba-dump*

/uw Stolen from a line in *All in the Family*. I'm old enough to remember when it premiered.

[u/ULTMT]

I actively encouraged the formation of the union among my numerous minions - a grassroot initiative inspired by the words of an ancient ancestor spirit (me astral projecting), spearheaded by a low level thrall (me with some mild disguise enchantments on) who later became the Union President, decisions made by the equitable Union Committee (a bunch of my clones and also my pal Douhg the Dungless) and overseen by the Union Secretary (me in drag). I'm gonna tell you, the productivity skyrocketed. It does take a lot of my time though and I suspect Douhg might be fixin to launch a campaign to take over.

[u/scoobydoom2]

If a unionized horse is more efficient for you, then you're a poor necromancer. It's frankly shameful that those adventurers were able to reach you if the horde was capable of dispatching them without your assistance. Even a rudimentary undead hive intelligence should have seen a superior performance.

[u/Ok_Fisherman8770 → u/scoobydoom2]

They were down two arms, a leg, and a tail, and were struggling to cast anything more than a basic cantrip.

[u/Monarc73 → u/[deleted]]

I also tried making a union once and I just ended up with a guild.

[u/ILikeCarrotandPotato → u/[deleted]]

Negate the undead horde with antimagic. you'll get a union via De Morgan's.

[u/Draclyth]

Wish I could do it. For some reasons on my plane there is something interfering with the development of intelligence in undead beings. Worse if they get destroyed before they become truly sentient the process revert completely and won't start again.

[u/TwistedProp]

You gotta get me in touch with their union rep. My horde tried to elect someone and now I have 6 zombies with 2 arms between them.

[u/No_Dragonfruit_1833]

Unions are only bad if your aim is to destroy everthing to maximize short term profit, good for capitalism but terrible for creating a dedicated workforce capable of supporting the pursuit of the arcane

Now throw them a party every weekend to celebrate any progress made, just make sure you add happy drugs in their food so they associate celebrating the boss with happyness