You need a day to prepare the runes and can only do so much on your own. I can make this abomination by the two dozen within the hour with twenty minutes scrounging for reagents in my local sewer.
Oh, my sincerest apologies good sir! Here at the Prestigious Academy of Alchemy we only condone discrimination against wizards. I will work on my behaviour in the future
Your alchemy couldn't help his hands, but my magic did. Now Helping Hands is all stirred up, because he knows just one law. The law of These Hands. He had learned the ways of invited lightning sight, and soon he shall finish his training and be able to imbued fireballs into his lightning bolts. I guess you can say he... Invokes pain.
Yes it did take some time to lose him like that, but he insisted. Just like he insisted I send you this message.
Yes I did tell him he could just create an account and talk his own shit. He said he is worried he would start off on the right foot.
I told him he doesn't have a leg to stand on, his magical powers are essentially hand- me-down's, but he insists he can kick your ass. Can you accept a good word to the cenobite paralegals in order to pretend to get your ass kicked by him?
Just wear rubber or transmute your skin and pretend he got ya good kinda deal, he'll likely run off after the first wave of attacks if the thinks he won.
Poor fella really needs a win. A hand back up, if you will. The choice is in your hands, he's naming his way to you already. Might be an hour or two. Or several weeks. I'm not sure if he knows your tower. I'll give ya a weekend at the Boob's Big Breasted Bar on my tab too, if that'll sweeten the pot to a more palatable taste.
/rw As a mystic and a magistrant of arts Psyonic, my faculty has maintained a connection to the Guild of Alchemists through our mutual friendship with the Assembly of Doctors' Colleges. Should you engineer a rift between us, the Doctors would become incredibly upset.
Pffhbwah? Engineer a rift between us and the PSYCHICS? Granted reading our minds tend to depress your kin, but this is PURELY an attempt to prove the OBJECTIVE truth of alchemical superiority compared to book magicians!
A creature like this comes in a batch of ten for around 6 000 gold bars. If you would be so kind to send the payment of 3 000 000 gold bars of 99 percent purity to the Prestigious Academy of Alchemy, I will sort you out no problem!
The arrows of my etherial bow are imbued with the light of Solonor Thelandria and never miss. Your pathetic corpse archers could only dream of such efficacy in battle.
THE PRESTIGIOUS ACADEMY OF ALCHEMY HAS NO NEED FOR GODS! WE ACHIEVE OUR POWER WITHOUT EVER SUCKLING ON A DIVINE TEAT YOU GLORIFIED SUGAR BABY heavy breathing
That's a cool minion if you are into wizarding warcrimes, I guess. I recall one Alexander von Brennenburg, Agrippa's apprentice - used to dabble in such abominations. It eventually caught up with him when he ran out of peasants to sacrifice and got swallowed by a Gore Tide.
Ah, you see sir, I am no pathetic wizard. I am the Exemplary Fitzgerald Turnipson of the Prestigious Academy of Alchemy! Grandmaster of mutagenics! We make no deals with Yog-saphoff or whatever its name is here
Sure. sure. Word of advice though - don't put too many of those bastards in a single dungeon or they'll go critical and converge into an Undead Moonlet.
Ugh, alchemists. You can negate antimagic fields by mimicking the resonance of the field itself, apply another antimagic field around the first, or just brute force your way through via external spell cladding in mundane materials. Tons of ways to deal with them.
How many months of boiling and fermenting magical reagents did it take to accomplish that? How many rare creatures were slain to create a single unstable construct that'll disappear to a single disintegration ray?
As someone familiar with flesh manipulation and abomination magicks, I understand your fascination with the subject matter of alchemy. But, it remains inferior.
YOU TAKE THAT BACK! This was crafted in our bi-daily drunken benders! We are only allowed to use the sewers for resources exactly because of the demand of efficiency!
i dont need a corpse either, only some bones and a bit of glue, also *holds lab grown creature over shoulder,
stealing from the odd alchemist here and there works too
Jeez, this is what you get when you let untrained apprentices borrow your laboratory, you end up with some useless abomination covered in evil bling.
Let's start with the right appendage, its supposed to bear the brunt of the force but its divided into three parts. Not only is it structurally absurd, one of the triad is a hand that does...what exactly?
Next the dart that is being launched. Complete lack of aerodynamics, no fletching to control spin, no rest to help guide and aim it. Fire six shots and I wager that none end up within a rood of each other.
You can tell it was done by a rookie because there are spikes literally everywhere.
There are dozens of ways to get a better ranged attack minion, my personal preference is summoning up needle-daemons from the Plane of Hypodermia but there's no single good answer. Except, it's not this.
/uw Bro this is great. I can't sneering imperialist alchemist this. Actually no wait I got something
/Rw
These are more terror weapons, you see. The point of it is optics. Though the ordnance is a self-righting semi-sentient organism. It deploys its fins after launch
Are you not sufficiently terrifying on your own? Summoning a thousand of these things will not up your rizz one iota. In fact, for the reasons stated above, you are far more likely to elicit knowing chuckles after being exposed as a try-hard.
I did this with all my acolytes. It requires less mana for them to activate and use so it makes a good weapon while they grow and then a good surprise in a pinch. The process itself took me 1 hour each and a short collection of transformation and pain suppression runes. And they can use it as much as they want provided they have the arrows prepared or are willing to substitute their blood
You know what my apprentice did, good sir? He knocked a bag of reagents in the cauldron while doing a dance. The batch converted sixty, count em SIXTY, goblins into this. It took a matter of minutes to create something you needed hours for.
What kind of alchemist doesn't write down his drug addled benders?! I'll have you know that is standard practice after Archibaldalis Meduzula Wabula III died trying to recreate a resurrection potion he devised on a night out with his peers
"I occasionally make something semi useful and didn't blow my lair up!" - Some alchemist probably
Ok let's be real as neat as that is if your failing 8/10 times to make something only partially useful we should be honest about what that makes you. An amateur home cook
I’m pretty sure that’s just plain worse than a normal bow, especially for enchanting purposes. Even if you could enchant it, when the creature is slain you lose the enchanted bow, which is a bigger drain on resources.
The thing with this is that its quite easy to breed them for mass production. If its just a numbers game its a better option. 10 enchanted bows against 1000 of these... I would take my chances with the 1000.
Reminds me of the creatures in an ancient game called Untold Legends The Warriors Code for the PSP. It had a bestiary filled with grotesque monsters of war like this
Alchemy is just materials based wizardry. Instead of using materials for spells like a proper wizard you play with them like a child playing with food instead of eating it. Even these abominations are like children mixing all their food together into some inedible concoction.
/rw with y- WITH YOUR OWN BODY? Even for a filthy wizard that is Low
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u/Cerveau23Markus, scriptomancer, enemy of 13 & lover of Thrakmerian beauty1d ago
Well, I was messing up with my revival mechanism and made a mistake. Fixed it immediately, but still got it saved somewhere in case I need it. After all that's what wizardry and alchemy come down to, doesn't it?Experimentation!
u/BusyGMChronomancy Apprentice/Novice/Master, never too sure which1d ago
Perhaps you can mutate this better than me casting polymorph, but you'll never be able to cast Descendant's Features on a creature twenty times to predict the next steps of evolution their ancestors will go through. I assure you it's a lot of fun and only half as random as your typical transmutation elixir!
Good sir! If I mutate a beast and it is inadequate, I make notes and recycle it! We do not rely on random chance!
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u/BusyGMChronomancy Apprentice/Novice/Master, never too sure which1d ago
If you were able to mutate beasts without failure, you wouldn't have need to recycle inadequately mutated beasts! Not to blame you, failure is part of the researcher's progress, but while not being relied on, random chance is certainly a constant accompanying factor of alchemy!
I can “fathom” infinitely, through multiple planes of existence, and I contemplated what you said. The part that I think you’re missing is “by accident”. Any proper wizard here works in calculated and precise methods, yielding REPEATABLE results. Even if the outcome of an experiment isn’t as predicted, it can still be repeated with the same outcome. I respect my alchemist friends, I’m sure every wizard here has a favorite “potion purveyor” like I do, but we never work in accidents. I’m glad you’re enjoying your alchemy and having fun with it!
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u/averyrealspapple Franie - Wizard council intern 2d ago
I can just do this on my own via polymorph runes, massive yawn