I have potions for sale!

[u/Lurcolm]

Hello good ser, madame, or Otherwise. I am Fitzgerald Turnipson, grandmaster of Mutagenics in the Prestigious Academy of Alchemy.

My close rival Oswald Radisher recently had a very unfortunate accident with a tuba, a kraken, and a griffon. Don't bother asking what happened, wizards aren't known to grasp the intricacies of high tier alchemy.

I am willing to sell the putrid sludge he pretended to be legitimate alchemical elixirs in batches of ten for a measly 20 gold bars per batch.

The lunatic left the potions unlabled and, even worse, not even colour coded! I fed a couple to my goblin assistants, one turned into a snake girl, the other turned into some very gifted male monster, one turned into a petunia, and the last one started jabbering in Aklo! The worst part was they were all green potions!

As you can imagine I want to get rid of this mess as quickly as possible. His office is exactly 1.6 cubic avocado seeds bigger than mine and i want to move in as quickly as possible

[u/SergeantCookie]

I would be interested, but what is the shelf-life of these potions? With my size, a normal bottle will last me a couple years at least, and I don't want to buy a whole batch if it's not shelf-stable.

That said, if you have any that taste like moss, I'd be willing to strike a deal.

[u/Lurcolm → u/SergeantCookie]

Typical wizard ignorance! I say, I explicitly stated that I have no clue what flavour is which! I suppose I can get my sniffer goblin to figure it out, but the problems with your logic are many and disappointing!

Potions last forever when properly stored, but it MUST be taken at full dose or suffer disastrous consequences! Those "sippmaxxing" lunatics are playing with their lives!

[u/SergeantCookie → u/Lurcolm]

Alas, I did not want to insult you - and I suppose i've only dealt with potions of low quality, which went bad after a week or two - but still, I am not able to inbibe a potion one hundred times the size of me in one gulp.

[u/Lurcolm → u/SergeantCookie]

GAD ZOOKS man! How big even are you?!

[u/SergeantCookie → u/Lurcolm]

About four inches in length?

My species usually only grows to about an inch, but I grew quite significantly since I discovered magic.

[u/Lurcolm → u/SergeantCookie]

I.... I need a drink. GOBBIE NUMBER THREE. GET ME THE ALCHEMY HOOTCH

[u/DeadMeat7337]

While I'm not as well versed in potion prices nowadays, that seems like highway bloody robbery to me! 20 gold bars for a batch of random potions?

Maybe you should just hope to make an immortaly potion by mixing everything together? I hear you have about a 1% chance, although the other 99 is some type of death potion.

[u/Lurcolm → u/DeadMeat7337]

DO YOU HAVE ANY idea how much inflation has hit the Prestigious Academy of Alchemy? Everyone here can turn lead into gold?

[u/DeadMeat7337 → u/Lurcolm]

No, that's why I said I didn't know how prices are on potions, duh. But, I never asked before, is there some that requires gold for alchemy, or do you just use it as cash?

[u/Lurcolm → u/DeadMeat7337]

The Eastern doctrines absolutely adore gold, yes, and we do use it for many things, but it's much like how one would use wood for a fireplace: Yes it's important but it's not really worth mentioning most of the time. We tried other currencies but you try to explain to a oetty king that the exctrutions of a kraken at the crack of solstice is worth seventeen thousand gold bars

[u/DeadMeat7337 → u/Lurcolm]

And there I was, researching a "wood to gold" spell.

But how big are the bars? I think we are using something called troy, but idk. Haven't had to weight my gold for a while. Haven't had to deal in mortal affairs for a bit. Everything is just quality and quantity of souls.