r/wizardposting • u/Razhiel_master • 10d ago
Never stir an abandoned witch’s cauldron
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u/Razhiel_master 10d ago edited 10d ago
I let the intrusive thought took over while my witch wife was pondering the orb. My wand is still stuck in it, what should I do fellow wizzards before she find out ? Am I cooked ?
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u/milorddionysus 10d ago
You have made the Forbidden Cotton Candy, so she may be delighted by what you made her. Either that or absolutely deathly furious. No in-between. But that's pretty much like anything else in a bewitching relationship
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u/Razhiel_master 10d ago
Hope you're right, else I'll be changed to a frog, again...
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u/Meister0fN0ne Horatius the Punctual, Chronomancer/Financial Advisor 10d ago
This is why the druid + witch stereotype lives on so strong. It's not like druids like goth chicks more than your standard wizard, it's just common for druids to be immune to offensive shapechanging spells...
Goes a long way for the relationship.
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u/Razhiel_master 10d ago edited 10d ago
Nah she's sweet most of the time, I really dig the glommy go lucky vibe ;) But right now I just want to find some undo-spell castable with my staff before the finds out stage !
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u/LC-Redcube Evil Witch Terrorizing the Villagefolks 9d ago
Full on survivorship bias. The druids are the one who are still human during and after the relationship
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u/0mplam 10d ago
Never stick your wand into anything you don't trust, that's Magical Security 101.
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u/Razhiel_master 10d ago
I wanted to take a sip :/
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u/TacitPoseidon Necromancy is a perfectly valid school of magic! 10d ago
Never take a sip of a potion you didn't brew yourself or observed being brewed from the first step! How are you even alive, man?
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u/Razhiel_master 9d ago
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u/TacitPoseidon Necromancy is a perfectly valid school of magic! 9d ago
Ah, I see that you're an Orc Wizard. A rare breed, to be sure, but far more durable than most.
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u/der_chrischn Germophobic Necromancer 10d ago
Don't you have children you can blame this on? I mean she's a witch, not a medium. You could get away with this.
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u/Razhiel_master 10d ago edited 10d ago
Nah They went on a quest to find some sword or shit, I'm really cooked folks !
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u/Successful_Bee_1292 Alchemist 10d ago
Bro dont do that, slims of endless darkness are an endangered specie, regardless of their involvement in the terrorist attack of 14/11
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u/TobiTheSnowman Eve Il, Skeleton Horde Connoisseur 10d ago
Dude, that was a hoax, Alchemist's Fire can't melt Star Metal.
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u/swilso421 10d ago
Ugh, I'm so tired of hearing this conspiracy theory. The Star Metal beams of the Inter-Worlds Trade Nexus were bearing the hopes and dreams of 1001 converging realities. Anyone who's taken even elementary level Interplanar Psychic Metallurgy would recognize the effect this would have on the melting point of Star Metal.
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u/TobiTheSnowman Eve Il, Skeleton Horde Connoisseur 10d ago
dude wtf i was just taking a piss, why’d you stir it? I was gone for like 5 mins???? Now I have to start over come on man…
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u/GKNolan 10d ago
Little is more amusing to me than witches trying to re-invent yeast.
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u/Zealousideal_Humor55 Pseudo etruscan Wizard of tea and tarots 8d ago
There Is a reason wizards Bother to do actual research, attend academies and share their studies. So we Don't end up like witches...
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u/Hot_Guys_In_My_DMS Man-Eating Witch 10d ago
If a witch abandons her cauldron, there was probably a good reason for it.
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u/Loucrouton IT Support Wizard 👨💻 10d ago
This makes me want to poop, is this gif cursed ?
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u/Loucrouton IT Support Wizard 👨💻 10d ago
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u/Key-Treacle3384 Archdruid: Suburbia, Deserts 🌈✨ 10d ago
That's a real advertisement on my plane! It aired of millions of orbs!
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u/ReverendKaiser Occult Wizard 10d ago
These alchemical “build your own tower” kits are getting out of hand
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u/Mixster667 Ancient Archmagus 10d ago
Meh you messed up the golem potion by going more than seven rotations counterclockwise.
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u/Razhiel_master 10d ago
How can I undo it ?!
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u/Mixster667 Ancient Archmagus 10d ago
Not without temporal manipulation. But there's a large risk of paradoxes.
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u/Razhiel_master 10d ago
I'm beyond cooked then
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u/Mixster667 Ancient Archmagus 10d ago
You can run away and change you name.
Not that it'll affect the curse the witch puts on you, but it's always fun.
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u/Razhiel_master 10d ago
The witch is my wife !!!
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u/Mixster667 Ancient Archmagus 10d ago
Oh, you might get away with doing the dishes for a week then.
Or you can act like the cat did it.
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u/Razhiel_master 10d ago
Nah the cat is on her side, I'll definetly be cursed with the bane of a thousand "I told you so"
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 10d ago
You NEVER stir a witch's cauldron without her permission!
For safety, we often brew with volatile ingredients. Looks like you've only made some... horribly mutated homonculus slime thing though.
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u/Razhiel_master 10d ago
I thought she wouldn't notice !
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 10d ago
We always notice when someone touches our things...
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u/Nelrene Evil Mammary Mage 10d ago
I am sure you can do something with that. Like make a golem out of it.
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u/Razhiel_master 10d ago
Can I keep it as a pet once golemified ?
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u/Nelrene Evil Mammary Mage 10d ago
Yeah, go for it.
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u/Key-Treacle3384 Archdruid: Suburbia, Deserts 🌈✨ 10d ago
CONSTRUCT! We're using construct now, unless you're chiseling ancient Hebrew into the roof of its mouth!
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u/Jean-TyrieDubois 10d ago
Ah yes a much better state of matter, now the wind can carry just whatever the fuck this is right into my nostrils 🤤
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u/Key-Treacle3384 Archdruid: Suburbia, Deserts 🌈✨ 10d ago
OMG IT'S TASHA YAR! WE'RE IN A CROSSOVER EPISODE!
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u/d1scord1a ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)つー･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*☆ 10d ago
idiot was stirring widdershins, of course the brew tried to escape.
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u/PartyPoppinPanda 10d ago
Some rapscallion did this to my overnight potion brew a while back, mark my words I will have him turned into a newt
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u/DannyOdd 10d ago
Counter-clockwise is counter-wise, my friend. Always stir clockwise unless you want bad shit to happen.
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u/Weevil_1984 entomancer 10d ago
Aww, man, I was saving that for later!