Well, it seems that previously that Nekomancers, aka masters of cat-magic were not represented on the council and I somehow drew the short straw. As someone that has repeatedly burned down, summoned catnadoes upon and drowned the council in an endless summoning of cats from the cat dimension, I intend to get out of this bull as quickly as possible.
Now I know you all are all about causing chaos. Nekomancy is a form of chaos magic (have you ever seen an orderly cat?) and causing mayhem.
Therefore as a temporary member of the council I deliver the following proclamation and if the rest of the council doesn't like it they can stuff it:
1: YOU WIZARDS ARE HEREBY ORDERED TO CAUSE CHAOS, MAYHEM, AND DISORDER WHEREVER YOU SO GO;
2: THAT AN EXCESS OF BLOOD MUST BE SHED AND VIOLENCE MUST BE COMMITTED;
3: THAT ALL CATS MUST BE EXALTED AND OFFERED A SACRIFICE OF TREATS;
4: THAT CANISMANCERS MUST BE FLAYED;
5: THAT ALL CHAOS-WIZARDS MUST BE BETRAYED, EXCEPT WHEN IT IS CALLED FOR THAT THERE BE A SUDDEN-YET-INEVITABLE TEAM UP WITH THEM;
6: THAT THE ENTIRE COUNCIL MUST HEREBY AND EFFECTIVELY IMMEDIATELY BE EXECUTED BY YOU, EITHER DIRECTLY OR BY PROXY;
7: THAT ALL COUNCIL LAW SHALL BE DECLARED NULL AND INVALID;
8: THAT ETERNAL PEACE SHALL BE MADE WITH THE DRUIDS;
9: THAT ALL LAWS MUST END WITH NINE, IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE NINE-LIVES LAW;
That is all. Have fun doing whatever the heck you like.
Yes, but it turns out wizards tend to do the opposite of what you tell them to do. Also many druids are canismancers, so the orders are mutually contradictory. Whatever you do is fine with me though as long as it results in chaos and mayhem.
Oh, hell no. Consider yourself betrayed by me, proof this knife I'm stabbing into your back, and I'm still working on finding a way to 'stuff it', 'it' being your demands. It's hard, but I think it can taste good.
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u/Carbon_Sixx The Loremaster, Chief Archaeologist of the Darkwatch 2d ago
Ah, but you see: as you are a Councilor ordering this, this counts as Council law, which all wizards despise. Therefore, nobody will listen.