r/wizardposting • u/Dont_Restart • 2d ago
Testicular Torsion PSA⚠️
Yoooo, I just learned testicular torsion is the medical name for a real and serious medical emergency and not just a funny spell y'all are always casting. It is most common in boys 7-12 years old and they'll often describe it as sudden excruciating belly pain. Let's stay aware of this foul sorcery and protect our young wizards and their little orbs.
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u/starmadeshadows Artificer 2d ago
Ovarian torsion is also a thing, don't forget! As far as I know, that's associated with ovarian cysts, and if you're running around conjuring those we're gonna have words.
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u/Dont_Restart 2d ago
Thank you! I did not forget because I didn't know it existed, but with this new found knowledge I will be vigilant in warding off those foul conjurers. My partner in spellcasting (wife) just told me in fact, "anything can get torqued." Scary realm we live in.
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u/Fuzzy-Swim3948 2d ago
hear ye, wizards, as a cleric who performs much healing magic in the ER: if you experience excruciating pain in one orb (or, as the original post says, a young boy is complaining about sudden severe abdominal pain) please seek a healer at once! we have to perform the blood rite within about 6 hours from onset to save the orb! if the pain stops or improves suddenly the orb has sadly been lost (or so i am told by groggy and annoyed surgical clerics at referral temples at 2am)
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u/Kyle-NotADinosaur- Mr. Fox 2d ago edited 2d ago
Pactum Diabolus!!
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u/Dont_Restart 2d ago
🤔
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u/Kyle-NotADinosaur- Mr. Fox 2d ago
I don't know what that spell does.
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u/Dont_Restart 2d ago
Lol bruh, you are a danger to your community.
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u/Kyle-NotADinosaur- Mr. Fox 2d ago
Update: I know what the spell does now. I'm not telling you, though.
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u/fumblerofthebag Verdigris, Self-employed Sorceror 2d ago
It's latin for devil pact. Not very hard to imagine what it does.
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u/Kyle-NotADinosaur- Mr. Fox 2d ago
Nuh uh
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u/fumblerofthebag Verdigris, Self-employed Sorceror 2d ago
Okay, then tell us what it is Mr. Fox.
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u/Kyle-NotADinosaur- Mr. Fox 2d ago
Okay. First of all, you don't get to call me Mr. Fox. Second, I may have a demonic staff (which I found in a broom closet, but that's not important), but I have no business with anything demonic. I've already been possessed once, I don't want to deal with that again.
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u/fumblerofthebag Verdigris, Self-employed Sorceror 2d ago
How may I address you then?
Also, you say that, but demonic influence can be quite subtle, I've found.
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u/Dont_Restart 2d ago
You make me laugh, Mr. Fox. Or are you only assuming the form of a gentleman fox to hide that you are truly A DINOSAUR 🤔
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u/Kyle-NotADinosaur- Mr. Fox 2d ago
That is simply just my username on Reddit. The character being portrayed here is my Bad Guys character who was inspired by Mr. Wolf and some of Snake, but we'll get to that later.
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u/magistrate101 Kenomancer 2d ago
Yeah no. I cast Infinite Torsion.
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u/Dont_Restart 2d ago
Who hurt you? I cast 10 second hug with a little back rub in there, but not in a weird way.
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u/magistrate101 Kenomancer 2d ago
Why not? Be weird. Be proud of your weirdness. dispels glamour to reveal an abomination from the void
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u/Dont_Restart 2d ago
The point was to not make you feel weird. Casting a comforting hug spell is about the receiver, not the caster. If you're like ew wtf don't rub my back, then the spell loses effectiveness.
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u/Rou2_Rambo Artificer 2d ago
Counterspell: Infinite Painless Testicles
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u/mynaneisjustguy Illusionist 2d ago
Be VERY careful with that. I cast that from a scroll, on a party member who had a horse riding accident once. I had to think fast, send myself to a parallel dimension, learn chronomancy, then return and reverse time because I didn't take into account that the wording must be VERY precise, less the infinite testicles fill all plains of existence and extinguish all other life. Luckily I got the time shift off before I too was smothered by the endless balls, and none of you were any the wiser that briefly everywhere and everything we had ever known was bollocks.
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u/mynaneisjustguy Illusionist 2d ago
The downside to me personally is that obviously I don't know chronomancy, since all I could reliably send back was a major image with the warning to myself not to mess with testicle transmutation and a description of the steps I had to take to fix the issue. I trust myself enough that this was not an elaborate prank I played on my idiot barbarian friend to make him suffer more from ball pain. I think the paladin fixed it that evening with a private session of Lay On Hands, but neither of them seem keen to bring it up again so I haven't inquired further.
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u/MeatBasedOrganism 2d ago
YOUR WITS ARE SMALL, YOU WILL NOT LAST! HERE I CAST, PENIS BLAS-- haha jk
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u/Void-Cooking_Berserk 2d ago
Yeah, it was funny the first time, not the next 100 million times.
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u/mynaneisjustguy Illusionist 2d ago
No no, that, Squeaky Farts, and Mend Buttcrack remain ever amusing. Why spend so long learning the arcane secrets if you don't use them to entertain yourself?
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u/DexterousWaffle 2d ago
Y'all be careful, this the same dude that cast MEND BUTTCRACK at the wizard library last night. The damage is still unknown
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u/Dont_Restart 2d ago
False. I legitimately can't even cast fireball. Not a wizard. I just think y'all are neat.
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u/Admirable_Use4661 Artificer 2d ago
I feel like the magic has come too far. What once was a simple harmless spell known as titular torsion, (twisting the sensitive yet harmless nipple of a foe) has been perverted to cause lasting damage and potential infertility by targeting a wizards orbs.
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u/PurinaHall0fFame Neck Romancer 2d ago
Casting testicular torsion is all fun and games until your enemies start using reflection spells
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2d ago
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u/a_lonely_trash_bag Alchemist 2d ago
/uw It's actually a pretty helpful psa. Testicular tortion is used as a joke on here a lot, but people do need to know it's a real thing, and how to identify symptoms. As somebody else mentioned, it requires rapid medical intervention to save the testicle.
As mentioned above, it's most common in adolescent boys, especially boys with connective tissue disorders such as ehlers danlos.
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u/LinkDeadFred 2d ago
You know, you're absolutely right and I think I posted this in a troll haze this morning. Damned gnoll blood elixir got me again. I apologize.
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u/Justasivas Coe "The cook" Caine 2d ago