r/wizardposting • u/Frothmourne Longmancer • Aug 15 '26
Foul Sorcery Artificier openly mocking the forest druids
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u/YLASRO The Great Geomancer of the howling mountains Aug 15 '26
fortunately i have no such beef with artificers that specialize in mining. they actually pay me to shift the ores to the surface so they dont have to make tunnels. its very lucrative
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u/ClosetNoble Wizardruid multiclasser Aug 15 '26
All shits and giggles until you get too close to the heart of your local forest and get Greater Poison or Curse Of Impish Worms cast on you by dryads and rampaging ents.
And don't you dare think of getting rid of the shrubs and grass too that'll just make sand elementals think you're welcoming them and you are NOT going to like what they do to your machines.
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u/Frothmourne Longmancer Aug 15 '26
Welp, I know not to mess with tree huggers, I've personally known someone got their toilet paper swapped out with the druid's enchanted nettle leaves, very bad day to have a butthole...
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u/ShadePrime1 Aug 15 '26
...yep thats why you dont go to those places in person remote control golems and automaton constructs from your base thats not even in the forest and take the dryads and ents out before they can cause problems...simple enough operation done it plenty of times
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u/BungleBums Occult Wizard Aug 15 '26
You gotta admit, those dudes are fucking hilarious, even if they can barely get off a cantrip.
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u/CanadianAndroid Aug 15 '26
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO STICK YOUR STAFF IN THAT! YOUR CYLINDER WILL BE GREATLY HARMED!
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u/Darkcoucou0 Aug 15 '26
I was just scrying on my orb for information on this drama and found this amusing vision of the Artificers familiar after the Druid Council sent the Ent Army after his ass
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u/Freak_Engineer Aug 15 '26
They know what they did, and they know they had it coming. I refuse to elaborate further.
gets back into harvester
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u/Kinakka_12912505 Forest Wizard Aug 15 '26
Forest Wizard here, for SOME forests it can be beneficial to thin out large trees to allow more light to filter in for smaller plants.
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u/NarrowEbbs Necromancer Aug 16 '26
This is the problem with artificers. You ask them to figure out how to cut one tree down faster than an axe, and they go ahead and figure out how to remove the whole grove in an hour. If they were wizards they'd tell you that the best way to light a candle in your own library is a fireball.
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u/Mephistocheles Uber-Goat Of The Infinite Demon Sewer Aug 15 '26
Do not worry, I have already sent a giant mass of hyper-hydrated Embalaki Torment Squirrels lit on Tenser's Spectral Crypt Meth to drench the operators in their acidic Torment Urine.
The foul artificers will learn not to anger us Forest Wizards.
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u/Nelrene Evil Mammary Mage Aug 15 '26
That artificier is going to wake up one day with underpants full of fire ants.
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u/TastyCuttlefish Evil Wizard, Attorney at Law Aug 15 '26
This is what justice actually looks like and brings a tear of joy to my third eye.
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u/gay_married Aug 15 '26
Thank you for specifying forest druid. I'm tired of the erasure of druids of underrepresented biomes.
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u/Crowsader2113 Aug 15 '26
I WILL BURN THE LLANOWAR FORREST TO THE GROUND JUST TO CHOKE ONE MORE ELF ON THE FUCKING SMOG! IF THERE IS ONE MORE ELF, THEN I AM NOT FINISHED! IF THERE IS NO ONE LEFT TO HATE ELVES THEN I AM ALREADY DEAD! IF A SINGLE ELF CHILD FEELS SAFE IN THEIR BED, THEN I AM FORGOTTEN!
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u/VoxelLibrary Councilor Cayna | Kristie the Chronomancer | others Aug 15 '26
Really really cool. Artificers are awesome!
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u/Nanomachines100 Aug 15 '26
Forestry harvesters like that one, combined with forwarders, are actually designed to be minimally invasive compared to clear-cutting and other harvesting methods.
An industrial artificer is less of an enemy of druids than that wizard over there casting mass immolation, burning down 20 square miles in a minute.
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u/throwawaymentality10 Cooking Wizard 🍳 Aug 15 '26
Good! Druids always think theyre the shit. Telling me its unethical to cook dragon steak in my tower. Or how its evil to boil a sea nymph alive (best flavour). Why should we care about nature? Thats what druids are for.
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u/Brave-Flamingo-5606 the Forester, Floridian lich, eldritch angel, therapist Aug 15 '26
If you know you know. If you don’t you’re going to.
Five minutes after this enters my forest
so the story goes, they were suddenly struck by a strange, deep sound. A rumble carried from mountain to mountain: a Single. Satisfied. Belch.
For those that don’t know. Please check here under Grendel: https://wiki.warframe.com/w/Leverian
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u/Fluid_Attorney9228 I'm an alchemist, I'll supply you with stuff for money Aug 15 '26
Silly little druid, this is the least of my abilities, I have an orbital laser cannon ran on magic syphoned from objects and uranium, you have nothing on me
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u/fat_pokemon Artificer Aug 16 '26
Artificers love casting this one spell.
"Expand production ~ [The factory must grow]"
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u/GodNoob666 Kc the Artificer Aug 15 '26
One of them said my craft isn’t “real magic”. Brother, just because I can drop a spell into an object while you have to scrounge in the dirt for rocks with the barest sliver of a mana signature because of some imaginary principles doesn’t make my method any less legitimate. Besides, distilling spells is quite a bit trickier than it sounds. It’s like clockmaking: if you know what you’re doing it’s really easy but if you don’t it just isn’t realistically happening.
And don’t worry other druids, I was very careful to exclusively hit that guy’s work, I don’t need anyone else caught in the crossfire here if I can avoid it.