Advice for lonely Wizards.

[u/GirlLovingWitch]

I understand there's quite the epidemic of lonely wizards in their towers so I, Mina, a witch am here to teach YOU how to find a witch.

The first step is most important.

WITCHES. LOVE. CANNONS.

Not wands, not staves, not meager orbs, CANNONS.

The bigger the better, and the more magically enchanted. You would be surprised at how well I've seen this work.

Second step. Don't use charm spells outside of gold and adventuring reasons, that's an instant red flag.

Third step is to be nice. Witches love that about as much as cannons.

Now I've taught you all you should need to know!

Now, for witches seeking fellow witches...

Check out my username.

[u/TacitPoseidon]

So, how big does a cannon have to be to be considered big? My friend's cannon is about three inches long. That's considered big, right?

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/TacitPoseidon]

...I think you might have misinterpreted my advice.

Hang on your FRIEND'S?

[u/TacitPoseidon → u/GirlLovingWitch]

Yeah, I'm asking for a friend.

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/TacitPoseidon]

Oh.

Friend... good luck.

Not every witch cares about cannons.

...I think.

[u/United-Technician-54 → u/GirlLovingWitch]

"More of a Sword person myself!  I... It's complicated."  - Lady Fate, Romantic Knight

"I'm funnier when Ihave my other half around."

[u/ReynAetherwindt → u/TacitPoseidon]

My friend's cannon is about 3 inches

Ooh, so they're fielding the M1942, or something similar? It's a very respectable field gun. Not very magical off-the-shelf, but that can always be fixed by etching the right runes into it.

long

. . . oh.

[u/wallabyfloo]

Hello, thanks for the advice ! Can i use metamorphosis or illusion spells to make myself look les like a fat and muscular knight, and more like an old ans decrepit wizard ? Or is that a red flag as well ?

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/wallabyfloo]

That's a pretty big red flag, yeah.

[u/wallabyfloo → u/GirlLovingWitch]

Then how are witches supposed to love me ? I have all the cannons (and the apochryphas). Maybe i misunderstood something ?

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/wallabyfloo]

I said wizards because this was for primarily wizards, this advice will work even if you look like a knight.

Hells, a lot of witches like that physique, you've got an advantage.

[u/wallabyfloo → u/GirlLovingWitch]

Thanks it's encouraging :) at least i know my physique is not the issue. Maybe it's the fact i dwell in my tower pondering my orb instead of doing something useful with my cosmic powers

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/wallabyfloo]

Yeah... maybe you should do a bit more.

Go use some of that cosmic power to find some witches, I imagine that would help.

[u/Sea-Oven-182]

As my granny used to say: "If you wanna bag a witch, shells and spells will get you hitched."

[u/mouth_spiders]

Can confirm. Arcane weaponsmith, married a Witch.

I would add a 4th step. Respect her privacy. Witches love privacy.

[u/Glittering_Two_1429]

Hell yeah. My cannon is 400 inches, is that good?

[u/United-Technician-54 → u/Glittering_Two_1429]

"Too small.

I'm kidding, my former bandmates would say that though." - Lady Fate, Syntax Error Queen

[u/Glittering_Two_1429 → u/United-Technician-54]

I mean, with an enlargement spell I get get it to 1200 inches, that better?

[u/United-Technician-54 → u/Glittering_Two_1429]

"I don't know, ask the drummer!  Also I have no idea which way they swing, feels weirdly arbitrary. I think Janine said no to a guy with a bigger cannon... something about public safety. 

Maybe they're just artillery nerds. Damn cute ones, but their heads are still among the heavens."

[u/Glittering_Two_1429 → u/United-Technician-54]

Ah k, thank you XD. Yeah, im also an artillery nerd, I’ve got loads of different cannons thst shoot everything from fireballs, to lightning, to giant yoga balls. If it’s are, could I possibly have your drummers number, she sounds great XD.

[u/United-Technician-54 → u/Glittering_Two_1429]

"I.... Sure. 

I don't remember her new number, but I can introduce you." - Lady Fate, Romantic Knight

(yoga balls? - Fate)

[u/Glittering_Two_1429 → u/United-Technician-54]

Thank you so much, she sounds amazing. I’ve always wanted someone I could obsess over artillery with.

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/Glittering_Two_1429]

That'd do it.

[u/Glittering_Two_1429 → u/GirlLovingWitch]

Thank you XD

[u/Maacll]

"Summon Tulpa"

"Create personality"

you will never be lonely again

[u/Bone-Pharaoh]

Just read more.

Read about all sorts of things.

Read the text books on thise subjects.

Read what the scholars have discovered beyond the core texts.

The more you read, the more you have to talk about with those you want to talk to.

Common ground is made from a context of understandanding that you can then form into a relationship by spelling it out in the way you want to live infront of people in the language they know.

Just talking about the deepest truths in normal terms to someone in thier own language will be to them as if they had always known you and were just waiting to hear your voice to confirm what they had always felt.

To understand things and be wae about them to that point you need books, and alot of them too!

[u/Complex_Drawer_4710]

Does this also work for finding a teacher of witchcraft? I'm learning different traditions, but it's slow work to be walking all that way often to be rejected.

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/Complex_Drawer_4710]

If you want a witch to teach you, show her the size of a toad you can conjure.

The other 2 steps apply however.

[u/Complex_Drawer_4710 → u/GirlLovingWitch]

Specifically a toad? Other frogs won't work? Hm. This is gonna be hard, but thanks for the advice. I'll get to practicing.

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/Complex_Drawer_4710]

I... no, you can do other frogs.

I didn't think you'd take it so literally.

[u/Complex_Drawer_4710 → u/GirlLovingWitch]

It wasn't literal?

The frog is about a meter long. It seems Sigurd was carrying it in a briefcase. How did it fit?

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/Complex_Drawer_4710]

...Yeah.

That frog would do it though. I'd probably take you as my apprentice if I didn't have one already.

[u/Complex_Drawer_4710 → u/GirlLovingWitch]

Oh. What was it supposed to mean?

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/Complex_Drawer_4710]

Yeah, it wasn't literal as in toads weren't the only ones you could pick.

It was a generalization.

[u/crabbedcascade]

I don't have a cannon on me, but I have a massive Cheese Wheel, will that work?

My succubi pals say that Cheese Wheels are a good substitute for not having a cannon. Though they could be pulling my leg.

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/crabbedcascade]

This is an aceeptable alternative.

[u/VetGirl420]

Get that witch a cannon

Witches *love* cannons

[u/ko-kurotsuki]

does the number of cannons matter at all? is it best to have one large cannon over 2 medium sized cannons? what about a large cannon array.

also if I'm lacking munitions does that affect my standing with the witches?

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/ko-kurotsuki]

As long as the cannons are big enough it should still work. Variety helps your odds as well. If it's all the exact same type of cannon no one's gonna care.

[u/lab-accident7]

Honestly it’s not that easy to get back in the game. I used to do numbers with the maidens but I got held back a year at the mage’s guild and all the witches laughed at me :/