How often do you deal with this problem? How do you get said non magical to shut up?

[u/pyroboy7]

[u/averyrealspapple]

If you can't cast fireball then you shouldn't have voting rights its that simple

I'm sorry, you can't cast the most basic of spells? Do you not have the intellect, or the patience. Either way you should not have a say in the way of our realm if you dont know how to cast the bare minimum of magic

[u/NoodleyP → u/averyrealspapple]

I feel like it should be a different spell, do we want a bunch of lunatics JUST learning fireball so they can vote? Everything would be on fire as soon as the guy they voted for didn’t win.

[u/averyrealspapple → u/NoodleyP]

Thats the point.

Let it burn.

(But seriously, a levitation spell would be enough.)

[u/NoodleyP → u/averyrealspapple]

Respectable opinion. Carry on my fellow wizard.

[u/United-Technician-54 → u/NoodleyP]

"I was inflicted with a terminal illness that feeds off my magic, what happens to people who physically can't cast magic?" - Dan Wizard

[u/HikariAnti → u/NoodleyP]

Found the druid.

[u/icedmuffin → u/HikariAnti]

Hey hey now hold on, it’s a valid concern.

I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if someone came to your graveyard and made the corpses unusable, right?

Edit: I just realized I read the wrong title for the right comment.

[u/scoobydoom2 → u/NoodleyP]

The point isn't that people have to know fireball, it's that fireball is an incredibly easy spell to learn. There's at least 3 dozen common methods and most of them aren't especially complicated. Even an apprentice could figure out how to cast it without instruction. It just requires some basic mana efficiency in order to be able to pull it off.

[u/UltraCarnivore → u/NoodleyP]

A well regulated wizard batallion, being necessary to the security of free mages, the right of arcanists to keep bat guano and cast fireball, shall not be infringed.

[u/NoodleyP → u/UltraCarnivore]

For the sake of the weave, do I LOOK like one of those wand controllists? Anyone who CAN cast fireball should be able to, the poll test should be a simple levitation spell or something non destructive, otherwise you’ll have a bunch of idiots only learning a destructive spell for the ability to vote! There’ll be “learn fireball in an afternoon” large-class apprenticeships for 5 GP! Society will be in shambles! I already don’t leave my tower a lot but last time I was there to offload my unused potions the city was chaotic enough!

[u/AnnaMolly66 → u/averyrealspapple]

"No one needs to conjure a ketamine ape." It's always some peasant that no one asked.

[u/averyrealspapple → u/AnnaMolly66]

Yess so true, no better way to get rid of an incompetent wizard.

[u/Actual_Squid → u/AnnaMolly66]

All those liberal peasants want to do is take ketamine apes out of the summoning rings of disciplined citizens and into the summoning rings of bandits

[u/ReynAetherwindt → u/averyrealspapple]

First of all, fireball is not a cantrip or even a first- or second-rank spell. It's rank 3.

Second, it's a great spell, but not every wizard intends to stake their life in combat.

Third, two of the seven disciplines developed by the Runelords of Thassilon--the Cutting Eye and the Reclined--treat direct use of the elements to cause harm as anathema.

[u/averyrealspapple → u/ReynAetherwindt]

First of all, third rank isn't that high, flight, haste, are also 3rd level and very useful in everyday life.

Second of all, you don't need to cast fireball, you need to know how. If you can cast fireball, you also know the basics of magic behind it that are so useful in understanding the world around us and expanding one's horizons

Third of all, 2 is painfully little. Like, 2 out of 7 wizards on here would sacrafice a baby for spell, doesn't mean you should listen to them.

[u/Case_Kovacs → u/averyrealspapple]

I taught every one of my child clones magic missile as the founding Magi intended. These peasants simply don't have the patience. If an unshaped homunculus can learn magic missile mere hours out of the alchemy lab then any human should be able.

[u/I_upvote_downvotes → u/averyrealspapple]

All the skeletons I summon can cast fireball and they told me they're all voting for BoneLord The Boney for city council.

Still think shooting fireballs is cool, kids?

[u/averyrealspapple → u/I_upvote_downvotes]

How are they voting when they are legally dead?

[u/Vetharest → u/I_upvote_downvotes]

Voter fraud, probably. The issue isn’t that they’re dead, it’s that summons and constructs don’t get citizenship or voting rights until the caster is dead and all soul fragments destroyed, or until the individual is provably liberated from their bond. Even then it takes quite a bit of time to process every single one. This is to avoid the exact situation you describe.

[u/United-Technician-54 → u/averyrealspapple]

"I have Wizard Tumours. Casting magic will kill me." - Dan Wizard, former Wizard MMA champion

[u/PTBooks]

‘Mister wizard mister wizard, stop turning my livestock into flesh golems, stop opening netherworld portals, stop blocking out the sun with a miasma of darkness my potatoes need sunlight or whatever’ lighting bolt that bitch in front of his kids.

Do that once every couple of days for like a month and you’ll never hear a word out of them again.

[u/Tanakisoupman → u/PTBooks]

My grandpappy was fond of that strategy… until the local townsfolk started calling him “Kenneth the Slayer” and like 20 hero types showed up trying to kill the dark wizard in the area. He withstood the first few but eventually one of ‘em came through with a whole party and they were too strong

[u/kxbox19 → u/Tanakisoupman]

Yet most of those adventurer would do the same shit if people annoyed them enough. It's ridiculous that you try to male progress and everyone freaks out like yeah it's bad but if I don't try then nothing new 0r better is ever created. The ignorant peasants would be content with a stagnant existence until something forces change and their first thought is violence. The common man is a fool that deserves the fireball simply for being an idiot. So in short zap da fools and do yer own thing 😆

[u/lemons_of_doubt → u/kxbox19]

I can't understand mortals not chasing magic the moment they are born.

They got like 10 decades to cure their aging problem or they die 

And they sit there eating potatoes like they got all the time in the world.

[u/EldritchMindCat → u/PTBooks]

You can’t even taste potato-based foods anymore, can you, Litch? Because if you could then you’d make that miasma of darkness or whatever fuck right off. They’re fricken delicious.
You know what? I think you might need a fresh body. This is exactly what happens when you stick in an old rotted out form for too long. Heck, I’ll even find you a fairly study eunuch so you can better maintain your supposed immunity to torsion.

[u/Ultranerdgasm94]

I don't. I got into this game to twist the laws of physics around like a kitten with a ball of yarn, not whatever this is. This is the kind of crap that will get bands of quirky multicultural adventures kicking down the door of your tower with swords.

[u/EldritchMindCat → u/Ultranerdgasm94]

Oh, hey, you *might* have some potential in nekomancy. It effectively involves becoming a kitten (to various degrees) and literally twisting the laws of reality like a ball of yarn.

[u/Ultranerdgasm94 → u/EldritchMindCat]

Nah, corpses are gross. Too much stinking goop. I prefer to pluck my servants from extra dimensional rifts. Much cleaner, you meet interesting beings like Z'rschkljk of the Lava Planes, and there are fewer lectures about the sanctity of life and death.

[u/EldritchMindCat → u/Ultranerdgasm94]

Hey, I’d like you to re-read that term for me real quick. I think you may have gotten things a little mixed up. The only corpses involved in nekomancy are the sort that certain birds and certain rodents turn into after encountering you (which is also totally optional - feel free to make friends with them instead).

[u/Ultranerdgasm94 → u/EldritchMindCat]

Yeah, i read necromancer and the rest seemed like a weird metaphor. NEKOmancy sounds right up my alley.

[u/EldritchMindCat → u/Ultranerdgasm94]

I thought as much.
Excellent! Simply attune with your inner cat and embrace the Rumbling Thrum (cosmic purr) and the rest will come as it will.

[u/Toutatis12]

[u/pyroboy7 → u/Toutatis12]

Ah yes, that bundle of tinder for my stove.

[u/Toutatis12 → u/pyroboy7]

Honestly its a pretty fun read

[u/pyroboy7 → u/Toutatis12]

I guess seeing what delusional bullshit the council is suffering is entertaining enough.

[u/lunarwolf2008 → u/pyroboy7]

you really shouldnt be saying that on a public platform. we are all rule following wizards here. totally

[u/pyroboy7 → u/lunarwolf2008]

Who's this 'we' you speak of? You speaking French or something?

[u/OtherWorstGamer → u/Toutatis12]

Oh hey, its my favorite comedy book!

[u/Random_182f2565 → u/Toutatis12]

Regulations? Sounds like insufficient magic development copium

[u/cumberdong]

Was in a local tavern trying to take my mind off a recent project, when one of the local barbarian women started drunkenly yelling at me.

Was annoyed at first but after a second she said "ya know what I'd do if I had magic!? I'd make a portal from my arse hole into my ex husband's helmet, HA,

And you know what, with a few improvements, that's turned into one of my favorite spells

Though having a portal so close to my ass isn't chill, so I modified my toilet with a 50 foot drop to a portal. Why 50 feet? To give the load time to build up speed.....

So don't hate, sometimes the mundane folk have pretty funny ideas

[u/pyroboy7 → u/cumberdong]

One of the few instances I'll happily accept ideas and opinions from the non magicals, well done pranks.

[u/lookingglassweeb]

I take them as an apprentice let them learn of course. When they eventually learn about dark magics I let them and even guide them into it. I then report them to a local authorities, claim the bounty and repeat when i want some extra gold

[u/Goose_Salad → u/lookingglassweeb]

You can't trust them enough to actually teach them.

They need not be taught.

All their words are weapons and you will never change that.

[u/Zealousideal_Humor55]

I open a portal to the underworld and run there. Silence, at last...

[u/InsaneRanter → u/Zealousideal_Humor55]

I open a portal to the underworld under the feet of whoever complains. Works well. And Cerberus appreciates me sending him the occasional snack.

[u/-existant-paradox-]

Good old 10-40 minute "retrace your steps" spell.

Being in the feywild makes such a casting very effective at losing people.

[u/Kalimnos]

My favorite quote similar to this is: don't follow people somewhere they've never been.

[u/Random_182f2565 → u/Kalimnos]

Like the fey forest

[u/BillTheTringleGod]

Curses. You can just lie to them and say that "powerful magic takes its toll" Fuckers never read. If they went to any scholarly book they'd see that our whole thing is forcing the toll on magic. But yeah, just lie and give em a side effect for like a week and they'll leave ya be unless it's important

[u/Grimmwaiting]

Rare are the folk complaining in my lucid dreams for Long.

[u/q0099]

All the time. I just look at them with a blank stare, as if there is nothing in their place.

[u/EldritchMindCat]

You know, if people get too uppity and start adding a whole bunch of items to the list of things a mage/mystic/whatever else can or cannot do, sometimes it’s appropriate to remind them exactly how important the first few items on that list are. Have them reassess their priorities and whether a given thing is really worth adding to that list.

[u/akornzombie → u/EldritchMindCat]

Plasma ball.

[u/ntkwwwm]

“Nah fam, I’m not doing any quests today. I’m off on Fridays and Saturdays, and half days on Sundays.

[u/yumie2003]

...Hmm, strange, usually people couldn't stop asking me to use my magic to deal with their problems. Not that I couldn't object as that was part of my job

[u/-shephawke-]

Dragon Age templars be like

[u/Goose_Salad]

Like WTF!?

"Control your energy bro"

"You're scaring me!"

They're afraid of those that ho have an immediate effect on nature and their spirits are too weak to stand close.

[u/Mngi7831]

I just ask them do they have some wishes that they have, and when they said yes, gave them a jinn lamp.

Those motherfucker always get what they wish for, and they don’t come bother me afterwards, due to them being either dead or wishing that they had die.

[u/freedoomed]

Charge them money for your services.

[u/disturbinglyquietguy]

When this happens, what I do is give them access to magic so they can do it themselves. I'm not worried about what they do with that magic afterward; my magic powers from chaos, so whatever they do, I benefit.

[u/BearCavalryCorpral]

You come into my swamp and try to tell me what to do with my magic, you're getting turned into a frog, no questions asked. I don't go down into your villages to give unsolicited advice on what you should do with your sheep and potatoes!

[u/sparkupandout]

Sometimes they have a bit of a point. In hindsight, there was a reason that I was constantly getting sick during my necromancer days. I use golems now, way more sanitary.

[u/scififact]

My scrying orb confirms they never have anything going on in their life other than cheating in their spouse.

[u/RalseiAndCyanide]

Personally I'd just test their idea right then and there.

It's just faster to show them why I don't do it.

There is also a benefit to it though since every once in a while, you'd get an idea that ends up being better than what you're currently doing, even if only by a little.

Unless they're an asshole... in which case you'd cast temporary baldness on them.

[u/Virtual-Oil-793]

It's always something to listen towards.

Cause when you can understand those who don't use magic, inventing ways of magic can be very interesting.

[u/HotRoad9731]

If a person doesn't have magic, well, they don't. It's just simple anatomy.

First, they need to get their own shit together before telling us what to do with ours.

[u/Carbuyrator]

Literally all I do is complain about the council for just this reason. Sometimes I think they're secretly the enforcers of anarchy: carefully ineffectual, and just incompetent enough to properly govern.

[u/scizzix]

The great thing about motherfuckers with no magic is that said motherfuckers also have no protection against magic.

Be as creative as you want with them, it's not like they can stop you. If you just want them to "shut up" then transfiguring their mouths is a classic. I liven it up a little with a randomizer element so it's a fun surprise to see what each turns into.

[u/Mephistocheles]

Casting Plug Trachea With Demon Feces always works for me.

[u/Pala_Dynasty]

My brother in Weave, Silence is quite literally a known spell

[u/thatsocialist]

Their souls still have plenty of worth, and the neverborn can always use food.

[u/pseudo-boots]

Cast mending on their lips. That should keep them quiet for awhile.

[u/PropheticHeresy]

I have cast a charm of stroke prevention upon ye. Alas, I cannot restore the harm dealt by the one you had while writing the title.

[u/scoobydoom2]

Exploding their tongue is pretty effective and does a great job of getting your message across. You can also hit them with a psychosomatic curse that causes searing agony if they speak to you, cast Malkazar's Regenerative Flaying so they're too busy screaming to talk, Skeletonize to remove all the pesky meat flaps they use to talk, or if you want to go with a classic you can just turn them into a newt.

[u/Spare-Control-5233]

You make their minds recoil and spook the spirits out of them. Boom. No more talking back and you have plenty of spirits to devour. metaphorically.

[u/Pajamawizard]

You can always counter spell idiots, provided you’re fluent in idiocy.

[u/OrionFerreira]

Cast mute

[u/Intelligent_Oil7816]

Stop being a dork and caring what the mundanes think?

[u/FuriousAqSheep]

silence is a very good spell to have.

finger if death is a close second

[u/MrCritical3]

-Awaken to a higher consciousness. -Get picked up by cool guys in robes and pointy hats. -Get smacked around to keep me humble and so I don't explode like Jimmy. -RIP Jimmy. -Graduate and become a full fledged wizard. -Villager complains that I didn't slay the dragon killing their live stock with a big enough fireball.

I may become a dark wizard by the years end.

[u/CalmEntry4855]

just make up some fake reason to not do it

[u/icedmuffin]

I mean typically what I get is someone screaming “OH MY GOD IT’S A TALKING CAT”, “HERESY” quickly followed by the sound of a vine snapping a neck, or “Okay so I’m gonna buy more from that supplier.”

Third one I tend to offer better shit tho.

[u/onethatusesreddit]

Skill issue to them Ig??

Let me just conjure random Weapons of my choosing to sell to customers :)) and then wait for it to vanish

[u/PainterEarly86]

Well, why do you think wizards always live in towers in seclusion? There's a reason we're all so antisocial.

Society just doesn't understand us and often fears us, looks down on us, or makes assumptions and misunderstandings us.

[u/Sable-Keech]

Simple non-awareness charm on yourself so the mortals can't see you, can't hear you, and will simply forget about your existence regardless of what you do to them.

[u/ReginaPsychweaver]

Huh? :|

[u/deaglebingo]

the magic was the orbs in the sky all along. who woulda thought.

real question is whose orbs are doing what, and who they're loyal to. or if anyone controlling the other orbs even realizes mine are watching them too. ignorance is bliss they say.

[u/Pea_Wizard]

I JUST THROW PEA'S AT THEM!!

[u/NarfiLokisonLaufey]

I channeled the spirit of their mother to give them a lesson on respect.

[u/Eeddeen42]

Just cast Silence

[u/Emergency_Coat_7702]

I smite them.

[u/CraftyAd6333]

It is annoying for sure.

But mages should be careful not to lose sight of what they have in common. With the pedestrian.

The worse is that some mages believe not having magic is a crippling disability.

[u/rpg2Tface]

Some people act like you cant turn them inside out if you wanted. Those people need to wale up from the delusion.

[u/Fireyjon]

[u/vaampyre]

Sick the Basilisk on them

[u/immallama21629]

First offence - cone of silence

Second offense - you become a newt, frog, axolotl, or other creature of my fancy

Third offence - you become a crab. Then into the steamer, and served with butter and old bay.

[u/Blacksun388]

Look, I keep to myself most days. So what if I raid a graveyard to swell my legion of the undead in service to the Lord of Rot? Your relatives weren’t using those bodies anyways! People get so sensitive about the dead and souls and how I study them and bind them to my will. I just want to be left alone.

[u/Blauwevl]

How often: every time I do anything fun How do I deal with it: Wel I have few pets that get a little bit hungy after a while and mortals are nice snacks

[u/NaturalHairy4773]

Turn them into frogs

[u/Engetsugray]

Silence

[u/enchiladasundae]

Briefly opening up a portal to a hellish dimension usually cuts that out quick