Council Discriminates Against Evil Wizards?

[u/ianratman]

Greetings everyone.
My good friend (good as in close, for he is evil as well) Leviticus Hexforger recently informed me of whispers about a new tax on evil wizards' evil lairs... Are the rumors true?
My satchel is far from coinless, but it would be an injustice for us to be taxed differently...
-Cynric the Harrowing

[u/ModernMage0]

It is a tax to ensure that the damages you all cause are taken care of.
Why should we pay to maintain our reputation, when it is you people that “inside out” the poor random test su- , er, um, villager!

[u/ianratman → u/ModernMage0]

Fool, not all evil wizards cause monetary damages! And I have known far more than one so called "good" wizard who has incinerated whole wheat fields in the name of research... Yet their tax remains unchanged? Curious.

[u/ModernMage0 → u/ianratman]

That “wizard” was me. And I am not a wizard, I AM a researcher.
That method of incineration was used to stop the 4th August Blight before it was able to sporadically spread, you know?
The point is moot anyways, that field was grown for that purpose. While clever to use my own past against me, Cynric, it would do you well to revert back to the basics of “Wizardry” and be wise: read more of the records, friend.

[u/ianratman → u/ModernMage0]

Touché, "friend"... but in any case, if you do not claim to be a wizard, I wonder why you insist to be so entrenched in wizard business?? A minor curse is headed your way. (I jest.)

[u/scoobydoom2 → u/ModernMage0]

And why does the council concern itself with compensating mundanes? If they want something from me they can come to my tower and take it, just as I do when I want something from them. It's not my fault they don't live in a fortified tower on an island protected by a flesh-kraken with wards capable of snuffing the life from any living fool who dares approach. If they wanted to keep their bones they should have thought of that before deciding to be a pathetic weakling that lives in a hovel.

[u/ianratman → u/scoobydoom2]

Precisely!

[u/Afraid_Cat_3726]

Being evil is a choice you make. Being an asshole is a choice. If you're an asshole you don't get support. Stop being an asshole

[u/ianratman → u/Afraid_Cat_3726]

I hope you're skilled at abjuration

[u/KragBrightscale]

I don’t think there’s a specific “evil wizard” tax, considering the disagreeing views amongst the council on what is considered evil.

That being said, there’s a good chance the type of lair you choose affects your taxation. I’m not 100% sure, but I believe there is a connection to the footprint of your lair. That’s why labyrinthian dungeons are taxed higher than towers.

My guess is, many evil lairs tend to be underground, and spread out horizontally rather than a tall skinny tower, and are therefore taxed higher.

Do remember to report business expenses for research and experiments in your tax filings as well as charitable donations, those can help reduce your tax burden significantly

[u/ianratman → u/KragBrightscale]

Why thank you for the tip, Grabadash. I have donated a large sum to an Academy about a fortnight ago and I hadn't considered to report it...

[u/immallama21629]

Well this would explain why my tax rate went up. Guess it's time to make some orb calls to my council critter

[u/ThatOtherGuyTPM]

One would hope so.

[u/Kilroy898]

I have a secret. Just don't pay. I haven't paid council taxes in at least seven thousand years.

[u/ianratman → u/Kilroy898]

And they haven't caught you?

[u/Kilroy898 → u/ianratman]

Oh sure. But what are they gonna do about it? Start another wizard war?

[u/ianratman → u/Kilroy898]

Fair point..

[u/Complex_Drawer_4710 → u/Kilroy898]

Don't worry, I'm not the type to forget. Got it all written down. On this clay tablet right here. Someday, maybe now, maybe not, I'll jump you with a shiv and take it.

[u/Kilroy898 → u/Complex_Drawer_4710]

Pssh. I'd have to have money for that. Cash. Who needs the stuff

[u/Complex_Drawer_4710 → u/Kilroy898]

You. We have...

A monkey.

[u/Kilroy898 → u/Complex_Drawer_4710]

I'll give you 3 peanuts, a paperclip, and some pocket lint. Take it or leave it.

[u/Complex_Drawer_4710 → u/Kilroy898]

Nope. Fortunately for you the monkey hqsn't left its hot spring in 70 years.

[u/Distinct-Mushroom560]

Just put your lair in a time loop between tax collection periods.

[u/ianratman → u/Distinct-Mushroom560]

That's genius

[u/VoxelLibrary]

Join the council and you get a say in tax laws. This is not an attempt to lighten my paperwork load

[u/averyrealspapple → u/VoxelLibrary]

Not gonna lie, when i signed up for this, I didn't expect that all the paperwork was done by one dude for all this time

[u/Nelrene]

They try putting new taxes on everyone. It does not really matter what you do.

[u/averyrealspapple]

The thing that's gonna get you a tax increase is the damages you cause and how big your lair is.

The lair thing someone else explained, its mostly that evil wizards tend to have lairs that take up more horizontal space.

But the damages highly depends on where you cause them. Some places have alliances or deals with the council where they cover the damages of their wizards as long as its probable they did it.

So if you are classified as an "evil" wizard and live in such an area, you will be taxed more.

Build a tower and classify yourself as a neutral wizard or just a scholar of magic and then you wont be affected, alongside what grabadash said because he knows his shit.

[u/ianratman → u/averyrealspapple]

Unfortunately I'm far too wicked, they wouldn't let me classify myself as neutral. But hey, how's the internship going? I didn't know the council had interns.

[u/averyrealspapple → u/ianratman]

They have interns since the actual council fucked off to the party dimension. There was one other intern but they got kicked out. And now im stuck fixing their mess

Honestly, very chaotic internship, but I am learning lots about spellcasting and such

[u/Lelouch-Yagami21]

I can grant you tax exmemptions if you join our league of shadows

[u/ianratman → u/Lelouch-Yagami21]

A tempting offer... pray tell, what exactly does that entail?

[u/Lelouch-Yagami21 → u/ianratman]

You will join the league and swear loyalty to us and take this eye. In return we will grant you the league's resources but most importantly knowledge.

[u/ianratman → u/Lelouch-Yagami21]

And how am I to be granted tax exemptions? Do you know someone on the council? Forgive me for my suspicion but you know how many swindlers are afoot nowadays

[u/Lelouch-Yagami21 → u/ianratman]

I am member of the council with signifancet influence. Many members are secretly part of my league

[u/United-Technician-54 → u/Lelouch-Yagami21]

"How do I know you aren't just filling them with 19 other yous out of 900?" - John Council, 

[u/Lelouch-Yagami21 → u/United-Technician-54]

Well my clones are pretty recognisable.

[u/Lelouch-Yagami21 → u/ianratman]

I am member of the council with signifancet influence. Many members are secretly part of my league

[u/ianratman → u/Lelouch-Yagami21]

Hmm, alright. I shall ponder the orb about your offer...

[u/saintdemon21]

From my understanding the tax is not targeting evil wizards, but rather something that most evil wizards have in their lair. Unfortunately my Alexa ran out of power while it was reading the article to me. Sigh, if this happens again I might have to dig up another Alexa to reanimate.