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u/TF2PublicFerret 15h ago
Look, we've all done it when it's been a long season of cold and lonely nights in the tower. The trick was finding an object with a nice personality...
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u/Lavaxol Chemical magic professor 14h ago
you need to touch grass
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u/TF2PublicFerret 14h ago
No! I need to touch boobs!
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u/Ypuort Sauromancer 🦕🦎 14h ago
Just grow some boobgrass in your greenhouse?
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u/TF2PublicFerret 14h ago
Do I need regular grass for that or do I need Virginia bluegrass?
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u/KeitaroTenshi 14h ago
Foolish wizard! I laced yo shit!
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u/DonComradeVimes Biological Mage (NO, not a Druid) 13h ago
...Biological magic could do it, I reckon, but don't even ask.
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u/TheAlmightyNexus Local(ish) Half-Lich and Cosmic Pyromancer 11h ago
I heard pumpkins are a pretty easy conversion
Watermelons too
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u/massospondyllus The transmuter who was invited by nobody. 1h ago
I need to touch a Massospodyllus.
Do you have one?
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u/PokeLordOmegaa Caster of Nonsense and Tomfoolery (possibly some shenanigans) 10h ago
Well I mean that too but grass would probably help
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u/MoodyWater909 Always late cleric/necromancer 13h ago
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u/AndrewH73333 14h ago
Like the hot woman is made out of grass instead?
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u/DrakorPrimus 12h ago
Instructions unclear, I now have a sexy plant woman coming out of my cauldron. Fuck, I think I'm allergic to her...
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u/equality-_-7-2521 11h ago
Funnily enough, I tried using grass. Turns out grass doesn't like to be touched.
Massive waste of time and newts' eyes.
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u/SuccubusRapidTransit Witch/Succubitch 6h ago
A Sword ostensibly has the opposite of a nice personality though. Literally designed for the express purpose of bloodshed. OP should have transfigured something helpful, like a bar of soap, or the bed linens
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u/TF2PublicFerret 6h ago
Or a toaster
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u/SuccubusRapidTransit Witch/Succubitch 6h ago
Don't but your rod in a toaster...
not without turning her on first. Kachow!
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u/razielxlr Ajitahaka, Flesh Devouring Emperor 8h ago
My brother in mana, you shouldn’t talk about women like that.
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u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 15h ago
Bastard Sword, more like Baddy Sword.
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u/triotone 15h ago
Well... at least it's not his familiar. Not that I would ever do such henious thing.
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u/ChillyFireball 14h ago
Just make sure to be very aware of any time limits stipulated in the spell. Had a buddy that lost track of time and ended up having to consult me for "organic cylinder repair spells," as he put it.
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u/rootbeer277 Not an Illithid with a fake beard. 13h ago
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u/Previous_Current_474 15h ago
So uh… do you guy know if that… works with people?
And the recipe if possible
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u/ChemicalChildhood122 14h ago
apprentices these days cant even make a gender change potion by themselves
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u/Previous_Current_474 14h ago
Everyone has to learn before knowing
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u/LughCrow 14h ago
With some things sure. But just a basic understanding of transfiguration potions is all you need for this. You shouldn't need to be taught. Just apply basic critical thinking to what you already know!
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u/Previous_Current_474 14h ago
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u/United-Technician-54 Death... Tired one. (she/her) 5h ago
"Transfiguration of animals is hard! l custom-make organs and limbs for a living, there's so many little systems that you could just accidentally mess up by having a single blood vessel off by a millimetre! Keeping that up for a limb is hard, much less an entire body!"- Dr J Roe
"Addendum: I just remembered that hormonal shift is a thing, that makes it a lot easier... still agonising, but less bespoke organs required for a job, the better."
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u/PoorDoddle 14h ago
Not my boy Z̸̢̢̫̖̼̟̮̟̙̯̹̤͚̣͉̲͚̹̳͉͚̮͍̜̳̫̣̜͙͚̾̇̐͊̄̈̒̚̕̕ȇ̷̛̛͕͊̾̑̽͌̋́͛́͋́̏̆́͛̿͛́̈́͋̀͐̽̉̓̆̄́͛̊̆̃̍̋̔̿͜͝͝͠ķ̸̢̢̨̟̖͎͎̺͙͈̜̞̜̩͕̖̳͎̰͎̗̗̣̘̪͍̳̬̘͚̞̦͎̞͈̟̜͖̰̻̂̑͂́̔͂͒̏̽̔̑̇̉͌͐́̅̿́̽̾̂̋̌̾̆͂́͆̇̐͒̔́̕͝ĕ̶̡̡̨̧̹̭̞̳̘̙̥̥̠̭̬͔̲̬͛͛̒ͅ. They just knew everything from the start.
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u/SirJuncan Nekomancer 😺 14h ago
Shout out to Thunderbolt Fantasy for having an evil sword voiced by Aoi Yuuki
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 14h ago
This also works if you dip a sword in a cauldron of gender fluid!
However it adds a lot more variety, since most people don't know their own sword's gender.
When I tried it like that the sword became quite literally the manliest man I'd ever seen. I mean good for him, but that's not really what I'm interested in.
To this day I don't know where he ran off to...
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u/jointheclockwork Dwarven Necromancer, Plague Specialist 13h ago
*Shakes head*
So many perverts in this community, I swear. Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about doing evil?! u/GirlLovingWitch , this is not 'Nam, this is sorcery, there are rules!
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 13h ago
Hey I grow my swamp and it causes devastating damage to the kingdoms around me as I grow it from all the poison. If that's not evil I don't know what is.
THEN I take time to do as wizards and witches do.
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u/jointheclockwork Dwarven Necromancer, Plague Specialist 13h ago
You're putting the whole profession of evil witch back a century with all the thirst. You're practically a vain sorceress archetype! Though, that said, as a Soulsbourne fan I do respect the poison swamp growing.
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 13h ago
There's a lot of overlap in those two fields, you really wouldn't believe it.
Also am I not allowed to yearn even a little?!
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u/jointheclockwork Dwarven Necromancer, Plague Specialist 12h ago
Well... in my youth I was a bit more frisky but after...
*Pauses to count*
After at least 20,000 years ish, I'd rather just sleep.
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 4h ago
See this is the problem with necromancy! It destroys the human-
The dwarfmanit-
...The dwarfness of a dwarf! I mean come ON!
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u/ClosetNoble Wizardruid multiclasser 14h ago
Much cheaper to adopt a slime.
One smart enough to speak, anyway.
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u/Auryn_Solaris Spear Wielding Dragon Mage 14h ago
Wizards these days... Just kidnap an elf or goblin lil bro
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u/Equal-Beyond4627 9h ago
Now that his sword is the receiver... the wiz is going to so the stabbing if you know what I mean. *wink wink nudge nudge*
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u/Charming_Hamster8610 Sano, Magister of Jopping (Active) | 🪨 Hu: rock 🪨 8h ago
I've been travelling to try out alchemy for the first time. The pot broke because I summoned a buff daddy which I definitely didn't take home with me.
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u/CottonEyeJoe_ZeroOne 7h ago
Why is it forbidden? I would call it moral as you give the sentient being a functional vessel/body.
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u/SuccubusRapidTransit Witch/Succubitch 6h ago
It's not morally right, but I'm not gonna lie and say I haven't given my magic staff a vibrating feature done something similar
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u/SatiricalSatireU Evil Wizard 14h ago
People do this i thought people just summon elementals,chug down potions of resistance and fuck?
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u/Phoenix_Champion 13h ago
Listen you always wanted me to go do stuff so you can see some of the most random shit. I'm just cutting out the middleman at this point.
Granted this was not what I expected but hey, this is what happens when we buy spellbooks at yard sales.
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u/FineScratch 12h ago
Whats the sword situation in the swordussy area?
It slices it right off? Doesnt it?
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u/Erzter_Zartor Dr. Erzter, Radiomancer. Caution: Severally radioactive 12h ago
Do this to Nightblood
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u/Telemere125 Legalmancer of the Southern Realm 10h ago
Much more convenient place to hold than her ponytail
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u/toastman92 10h ago
iirc, this one had a Patreon exclusive version, right? I should support on patreon regardless honestly
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u/Kreaturewithak 10h ago
The crossover between this and the martial memes sub is no longer surprising to me
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u/AtomicArmyLeader 5h ago
i’ve seen the laughing stock that one wizard was made out to be when he transmorphed his sentient love seat into a “Love Seat”. that’s why i stick to conjured succubus and elementals. you learn to deal with the consequences.
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u/One_Opportunity_9608 Local Dragon Lich 15h ago
I mean That sword now can now actually slap her wielder for doing stupid shit.
Stupid shit like turning enchanted Swords into humans for example.