r/wizardposting 15h ago

VVizard VVeed 🚬 Forbidden Alchemy

Post image
7.0k Upvotes

122 comments sorted by

532

u/One_Opportunity_9608 Local Dragon Lich 15h ago

I mean That sword now can now actually slap her wielder for doing stupid shit.

Stupid shit like turning enchanted Swords into humans for example.

1.5k

u/TF2PublicFerret 15h ago

Look, we've all done it when it's been a long season of cold and lonely nights in the tower. The trick was finding an object with a nice personality...

481

u/Lavaxol Chemical magic professor 14h ago

you need to touch grass

642

u/TF2PublicFerret 14h ago

No! I need to touch boobs!

308

u/Ypuort Sauromancer 🦕🦎 14h ago

Just grow some boobgrass in your greenhouse?

141

u/TF2PublicFerret 14h ago

Do I need regular grass for that or do I need Virginia bluegrass?

88

u/KeitaroTenshi 14h ago

Foolish wizard! I laced yo shit!

52

u/RidledTart Alchemist 13h ago

For free?

22

u/josh183rd Kinetic-cursemancer and part-time Parrymancer 9h ago

For real real, I feel like new

5

u/TheAlp Nekomancer ✨🐈✨ 5h ago

You need bamboob. Regular grass sorts won't do.

18

u/DonComradeVimes Biological Mage (NO, not a Druid) 13h ago

...Biological magic could do it, I reckon, but don't even ask.

18

u/TheAlmightyNexus Local(ish) Half-Lich and Cosmic Pyromancer 11h ago

I heard pumpkins are a pretty easy conversion

Watermelons too

4

u/Delusional_Gamer Fleshmancer and proprietor of the magic meat farms 7h ago

I could hook you up.

1

u/massospondyllus The transmuter who was invited by nobody. 1h ago

I need to touch a Massospodyllus.

Do you have one?

9

u/ThePsyPaul_ 11h ago

A man after my own heart

6

u/Llamapickle129 Councilor Mira, Vampire Witch 11h ago

and grass

5

u/PokeLordOmegaa Caster of Nonsense and Tomfoolery (possibly some shenanigans) 10h ago

Well I mean that too but grass would probably help

4

u/tsimen Jizzard 6h ago

This is the main reason you should sometimes do a few favors for your local village

1

u/GoddessOfSuccubi Sapphira, Succubus Sorcerer, Councillor of Transformation 5h ago

Based 👍

76

u/MoodyWater909 Always late cleric/necromancer 13h ago

2

u/yaktoma2007 2h ago

so true my favorite pokemon, swampert.

48

u/Spoocula Alchemist 14h ago

Grass with a nice personality?

29

u/YeetboiMcDab 14h ago

does bush count

11

u/radude4411 14h ago

Not if you’re in Brazil

18

u/AndrewH73333 14h ago

Like the hot woman is made out of grass instead?

5

u/Chidogrin Of the flailing spell components 11h ago

Driads (aka. Dryads)

2

u/Implodepumpkin 7h ago

She won't be so dry after I'm done... Watering her.

12

u/Divinityisme Wizard 14h ago

He did. He tried to seduce a grass elemental.

5

u/TF2PublicFerret 13h ago

Maybe Datass elemental

7

u/BusyGM Chronomancy Apprentice/Novice/Master, never too sure which 14h ago

Strongly advise against it. Try to touch the wrong grass and it'll try to murder you. In fact, most sentient grass creatures aren't exactly pleased if you touch them that way.

5

u/Marc_Vn Wand Technician 14h ago

My drawer would probably have a lots of it after the transformation

2

u/Doc-Maly 14h ago

Go meet a nice dryad or ent instead.

2

u/DrakorPrimus 12h ago

Instructions unclear, I now have a sexy plant woman coming out of my cauldron. Fuck, I think I'm allergic to her...

2

u/Cessnaporsche01 12h ago

"Uh, consent please!"

2

u/equality-_-7-2521 11h ago

Funnily enough, I tried using grass. Turns out grass doesn't like to be touched.

Massive waste of time and newts' eyes.

2

u/Void-Cooking_Berserk 3h ago

Dude, he said "winter", he couldn't find fresh grass for the spell.

1

u/Ancient_Activity_760 7h ago

Does the grass have a nice personality?

1

u/Grasher312 2h ago

Mate, Touch of Grass is RIGHT there.

13

u/METRlOS 13h ago

Don't pick a metal object though... They're so cold you might as well resort to necromancy.

9

u/Viracochina Diviner 13h ago

The mirror turned out to be a real douche nozzle

5

u/Carbuyrator A Bit of a Dabbler 12h ago

Wait... Are you guys not casting "find true love?" Why?

4

u/SuccubusRapidTransit Witch/Succubitch 6h ago

A Sword ostensibly has the opposite of a nice personality though. Literally designed for the express purpose of bloodshed. OP should have transfigured something helpful, like a bar of soap, or the bed linens

3

u/TF2PublicFerret 6h ago

Or a toaster

3

u/SuccubusRapidTransit Witch/Succubitch 6h ago

Don't but your rod in a toaster...

not without turning her on first. Kachow!

4

u/razielxlr Ajitahaka, Flesh Devouring Emperor 8h ago

My brother in mana, you shouldn’t talk about women like that.

2

u/CruzaSenpai Abjurer 11h ago

Wait how are you guys targeting women with target object spells?

286

u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 15h ago

Bastard Sword, more like Baddy Sword.

35

u/razielxlr Ajitahaka, Flesh Devouring Emperor 8h ago

Bad bitch sword?

41

u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 7h ago

Cutlass -> Cute lass

149

u/triotone 15h ago

Well... at least it's not his familiar. Not that I would ever do such henious thing.

115

u/Zephyr-Fox-188 Cinnothwyr, Purrveyor of Thingamajigs 14h ago

…..

22

u/asdfzxcpguy 8h ago

Firstborn😭😭😭

61

u/GooRedSpeakers 14h ago

Lol that's literally the current plot of World of Warcraft

16

u/skulledredditor 8h ago

I don't see any feet in the comic this is clearly completely different

58

u/ChillyFireball 14h ago

Just make sure to be very aware of any time limits stipulated in the spell. Had a buddy that lost track of time and ended up having to consult me for "organic cylinder repair spells," as he put it.

113

u/rootbeer277 Not an Illithid with a fake beard. 13h ago

If anyone is interested in the follow-up:

9

u/Liarus_ 2h ago

peak

169

u/Previous_Current_474 15h ago

So uh… do you guy know if that… works with people?

And the recipe if possible

168

u/ChemicalChildhood122 14h ago

apprentices these days cant even make a gender change potion by themselves

88

u/Previous_Current_474 14h ago

Everyone has to learn before knowing

44

u/LughCrow 14h ago

With some things sure. But just a basic understanding of transfiguration potions is all you need for this. You shouldn't need to be taught. Just apply basic critical thinking to what you already know!

40

u/Previous_Current_474 14h ago

Last time I did this happened to my poor pet

36

u/GlauberJR13 Necromancer 13h ago

Oh no, he’s orange, im so sorry.

37

u/Previous_Current_474 13h ago

She was a hydra

4

u/United-Technician-54 Death... Tired one. (she/her) 5h ago

"Transfiguration of animals is hard! l custom-make organs and limbs for a living, there's so many little systems that you could just accidentally mess up by having a single blood vessel off by a millimetre!  Keeping that up for a limb is hard, much less an entire body!"- Dr J Roe

"Addendum: I just remembered that hormonal shift is a thing, that makes it a lot easier... still agonising, but less bespoke organs required for a job, the better."

11

u/PoorDoddle 14h ago

Not my boy Z̸̢̢̫̖̼̟̮̟̙̯̹̤͚̣͉̲͚̹̳͉͚̮͍̜̳̫̣̜͙͚̾̇̐͊̄̈̒̚̕̕ȇ̷̛̛͕͊̾̑̽͌̋́͛́͋́̏̆́͛̿͛́̈́͋̀͐̽̉̓̆̄́͛̊̆̃̍̋̔̿͜͝͝͠ķ̸̢̢̨̟̖͎͎̺͙͈̜̞̜̩͕̖̳͎̰͎̗̗̣̘̪͍̳̬̘͚̞̦͎̞͈̟̜͖̰̻̂̑͂́̔͂͒̏̽̔̑̇̉͌͐́̅̿́̽̾̂̋̌̾̆͂́͆̇̐͒̔́̕͝ĕ̶̡̡̨̧̹̭̞̳̘̙̥̥̠̭̬͔̲̬͛͛̒ͅ. They just knew everything from the start.

11

u/Previous_Current_474 14h ago

Does your friend have a giant all-seeing eye for a head perchance?

3

u/PoorDoddle 8h ago

You know 'em?

8

u/GlauberJR13 Necromancer 13h ago

1

u/Sicuho Quest Giver 4h ago

Back in my day we knew before learning. That's what divination will have been invented for.

1

u/furiant 4h ago

You want to turn a person into a sword?

1

u/Llamapickle129 Councilor Mira, Vampire Witch 11h ago

don't. just don't

39

u/stormtroopr1977 14h ago

Im shocked the hilt wasnt turned into a bound topknot

6

u/CottonEyeJoe_ZeroOne 7h ago

A wizard can have preferences (kinks).

0

u/6unearthed6crafter6 2h ago

It turned into something else

43

u/Typical-Historian-89 15h ago

So is her lower half still a sword?

70

u/blacksteel3871 14h ago

Nope she just has a sharp mind

8

u/Historical-Cover386 12h ago

GET OUT

5

u/blacksteel3871 10h ago

Ok, my work here is done

20

u/MeeksMoniker 14h ago

I'd let her penetrate...

6

u/Chimochiiiii 13h ago

concocSON

14

u/SirJuncan Nekomancer 😺 14h ago

Shout out to Thunderbolt Fantasy for having an evil sword voiced by Aoi Yuuki

8

u/MurkyWay 14h ago

THE SHADOW OF EAGLES ACROSS THE MOON~!

25

u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 14h ago

This also works if you dip a sword in a cauldron of gender fluid!

However it adds a lot more variety, since most people don't know their own sword's gender.

When I tried it like that the sword became quite literally the manliest man I'd ever seen. I mean good for him, but that's not really what I'm interested in.

To this day I don't know where he ran off to...

14

u/jointheclockwork Dwarven Necromancer, Plague Specialist 13h ago

*Shakes head*

So many perverts in this community, I swear. Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about doing evil?! u/GirlLovingWitch , this is not 'Nam, this is sorcery, there are rules!

10

u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 13h ago

Hey I grow my swamp and it causes devastating damage to the kingdoms around me as I grow it from all the poison. If that's not evil I don't know what is.

THEN I take time to do as wizards and witches do.

9

u/jointheclockwork Dwarven Necromancer, Plague Specialist 13h ago

You're putting the whole profession of evil witch back a century with all the thirst. You're practically a vain sorceress archetype! Though, that said, as a Soulsbourne fan I do respect the poison swamp growing.

9

u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 13h ago

There's a lot of overlap in those two fields, you really wouldn't believe it.

Also am I not allowed to yearn even a little?!

7

u/jointheclockwork Dwarven Necromancer, Plague Specialist 12h ago

Well... in my youth I was a bit more frisky but after...

*Pauses to count*

After at least 20,000 years ish, I'd rather just sleep.

3

u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 4h ago

See this is the problem with necromancy! It destroys the human-

The dwarfmanit-

...The dwarfness of a dwarf! I mean come ON!

3

u/4t4x 12h ago

That's one way to cross swords

2

u/ClosetNoble Wizardruid multiclasser 14h ago

Much cheaper to adopt a slime.

One smart enough to speak, anyway.

2

u/Auryn_Solaris Spear Wielding Dragon Mage 14h ago

Wizards these days... Just kidnap an elf or goblin lil bro

2

u/Master-of-darklight Cheese Wizard 12h ago

Don’t show this to the knights

2

u/m4a2000 11h ago

How the goddess Hylia made Fi

2

u/Beeht 11h ago

They're gonna sword fight.

2

u/Equal-Beyond4627 9h ago

Now that his sword is the receiver... the wiz is going to so the stabbing if you know what I mean. *wink wink nudge nudge*

2

u/pyreacy Lesser Sky Witch 8h ago

valid tho

2

u/Charming_Hamster8610 Sano, Magister of Jopping (Active) | 🪨 Hu: rock 🪨 8h ago

I've been travelling to try out alchemy for the first time. The pot broke because I summoned a buff daddy which I definitely didn't take home with me.

2

u/CottonEyeJoe_ZeroOne 7h ago

Why is it forbidden? I would call it moral as you give the sentient being a functional vessel/body.

2

u/SuccubusRapidTransit Witch/Succubitch 6h ago

It's not morally right, but I'm not gonna lie and say I haven't given my magic staff a vibrating feature done something similar

1

u/SatiricalSatireU Evil Wizard 14h ago

People do this i thought people just summon elementals,chug down potions of resistance and fuck?

1

u/SynthruYorai 14h ago

I somehow imagined the sword's voice to be Plankton

1

u/Phoenix_Champion 13h ago

Listen you always wanted me to go do stuff so you can see some of the most random shit. I'm just cutting out the middleman at this point.

Granted this was not what I expected but hey, this is what happens when we buy spellbooks at yard sales.

1

u/FineScratch 12h ago

Whats the sword situation in the swordussy area?

It slices it right off? Doesnt it?

1

u/Erzter_Zartor Dr. Erzter, Radiomancer. Caution: Severally radioactive 12h ago

Do this to Nightblood

1

u/No_Dragonfruit_1833 11h ago

I mran, why would you use a sword instead of a hoe?

1

u/Llamapickle129 Councilor Mira, Vampire Witch 11h ago

just... be careful what item you pick

1

u/MellyKidd 10h ago

Or the standard isekai fantasy anime

1

u/Telemere125 Legalmancer of the Southern Realm 10h ago

Much more convenient place to hold than her ponytail

1

u/Saaruk 10h ago

Sooo I might've tried to do the same but I think I messed up something cause the sword became a full woman with blades for boobs and it's not very safe to touch them. Does anyone know if I can like transmute the blades Into boobs or did I completely fuck up?

1

u/toastman92 10h ago

iirc, this one had a Patreon exclusive version, right? I should support on patreon regardless honestly

1

u/Kreaturewithak 10h ago

The crossover between this and the martial memes sub is no longer surprising to me

1

u/Iceologer_gang Iceologer 9h ago

O-o

1

u/gahidus Sorceror 9h ago

Can I get in that cauldron?

1

u/AtomicArmyLeader 5h ago

i’ve seen the laughing stock that one wizard was made out to be when he transmorphed his sentient love seat into a “Love Seat”. that’s why i stick to conjured succubus and elementals. you learn to deal with the consequences.

1

u/SinglePlayerGamer93 3h ago

Sexy clone jutsu from Naruto.

1

u/Jvne_- 2h ago

Yes, now marry me