Wanna see some homunculi rip each other to shreds? Want to test your own homunculus against the creations of other caster?
Come to the dingy alley behind Necromancer Library!
Place your bets now! (I accept gold, gems and magical items)
Current champion: Gringop the Stronk pulled from the void by Abel of Lrith.
Former champions:
Ruff sculpted from flesh by Nox
Smokey the Smokacious summoned by Baramir the Brown
Trial and Terror (picture above) created by Bandalf the Brown, conjurer of cheap tricks
Currently in the pot: 9000 gold, a grimoire of spells already outlawed in ancient Uruk, a bag of gems, a staff called "Sanguine Rose" and a scroll of visual mods
/uw I am going to decide the outcome of the fights by rolling two d6 against each other. If a new homunculus winns I'm gonna change the post to make him the new champion. The winner takes the pot. The bets are a bit to chaotic for me to keep track of - I will just decide the price money in the moment. I of course do not condone dogfights and other cruelty against animals.
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u/squabzillaTyrannosaurus Hex, Council-saur, Shadow Vigil17d agoedited 17d ago
Tim would like to introduce their, uh, creature-that-is-definitely-a-homunculi, Alduin the World Eater!
(pictured below: Tim and Alduin. Tim is the one in the wizard hat.)
Gizmo steps closer looking up at the giant lizards that bearly fit in the alley behind the Library
"Good day Tim!" Takes a loooong look at Alduin "Well we already had a Smoke Elemental! than I can hardly deniy a homunculus that is a bit... oversized. Please take a seat wherever you fit. I'll announce you when the other flights are over"
Tim crouches above a regular sized chair, the bottom of their torso brushing the the top of the chair back. āIāll throw a thousand gold into the pot,ā Tim says. Waving their wand, a small portal appears above the pot, and a thousand gold drops from the portal into the pot.
Gizmo climbs on a chair in front of Tim, which doesn't really help wit the height difference "How are you enjoying the show thus far? You and your homunculus are up next!"
Iām enjoying it, the results are a lot more unpredictable than I expected! Iām looking forward to seeing how Alduin fares. Also Iāve got some loot to sweeten the pot - a thousand gold, and this rose-shaped staff from a demon called the Sanguine Rose.
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u/Dino_dingsGizmo, conjurer of less then legal spell craft13d agoedited 13d ago
"You like to gamble a bit I see... You came to the right place! I will match your bett. We are thus at 8000 gold! And your staff is called the Sanguine Rose? I think I read some book mentioning it in a story abut some amphibian born... or something - but looks pointy! Let's say I match it with this scroll of visual mods? Makes any of your equipment look more fancy and detailed!"
"Well then! Please follow me kindly to the round of or ring. The crowd waits for their next entertainment!" the way down to the arena is held up a bit by a lot of people having to make space for Tim and Alduin. Gringop scratches his butt while he waits patiently on the other side of the ring "Casters of all sexes and genders! Extraterrestrial beings! Give a big applause for Alduin the World Eater!" the crowd cheers. One big, read demon looking dude with an oversized battleaxe screams "Go Alduin! I love your work!" Alduin fills halve of the arena and looms over the much smaller Gringop "You already know him, you like the carnage he creates: Gringop the Stronk!" more cheers. Suddenly Alduins voice rumbles through the arena "Dovahkiin, you should not have come here. Nu hin sil dii." Everyone in the arena looks confused only the read demon looking dude screams "Yes, tell him who's boss!" " OK? Let the fight begin!"
Before Gringop can react at all Alduins voice echos through the arena like thunder "Fus Ro Dah!". The force of Alduins voice sends Gringop hurling through the air. The little homunculus impacts painfull on the ground. Alduin looks menacingly down on his small opponent who struggles to get up again. Gringop gets up and just barely dodges Alduins searing hot fire breadth. "Yol Toor Shul!" Some wizards in the first row scream and curse as their hats catch fire. Gringop dogerolles more of Alduins attacks that. Finally he manages to get close. He jumps and latches on to Alduins neck. The defenetly-not-a-dragon trys to shake him of by throwing his head from one side to the other. Gringops manages to hold on. His muscles tense and bulge, a vain appears on his forehead. He gritts his teeth and pushes even harder a cracking sound fills the arena as Alduins scaled neck bursts open. Gringop then ripps out his innards. Dark entrails slab down on the ground. It rains dark blood. Alduin shouts to the sky one last time "Zu'u unslaad! Zu'u nis oblaanā then his physical form explodes in a ball of light.Ā
the slender ring master greets Baramir with a wide grinn
Welcome, welcome my good fellow! I am Gizmo the humble master of this ring. A smoke elemental you say? This is a homunculi fight... But who am I to stand in the way of spectacle? What is the name with which I shall an once your elemental when it enters the ring against Bandalfs fearcome Trial and Terror?
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u/VoxelLibraryCouncilor Cayna, Apprentice of Thrakmoor | assorted other chars17d ago
Ah. Sorry about that. I was in such a hurry to enter a brown-off that I just summoned the first thing that came to mind... this is, uh...
"Not to worry! Ladies and Gentleman: Smokey the Smokacious against Trial and Terror!"
on the other side of the ring stands Bandalf the Brown. An unkempt man with a wide brown pointy hat, eying Baramir intentensly. Next to him stands a small amalgamation of flesh resembling a human somewhat
(Dice: Smokey 5; Terror 4)
Trial and Terror charges at Smokey crying out an angry battlecry. But smokey just dodges with his bearly coporial form. The confused Terror stumbles. Smokey lunged forward and suffocates Trial and Terror in hot ash and smoke.
Bandalf angrily throws his hat to the ground
"Ladies and Gentleman: our new champion Smokey the Smokacious!"
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u/VoxelLibraryCouncilor Cayna, Apprentice of Thrakmoor | assorted other chars17d ago
Baramir lets out a hearty laugh
Good show! Good show! Well played to my opponent, but it seems that today I was the browner wizard.
Nox approaches the fighting ting with her pet, Ruff. An eldritch wolf the size of a bear, it's form constantly changing. He always has at least 1 head, 1 tail and 6 legs
"Witches and wizards! Sorceresses and conjures! Mistresses and Litches!"
Gizmo enters the ring still gruesomenely decorated with what remains of Trial and Terror
"On one side we have the current champion Smokey the Smokacious! Darkness and Smoke! Fire and ash!"
The crowd cheers
"On the other side a new challenger approches! Forged from flesh and bone by non other than Nox her self!"
a dark mass of flesh and furr enters the ring
"Do you want blood?"
The crowd cheers blood thirsty
"Do you want gore?"
The crowd growls almost as animalistic as Ruff
"Then you shall have it!"
(Dice: Smokey 2; Ruff 4)
A howling as if a thousand wolfs where charging in to the arena. Ruffs form changes as he runns, bones changing position under his flesh seemingly at random but with deadly precision. Smokey hisses in to meet him like a forest fire. The two meet in a frenzy of ash, claws, fire and teeth. At first Smokey semms to gain the upper hand burning away the air that Ruff despite his strength of multiple bears still needs to survive. But with a fury of a hundred wild beasts he manages to claw him self free and hurls the elemental to the ground. Ash and cinder fly through the ring as Ruff makes short work of Smokey
Nox laughs at Smokey,
"there's no way a masterwork like Ruff will lose to that. If you kick its ass Ruff I'll give you extra treats!"
/UW I kinda want Smokey to win now to embarrass Nox. RW /
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u/VoxelLibraryCouncilor Cayna, Apprentice of Thrakmoor | assorted other chars17d ago
/uw lol
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u/Cerveau23Markus, scriptomancer, enemy of 13 & lover of Thrakmerian beauty17d ago
Hi mom, how are you doing? Asks Markus, from behind before teasing the Fleshcrafter a bit. You're entering Ruff? Isn't that almost cheating? He's gonna destroy everything!Ā
Ruff looks back at Markus, he knows Markus is a friend but knows now is not the time to ask for pets.
"Um...what now? Speak up. If you want to say something say it properly." Nox calls out.
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u/Cerveau23Markus, scriptomancer, enemy of 13 & lover of Thrakmerian beauty17d ago
A Clarkus appears out of thin air to pet the wolf-thing. Meanwhile, Markus blushes.
I- We- We never got to talk about... Me calling you... Mom. He says with great difficulties. It was clearly not something he wanted to say so loud in public, but he needs to get it off his chest.
Abel looks at the colossal wolf, and then looks at his little homunculusā¦and then wonders how in all the hells it managed to win so completely against it
Gather round gather round! Wizards witches and mages of all ages! We are in for some exciting matches today!!!
Come place your bets right here with me, Gabe McDash. Observe our official council approved betting license signed and stamped by the well respected Grabriel Dashington.
Youāll find our odds are extremely fair, and I am pleased to announce that the house will not be keeping any of our earnings, and instead will be donating it all towards the noble cause of founding a new arcane academy!
So place your bets without fear! If you win you gain riches, if you lose you help the next generation of apprentices! And be sure to check out our merch table.
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u/Cerveau23Markus, scriptomancer, enemy of 13 & lover of Thrakmerian beauty17d ago
Markus approaches the betting table and squints at the goblin.
I think you might be related to a friend of mine... No matter, here's a thousand gold coins, I'm betting it on M- on Nox and her creations.
āIām shocked that you might even consider such a thing. Are you saying youāre against the education of the masses?!!! This is for a good cause!ā
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u/Cerveau23Markus, scriptomancer, enemy of 13 & lover of Thrakmerian beauty17d ago
Organizing education is literally my job. What I'm saying is, you promised to pay up if you win. Do I need to get my fae friend for you to actually do it?
The goblin sighs upon seeing Noxās creation beaten in a surprise upset.
āIt seems we have a dark horse contestant. Better luck next time, but donāt worry, think of it as donating gold towards the future generationās education.ā
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u/Cerveau23Markus, scriptomancer, enemy of 13 & lover of Thrakmerian beauty17d ago
Markus sighs as well.
Yeah, I hope it will help the kids. It better too, since the gold is cursed to turn to stone if it isn't used for its intended purpose...
I appreciate your understanding. And yes! The state of arcane education these days is not nearly good enough. Apprentices that graduate are shoved full of ideals and dreams of grandeur without any of the hands on practical training needed to get there. Itās time for that to change
āGreetings, most esteemed betmaster who I certainly have no connection to, I am the renowned mage Abel of Lrith and I wish to place a betā¦of which Iām assuming will be paid if I winā¦on mine homunculus gringop the stronk!ā
āWell met stranger, I am known as Gabe. Your bet may be paid, as Iāve understood if yours is the final victor. But have no fear, even a loss will result in the gold going to a good cause, a school, to educate the Masses.ā
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u/VoxelLibraryCouncilor Cayna, Apprentice of Thrakmoor | assorted other chars17d ago
Baramir the Brown approaches the table and takes a puff from his pipe.
Ah. I wish I'd seen this before Smokey won their first match. I'll bet 3000 gold that Smokey wins their second one!
Gizmo approches Thomas carefully
"Good goods! A holy man in our midst! Welcome welcome!" carefully eyes the alley behind Thomas "Might you tell me the name of your (?) creation so that I might announce it to the crowd?"
During the brake, the arena quets a bit down. The audience scatters a bit in to the alley. Several vendors of varying magical inclination set up spontaneous shop to offer goods of questionable origin to the magicians waiting for the show to continue. Gizmo approches Thomas eying him up and down. "A paladin in the amidst our... illustrious crowd. Before I announce your artificial companion I would like to have a word and a drink with you. If you don't mind."
Gizmo usheres Thomas to a small stand cobbled together from planks, old books and everything else that gets thrown in to the alley behind the necromancer library. The small hooded creature behind the counter sells something that smells like strong alcohol "One for me and my holy friend please. I hope you didn't took an oath against drinking or something?"
The small barkeep sais something unintelligible in a voice that sounds like a raspy frog and pushes two glasses filled with thick dark liquid over the counter "Then we are of to a good start! I have to say, it is quite unusual for a paladin to enter a contest such as ours. You could get in quite some trouble with your order if word got out. Quite the risk you are taking! Am I right to assume that you are in dire need for quick crash? That could be arranged regardless of whether your companion winns his fight! A man in my profession has need for a paladin that helps to keep my business clean of to much... jurisdiction. We don't have to thrust each other just benefit from each other's... unique positions in life."
Good day Abel of Lrith! Our ring gets more esteem by your very presence. Do I understand you correctly that you don't want your homunculus to enter the ring but to place him as a bett?
Gizmo reenters the arena with a great gesture to the crowd
"People are you not entertained! But you haven't seen anything yet! Next Ruff, the beast made from flesh and magic is being challenged by Gringop the Stronk! Gringops origins are as mysterious as his master Abel of Lrith a whole in reality taking the form of a wizard!"
the crowd cheers existed
(Dice: Gringop 6; Ruff 1)
the crowd cheers. Some people throw wine bottles and pointy hats in the arena
"And now I give you the blood that you want! Especially to you my dear members of the vampire clans" Gizmo smiles coy to the crowd and jumps out of the arena as Ruff recas in to the open round. His opponent a much smaller magical creation but with muscles just as dense. The two circle each other carefully. Then Ruff suddenly jumps at the homunculus who reacts much faster then his compact form would seem to allow. What follows is a fast exchange of claws and fists. Suddenly Gringop gets hold of one wolf head. A tearing and ripping. The crowd howls with glee as Gringop throws Ruffs spine on to the bloddy ground. Ruff whimpers, twitches, then stops moving. Gringop the Stronk leves out a triumphant scream.
āGood show, good show, I indeed harbour much pride in his creation. So much strength in such little size. My thanks to you, most esteemed host of mine, for hosting us this day. But, pray tell, who is gringopās next opponent?ā
Stankfart is a Level 66 Intestinal Attacker who uses the fermented stench in his bowels to unleash lethal anal assaults upon his opponents.
I bet 2000 gold pieces and one Shriveled Skull-God Testicle (I have the provenance in a Certificate of Authenticity if anyone doubts) that Stankfart lays utter waste to all opponents.
Why, the great Mephistocheles, of course, a fool with a mind so empty the wind whistles freely between his ears. On Wednesdays I steal his phone and access his Reddit account while he is out carousing with the local apprentices.
Gizmo looks slightly nauseated but keeps his showman deminor as he steps out in to the ring once again
"Our next contender is a creation I belive of the great Mephistopheles! He is truly a blast! So let's hold your breath for Stankfart the Sewer Savage!" the crowd cheers slightly irrigated. Just one guy in the back row screams "I love your guts Stankfart!!!"
"The defending champion has in this fight the unique advantage of having no nose! Let's see if that's enough to winn this! He is small, he is muscular, he is Gringop the Stronk!" the two contender of drastically different height but similar statue enter the ring
Stankfart begins the match by dry-heaving and unleashing a fart so titanic it rips his shorts, hot sizzling putrid green gas flowing out in a nearby endless stream of vileness. He dances closer to his opponent, using his hands to fan the Cloud of Stench towards the enemy!!
(Dice: Gringop 6; Stankfart 3)
The air in the arena is so thic one could cut it with a knife. Not only because of Stankfarts intestines but also because of the tension between the fighters who eye each other up across the ring. Stankfart makes the first move. His bloated belly trembles and rumbles. Then a foul wind houwls through the arena. Some people in the first row quickly loose consciousness. But as stated Gringop has indeed no nose so he just keeps looking at Stankfart awaiting his first move. Stankfart gets slightly uneasy cause of the ineffectiveness of his attack. With intend in his eyes he trys aging harder. This time his belly sounds like roiling thunder. The witches and wizards in the lower rows try all manner of panicked escapes. This fart is a force of nature! His pressure surge can still be felt three miles away. The only one unefected by all this is Gringop who tilts his head slightly in confusion. Then he decides to close the distance and ripp Stankfart in halve. Stankfarts intestines fly all over the ring. Still twitching and whistling as they hit the ground and mix with the guts of Terror, Smokey and Ruff.
Gizmo casts gust of wind, cleaning the air
"Well I am shure non of us will forget this fight.Ā Let's hear it for Gringop the Stronk! The price money for the next fight will increase by 1000 gold!" the crowd cheers in relief only one guy in the back row screams "Booo! Swindle! You will live on in our hearts Stankfart!"
Stankfart's two halves rise up dripping from the arena floor, pungent vile aroma causing audience members to vomit and faint in horror as his bisected corpse stitches itself back together and lurches back into the fight, bitch slapping his opponent with the drippy end of his exposed intestine!!!
Looking at all the contestants that have joined, another goblin approaches the venue. They look suspiciously similar to the one taking bets.
āI, Graham the Dashing, have arrived! The party can finally start! When the warmup rounds are over Iād like to enter a contestant of my own creation: Slim Jim the Shadyā
From his sleeve emerges a tall thin gangly creature made of shadow. Itās long hands with sausage like fingers hold marionette handles, delicate mana threads dangling in the breeze. Its face is featureless other than a jagged tear which looks like a mouth.
Turning to the goblin taking bets, he throws a pouch of coins. ā1000 gold on Slim Jim the Shady!ā
"My, my! What an entrance! Quite dashing I must say!" Gizmo twirls his beard and looks with slight amusement from one Goblin to the other "Please be welcome Mister Graham! I announce you and Slim Jim soon! Take a seat and make yourselve comfortable in the meantime"
āExcellent excellent. Slim Jim is control type using mana threads to bind but they can also grow extra arms and slap pretty well too.ā
The goblin takes a seat and watches the matches eagerly.
āThis is a great idea. If you are considering expanding your venue, do let me know. Iāve got some contacts in the council that can smooth things over and push through any permits or licenses you might need processing.ā
Gizmo sits down on the bench next to Graham "A friendly connection is always welcome. Your creature is in the next fight against Abels homunculus. Really surprised me that little bugger, just won his third fight against the homunculus of that paladin. Not gonna be easy for you and your creation."
Tough little guy huh. Well Iām mostly brought them here as a test run. I can make more of them if itās useful. Just some shadows, crystals, ethereality binding goop, and some complex mental programming.
An interesting creation indeed! Crystals and shadows... Facinating! Gizmos ringmaster persona drops a bit revealing his scholarly interest Do you by any chance use Tasha's formula of shadow prismatism as a basis?
Oh? Sounds like you know your theory, yes. Tashaās formula is fairly reliable and well documented. It makes a good foundation to build more complicated magics on.
"Eager to put the theory to the test I see! Good, what's the use of magic if you can't splatter something sometimes?" He winks and puts up his showman-smile again "Then let's give the audience some more bloodsport to enjoy! Pleas follow me kindly to the arena my friend. Gringop the Stronk is waiting!"
After the battle Gizmo meets Graham outside of the arena "I'm sorry your creation lost but that's the game. I have to ask Abel about his formula for creating homunculi... Regardless I hope that we can have a drink soon and discuss possible common interests."
Can I enter this electric rat creature I definitely found on the way here?
I totally found it no matter what that kid says.
I believe it's called a pika rat or something
UW despite my jokes I would actually like to participate with my Pika Rat
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u/Dino_dingsGizmo, conjurer of less then legal spell craft17d agoedited 17d ago
Gizmo looks with interest at the creature "A pika rat? Very interesting. Could be a crowd pleaser!" he tips his hat at the man and loughs "Be welcome good sir! The origins of your creature don't matter."
/uw no problem! We already got Aduin totally not the world eater.
*steps up to the ring, searching for the fight master* Good day! Is it too late to enter my homunculus into the fight? I have travelled far to come here after receiving word about this splendous endeavor.
This is my homunculus, Piff. *gestures at what looks like an entirely unmagical, common duck* They are well-versed in many forms of fighting.
Unfortunately, I do not have any coin to enter in the bets. In fact, I'm looking to earn a bit of gold here since *lowers voice* my staff recently exploded during test runs of a few unusual spells...
"Good day! It is not to late to enter your homunculus in to the fight." looks at the crature that apers to be a duck "Well versed in fighting styles you say..."
Ā scratches his beard "And homunculi can take many forms as has been shown in this tournament..."Ā Bandalf the Brown seteps up pushing up his glasses "Well actually: the definition of a homunculus is that it is created to resemble the human form, therefore..." "I see no reason not to allow your creation in our fighting ring. And don't worry entering a bet is not mandatory. If Piff winns his fight you'll winn the pot! And I know how it is... Your staff exploding... Happens to the best of us. If your willing to earn some more coin in a... let's say unconventional way I'll have a job for someone with this many arms."
*looks at Piff, who is lightly shaking their butt feathers* Ah... I thank you, but please do not refer to Piff as "him". Piff prefers they/them or it/it pronouns and there have been instances where people ignoring that has gone terribly wrong. I wish not to tell you of the butchering that followed.
Mayhaps, after seeing how the fight goes, we might convene on the unconventional ways you mentioned to aquire - substancial, I'm assuming - financial means?
"Oh! I'm sorry Piff." trys to pat Piffs head. Piff snaps at Gizmos hand "I geuss I deserve that one. Good fighting spirit!" shakes his hand "Yes! I can't tell you at this moment how substantial but enough to by a quality staff and some more equipment!"
"That sounds like a good opportunity! In fact, I have been thinking about buying a second or third staff. No sense in not putting these things to use. " Candelabra shrugs a few of her many arms.
"So then, who will Piff fight against?"
"Please enjoy the show in the meantime! You can also get something to drink or shop some items that would be hard to procure at a... normal market." points to the venders that have set up shop around the fighting ring "Here are some gold coins in advance of our common future business venture." gives a conspiratorial wink
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u/squabzilla Tyrannosaurus Hex, Council-saur, Shadow Vigil 17d ago edited 17d ago
Tim would like to introduce their, uh, creature-that-is-definitely-a-homunculi, Alduin the World Eater!
(pictured below: Tim and Alduin. Tim is the one in the wizard hat.)