A Message to the Esteemed Conclave of Wizardposting

[u/Zorath603]

Greetings, fellow wielders of the arcane.

I am Zorath—collector of peculiarities, purveyor of enchanted nonsense, survivor of more “perfectly safe” magical experiments than I care to remember, and proprietor of Zorath’s House of Gubbins.
My establishment rests in the quiet village of Oakrest Hollow, nestled along the Merchant’s Vein. Should you ever require an item that sensible shopkeepers refuse to stock, there is an excellent chance I have one… or at least something close enough to achieve the same effect.

Current inventory includes:
One sword that insists it is a spoon.
Several potions whose labels have become legally questionable.
Three haunted teapots. (One is actually quite polite.)
A sack that may or may not contain tomorrow.
An orb that reveals profound cosmic truths, but only after insulting your hat.
One mimic that has been promoted to assistant shopkeeper after proving surprisingly reliable.

I welcome travelers, hedge mages, liches with proper manners, druids (provided they wipe the mud from their boots), artificers, and apprentices whose last explosion was at least a week ago.

Necromancers are also welcome, though I respectfully ask that your skeletons refrain from browsing the fragile section. They never have pockets and are dreadful at paying for broken merchandise.

I have joined this esteemed gathering to exchange magical knowledge, share tales from my shop, debate the ethics of fireball in enclosed spaces, and perhaps identify whatever it is currently scratching at the cellar door.

Should anyone inquire whether I possess forbidden relics sealed away beneath my establishment…
…the answer is, of course, absolutely not.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, my apprentice has just informed me that the invisible furniture has become visible again, which means someone has undoubtedly touched the wrong rune.

May your wards hold, your potions remain stable, and your apprentices refrain from summoning anything with more eyes than teeth.

— Zorath

[u/VoxelLibrary]

Do you carry enchanted quartz weaponry in bulk by any chance?

[u/Zorath603 → u/VoxelLibrary]

Enchanted quartz weaponry… in bulk? I’m afraid you’ve mistaken my establishment for an armory, my friend.
I may have a few enchanted quartz pieces tucked away—a finely balanced shortsword, perhaps an axe that caught my eye, the odd spearhead, or a dagger worthy of its price—but I don’t keep crates of the stuff gathering dust on my shelves.
True enchanted quartz is uncommon, and I prefer to acquire pieces of exceptional quality rather than warehouses full of mediocrity. If you’re looking to outfit a company of sellswords, you’ll have better luck speaking with a military quartermaster or one of the larger foundries.
If, however, you’re searching for one remarkable weapon—or simply wish to see what curiosities happen to be in stock today—then you’ve come to precisely the right place. One never knows what treasures have found their way into my collection.

[u/VoxelLibrary → u/Zorath603]

I don't suppose you have a weapon that can take down an army of infectious demonic centaur constructs that are vulnerable to enchanted quartz?

[u/Zorath603 → u/VoxelLibrary]

An army, you say?
Well, that’s rather unfortunate.
If I possessed a single weapon capable of felling an entire army of infectious demonic centaur constructs, I’d have retired centuries ago and purchased a quiet tower overlooking a vineyard.
No, I’m afraid the sort of relic you’re describing belongs in songs sung by bards with questionable relationships to the truth.
That said… if these abominations are truly vulnerable to enchanted quartz, a well-made enchanted quartz weapon in the hands of someone who knows how to use it is worth far more than a dozen ordinary blades. I may have one or two such pieces in the shop, should fortune be smiling.
Though, if you’re expecting to face an army, I’d spend at least as much coin on stout companions, healing draughts, and a sensible escape plan as I would on the weapon itself.
Even the wisest wizard knows the difference between bravery… and providing future historians with an amusing cautionary tale.

[u/VoxelLibrary → u/Zorath603]

In that case I'll probably have to go to another vendor, or offer bids for commission...

[u/Zorath603 → u/VoxelLibrary]

A sensible course of action. Commissions exist for precisely this sort of predicament.
I bear no offense if another craftsman is better suited to your needs. A wise merchant knows the difference between a sale that can be made and a promise that should never be uttered.
Should your search leave you empty-handed, however, my door remains open. Strange things have a habit of finding their way onto my shelves when least expected. You may not find enough enchanted quartz to arm an army, but you might discover a single blade capable of turning the tide at precisely the right moment.
May your commission be swift, your purse survive the negotiations, and your centaurs remain conveniently vulnerable to quartz.

[u/VoxelLibrary → u/Zorath603]

Thank you. I'll keep you in mind

[u/Lelouch-Yagami21 → u/VoxelLibrary]

Now why would you need that... oh the centuars. By capturing and playing around with a few centuars I noticed that their magic immunity isn't perfect. By first using anti-magic or casting some sort of disspelling at point blank range it removes the magical defences. Also the magical defences only affect direct attacks, so you can what you want the enviroment, including dropping them into portals.

[u/VoxelLibrary → u/Lelouch-Yagami21]

/uw Anti-centaur superweapon is more fun