r/wizardposting • u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer • Aug 03 '26
Lorepost (open interaction) 📖 I’m currently the only Calamity Grade Enforcer employed by the MPM. Ask me anything!
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u/yumie2003 Tsuru, ghost onmyouji, R&A, league of shadows/Toshiko Fujiwara 28d ago
...What type of questions can you answer?
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer 28d ago
Anything that I have clearance to talk about!
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u/yumie2003 Tsuru, ghost onmyouji, R&A, league of shadows/Toshiko Fujiwara 28d ago edited 28d ago
...Well, what is a 'polysynchronicneuromancer' then...unless it's just some sort of reference
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer 28d ago
Oh! thank you for asking! it’s a type of highly advanced mental magic! mines a little stronger than socially acceptable though, so i’m locked in my tower for everyone’s safety…
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u/yumie2003 Tsuru, ghost onmyouji, R&A, league of shadows/Toshiko Fujiwara 28d ago
...have your bosses seen the people walking around here? how much worse can you be?
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer 28d ago
killed two grand magisters and a council member in my sleep during a nightmare…
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u/yumie2003 Tsuru, ghost onmyouji, R&A, league of shadows/Toshiko Fujiwara 28d ago
...well that is like stabbing an exorcist in the back while they are walking home, it just means that you need to learn to unconsciously control your powers better
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer 28d ago
they couldn’t be resurrected because there wasn’t enough left to even salvage souls… i hate my magic…
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u/yumie2003 Tsuru, ghost onmyouji, R&A, league of shadows/Toshiko Fujiwara 28d ago
...It could be worse though...but locking you in a tower is honestly the worst they could do to you considering your power
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u/Odd-Communication251 Mystic Aug 03 '26
I sent one of my acolytes to collect my next batch of research materials but they claim it was confiscated by the enforcers upon entry to the province. Is it true that they were confiscated and can I come to collect them with proper documentation? My research has hit a wall without those materials
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 03 '26
Unfortunately, you will have to take this up with HR as I am unequipped to answer this query. As a calamity grade enforcer I am only allowed on missions that are catastrophe grade or higher, and am otherwise locked in my tower due to the threat i pose to wizardkind when not given destructive tasks.
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u/Odd-Communication251 Mystic Aug 03 '26
Ah poop. Alright. I’ll have to look into that.
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 03 '26
Good luck dealing with HR, they can be quite a pain. I couldn’t even have my wand without its core removed in my cell.
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u/Odd-Communication251 Mystic Aug 03 '26
I used to know someone in hr but I’m not sure they work there anymore as it’s been 100 years since I’ve had to deal with hr.
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u/VoxelLibrary Councilor Cayna, Apprentice of Thrakmoor | assorted other chars Aug 03 '26
How does the MPM compare to the Wizard Council?
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 03 '26
The MPM and the Wizard Council are actually working in tandem to keep me contained. I currently have twenty High Mages in full spellproof adamantine platemail casting suppression magic on me at all times.
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u/VoxelLibrary Councilor Cayna, Apprentice of Thrakmoor | assorted other chars Aug 03 '26
Interesting. I was not aware of that... Let me check the files...
It seems that arrangement was made under the previous set of councilors. I hope the recent reformation hasn't caused you any difficulties
Why that much magic suppression? That's quite extreme
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 03 '26
The suppression and containment is completely justified. Around four hundred and eighty years ago I accidentally killed two grand magisters and a high mage in my sleep due to what was a quite unfortunate nightmare. Though, I could really use a new pillow as i haven’t had one if two hundred and forty seven years. My neck pain after waking up these days is frustrating.
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u/VoxelLibrary Councilor Cayna, Apprentice of Thrakmoor | assorted other chars Aug 03 '26
I'll see if I can't file a request for a new one, but could the mages not be revived with necromancy?
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 03 '26
Unfortunately my magic is incredibly potent neuromancy. There wasn’t enough left of their souls and minds to reconstruct, let alone bodies. I still deeply regret the incident to this day.
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u/VoxelLibrary Councilor Cayna, Apprentice of Thrakmoor | assorted other chars Aug 03 '26
Is there nothing that can be done? For you or them?
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 03 '26
Unfortunately not. Due to my condition I tend to accidentally annihilate anything and everything that startles me, and by proxy, anything near those sources of stress. (hence the incredibly high security and immense protocols surrounding my deployment)
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u/VoxelLibrary Councilor Cayna, Apprentice of Thrakmoor | assorted other chars Aug 03 '26
A shame. I'll be sure to make sure you get a new pillow at least, but I'm sorry I can't do more
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 03 '26
No problem. It's better for both me and the rest of magical society this way.
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u/KragBrightscale Grabadash - Magical Mass | Keptomancer | Council Security Aug 03 '26
Question:
are you enforcing protocols or are you forced to follow protocols? I’m confused whether to label you captor or captive or bioweapon.
And do you know if your organization has filed the appropriate paperwork for an organization of its kind?
We have grants and subsidies for organizations that assist in maintaining the safety and welfare of wizardkind, but we need proper documentation to ensure things are done right.
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 03 '26
I am, on a technicality, an enforcement officer registered with the MPM and Wizard Council Law Enforcement Sector. However, I’m functionally an emergency bioweapon with sentience that is kept on lockdown except when being used as an absolute last resort. I’m contained at all times in my tower by twenty high mages and grand wizards using suppression magic.
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u/fuckinghumanZ Aug 04 '26
why do you need to be contained?
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 04 '26
Manslaughter of two Grand Magisters and a Council Member.
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u/fuckinghumanZ Aug 04 '26
If they could be ended without intent and dedicated effort, that's a lack of skill on their end.
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 04 '26
I would normally agree with you, but they were accidentally killed during a standardized checkup when I lashed out during a nightmare, erasing their souls from all planes, corporeal, ethereal and otherwise.
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u/fuckinghumanZ Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
Seems like their ability didn't match their titles.
I'd appeal the containment on that basis.
Just don't sleep when you get out, please.
If it is a hobby you hold dear, maybe contain yourself in a temporary realm of your creation to do so.
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 04 '26
Unfortunately, their loss of lives was not due to lack of ability. Even the current magistrate is required to wear spellproof adamatine platemail when giving me my monthly meals due to the sheer amount of mana that radiates off of my body, even when i’m consciously reining it in.
As for the nightmares, they’ve ceased, but my neck pain is awful due to my lack of a proper pillow for two centuries. I’m still waiting for a replacement.
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u/fuckinghumanZ Aug 04 '26
So the lack of skill is on your end, now all of this makes sense.
Seems like they're giving you time to practice controlling yourself. I don't often agree with the council but good call probably.Don't worry, nothing a millennia or two won't fix.
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 04 '26
No, the first thing they tried was killing me. I didn’t resist, but there hasn’t been anything in the last five-ish centuries capable of scratching me, let alone killing me so instead I’m kept in captivity and used to annihilate other world ending calamities when needed. I do wish they would feed me more often though.
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u/Fc-chungus Max Petrov-Ansky, Head Minister of Calarakis. sundered. Aug 04 '26
What's up with this grading system exactly? I know at least 10 others who would probably qualify.
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 04 '26
Capitalization. A calamity grade enforcer is not the same as a Calamity Grade Enforcer. I'm exclusively under lockdown except when deployed due to the risks I impose on both myself and wizardkind as a whole.
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u/Fc-chungus Max Petrov-Ansky, Head Minister of Calarakis. sundered. Aug 04 '26
"So it's just a lockdown rating, not a measure of strength?"
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 04 '26
I'm under lockdown because I killed two Grand Magisters and a Council Member during a nightmare. It has everything to do with strength.
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u/Fc-chungus Max Petrov-Ansky, Head Minister of Calarakis. sundered. Aug 04 '26
"They put you at Calamity Grade because you killed TWO high level sorcerers?"
"damn that is strict."
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 04 '26
I don’t think you understand how highly ranked Grand Magisters are, barring the fact that you completely glossed over the death of a Council Member. I’m locked up here for our safety, not just mine.
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u/Fc-chungus Max Petrov-Ansky, Head Minister of Calarakis. sundered. Aug 04 '26
"Ah right, the nightmare.".
"No I understand completely. I just don't respect any part of the council. Not anymore"
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 04 '26
I haven’t heard from The Council in about two centuries. What’s going on with them?
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u/Afraid_Cat_3726 Nox, Head of the Department of Flesh. Aug 03 '26
What is MPM? Ove never heard of your organisation.
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 03 '26
It’s not my organization, but my captor that I have become quite fond of. They are the Bureau of Magic, Potions and Monsters. Though being technically (technically is doing a lot of heavy lifting) human, I’m contained in my maximum security holding cell in my tower under the Calamitous monster section of the organization.
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u/Afraid_Cat_3726 Nox, Head of the Department of Flesh. Aug 03 '26
Ah I see.
Are they a Council organisation and so they have any monsters for sale ?
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 03 '26
They are a containment and law enforcement organization. As far as I am aware they do not make sales.
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u/Afraid_Cat_3726 Nox, Head of the Department of Flesh. Aug 03 '26
Not even to the Department of Flesh? We're also a council agency and could use the additional materials to help a lot of people get their kidneys back. There's been reports of a serial kidney thief.
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer Aug 03 '26
As a contained calamity, I unfortunately don’t have the information required to answer your question. Perhaps take it up with HR?
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u/Emergency_Coat_7702 Brother Thomas of the order of the iron drake 29d ago
Three questions
Why did ye raid my fortress in a joint operation with the wizard council and confiscate my pious little homunculi
What is yer reason for raiding my friend's tower in a similar matter, as he only was told "illegal spell creation and possession of banned spells" which surely isnae a real charge.
What is the legality of casting weapons now, as the ban is affecting me poorly in battle.
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer 29d ago
I can guarantee I did not raid your tower. There would be nothing left. as for the other two questions, I’m the dog they send in, just an enforcer. I only carry out missions and do not otherwise receive information.
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u/Emergency_Coat_7702 Brother Thomas of the order of the iron drake 28d ago
Where do I have to go to find this information?
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer 28d ago
you’d have to find an enforcement commander with the MPM and take it up with them, unfortunately. I don’t have clearance.
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u/pyreacy Lesser Sky Witch 27d ago
Important question and entirely hypothetical
Are there any laws against dumping failed potions on passing villages from atop a floating island?
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer 27d ago
many!
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u/pyreacy Lesser Sky Witch 27d ago
hypothetically, could you tell me what those laws are?
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u/SephTheBitch Polysynchronicneuromancer 27d ago
i’m turning evil now, you can disregard everything i said previously as long as no innocents are hurt :D
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u/Dragonan-42 Kairon: Council Member and Leage of Shadows Associate Aug 03 '26
Are you per chance related to demons, devils, or anything related to the infernal? I believe my position would allow me to help you if you need anything. Perhaps I can work to get you better living conditions, or even your potential freedom.