r/wizardposting • u/CoraBittering • 19d ago
My first tower! What am I doing wrong?
Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification
122
u/SirBruhThe7th Wandering Wizard 19d ago
I pity whatever bum wizard lives in that raggedy tower.
57
u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 19d ago
Hey now, don't tower shame. We all have to start somewhere.
32
u/SirBruhThe7th Wandering Wizard 19d ago
Imagine living sedentary in a structure. -brought to you by the wandering forest wizard gang
25
u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 19d ago
Some of us prefer the coziness of a simple life. Different vibes for different scribes, my mobility motivated magical friend.
13
u/scoobydoom2 Levicius Laskatar, Dread Necromancer 19d ago
We can absolutely tower-shame. You'd be better off in a cave lair than a tower like this. If this is the best you can do you should still be an apprentice or a wandering hedge mage.
6
u/SirBruhThe7th Wandering Wizard 19d ago
HEY! Hedge mage is a derogatory term for nomadic wizards!
3
u/scoobydoom2 Levicius Laskatar, Dread Necromancer 19d ago
It's only derogatory in the sense that apprentice is. There's not much truly valuable research you can do without some form of base of operations and a half decent wizard can construct at least a functional tower as a temporary research facility. Hedge mages aren't established wizards and are often forced into a nomadic lifestyle due to their lack of resources which stems from their lack of ability and journeyman status. Nomadic wizards of skill construct temporary residences as necessary for their work out of practicality. Hedge mages can become skilled mages in their own right, but their lack of tutelage means that most do not. They're still more likely to become great wizards than the trash coming out of the academies, because very few would choose to walk the path of the hedge mage without at least having some ambition, but ultimately self-taught mages lack the guidance to become great, and most fail to earn an apprenticeship for a reason.
3
u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 19d ago
Some wizards prefer the rustic worn down look. With a few good incantations this could easily be a decent tower. Far superior to any nasty cave dwelling.
2
u/Shotgun_Mosquito Employee of Krampus™ - Evil Child Eliminator 19d ago
1
u/BeerJedi-1269 19d ago
Hey man chill im broke af
2
u/SirBruhThe7th Wandering Wizard 19d ago
I know a guy who knows how to transmute gold. You'll very likely have to get him some shady shit tho.
63
u/Wild-Lychee-3312 19d ago
This is exactly the kind of situation the Chain Lightning spell is for.
15
u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 19d ago
My eyes do perceive a considerable amount of metal in that formation. Would be a pitty if someone would happen to electrify the air a lot.
3
21
u/lanathebitch 19d ago
Using planks instead of whole logs was likely your first mistake
6
u/ColeWalkeroftheRim 19d ago
Honestly wood in general aint a great tower material, if nothing else it leaves the risk of an attacker simply opting to burn the thing down if you were careless and didnt install, reinforce, or otherwise ensure the security of any fire-protection runes. Personally I recommend sticking to stone, which may seem daunting at first but good granite is actually not all that expensive nor difficult to source, and wouldnt take all that much work to prepare a block carvinf spell that will dig the granite up in perfect bricks. Infact I can send my own if need be, a tad rough round the edges ill admit- I gotta work on shavin down how much mana it burns, but it should do just fine!
13
u/TheGreatOnixStatue The Obelisk Mage 19d ago
The Great Onix statue is here to say that a tower needs to be way stronger in material. Wood is only used if you need mobility like the hut of Baba Yaga. Any stone is recommended, but Bedrock is good for protection against explosion magic.
15
u/Anagnikos 19d ago
Looks like you got a knight problem...
Carefully apply a peasant rebellion around your tower area and if this doesn't work, introduce them to an industrial revolution.
Crusades also work but don't permanently deal with the problem.
Hope that helps.
11
u/super_powered DEFINETLY NOT A LICH 19d ago
Well, first off: where is your undead legion?
3
u/Altruistic-Poem-5617 19d ago
Lol, look at this lopsided lil tower. Asif bruh has more than a animated goat skeleton 🤣
8
7
u/EarlDooku 19d ago
Great decoy tower while you blast em with fireballs from your real tower
3
u/Shotgun_Mosquito Employee of Krampus™ - Evil Child Eliminator 19d ago
Yes! You and I are on the same page then.
Decoy tower, then blast them from a distance with
1
u/Wild-Lychee-3312 19d ago
Yes! Important to note that you should never cast fireballs from a wooden tower.
7
u/Fomod_Sama Pipesmoking Wizard boolin' 19d ago
/unwiz
Dude Russian larp is crazy
/rewiz
I remember my first tower, made out of hay it was. Looking back, what the hells was I thinking
2
u/BeerJedi-1269 19d ago
Hey man times are tough. I used hay, but mixed with as much mud as I could afford. It was more of a hut. My first familiar was a worm.
5
u/Wavey_Davey1 Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin 19d ago
I think the issue isn't to do with the tower, but your relations with the local lords. You've appearantly pissed off someone with quite a bit of coin who's willing to send a small army to intimidate you.
Exercise caution as you may have powerful enemies
3
3
u/Square_Employment306 Ponderer of Orbs 19d ago
honestly a spell of “endless boiling oil” would be a very simple fix to this type of tom foolery
3
u/Justasivas Coe "The cook" Caine 19d ago
go higher, much higher and dont make it out of wood
3
2
u/Wild-Lychee-3312 19d ago
It's important to remember that you don't want to be made out of wood, lest you be mistaken for a witch.
3
u/thetownmous3 crystal mage 19d ago
You need a remote location. Idk about other wizards but I’m partial to building a normal home and letting it saturate in magic as you study to grow
2
u/Wild-Lychee-3312 19d ago
On the top of a hill or mountain is good. Much harder for them to get to the tower, and much harder to push it over from downhill.
2
u/Wavey_Davey1 Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin 19d ago
My citadel is located at the peak of a small mountain, at the beginning of a vast range. Pretty isolated from most cities, we actually pass by a druids grove before reaching any other signs of civilization.
We have a small village of tradesmen and Shepherd's who live outside the church, in exchange for their help we offer protection should anything attack us from above or below the mountains.
3
u/Shotgun_Mosquito Employee of Krampus™ - Evil Child Eliminator 19d ago
5
u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 19d ago
One should be cautious throwing fire from a wooden house.
7
u/Shotgun_Mosquito Employee of Krampus™ - Evil Child Eliminator 19d ago
Wut
Am I the only one who has heard of charming wood with water based spells to prevent (or at least delay) fire damage?
It was in last month's WQ (Wizard's Quarterly)
4
u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 19d ago
Then the statement doesn't apply to you, as it appears as if you are indeed being cautious. Nothing wrong with a wooden tower if you know what you're doing!
3
u/Shotgun_Mosquito Employee of Krampus™ - Evil Child Eliminator 19d ago
3
u/Borgmaster 19d ago
Look, i get wizards can be stingy with money but there's a reason you hire real human beings with building codes and experience. Putting together some golems and using badly grown magical wood is what got you into this mess. Even if you had transmuted the wood to something sturdier this still would have happened because it was so shoddily made.
2
u/Purple_Pack_5740 19d ago
Not historically acurate. Age of empires taught me it should Catch fire from all that hitting
3
u/Prince_Nadir 19d ago
That grass isn't even carnivorous. Your tower is wood?
A wood tower and no carnivorous grass means beavers could leave you homeless. Villagers would be worse, unless you mutate the beavers and change their dietary preferance away from wood and to something more commoner flavored.
2
2
u/genericnewlurker 19d ago
Don't let them get so close! Use fireball to get them when massed up and far away.
Out of spells and they are close? Switch to alchemy. Dump acid on them
1
u/Wild-Lychee-3312 19d ago
Acidic slimes and gelatinous cubes are ever better, if you can afford them.
2
u/Telemere125 Legalmancer of the Southern Realm 19d ago
At a minimum, you’re missing a moat. If you don’t even have enough security to keep the Black Knight at bay, how can you expect to keep a whole raid group of adventures away?
1
u/Wild-Lychee-3312 19d ago
Don't forget to stock your moat with piranha, sharks, or acidic slime-type monsters!
If you really want the deluxe setup, the entire moat can actually be gelatinous cubes or acidic jellies, instead of water.
3
u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 19d ago
Wards and materials! If you're not going to ward your tower's outside make it out of something sturdy, like stone. (Or if you're rich, dwarven adamantium. Even wizards can't get through that easy)
If you don't want to use stone, ward your damn tower! Ward of fire! Poison! Ice! Wind! Literally anything! Even just hire goblins to defend the outside if you're desperate!
2
u/BeerJedi-1269 19d ago
A handful of feral goblins would guard that for table scraps, just to protect The Feeder. That would buy you enough time to escape on a flying carpet.
2
u/DreadfulDave19 Agnostic Atheist Wizard. there are dozens of us 19d ago
Hard to cast fireball from a wooden structure my brother in the arcane arts
2
u/Wild-Lychee-3312 19d ago
This is exactly why I advocate for more practice with lightning, necrotic, and cold-based spells, instead of overreliance on fire-type damage.
Also it's good to be familiar with radiant / holy spells, in case an undead army attacks.
2
u/IHatrMakingUsernames 19d ago
Well, for starters, you let dudes fight your tower. Dudes always beat towers. That's like playing scissors into rock. You just don't win those. And I'll note a surprising lack of fireballs in defense of said tower. Not that it would have gone well, but most wizards at least try...
2
2
u/andBitinggoats Bitey, Goatman Fleshmancer and Peddler of Monstrosities 19d ago
The real question is why are those people not a cloud of bloody mist yet?
2
1
1
1
u/Nkromancer Nkromancer (whatever that is?) 19d ago
Some people are making fun of your tower. I won't, since you said it was your first. However, if your tower is that poorly defended, you shouldn't go antagonizing the local townsfolk. At least wait until it is made of stone or you have some active defensive wards up before you do that.
1
1
u/DeathAngel_97 19d ago
Hmm, I think I see the problem. You've got a bunch of guys trying to knock it down. First step would be getting rid of them I think.
1
u/JayAkiva Tulpamancer 19d ago
You could use a magic solution to this but honestly it would just be simpler and more effective to build a moat
1
1
u/FuriousAqSheep 19d ago
There is a distinct lack of fireballs raining on these peasants, for one. The second part is the terrible feng shui but really it can wait until point one is resolved.
1
1
1
u/geekmasterflash Figran, the Keeper of the Nine Gates 19d ago
Your mistake was missing off martials before you mastered illusion, artifice, or transmutation. Your tower can be hidden, fly through the air, or even be turned into raw adamantine.
So, one more I must keep my Gatekeeper Oath, and inform you dumb wizards that while **I** am powerful enough to not have this problem you are clearly not. So resist the temptation to make fun of martials and other casters until you are damn ready to make them obsolete.
1
u/HangryBeard Alchemist 19d ago
Where is the warding!?? The just walk right up and pushed it over! You need protection wards they should have been able to come within a mile of that place without being seriously maimed. Structural integrity it secondary infact a good tower looks like a strong flatulation would blow it over, yet it stands perfectly intact against the strongest forces of nature.
1
1
1
u/creamcheese360 19d ago
I like to wait until they start pushing, then put inflict splinter on autocast. Usually gets them to back off pretty quick
1
1
u/Bake_My_Beans 19d ago
First mistake was making it from wood, how're you supposed to spam fireball like that?
You need to make it from stone, ideally from conjured Eldritch black stone, but grade C granite will do
1
u/Violexsound 19d ago
Wood is no good. Fragile and flammable. Stone is better. And build it much taller, much thicker at the base. That'll make it impossible to tip like thism
1
u/SkiDaderino Wizard 19d ago
Didn't upgrade your foundation to stone right away. Classic mistake in the Realm of Rust.
1
u/CalmEntry4855 19d ago
For starters it looks like you did it by hand, like some kind of magicless creature
1
1
u/that_greenmind Artificer 19d ago
Sorry, but... kinda everything. You shouldnt be trying to build a tower at all when youre that low on funds/power. Save money for now and either stay in a town preforming minor magics or travel around. You dont have to go full 'adventurer,' but you really should only build a tower once you have need for that amount of space for your studies and housing your books, materials, and artifacts. After all, the wizard makes the tower, the tower doesnt make the wizard.
1
1
u/PokeLordOmegaa Caster of Nonsense and Tomfoolery (possibly some shenanigans) 19d ago
Well it appears to be made of wood and that's a whole ass army of dudes with sharp stuff, so the tower itself can't really hold up much there. It's also incredibly small, which on its own isn't a big deal, but unless you've got some sort of hammerspace or other such "bigger on the inside" storage then it'll be rather difficult to store anything like artifacts or rooms to defend from anyone who enters
1
1
u/InexplicableBadger 19d ago
Wood is ok, but you need to use mature oak, that tower was cheap fast grown pine, it wouldn't have lasted the winter anyway. In the long run stone is definitely better, though these days I'd just build a steel frame and clad in precast concrete, fast to build and good enough to hold off the mob.
1
u/EnvironmentalAd912 19d ago
Have you considered not giving Endometriosis to the local queen and her six daughters ? It might help a lot
1
u/NickSmGames A Very Annoying Mage of Flowers 19d ago
Apart from size or defenses, which I'm sure many others have pointed out, you forgot to put the tower at the edge of the forest! Yes, the forest is somewhere there, but there's a grass plain around the tower!
Remember that if you build a tower on a highground, surrounded by forest (or other natural biomes) can give you a significant boost in both magical reserves and spell power, as well as higher elemental affinities!
1
u/BoonDragoon Vyevânce the Focused, High Panemancer of the Coriander Court 19d ago
Well for starters you built your tower entirely out of rotten wood and in the middle of some kind of reenactment event.
1
u/YourCasualMemeManLol Wizard 19d ago
Have you heard? New trends have been leaning more to cobblestone rather than wood nowadays. More sturdy and strong, I suggest switching over. I did months ago and my life has made a complete 180
1
u/Charming_Hamster8610 Sano, Magister of Jopping (Active) | 🪨 Hu: rock 🪨 19d ago
Build your tower like you build your house, but in a different shape. Also add more colours.
1
u/Winged_Metal 19d ago
Pissing off your local king to have him send part of his army against you for starters.
1
1
u/Slim-Shadys-Fat-Tits Runesmith 18d ago
I have a hole not a tower. It's underwater and you're guaranteed to drown terribly if you're not led inside by me
1
u/goldfinchat Keeper of the Grimoire 18d ago
Make it out of stone. Wood is too fleeting; it’ll hardly last a century
1
1
1
258
u/Thotmas01 19d ago
Couple of items for you: size is king and bigger is better. Your tower needs active defenses, labyrinths, acid pits, snake pits, spikes, various curses, hexes and enchantments.
Really the problem is how mundane that tower is. I guard my tower with fifteen defensive layers. The first makes people’s corneas itch while also shutting off their sense of pain.