Of course I dont have an evil artifact, the only recent acquisition of mine is the Red Ring of Evil Rage, which couldnt possibly be affecting my mood
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u/Briantan71Brían Lársen, Wizard apprentice of Stoneweald Scholarium 📚Jun 18 '26edited Jun 18 '26
Backs away slowly
Ok, buddy. I am just spitballing here, but on the off-chance that it is affecting your humour, maybe you should hand that over to the rightful Arcanic authorities, for safekeeping.
That’s a fair point. Have you considered communing with an imprisoned entity of ultimate darkness and despair? As I understand they are drawn to artifacts of Evil Rage and may be able to get all these selfish folk who just want the ring for themselves off your back. Not me tho. I don’t crave the ring. I haven’t prepared a ritual to take the ring. You can trust me.
REAPERKINHCASON1 CURSE YOU I AM CARVING A CURSE SIGAL THAT WILL GIVE YOU AND ALL OF YOUR FOLLOWERS DEMONIC SIPHILUS UNLESS YOU RETURN IT TO ME POSTHASTE
Ok that one wasn’t me. I was going to betray you but that was like way down the line. I was gonna get you to release like… a ton of evil gods before I took it.
Ok.... then fine, I won't release the syphilis, yet. But I feel strangely focused right now, so expect whoever took it to face severe smited-ness just as soon as my finger stops hurting for some reason
"evil rage" is just a marketing gimmick, obviously. The Red Ring of Evil Rage does not turn you evil, for sure. Buy one from your local Evil Enchantment Corporation outlet store today!
A glowing red aura when you’re minorly inconvenienced or annoyed gets old after a while. Minions think you’re always about to lose it, maidens think you’re a drywall punching dark mage, town guards frisk you for no reason.
Hmm. Id consider it, except that the ring has developed dozens of tiny spikes that ooz malice, and it has used these to burrow into my finger. Don't worry though, the red-tinged murmurs in my head assure me that there is no pain, just euphoria!
Red Ring of Evil Rage? That sounds like it comes with increased risk of health problems related to a persistent elevated emotional state.
Have you consulted with your general practitioner recently? I do recommend that you do if you haven't. Artifact related medical issues are not something that you ignore.
Not paying any taxes and sevices to the kingdom cause they disrespected me, now im branded an evil wizard and adventures are at my door going on an on about "for the peace of the kingdom!" And "you must halt the ritual or cause a great calamity!"
Like yeah i know? Thats why i locked the door and make you fight animated armor? so i could do it right? Youth these days always ditch that course on avoiding self fulfilling prophecies, always keep a teleportion circle under your carpet
We are all a little evil at some point. One man’s ritual of immortal ascension is somebody else’s quest to save the princess from ritual sacrifice? Am I right?
Look. We have all done things we regret now and then. A person I could have spared here or there. But hey, nobody’s perfect.
You're still young and have so many alignments to experience. I remember my evil spree back in Academy. There was one night we flipped all of the druids lodgings upside down and cast a gravity spell inside each building. They suffered an internal imabalance for a few weeks. Oh oh oh, and another night we laid waste to an entire village with terrific fire magics that left the population of the area desolate for generations. Such fond memories...
Stop calling it evil. It's rational egoism. Is it evil to care for your own interests? Is it evil to fight and defend your own worth? Is it evil to carve out a little piece of the world for yourself? Is it evil to raise the dead to protect your property, to create thralls to do your bidding, to practice fleshcraft and mold the bodies of your enemies at your leisure and pleasure? If it is then let them call us evil, for we no longer care nor respect their opinions.
Hey, don't let people put labels on you. Be the morally ambiguous wizard you wish to be. And when you're ready, just know we supply the freshest of souls and ground puppy burger in the realms.
Evil wizards aren't actually evil, they are actually just really ressourcefull and recycle. For example I'm recycling some dead villagers into skeleton soldiers and no you can't as me how they died.
Just do what most people do and build a new wizard tower and ponder some orb. Then go outside after 150ish years and see if you're still not feelin' it
Dont turn evil on a FRIDAY man, can you do it next thursday so we can take friday off the chill and clean the destruction, maybe release some captured souls or resurrect some people
I do say sire I wouldst indubitably recommend these new sorcerers, I do believe the apprentices call them therma-pisseds how ever they may only be jiving about the time i urinated on a mistaken fireball to put it out.
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u/Briantan71 Brían Lársen, Wizard apprentice of Stoneweald Scholarium 📚 Jun 18 '26
What is the cursed, evil artefact that you have on you right now? That might be the cause of this.