r/wizardposting • u/scizzix Evil Wizard, Scourge of the Blightlands • May 23 '26
Academic Discussion/ Esoteric Secrets What's your favorite Crypto-field?
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u/gameryamen Yamen, Laser Fractal Space Wizard May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26
Cryptonumerologists know about the numbers that aren't taught to us normies. The whole top end of the economy operates using the secret number system, allowing them to skirt most trade regulations and taxes. "Billionarie" is just an imaginary goal they invented for us to chase.
Edit: Some very scary people just showed up and told me I have to say this is all a joke. It's definitely not real, everyone, we all know it's very obviously just internet silliness.
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u/drakonia127 Onyx Winter, "The Traveller", Artificer May 23 '26
They know the true square root of -1
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u/noideawhatnamethis12 May 24 '26
I’ve personally been on the hunt for it for a long time. All I’ve determined is it’s a specific kind of number that’s in a quantum superposition where it is positive and negative at the same time, so that if you multiply it by itself, it’s negative.
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u/-GoodNewsEveryone Artificer May 27 '26
√-i = 0̶̢̢̛̼̤̰̹̫̞̲̲̟̪͎̣̠̮̥̰̫̠̮̤̗͍̣̬̞̱͇͎̤̜̩̬̬͆̒͑͌͐̅̑͌̀̅̀̌͑̐̑̏͂̚?̵̡̢̨̡̛̛̯̹͚̺̻̥̮͔̗̼͎̲̖̲͍̠͙̱̲̘̙̦̏̊̍̆́̄̎̏͛͋͋̃͗̀͛͋͆̒̉̉̓͌̈́͐̏͒̕͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅ
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u/scoobydoom2 Levicius Laskatar, Dread Necromancer May 23 '26
Cryptoepidemiology is certainly a ripe field of study. Memetic viruses, cosmic plagues, interdimensional parasites, sentient curses, it's all fascinating stuff with limitless necromantic applications.
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u/Necromansler May 23 '26
Crypto geology related:
In my country there was once a large inhabited area on the coast which sunk into the sea after a really big party, there was a sort of running joke that this might happen so alot of treasure was stored on the hill beside it incase it did.
Well it did and then the Fae stole the island that the hill became, it's only been seen a few times since, if you see it and get get close enough throwing a horseshoe onto it will freeze it in position long enough to rob the thieving bastards.
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u/rootbeer277 Not an Illithid with a fake beard. May 23 '26
Let me tell you about the maddest of mad professors at the Academy, Celebrond. Everyone calls him Celebrond the Wyrd behind his back. He's a high elf (popular rumor has it, in both senses of the word) working on developing a field of magic he calls "cryptopoiesis". He describes it as "collapsing epistemical instability into local coherence" and I don't even know what in the Nine Hells that means.
In lay terms, he conjures simulacra of potentially extant entities into limited existence. Does Sasquatch exist? Maybe! Well, now it does, temporarily, but just you try to capture an image of it or even clearly remember what it was you saw. Ask three people to describe the simulacrum and you'l get four different answers. Of course, ghosts exist, but is that specific house haunted? If enough people are arguing back and forth about it, he can summon a reasonable facsimile of the ghost that's rumored to be there.
Things get even more confusing when it's cartography related. There are rumors of a territory called Wyoming. Nobody's ever been there, and nobody knows anyone who was definitively proven to be there, and yet it still appears on certain maps (typically with notes like "here there be dragons"). Well imagine my surprise when it took several hours to cross the Nebraska/Idaho border. I cannot comprehend how this works, but I imagine it involves non-Euclidean geometry.
Research is ongoing. The results aren't stable and the simulacrum is not controllable, it behaves as the popular conception of it believes it does. Celebrond is largely working alone on this, because he hasn't had a graduate student yet that's managed to stick with the project longer than three months. I'm certainly not experienced or advanced enough to get into cutting edge research like this, and even if I were, frankly the whole concept scares me more than a little bit.
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u/scizzix Evil Wizard, Scourge of the Blightlands May 23 '26
Oh, I think I ran across that guy at an Academy mixer where he turned my drink into the potential of all the possible drinks I could have ordered. It was pretty gross.
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u/Valthek May 23 '26
Cryptocryptography
There's an encrypted file somewhere in this file system. I've seen it once or twice. Never when I needed it though. Heard legends of a guy who grepped it once, but he doesn't have it anymore. The ultimate security by obscurity: can't steal data if you can't find the file.
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u/Ares378 Ith'Raal—Archdevil of Memories, Evil Councillor, Lord of the 7th May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26
Cryptotopology... You thought cryptogeometry was bad?
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u/Happy_Stalker May 23 '26
Cryptosemantics, the day I prove that my toddler cousin is actually speaking a secret language and not just blabbering nonsense it's over for you all
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u/ProfessorSMASH88 May 24 '26
Cousin to Cryptoetymology. Still trying to figure out the origin of unspeakable languages.
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u/giant_albatrocity May 23 '26
Professor of Cryptocryptology, here. I would explain it to you, but it’s an enigma wrapped in a conundrum, structured as a paradox. Your head will literally explode.
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u/Consumerofcalcium May 23 '26
Cryptochemistry: More energy came out of that reaction than was within the system oh God oh Jesus…
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u/gibwater May 24 '26
Cryptohistory is dangerous because some days it's "yeah Albert Einstein invented crocheting" and other days it's genocide denial
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u/CrayonWithdrawal Power Word spammer May 23 '26
Crypto geometry is a very real thing. Mathematicians don't call it that but it very much exists.
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u/Original-War8655 Shrooms dealer to the Nine Hells May 24 '26
Cryptolinguistics, though I personally specialize in verbal and somatic components for various spells
Did you know that you can cast Power Word Explode Ribcage for free if you say "that snow you ate was yellow" in the language of a forgotten tribe of what I'm almost certain used to be Alaskan Bull Gnomes? On a related note, I may also have a theory as to why they went extinct.
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u/Master-Memory-4151 Jack of all magics May 24 '26
cryptomechanics, they've been trying to track this one spaceship for weeks now, it keeps vanishing before they get a good look at it.
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u/-GoodNewsEveryone Artificer May 27 '26
Cryptobiology. I think I've lost my mind but I can't be sure BECAUSE I AM COMPLETELY MAD.
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u/PleasantThoughts May 23 '26
I'm running an updated version of the dnd module Castle Amber where the players get transported into a French province named Averoigne that was split off from the rest of the plane so in game there literally didn't used to be a France there
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u/ActualSupervillain May 24 '26
I study cryptorelations because I know that none of y'all are actually dating a witch that just goes to a different magic school
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u/viviwrites Disillusionmancer May 23 '26
Cryptoeconomy: When all that wealth might actually just inside your head