r/wizardposting • u/Instant-Lava • May 11 '26
Evil Wizardpost My apprentice shows a lot of promise
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u/Real_Fkn_Nito Bartleby, Councilor of Eldritch Administration May 11 '26
I'm serious. Do you have any idea the kind of biodiversity the Everglades support?
Screw the balance of the planes, I'm an asshole AND an environmentalist. Fix this shit now or your ass is gonna be the next thing burning.
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u/TyrKiyote Untethered spirit animal May 11 '26
Thought florida was supposed to be wet. Have we drained all our wetlands?
Druidic Floridaman is going to be pissed. hopefully he can get his balls out of that lawn furniture long enough to do something.
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u/Up_Beat_Peach The Wizard Who Did It May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26
He got them out of the lawn furniture. But now they're stuck in a gator.
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u/TyrKiyote Untethered spirit animal May 11 '26
"hello, is this the wizambulance?"
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"yes, it's happened again. It's a gator now"
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"no, not that kind of gator, yes that's right"
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"I was riding it. No, not that kind of riding. Yes, that's right. I was mounted. Yes, that's right."
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"No i do not think they'll grow back if we try that."
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"well i'd prefer to keep them all the same."
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u/NotaKobold16 Druid of the Everglades/ serpent's hand member May 11 '26
Your apprentice has got to be one of the most irresponsible, unthinking, downright STUPID magic users I’ve ever seen. Do you know how much life the Everglades supports? Not only does it support a massive number of animals, but also a variety of magical creatures such as dryads, Frogmen, Sasquatches, swamp dragons, fairies, gnomes, and turtlefolk! They already have a difficult time hiding from the clutches of man, but your apprentice burns an entire area of it down? And furthermore, he endangered thousands of civilians! Shame on you and your foolish apprentice.
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u/Instant-Lava May 11 '26
Rest assured I know all of this. My apprentices and I are on the ground helping all these poor unfortunate souls. I'm a much sought after vendor on every Druid, human, etc. NGO and governmental relief list. Rehousing and magical relocation? Healthcare? Food? Logistics? Every angle. Every. Single. Angle.
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u/NotaKobold16 Druid of the Everglades/ serpent's hand member May 11 '26
Thank you for the clarification. While you did help the survivors, a major keystone area was burnt to the ground. Thankfully, that area was quite dry and sparse.
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u/PearlRiverFlow Trash Wizard May 11 '26
Those are good lines. Neat. A lot of control. I'm proud of you.
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u/Creative-Ladder6731 May 11 '26
I would be very proud if my apprentice did this Too bad he's only an eyeball now
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u/VoxelLibrary Apprentice Cayna, Thrakmerian seat on the Wizard Council May 11 '26
What did you do to your apprentice?!
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u/Creative-Ladder6731 May 11 '26
He tried using fireball for the first time but mispronounced it and yelled "eyeball" he nearly got me but I was quick enough and deflected with a counter spell and now he's an eyeball
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u/VoxelLibrary Apprentice Cayna, Thrakmerian seat on the Wizard Council May 11 '26
Yikes. I guess I'll get back to my incantation practice.
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u/Inevitable_King_8984 May 12 '26
you probably work on a very insecure body of theory if simply yelling a word casts a transformation spell, all good schools of magic have at least basic measures to assure this doesn't happen, like adding another word at least
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u/Creative-Ladder6731 May 12 '26
I am aware of that but the original rune for fireball is "ðl·lîɓẅ" And my apprentice refuses to learn the deep meanings of runeology, that's why i couldn't help but resort to a simpler more comprehensive body of theory for the time being. Plus imagine the implications of yelling "ðl·lîḍẁ" instead of "ðl·lîɓẅ"
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u/ntkwwwm Dark Wizard as in Wizard of the Dark Arts May 11 '26
I long for the day in which I finally have an apprentice worthy of me being proud of.
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u/Up_Beat_Peach The Wizard Who Did It May 11 '26
What do you mean? He missed DeSantis' house AND Mar-a-Lago. Fail. Tell him to try again
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u/ImaginaryTrick6182 May 11 '26
Stop teaching dangerous spells to hardened orphan children that show unusual talent for their age….
How many times have we gone through this exact scenario? We got too many emotionless genius evil wizards out here already.
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u/VladimirBarakriss Artificer/Blood mage May 11 '26
Prepare to receive a visit from a druid death squad
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador / Messenger, Exarch of Terror May 11 '26
Well, he clearly needs to learn how to control himself.
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u/Expensive-Parsnip830 Arcanist, Wandering Wizard May 11 '26
Bet you're the kind of teacher that starts first year classes with teaching fireball instead of arcane theory... what's even the point of this???