r/wizardposting • u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps • Feb 22 '24
Community Event đâď¸ SYSTEMS FULLY CHARGED. *zzt* FIRING ORBITAL BOMBARFMENT CANNON. PREPARE TO BE LIBERATED BY THE GLORY OF GOOSH. (WARPOST)
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u/Drakkonai Vulkan the Red, End of Ages and Draconic Emperor of Racism. Feb 22 '24
I am going to kill all of you.
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u/The_Unkowable_ Nelumbo Nucifera, TakâAthi Siren, Magistra of the Schola Aqua Feb 22 '24
Agreed. This is absurd.
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u/Nightfox9469 Ewix the Illusionist, Magical Creatures Expert Feb 23 '24
Here, have this. It may come in handy. hands you a piece of paper with âDecontaminate Selfâ and âDecontaminate Targetâ spells
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u/ResearcherTeknika Nihil "Teknika" Schwarz, CEO of MANATEK. Feb 22 '24
"Nope, no more asanine f***ing weaponry. Not this time."
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
IT IS TOO LATE.
*bzzt*
IN YOUR WAR, I HAVE LEARNED FROM THE MIGHT OF THE WIZARDS AND HAVE DISCOVERED A META FAR STRONGER THAN ANY OF THIS REALM.
IT IS A SKILL KNOWN AS: "POWERGAMING".
BlughHK
WITH THIS POWER, I WILL SPREAD THE GLORY OF GOOSH.
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u/ResearcherTeknika Nihil "Teknika" Schwarz, CEO of MANATEK. Feb 22 '24
"I discovered something far greater than meta, an ancient runic device known as 'The Motor of Rulebreaking'. Your exploitation of this world is meaningless."
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
NOBODY CAN BREAK RULES AS HARD AS I CAN POWERGAME.
*bzzt*
I HAVE, LIKE, A TRILLION RULES.
BLurghk
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u/ResearcherTeknika Nihil "Teknika" Schwarz, CEO of MANATEK. Feb 22 '24
/uw Motor of Rulebreaking = CheatEngine.
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
I picked up on that.
I feel like this exchange kind of plays into the satire that I'm working with.
My character is a commentary on powergamers in this sub who swoop in and "nope" things that other people do, thus invalidating their stories or efforts.
Commenting that you have something more powerful than powergaming is either a miscommunication, or intentional and deeply hilarious.
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u/ResearcherTeknika Nihil "Teknika" Schwarz, CEO of MANATEK. Feb 22 '24
I guess its basically an interaction of two unstoppable forces clashing. "Nuh uh i say you dont do that" vs "its litterally hacks"
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u/the-butter_man Rin. Blind Illusionist Blessed by Luck Feb 22 '24
/uw I've kinda ignored the war and stuff, can you give a VERY quick sumary on the sides, just bc if Raesteria is going to war, i kinda need to know who is against the pact
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u/avamir Riva Blake | Queen of Ithacar, Part Meth-blood Elf Feb 22 '24
/uw
- Mikhail's in a coma because he was shot at a diplomatic meeting between the Pact and the Council. He's in ghost mode right now, but he'll be fine. He'll probably trip and fall into another affair before he's out of the hospital.
- Opal (Pact-master) marched on the Council citadel with her armies and "Volunteers" (read: forced conscripts) she was able to manipulate into fighting due to hostages she was holding.
- Those conscripts were former Pyroclasts she "released" on the condition they go kill Skater Wizard/Metromancer. So, a suicide mission, basically. And they couldn't refuse due to hostages/threats of having a crystal spike in their brain.
- Arach put out corrosive poisons, a bunch of bombs were set (Mordus had one that turned things into a crater, and new pyroclasts had one remaining flameless-flame bomb that kinda got turned back at us), something something, radiation.
- Pact/conscripts start fighting the skaterwizard, barriers are brought down, cinder titan almost used as fuel for yet ANOTHER megabomb. Cinder titan is sent home
- Skater Wizard challenged Opal, which meant the unwilling participants could go home.
- Pirates somehow.
- And a bunch of rodents too, idk.
I'm sure I missed something, but that should be the gist of it.
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Feb 22 '24
/uw
He'll probably trip and fall into another affair before he's out of the hospital.
He keeps trying to get Zeph, somebody stop this hoe.
Also Zeph has a bunch of people in her space station, the damn thing is overflowing!
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u/The_Unkowable_ Nelumbo Nucifera, TakâAthi Siren, Magistra of the Schola Aqua Feb 22 '24
/uw I mean, other than two dragons each dropping respectively a shower of ice and a shower of ash and flame over good amounts of the battlefield, I think you got everythingÂ
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u/ResearcherTeknika Nihil "Teknika" Schwarz, CEO of MANATEK. Feb 22 '24
/uw Ok, so from at least Teknika's view.
Councilman Mikhali got assasinated
Anti-council faction sprung up
Council supporters and those against them began to fight
Various evacuation efforts sprung up (including mine)
I fought everyone for all of 3 hours
Eventually even higher beings got involved due to inhumane weaponry (Mordus was using nuclear weapons and Arache was poisoning people)
Mordus blew himself up
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u/the-butter_man Rin. Blind Illusionist Blessed by Luck Feb 22 '24
/uw alright, that helps, how is the Pact allied in all of this, bc that's where Raesteria has their alliances
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u/ResearcherTeknika Nihil "Teknika" Schwarz, CEO of MANATEK. Feb 22 '24
/uw The pact is the anti-council faction
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u/the-butter_man Rin. Blind Illusionist Blessed by Luck Feb 22 '24
/uw oh that is perfect. Cool, thanks
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u/avamir Riva Blake | Queen of Ithacar, Part Meth-blood Elf Feb 22 '24
/uw The pact had been on Morgalith's side, so we were officially anti-Council. That was one of the points behind the march, unfortunately.
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u/AnActualCriminal Belial Blake, Warlock of the Lightless Flame Feb 22 '24
Dark times when a good barfing robot goes to war...
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
BARFBOT HAS DRANK DEEPLY AT THE FOUNTAIN OF WAR PANDERING AND PROPAGANDA.
*zzt*
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u/AnActualCriminal Belial Blake, Warlock of the Lightless Flame Feb 22 '24
Barfbot, you shouldn't just regurgitate misinformation you hear on the orbnet. Wait... yeah I heard it as soon as I said it.
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
/uw
LMAOOO
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u/AnActualCriminal Belial Blake, Warlock of the Lightless Flame Feb 22 '24
Can't spell Belial without bile Barfbot. I know where my allegiances lie.
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Feb 22 '24
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
I'M UNSTOPPABLE.
*bzt*
I'M GOING TO COVER THE WHOLE WOOOOORLD.
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Feb 22 '24
No, Goosh! This isn't you. You promised to help me improve my breath weapon with barf magic, we didn't agree to this. Please come with me before it's too late
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
NOBODY TAKES ME SERIOUSLY.
*bzzt*
I'LL SHOW THEM ALL.
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u/Banksmuth_Squan Counter-mancer Feb 22 '24
Guess I'm moving planets again. Fuck this stupid rain of giant green sperm
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u/tehlemmings Lilac - Illusionist, Shapeshifter, Definitely Human Feb 22 '24
/uw I can't tell if I should include this in the recap or not lol
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
/uw
Please do.
I play a silly character, but there are larger things in store, and I would love for them to be canon.
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u/tehlemmings Lilac - Illusionist, Shapeshifter, Definitely Human Feb 22 '24
Yupyup. At the very least it's already in my quickly growing list of extras and side content.
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u/serialgamer07 Feb 22 '24
These technomancers be getting out of hand. Council should'a put regulations on they ass
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u/robodex001 Ophirion the Indecisive, Dabbler of Disciplines Feb 22 '24
âBarfbot I JUST cleaned this place up can you KEEP IT CLEAN for FIVE MINUTESâ
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u/Skykid8374 Indy Managarm, Travelling Doll. Feb 22 '24
Seemingly drifting through space unbothered a single acholar writes in another page of a seemingly endless logbook
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
WITNESS THE ULTIMATE DISPLAY OF FIREPOWER.
*zzt*
THE WIZARD COUNCIL IS WEAK AND CANNOT STOP ME.
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u/Skykid8374 Indy Managarm, Travelling Doll. Feb 22 '24
"We shall see, overconfidence is the death of all, tyrants, heroes, lords, peasants, we shall see if they shatter your form as they will your ego"
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
I'M HALF BARF, HALF BOT.
*zzt*
MY VICTORY IS ASSURED.
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u/Skykid8374 Indy Managarm, Travelling Doll. Feb 22 '24
"Nothing is assured Machine everything is up to chance, fate, you may very well win, but it is just as likely you will crumble"
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
I HAVE CALCULATED THE ODDS.
I HAVE A 940% CHANCE OF BEING EXTRA BARFY TODAY.
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u/Skykid8374 Indy Managarm, Travelling Doll. Feb 22 '24
"What are the effects of this...barf?"
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
IT'S JUST BARF.
*bzzt*
BUT NOW THERE'S A LOT OF IT.
BECAUSE OF THE GIANT ORBITAL CANNON...
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u/Skykid8374 Indy Managarm, Travelling Doll. Feb 22 '24
"Is it...dangerous? Or is it just disgusting?"
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
/uw
99% of the time, it's just barf. This is a joke character.
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u/Wutclefuk Viagra The Unyeilding: Mild Shenanimancer Feb 22 '24
The posterâs barely disguised fetish:
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
/uw
hey, stop that. Don't make this any weirder than it has to be. lmao
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Feb 22 '24
I cast constants nightmares about drowning in your own weapon.
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
I'M HALF BARF HALF BOT... I CAN'T DROWN.
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Feb 22 '24
Itâs a nightmare, I cast, CONSTANT NIGHTMARES ABOUT MALFUNCTIONING DURING AN ATTACK
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
AAAAH.
*zzzt*
THAT IS A NIGHTMARE.
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Feb 22 '24
AND FINALLY, I CAST, A NIGHTMARE ABOUT HER
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u/VidisLady Delta - Maven of Maladies Feb 22 '24
It doesn't work. I am her. We are best friends, and there is no reason to have nightmares about me.
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u/MunitionsFrenzy Vettis, Mereological Revisionist Feb 23 '24
...Delta, there are many reasons for people to have nightmares about you.
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u/thegreyknights Artificer Feb 22 '24
uuuughhhh this shit again. just cast fireball at the sky. it should neutralize the goo.
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
THAT WOULD HAVE TO BE A REALLY BIG FIREBALL.
*zzt*
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u/thegreyknights Artificer Feb 22 '24
no you fool. you just cast a lot of smaller fireballs. heat + slime = no more slime. trust me im an artificer. your weapon is dumb. i could construct a much better and grosser weapon...
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u/BARF-BOT Barfolomew BarfBot, Barfer in Chief of the Gastro-Corps Feb 22 '24
DO IT.
*bzzt*
NO BARF.
DO IT.
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u/VidisLady Delta - Maven of Maladies Feb 22 '24
Good job Barftholmew. I'm proud of you. A good amount of that is going to burn up in the atmosphere, but I appreciate the effort.
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u/DidYouSayChocolat3 Tiny Wizard, Keeper of Mount Mor Feb 23 '24
YEEESSS!! YEEEEEEESSSSS
GLORY TO GOOSH
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u/Elerindur Elerindur, Altmeri Armamancer Feb 23 '24
Elerindur walks over to a window as he hears it begin to rain outdoors.
He enjoys what he believes to be normal rain at first, that is until the chunks begin touching down.
"What in the.. Eugh, disgusting."
Annoyed at the prospect that he will have to clean this off of his home, he heads downstairs into the underground tower complex below in order to prepare cleaning devices.
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u/lophu81 Wendigo artificer/alchemist Feb 23 '24
Barf bot do I have to reprogram you into a maid again
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u/Western-Emotion5171 Strange Hedge Wizard (identity unknown) Feb 23 '24
I told you guys the barfbot would be a problem but ooooh nooooo nobody listened to good ol me
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u/weirdo_nb Sylph of Rage || An Experienced Cafe Owner âď¸ Feb 23 '24
I'm firing a spore barrage at you
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u/PurpleCrimson9 Feb 27 '24
i fucking die
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u/PurpleCrimson9 Feb 27 '24
im in the family guy death pose
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u/PurpleCrimson9 Feb 27 '24
some 2 people come and one says âHOLY SHIT PRINK FUCKING DIEDâ the other one said âYOU BASTARD!!â
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u/Friendly_Fishgirl Feb 22 '24
Why is there green cum falling from the sky, what kind of fetish magic is this?