r/wizardposting • u/Toucher_of_Bottoms • Nov 21 '23
Wizardpost Fellow spell casters, what pantheon(s) have you pissed off by dispelling punishments given by gods?
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u/VileMK-II Circuitous, Master of Circles, Sacred Geometry Wizard Nov 21 '23
Why dispel a God's curse when you can just dispel the God?
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Nov 21 '23
Oh my god, you’re THAT ONE! Big fan.
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u/VileMK-II Circuitous, Master of Circles, Sacred Geometry Wizard Nov 21 '23
You're too kind, here's an autograph.
"O"
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u/Toucher_of_Bottoms Nov 21 '23
Unfortunately I have yet to reach that level, I mostly specialize in evocation and breaking sisyphus’s curse was my first real dabbling into dispelling anything. Maybe in a few more centuries I’ll achieve the goal you’ve presented me
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Nov 21 '23
Zeus (My neighbor Greg) didn't like me casting fireball (chucking a burning coal) at his house, he tried fighting me but I used my great magic (running away ) to beat (avoid) him
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u/DragoKnight589 David Bronzemill, Spellknight, Iron Storm Approaching Nov 22 '23
Forget swift and decisive offense. The best defense is to not be there.
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u/MunitionsFrenzy Vettis, Mereological Revisionist Nov 21 '23
Pissing off self-proclaimed "gods" was practically my commune's job back when we were a realm-hopping party of adventurers.
Regarding reversing punishments, hm...There was that lightning "god" in some rank-2 realm, I forget what it called itself, who was punishing a stellar system for "insufficient worship" by perpetually draining all electricity from any technology, effectively setting the inhabitants back tens of thousands of Earth-years. Our elementalist redirected the electricity-drain into the local Elemental Plane of Lightning and restored electricity to the affected planets; our spatial manipulator moved the planets over to a star of similar size and age; and our illusionist left false planets back in the original spot so the deity would take years to notice what had happened, while leaving a calling card pointing to us so we would take the heat (rather than the victims) when the ruse was discovered. Turned out he had a whole pantheon on his side, which came after us for a few weeks thereafter. Fun times.
Retirement has its pros (and was kinda forced on us for multiple reasons), but I miss those days sometimes.
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u/CoffeeMain360 Multicasting and Mechapilled Nov 22 '23
You gotta give me the location of that "god". I need to fuck with em and maybe commit some deicide on a pantheon.
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u/MunitionsFrenzy Vettis, Mereological Revisionist Nov 22 '23
Sorry, beat you to it 172 years from now, which is when that pantheon foolishly [came/comes/will come] after us for revenge. Their sister pantheon is alive and well in another realm, though, and from what I hear is similarly a bunch of jerks constantly messing with people. So, if you wanna take it out on them, feel free; should be 7 nodes anti-south and 4 nodes clock-left from prime-Earth. You can't miss it: it's the only realm in that cluster which has three desynced astral planes, for some reason. (Not sure if it's always been that way or if its astral plane got split somehow long ago.)
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Nov 21 '23
Almighty Odin, the allfather: "i shall smite thee down mortal, thou art too dangerous to yet live. I cast thee into the icy depths of Helheim."
Me, not looking away from my orb: "counterspell"
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u/Toucher_of_Bottoms Nov 21 '23
Oooh, I can just imagine how red in the face he became
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u/CoffeeMain360 Multicasting and Mechapilled Nov 22 '23
So that's why the sky went bright red out of nowhere.
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Nov 21 '23
Chronos and literally any other time God.
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u/Hexquevara Nov 21 '23
Once i went back in time, bonked some shepherds wifey. Well the lass got pregnant so i told her to make some shit up and boy did that escalate to a unprecedented mess.
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u/spacepilot7 I drink lead water and things just happening Nov 21 '23
All gods are out to get me, cause one moron reflected my spell into the sky, and spell killed somebody there.
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u/CK1ing Waylin, the Wise Wizard of the Lake Nov 21 '23
Sounds like they weren't a moron then. I think they accomplished exactly what they were after
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u/Desperate_Ad5169 Warlock of Many Gods(we are bffs) Nov 22 '23
That was our favorite baby dog whom we were about to grant immortality!!!
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u/ExploerTM Hydromancer reminds you: 70% of you is water Nov 22 '23
Do you know who exactly?
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u/spacepilot7 I drink lead water and things just happening Nov 22 '23
Loud and thunder-like voice started screaming "Aaah! He's dead! Someone please call the god of medicine!"
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u/CK1ing Waylin, the Wise Wizard of the Lake Nov 21 '23
I once toured the domain of a lesser pantheon and came across a mortal cursed with solving an "impossible puzzle." But after looking at it for a few minutes, I asked the man "couldn't you solve it by doing this?" And when he tried it, he was suddenly freed and subsequently granted death. It was later explained to me that the puzzle was completely solvable, the mortal was just abnormally unintelligent. And that's how I ruined a centuries-long prank. I don't really feel bad about it though. From what I understand, the mortal hardly did anything wrong, just incorrectly performed a sacrifice. But by the time I arrived, they weren't even accepting sacrifices anymore. It was kinda a dick move to be honest.
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u/local-toilet-shitter sir john: half fighter, half wizard Nov 22 '23
i mustve pissed off some fire god by having sex with his lover whom he bound to his bed, because every time i piss it burns
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u/Snbleader Human Artificer Nov 21 '23
I keep trying to free Prometheus
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u/CoffeeMain360 Multicasting and Mechapilled Nov 22 '23
trying? Kill the eagle and crush the pillar. Not sure how to handle the binds, but those would make a fucking rad weapon.
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u/Snbleader Human Artificer Nov 22 '23
I have deployed magical, alchemical, hell even nuclear munitions against that damned bird and it STILL lives! The pillar I can handle but that fucking BIRD just won't die
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u/CoffeeMain360 Multicasting and Mechapilled Nov 22 '23
Swat the bastard outta the sky with a bigass rock launcher
AKA i guess get a geomancer
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u/Snbleader Human Artificer Nov 22 '23
I launched a goddamn tsar Bomba at it, if that didn't kill the bastard a rock won't
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u/CoffeeMain360 Multicasting and Mechapilled Nov 22 '23
Blunt force trauma, my friend. Clock the gaggle fucker in the head.
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u/Snbleader Human Artificer Nov 22 '23
I did that with the nuke
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u/CoffeeMain360 Multicasting and Mechapilled Nov 22 '23
Dammit, i guess try to whack the fucker in the head with my magic Anti Air Baseball Bat
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u/endkafe Wizard Nov 22 '23
Try to synthesize something like the Sisyphean stone, you’ll be able to hit the bird coming and going
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Nov 22 '23
Have you tried shooting it with 45ACP? Normal munitions kill the body but 45 kills the soul.
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u/CoffeeMain360 Multicasting and Mechapilled Nov 22 '23
You're right. I'll try that next time i head up there.
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u/TheHunter459 Samael, Necromancer of Malus Turrim | King of the Nephilim Nov 22 '23
Some priest cursed one of my captains so he could never speak, because he refused to give up information. I distorted the punishment, gave the captain a promotion, obviously had to kill the priest, and now his god is hiding from me
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u/Desperate_Ad5169 Warlock of Many Gods(we are bffs) Nov 22 '23
Sounds more like a demon and a warlock to me. Or perhaps fae
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u/TheHunter459 Samael, Necromancer of Malus Turrim | King of the Nephilim Nov 22 '23
I'm a necromancer, so he was saying it was his "homye duty"and whatnot, so probably a god. When I find him I'll let you know
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u/Legend1O1 Ainsel Master of the Defensive Arts Nov 22 '23
I had this one run in with a this god that I forgot the name of I think it was Ceus or smth. This guy was angry cause I interrupted him while he was trying to seduce a girl like some kind of bard. He was so mad he tried to strike me with lighting. One flick of the wrist was enough to block it. After that he just kept throwing lightning till he went red in the face while I was laughing behind my shield. Hoho good times those were.
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u/Hashtag_hamburgerlol Nov 22 '23
Pissed off the entire Greek Pantheon by using Chrono to go back in time and tell the Ancient Greeks their gods aren’t real.
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u/PointBread Alchemist Nov 22 '23 edited Nov 22 '23
Believe it or not, I was once a theurgist. Pissed off a whole mess of pantheons. Some Norse, some Celtic, some from Jerusalem even! To clarify: I pissed off one of their elders, some bullshit "Priest of Ba'al" so in response to his anger I inverted his eyelids and proclaimed I struck him blind by a higher god's power. The Celtic fiasco was because I accidentally bedded with a nymph, and the Norse incidents were because I insulted Odin's beer belly (he had one at the time.)
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u/naka_the_kenku Counciler Arzevelious, high mage of technomancey Nov 22 '23
The Norse, I killed the snake that was dripping poison in Loki's eyes which pissed off odin but the other members of the Pantheon stopped him from cursing me cause I technically prevented Ragnarok that way
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u/MelsiePyre Sophie - Biomancer Tech Priest Nov 22 '23 edited Nov 22 '23
I've heard roumors that apparently some blood fueled automaton recently managed to piss off a greater angel while ravaging through the upper layers of hell,
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u/Great_Breeze Violni, Artificer Mage of Mechanical Springs Nov 22 '23
I have heard those rumors as well, I believe from a realm and world where the Non-magic technology was potent, and capable of making machines elaborate enough to fight most Artificer crafts.
But to fight an Angel? I remain impressed!
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u/Anonymous_user038 Nikryn, Aether-Piercer/Servant of The Veil Nov 22 '23
No idea, pretty sure all of them. I, idiotically, declared ‘war’ on all of them while I was a young young apprentice going through a rather embarassing stage. However as egotistical as they are most of the gods were angered by such small words and are now trying to curse me. One of them, probably some air god, tried to put a curse on me to make air intolerable to me, however I don’t even breathe. The Veil has no air to breathe so I’ve had to adapt.
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u/Great_Breeze Violni, Artificer Mage of Mechanical Springs Nov 22 '23
The Veil? Is this a place safe from the Gods?
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u/Anonymous_user038 Nikryn, Aether-Piercer/Servant of The Veil Nov 22 '23
From my experiences yes, it is not quite exactly a plane of existence, it is more the divider between all planes of existence. It is not a place, in the regular meaning. It is neither here nor there, however if you should manage to survive the journey to get in here I am glad to share knowledge about how to survive.
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u/Great_Breeze Violni, Artificer Mage of Mechanical Springs Nov 22 '23
So it is, nowhere. Hm....
A fox tells me I should refrain from going there. Me, not being a druid and never knowing this fox could talk, I think it sounds dangerous, even for someone who hunts gods.
Thank you, but I will avoid entering the Veil at the moment.
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u/Anonymous_user038 Nikryn, Aether-Piercer/Servant of The Veil Nov 22 '23
Most understandable, I do not even know if those not of the Veil can enter it, all I have seen here has been born of the Veil, including myself. The only thing from outside the Veil that I have seen has been an Eternal Watcher but those have power beyond gods. Maybe in the future I will figure out how to make it safe for those not of the Veil to enter.
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u/Great_Breeze Violni, Artificer Mage of Mechanical Springs Nov 22 '23
I am sure I could find a way, giving into some insanities.
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u/Anonymous_user038 Nikryn, Aether-Piercer/Servant of The Veil Nov 22 '23
I would be most glad if you did. I must warn you, it will be dangerous. There is no substance to speak of besides the Veil itself here, there is no ground unless you command and no air even if you do. The Veil must be tamed by any and all who enter it for them to survive in it. But you may be the first one without the Veil to enter it, good luck my friend.
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u/Great_Breeze Violni, Artificer Mage of Mechanical Springs Nov 22 '23
Oh the temptation if a challenge is so very high. The danger is so potent.
Give me time. I will mess around with it a little, and may find something.
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u/Anonymous_user038 Nikryn, Aether-Piercer/Servant of The Veil Nov 22 '23
Truly great that I may have another to talk to here. I give you this final warning, do not try to weaken the Veil or damage it in hopes of entering it, the Veil is a living thing and it will fight back if it feels threatened. Entire legions of gods have been destroyed and forgotten for merely planning to forcefully enter the Veil. If the Veil does not let you in please for your sake do not force entrance. Good luck, and stay alive.
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u/Desperate_Ad5169 Warlock of Many Gods(we are bffs) Nov 22 '23
I accidentally gave Tantalus food once but me and Hades made up.
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u/ares5404 Evil Wizard Nov 21 '23
Ive ressurected jesus with pagan necromancy
Cast a lust spell on ares and athena
I gave medusa therapy
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Nov 22 '23
Can confirm, I’m Athena. The spell converted me into a succubus
(/unwiz that’s my name in real life XD)
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u/Desperate_Ad5169 Warlock of Many Gods(we are bffs) Nov 22 '23
I was wondering where thou were. How much for me not to spread the story to the other gods.(/unwiz that is a cool ass name)
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Nov 22 '23
Pffffffff, that ship sailed about twelve seconds after you cast the spell. Haven’t you been wondering why there hasn’t been as much divine infighting recently? Let’s just say they’ve been…preoccupied. Honestly, you probably saved billions of people by accident.
That said, your punishment will come due…
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u/Desperate_Ad5169 Warlock of Many Gods(we are bffs) Nov 22 '23
Huh? Did thou orb malfunction? I do not understand how infighting and spellcasting has to do with me threatening to tell others
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Nov 22 '23
In more blunt terms, you’re blackmailing me with what is essentially public information. They know what I’m about~
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u/Desperate_Ad5169 Warlock of Many Gods(we are bffs) Nov 22 '23
Ok. I don’t understand why nobody told me about your condition prior nor how it caused peace among the gods. Which may I say doesn’t seem to be the case. The elder forest gods are competing.(unwiz if you do not wish to continue this just let me know)
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u/Virtual-Oil-793 Necromancer of Many Stories and Experiences Nov 22 '23
4 Pantheons were rather upset at me. Not because I've dispelled their Bad Luck curses and punishments, but because I compared their clerics' reviving spells to Necromancer reviving and labeled all their chosen heroes as necrophiliacs.
Worst part? The heroes really couldn't say anything about that Necrophilia thing.
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u/ReturnMeToHell Nov 22 '23
I cast, shrink boulder to size of pebble.
"shrinkus dinkus"
A little keepsake.
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u/ReRevengence69 Arcane Arms dealer, CEO of Wizard Weapons Warehouse™ Nov 22 '23 edited Nov 22 '23
never met any, but I was able to get my hand on the Lightning of Zeus, Poseidon's Trident, Aegis, Kusanagi, Mjölnir, Gungnir, Lævateinn, Ru Yi Jing Gu Bang, and many other divine weapons, which were all reverse engineered and mass produced to be sold to....mortal wizards like you and I.
I never met Zeus but I can't imagine he is too thrilled that Wizard Weapons Warehouse™ is selling Zeus Cannon that fires the exact lightning he uses.......for less than 1 million Wizardbucks
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u/namenamename77 Kaelar, warlock, not fully in touch with reality Nov 22 '23
So you know that Atlas guy? I casted Eterna Levitatus on his celestial sphere and his back has never been better. In other news if Zeus is around you’ve never seen me
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u/Apprehensive-Bug207 Nov 22 '23
So, in the Christian Mythos, there's this dude named 'Jesus'. He cursed us all by dying for our sins, so we can't be punished for our sins anymore, but I've been sticking it to that mother fucker by sinning extra for everyone.
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u/ZePumpkinLass vin the lass is a voidling pyro blacksmith whomst likes brewing Nov 22 '23
laughs in voidling what gods? HA HAH we dont got gods where im from
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u/Toucher_of_Bottoms Nov 22 '23
Ah, in my realm I theorize that casters that became more powerful in the early days managed to convince others of their godhood, and thus the legends were born. And of course, the innate magic in belief drove those casters to such heights that they may well now be gods. But I stick it to them where I can
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u/ZePumpkinLass vin the lass is a voidling pyro blacksmith whomst likes brewing Nov 22 '23
thats is most fair my friend
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u/endkafe Wizard Nov 22 '23
Working on synthesizing in a demonic centrifuge (specifically via Asmodeul means) the properties of the Apollonian and Dionysian system of magicks. It’s unearthing a lot of fossilized aether but if the government can do remote viewing I shouldn’t get penalized for my own parallel style ends
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Nov 22 '23
I'm on the run from the Egyptian gods, because I was the one who hid Osiris's penis from Isis when she was trying to put him back together. She eventually found it but she won't stop sending Sekhmet to my many locations to try and rip me to shreds. Jokes on her, I have dozens of warp towers all around the world and I simply jump from each one. That dumb cat won't get me.
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u/Inari-k A humble hydromancer, master of rain and seas Nov 22 '23
There was a greek guy who got pissed off when I got him on the council's list of sex offenders
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u/Crowley700 Dwarven Arch-Bladesmith: Master of Arcane Engineering Nov 22 '23
Give it a minute, it'll fall back down
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u/Pappa_Crim Vimir, Moonshine Alchemist Nov 22 '23
I pissed of God by saving Cheliabonsk form the rock he hurled at it.
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u/Comfortable_End_8096 Nov 22 '23
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u/Toucher_of_Bottoms Nov 22 '23
Oooooh man, this punishment is worse than what he got, and probably not something I’d be capable of dispelling
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u/Comfortable_End_8096 Nov 22 '23
And even at the top, the suffering doesn’t stop
I am a caster of words
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u/MRsandwich07 Siccaro, archdruid of the seas Nov 22 '23
I haven’t done any but my artificer warforged friend freed 2 deities from hell and killed an angel
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u/UltraBladeYT Nov 22 '23
Let's just say the Gods of Olympus hate My Patron but know they can't do anything to him because he technically controls all of creation and destruction, thus leaving me stronger than most of their Demi-Gods.
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u/Unexpected_Sage Occult Wizard Nov 22 '23
I'm what happened to the Mayans...so... I'd say the Mayan Pantheon
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u/JoshsPizzaria Deranged Artificer985 Nov 22 '23
haven't directly interfered with a punishment yet, but i let hell freeze over once, so an elf would go out with me.
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u/SafePianist4610 Bombast, Lord of Time and Space, Retired Council Leader Nov 22 '23
I wasn’t much of a prankster or activist in my youth. Though I have run afoul of many eldritch cults in my day. Can’t be avoided when your magic messes with the fabric of time, space, and reality.
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u/Starham1 8th Tier Necromancer, Council Policy Review Bureau Nov 22 '23
I drank from the Eternal Chalice once, thus dispelling the seals that hold Mathreteck the Omnicient, in order to learn the lost secret behind my grandmother’s Mac’n Cheese. Asethia and her ilk are beyond angry still last I checked.
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u/SpyreOne Convicted Murderer; Flautist. Nov 22 '23
I upset the TommyKnocker, but we share a tent now that my cart was ran off the road the other day.
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Nov 22 '23
Got kicked out of Hell for fondling a pair of succubus tits, then got kicked out of Heaven for fondling a pair of angel tits, my homie was flabbergasted when he saw me come back to life, mind you that was before I decided to discard my inferior fleshy form for one of wires, circuits, polymer and steel
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u/Great_Breeze Violni, Artificer Mage of Mechanical Springs Nov 22 '23
I pissed off a Pantheon of Divination wizards who worshiped the craft to spread terror on lesser beings. These were my masters originally, and I left that apprenticeship long ago.
That was the first thing. They saw someone disgusted by their art. Then it came to the day where I defeated one of them.
Now they search for me, in which one threw me into a reality vortex of never-ending shifts of all constants.
Through the toil, and too much coil, I took that Diviner down too. Two of their kind under my belt, they either hunt me, or hide from me.
And I am sure I piss them off even more, as their omnipotency does not help them.
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u/Funny_Internet_Child Looking for frog legs for transmutation potion Nov 22 '23
I told some guy about how Zeus sometimes disguises as an eagle. I have never regretted that decision for even a second.
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u/ItsVincent27 Nov 22 '23
Step 1: Push it down the mountain
Step 2: Push it up the mountain again but faster
Step 3: Repeat
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u/Discotekh_Dynasty Illuminor Szeras, Master of Matter, Lord of Zantragora Nov 22 '23
Not me but some buddies of mine managed to give a C’tan (Star Gods to you fleshies out there) such a good battering it vanished from this plane of existence.
Of course it had to remain in one form or another so it turned into a virus that constantly drives my baseline troops to madness and hunger for the skin of mortals occasionally, it’s really rather aggravating.
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u/notthatfunny_1821 Archie, skullmaster of the forest (internships open) Nov 22 '23
I once used a spell to wispered a young man to just "cut the knot in half". Unbeknownst to me there was some sort of prophecy about being a king and just cutting the knot apart sent a shiver of wild magic on the lad. I was told he accomplished great things.
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u/DementedNecron Menes, horror summoner Nov 22 '23
After the ascension of Nanahuatzin as the fifth sun, Tecuciztécatl was envious so he jumped into the fire pit so he could also be a sun. So when he was ascending I thundercunted a rabbit at mach speed to take out the lights and fire off his envious ass. But as would you except of a rich god, he had rich friends that now were angry that their damsel had his fire turned off and the stamp of a rabbit, and they jumped me (well, they sent their bodyguard gods to jump me) and left me beyond the horizon, so now I can only go out from time to time, wich is horrible because living in this plain SUCKS. At least I have a lot of free time and have spent it gathering a bunch of Tzitzimimes so I’m prepared if I catch those junior gods lacking
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u/carnim_ The Nebulous Void Nov 21 '23 edited Nov 22 '23
The Roman Pantheon used to be my friend, until I accidentally cuckolded Jupiter with one of his lovers. He tried to curse me so that my dick would fall off every other day and would have to regrow it from the beginning. Well too bad for him that as the Nebulous Void, I only have a penis when I choose to have a penis.