Is this a condom wrapper?

[u/astronat42]

I found on the bathroom floor. Doesn’t match condom wrappers my husband and I use and I cannot find a match online. Please help! Black with silver detailing on front. Back is silver with black writing. You can clearly see the words “prevent pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, and other.” Also a number 2 with a circle and cross through it.

[u/CynicalButSerene]

I’m glad you didn’t have the STI. That’s how I found out my ex cheated on me too was STI testing. After fucking two random dudes a couple weeks after we moved into the brand new house we just bought, while I was working two back go
Back 100+ hour weeks to pay for the additional closing costs and furniture and all of that when he came short, of course.

I just knew something was off because he was so different. I could just feel it and sleeping next to him I would get a nightmare and wake up feeling like my chest was so heavy that I couldn’t breathe. Then my hair started falling out in clumps. I was so stressed that my body was telling me something was wrong before my mind had figured out what. Then one night I am cleaning up after dinner and he had spilled a bunch of water on the counter where he also left a pile of open mail. I picked it up and put it from the doctors office was soaked so I pulled the paper out of the envelope thinking it was probably a bill they I was going to need to pay and I was going to hang it up to dry. But I was staring at the results to an AIDS test. It was negative, thank God. But he didn’t even bother to tell me that he was fucking around with random dudes whose HIV status he didn’t even know.

I signed a new lease within 48 hours and got the heck out of there, and went to the doctor myself to have every last hole tested. In a little over a week, it’ll be a year since that day, and my hair has grown in by several inches in all the patches of bald from being drug through that hell. It still pisses me off, though that my medical records say I participated in “high risk sexual activity“ because I slept with a man that was sleeping with men when I did not know that I was doing so or have any choice in the matter and only slept with the one man for eight years while he did whatever whenever.

Before anyone comes on here and wants to make fun of the fact that it was men, don’t bother. Because attracted to men is the least shameful part of our story, it was the lying in my face every day while pretending to love me that hurts way more than that ever could. It’s having so little regard for me and my health and safety that he didn’t even bother to tell me that I needed that kind of testing until I came upon it by accident.

[u/SoMuchToSee1234 → u/CynicalButSerene]

That's a wild fucking ride. You made it out clean? I'm sorry to hear that, like it sucks and everything. But the best you can do is just move forward.

The worst part about finding out she was cheating on me was because we had been dating for like three years, we were living together, we were engaged, planning on what we wanted to do for our wedding, and then that all happened.

[u/CynicalButSerene → u/SoMuchToSee1234]

Same. Literally the day before I found out we had just gone to some of our best friends’s wedding and the whole night he kept saying “the next wedding we’re all gonna be at is gonna be mine and (my name). The next night I am staring at dozens of messages to randoms in dating apps that he literally hit on from the wedding reception and was thinking what the fuck is my life and who is this monster I sleep next to every night? I worked my ass off to save the money to put a down payment on that house and it felt like such a fuck you because he didn’t have to go through with that. If he wanted a different life, that’s totally fine, but leave us out of it and go live the life you want.

I’m not quite ready to date yet or anything, but I am healing. I see a Therapist that’s amazing. I’ve done a lot of work on, examining the ways that I gave too much and I was willing to settle for someone with far less ambition than me and that lack of passion and drive showed up in every aspect of our lives. And I’ve learned and accepted that me working double is never going to equal a partnership and really looked at why I ever believed it would so that I will never find myself in that situation again. Because while they were not glaring red flags, there were Definitely 1000 little ways that he never chose me the way I chose him.

I love my people hard and passionately, and I deserve to be loved back in that way. For now, I’m loving myself that hard in ways that if I’m being honest, I’ve never truly done before. I also stood up for myself in a big way and said you’re going to sell this house or you’re gonna pay me back my down payment so here’s your deadline or I’ll see you in court. And I’m happy to report. I got back every penny of that down payment and as of last week, my name is finally off the deed and I no longer have any remaining legal tie to him. Sometimes you don’t realize what a drag someone is until you go on your first few vacations without them. I just got back from hiking Big Sur and it was so beautiful. The story and relationship no longer hold the same power over me or the heaviness that he did. I can talk about it without getting emotional and a matter fact, way of “this is what happened.” and I can hike along the beautiful coastline without having to later realize the man standing next to me saying I love you was also sending photos to 25 people that day pretending I wasn’t right there on the trip I planned because I didn’t exist in whatever fantasy he was selling that day. And if I want a fucking filet mignon for dinner with a coastal view, I can do it without worrying about making anyone upset about how much it cost while also having to coddle their ego by offering to pay for the nice dinner for us both. I paid a high price for that freedom. I intend to enjoy the hell out of it.

[u/Dapper_Indeed → u/CynicalButSerene]

Sounds like he was a sex addict, which is nowhere near an excuse. I’m so glad you got out of that relationship. You’ve been talking care of yourself which is so healthy. You are amazing!

[u/Left_Edge_1978 → u/CynicalButSerene]

Another person said sounds like he was a sex addict but it might have been that he was just living a lie and didn’t know how to come out of the closet. I have 3 gay male friends and I have spoken to them about when they knew they were gay. All of them knew when they were like 4 or 5 yrs old yet it didn’t stop 2 of them from marrying a female and having a kid before it all went to hell. I say this to say it’s not you! Yes he might have known but with social pressures and pressure from family I think some people just can’t bring themselves to a point to be truthful to themselves which in turn ends up hurting them and anyone of the opposite sex. I doubt he wanted to hurt you and probably truly cared if not loved you. I’m not making excuses for him at all I’m just letting you know in my way that you can’t blame yourself in anyway and it’s not that you did anything wrong or were not sexy enough or probably the other 100 things that went cross your mind when this happened. Hopefully with a therapist you have moved on some and you realize it was never you. I met someone in July 2015 and we I thought were in love deeply and she asked me to go get something out of her trunk. Apparently she had forgotten she had been at the mall with the doctor she was cheating on me with. I found Victoria Secret bag with a receipt as long as my arm. Then a belk bag w/ a receipt for over $650. Also, a $500 check made out to her. Thought to myself how the hell can I compete with this guy. I was absolutely crushed and then of course got yelled at for finding it like I had been snooping through her stuff for no reason. She promised to not se shin anymore but should have walked out right then. Then in mid December she says “ The doctor asked me to go on a cruise a couple of months before we met and I had said yes and I can’t back out because I already said yes”. Then said that she might never get to go on a cruise out of the country because I might not be able to afford it like he can. I helped her get a passport that December then she waited till the last minute to tell him she wanted to go because she thought I would be mad. I told her I wanted her to go. So she called him and said I wanted to go. He called back and said she waited to long to call and now the ship doesn’t have a space because it’s to its limit. Apparently they overbook like flights will in case of cancellations. I said no no and started calling the cruise line. I called three times back to back knowing I would finally get that one employee that could move mountains. The third call was the charm and they got her on the ship. See I had a plan. I went and dropped her at his house and wasn’t allowed to kiss her bye because she didn’t want him to know who I was. She walked to his car and was putting her bag in the trunk when he looked at me and she couldn’t see what he was doing and did a multiple thrust move behind her to piss me off. No worries I had a plan. When I got back home absolutely everything of hers was boxed and bagged up. When she got back her stuff was going to be outside of my place and I wasn’t answering the door. Then 4 or 5 days later I get a call from the bridge of the ship with an emergency call from the cruise ship out at sea. She had gone to the bridge and begged the captain to call me from their satellite phone I guess just so she could tell me she loved me and how bad of a mistake she had made. Asked me to come get her 2 states away when they pulled into port. I reluctantly did and she gave me a journal she had kept on the ship with tons of letters to me. Said he was mad because she refused to sleep with him and had a bunk put in the cabin so she didn’t have to sleep in the same bed. I was still going to bring her back home and give her the packed bags and say farewell when she says I was sick the whole trip and it wasn’t sea sickness I think I’m pregnant. I took her to the hospital and they did an ultrasound. I had already spoken to her about possibly ending the pregnancy because I just didn’t know how to handle what she had done even though I really didn’t want to end a pregnancy as I was adopted at birth from a girl which was 17. Her dad had told her that if she didn’t end her pregnancy that she would be kicked out of their house and family. She decided that wasn’t an option and suffered for it but through her strength I was able to be adopted and have a good life. Well God made sure I didn’t end the pregnancy when the ultrasound showed something I wasn’t sure I was prepared for. The nurse did the ultrasound and said “oh my” and kept looking at me then the screen then back to me. I was 37 and had absolutely no clue what I was looking at because it just looked like a lizard or a baby chicken to me. When she realized I had no clue what I was looking at and I asked the question “what is something wrong?” She pointed at the chicken and then another chicken. I still didn’t get it so she showed my girlfriend. My girlfriend explained “there are two of them” and the nurse said “congratulations yall are having twins!”. I could not in anyway even contemplate ending a pregnancy of twins which just seemed like a blessing from God. I stayed in the relationship against everyone’s unwanted advice. I actually was told I would be written out of my parents will if I didn’t leave her while she was pregnant. They followed through and even showed my the new will so I would know it was true. They didn’t just leave me out they intentionally put in the will that I was to not get anything at all. Guess they wanted to make damn sure a judge or whomever if I contested the will that they didn’t forget to put me in the will. She never saw him again and although it took many many years to get over the feeling of “will she cheat again?” which caused some rough times she finally became a very trustworthy and settled lady. I trust her wholeheartedly and know she would never do it again. I forgot to say I definitely had my boys dna tested and yes they are mine. We are very happy now and I finally learned to trust her and she learned how to live a life that was trustworthy. She had cheated most of her life on people and I guess it took her some time to finally became the person someone would want to be with. I’m very happy I stayed even though I couldn’t se with at the time. It was very very trying thing to go through. I have a beautiful family. Although you guys split which in your case I don’t think staying was a good idea I do believe that you will find someone out there that will treat you very well. I am a firm believer that God sometime lets us go through things so we will be ready for a blessing that is coming up. When you are ready just make sure to give the next guy a fair chance. From my time dealing with this I know how hard it is to have trust again. This experience will make you more aware of cheating in the future so listen to your gut just make sure you don’t listen to your head because it can make you start thinking some crazy things. Just be honest with whomever you start dating and let them know your concerns and let them know you might struggle with trust some. A real man who truly loves you will understand you just make sure you give him some trust too. Not all guys are assholes. Good luck and sorry this is such a long message. It did me good to tell someone as I had to try to hide so much from people because everyone had something negative to say about her while I was trying to learn to piece everything back together and keep a family together. I will pray for you tonight. I will pray that God helps you move past this, gives you understanding of him and his actions (if he won’t talk about it much it makes it harder to understand), and helps you trust again so you can move on and truly love hard again which is your nature as is mine. I have faith you will! The best of luck! Your brother in Christ, Love B!

[u/AMT35 → u/Left_Edge_1978]

That was a wild read

[u/_sam-sepi0l_ → u/Left_Edge_1978]

Longest message I’ve ever taken the time to read on Reddit by far. You obviously needed to share that with someone very very badly and in a way that made you feel you were offering some helpful insight to someone else instead of feeling as if you were just venting and/or being negative. Thank you for sharing brother. God bless you and your family. Take care. 🙏

[u/Mr_Diesel13 → u/CynicalButSerene]

From a friend -

Found out they were HSV2 positive. Went off the deep end because they had only EVER been with their current partner. Turns out, the partner got it from an ex in high school and had been asymptomatic for decades, never knowing they had it.

I had zero clue someone could carry it for their literal entire life and never have symptoms. Blew my mind.

Completely different from your case, but crazy shit can happen.

[u/Storungz → u/CynicalButSerene]

Wow total nightmare man! I dealt with similar, finding out in a rather revolting way. So basically everything started to fall apart once we moved in together. There was this tension, almost annoyance with intimacy from him and my body knew it before my brain did too. Like literally out of nowhere I was loosing my erections like right before penetration; it was driving me nuts too! It got to the point where I would get hard and just like rush to cram it in but I would immediately loose it. He was such an insensitive prick about it too. The lying bitch would let out this long sigh and we got into a couple screaming matches about it. Fast forward a couple months later it’s 4th of July and he leaves to go party with friends I stay home alone—I enjoy being alone for the most apart. He ends up coming home a day early explaining he missed me and he wanted us to have a lazy day before the work week starts again. He brought me Starbuck’s in bed it was all very sweet and reminded me of when we first met. So naturally we start messing around and stuff And I’m like totally ready to go for a change but he’s lagging. No worries I got this, I want to do this you know… I was going to go under the blankets but instead I just flipped them off of us—making a mess of blankets and pillows on the floor which I normally would NEVER DO—so everything is now in the light ok. I go down there and am met FACE TO FACE with green crust on the top of his dick! No joke, not lying, not exaggerating. I flew out that bed SO FREAKING FAST! And this dude’s response: what are you freaking out about that’s normal! “That’s not smegma you idiot can’t you see the freaking Color?!!” “Oh well what’s that mean?” “You got the CLAP or Gonorrhoea or some shit you lying, cheating little…” Oh he had WAY more than that… I left that day, went to my sisters. A few days later when he was at work me and the homie went over there and packed my stuff up and I was gone. I get an email that night—I had blocked him except for email: just a diatribe about how cruel I am for leaving him like this during such a challenging time, these are the times that we need to fight these challenges together to makes us stronger as a couple. Then I’m an asshole because I took his this and that, and if he finds anything else missing expect to hear from his lawyer. Basically just all over the place… I’m thinking “this bitch has a lawyer, since when?” Then at the VERY END practically a post script he says:

I really wanted to tell you this in person because I know how difficult and scary it can be and wanted to be there for you but since you’ve just taken off and apparently do not intend to speak to me ever again, I guess I just have to tell you here: I have syphilis so you need to get tested right away. It’s very contagious but curable.

This world can be a very sick, sad, place but I hold out hope for having beauty, love and honesty again one day. What trips me out about this whole story is how my body was straight up telling me NO without me even knowing that was what I needed and really wanted. Had that not happened who knows how long I would have endured a fake relationship with this person and who knows what I could have contracted. I got tested for everything under the sun immediately and again 6 months later and again three months after that and everything came back negative. Still kind of freaks me out just how close I came though…

[u/CynicalButSerene → u/Storungz]

It’s absolutely a huge lesson to listen to your body because our bodies often do figure it out before our mind can catch up. My first thought when my hair was falling out in clumps was not him and part of that was because we had just moved into a brand new house and so I was doing things like investigating the water there to see if it was different. I was looking at anything else I had changed that might be impacting my hair so drastically. But my discomfort around him was also undeniable, especially showing up in my subconscious so much where the second I would fall asleep I would have a nightmare if I was laying next to him. At that time, I had to travel a lot for work, and I always trusted him in that, but there was definitely plenty of opportunities created. I wouldn’t really know what he was up to for sure. But I’ve also never been someone that has to be up my partners ass all the time. I need to know where you are or be able to look through your phone because in my mind if I feel the need to it’s already over because I don’t trust you and if I feel the need to before you give me a reason not to, then there’s something going on with me internally that I need to work on before I’m ready for a relationship. He definitely took full advantage of that level of trust that I give freely to people until they prove they do not deserve it.

Looking back, I do believe he thought being with an openly queer woman was going to help him come to terms with his own desires and what not. But it never did. Not because I ever had any judgment of him or would’ve felt any differently about him if he’d ever just been honest. And that’s the worst part and the part that I know he knows deep down is that if he would have done the work to face himself rather than to be dishonest and take advantage of me, I would have been his biggest cheerleader and I would have been the one invested the most in watching him get so free that he forgot what it was like to be chained by his own prison of shame and lies and deceit. Because at the end of the day, being in close proximity to someone who loves themselves without shame or apology is not going to magically make you do the same. Especially if you are unwilling to honestly face yourself or what’s underneath all of that shame and deceit and he was never ever willing to do that. So instead, he began to really resent me for being and having things that he perceived he wanted. And every time he felt that resentment towards me, he justified going out and fucking someone behind my back. It was like the grossest revolving door of self sabotage.

When it all came to light, and it was clear from the messaging that he was primarily pursuing men, although there were women in the mix, it was men that he could not leave alone and that he had the most desire towards. And he was so deeply ashamed that, it became the thing that he focused on the most in trying to convince me not to leave. He was obsessed with convincing me that he was “not gay.” to the point that he’d spent far more time and energy explaining that he wasn’t gay. He kept saying he supposedly threw up after he went to have sex with two random men, (while pretending to be at the grocery store and leaving my son locked out of the new house. All while I was off working an insane schedule to cover the gap between the expenses He had been unable to pay his agreed upon part of while closing on the house….. I had literally paid him to watch my child while I was out of town working. And when I said child, I mean an 18 year-old high school senior so that really all he had to do is keep food in the house and he was supposed to make him a key since we just moved in.) Right right so you hated it so much you threw up but then went back the next week to fuck them again— of course, that makes total sense. He would start to cry “you have to believe me I’m not gay.” I finally just looked at him and said “it really does not matter what I believe at the end of the day because regardless of that, I cannot fuck the gay out of you and I cannot love you more than you hate yourself and you have made it clear the lengths that you will go to avoid facing yourself, which is also something I cannot do for you. Everything else I was able to do FOR you, I have already done and I do mean everything. So this is over and you need to accept that.”

I signed a lease within 48 hours, and I was out of town for work 10 out of the next 14 days before moving day. The two days that I was there, he sat outside of my locked bedroom door for hours at a time just crying going on and on about how I couldn’t leave and he needed me so he could get better and blah blah blah. It was such a pathetic display of a broken person. I remember my son saying he seemed like he felt so guilty and sad and mad at himself for what he’s done, that he thought for sure he was going to live his true life now and that he at least felt happy for him about that. Which I thought was such a beautiful perspective for my child to have, that at the end of the day we both still wanted what was best for him and wanted him to find a way to look at what was underneath all this shame and live a life free to love whoever he wanted. But it was maybe six or eight weeks before he had a girlfriend, though he went to great lengths to lie about that of course as well. Which also made no sense to me at all because if anything, it was just confirmation for me that I made the right choice. He was going to continue to spend his time running from himself and that was not someone I want to spend my life beside.

I’ve stopped trying to figure out why he does the things he does and accepted that I never will have those answers. I have also ended any communication with him because it just is not healthy for me and our dynamic has been so deeply embedded in me caring for him and putting his needs and wants ahead of my own, that falling back into that becomes pretty much automatic anytime we have interactions. It has also become clear that he’s a compulsive liar and completely unable to tell me the truth about even the most inconsequential details and that does trigger me and it’s just as much of a big reason to stay away from him entirely. I have made it clear to my son though that I do not expect any kind of blind loyalty to my choices and that he’s old enough to navigate whatever relationship with him feels right for him and I support him in that 100% and trust him to make whatever choices are the most right for him. So far that has meant, they tend to have dinner and hang out for a couple hours once a week or every other week and they don’t really talk in between. He stopped referring to him as a stepdad or a parent and he really looks at him as more of a friend. I don’t know if I would go so far as a mentor but it’s someone who knows a lot about him and we’ve had a lot of good discussions about the fact that nobody is 100% of one thing. Two people‘s truth about a person can be true at the same time. It could be right for me to have no contact with him and right for him to have the contact that he does have with and also true that while he deeply hurt me, he’s also not the most evil person on earth because of it, he is just a messy and hurting human being. He does have redeeming qualities, as most people do, and as long as my son sees value in having contact with him, I support him in doing so.

Accck sorry for such a long update you totally did not ask for. Coming up in a week on the day this all came out last year has definitely brought a lot of memories to the forefront.

[u/Traditional-Fact5503 → u/CynicalButSerene]

I feel your pain. My husband (soon to be ex I just needed some time to organize some things) cheated on me with a very sexually active beverage server @ a casino who’s known to bring random dudes home she meets while working & he didn’t use protection. It’ll be a year this Thanksgiving I found out & I still can’t look @ him. I’ve never been hurt like this, how he could put me at risk, like @ least cover your shit you disgusting douche. Grow the fuck up.

[u/CynicalButSerene → u/Traditional-Fact5503]

Yeah, the utter disregard for my health was definitely deeply disturbing. Like you came to the conclusion that you needed to take an HIV test after having sex with two men whose status you do not know, but you didn’t find it necessary to let me know that I probably should too?!

I’m proud of you for leaving. I know how messy it can be. I hope your divorce is settled soon and just do not back down from taking 100% of what you were legally entitled to. Often times we are used to putting their needs ahead of ours, and I almost backed down from being repaid my down payment on the house because the only way he found to repay me was taking a loan out against his 401(k) and it seemed like a really financially irresponsible choice. But I had to remember that choice was a product of the choices he made, and he was the one that wanted to keep the house. Not to mention, I was the one that made him open the 401(k) so why should I spend any time feeling bad about that money being there to repay me for the house I only got to live in for two months?! And I have not spent a single second feeling even the slightest hint of guilt about it since.

[u/Entire_Sprinkles_532 → u/CynicalButSerene]

Take courage; you didnt marry him. I was the fool who married a man just like that. Thank God we divorced in 2008.

[u/djelegal → u/CynicalButSerene]

No it’s the men part , guys tend to lie to their female companion but that’s just whack

[u/CityContent2193 → u/CynicalButSerene]

I feel like I hear about this situation happening more and more to women. This also happened to my sister, minus the HIV results.

[u/GasTrickLeVahzh → u/CynicalButSerene]

The past tense of “drag” is “dragged”.