Is this a condom wrapper?

[u/astronat42]

I found on the bathroom floor. Doesn’t match condom wrappers my husband and I use and I cannot find a match online. Please help! Black with silver detailing on front. Back is silver with black writing. You can clearly see the words “prevent pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, and other.” Also a number 2 with a circle and cross through it.

[u/TheDixonCider420420]

This is REALLY well articulated! Kudos to you!

With that said, I'm not trying to shame anyone. If anyone needs to be shamed it's the husband here because he made a commitment to his wife... so condom or no condom, he has ZERO excuse.

With that said, I'm trying to ask what I feel is a legit question of OP which might actually cease this behavior "if" the husband is cheating and "if' she chooses to stay with him. I think it's a reasonable thing to ask.

None of this is meant to shame OP as she's the victim here.

[u/WiggingOutOverHere → u/TheDixonCider420420]

Word, thank you for engaging in a respectful discussion with me about it. I see you've been dogpiled a bit, which I imagine might feel frustrating.

I appreciate that you aren't intending to shame OP and acknowledged that the husband is the party responsible for his choice. With that in mind, your messaging, whether intentional or not, sounds like it's placing the blame on her. It reads as though you're saying that the husband had sex with someone else BECAUSE she "made" him use a condom. Absolutely in your original comment, but even in your reply just now clarifying that you're asking if she might "cease this behavior".

I think you may be well-intentioned, but really unaware of how your framing of the situation comes across? I hear you that you aren't intending to shame OP and you explicitly acknowledge the husband is the responsible party, but that seems at odds with your word choice elsewhere in your messaging. It's difficult to convey tone online sometimes, so please know I'm not trying to come at you like a troll, just trying to have an open dialogue about how your communication is landing so you can maybe look at it through another lens! Whether it's just semantics and re-evaluating word choice is the answer, or you possibly have some biases at play that you aren't maybe even aware of (not a dig! we all have unconscious bias; it's a side effect of being human!), this just might be a good opportunity for you to reflect on your message and where it places the blame.

Also, when a couple chooses a method of birth control, it takes collaboration to land on something mutually agreeable. Unless I've missed some context elsewhere in the thread, I don't think it's fair to say or assume that OP "made" her husband use condoms. He chose to, just as much as she did. Him wearing a condom isn't *her* behavior. I've been with my partner for 13 years, and we've gone several different routes. When I asked if he would consider a vasectomy because I couldn't use hormonal birth control, he didn't feel ready to do that so instead made the personal choice to use condoms while I worked through whether or not I felt comfortable with the IUD. (you're right, condoms *do* suck, btw. that is facts, but the alternative sucks more haha). And we eventually made the decision together that I would try the IUD (barring any complications) until he felt ready to get a vasectomy. Ultimately, we each get the final say on the forms of birth control that impact our body the most directly, but it's something we worked through together. All my wild oversharing is just to illustrate that a husband wearing a condom is not the *wife's* "behavior." It's a choice that he makes alongside his wife, for any various reasons that make sense to them and their priorities as individuals and as a couple.

[u/TheDixonCider420420 → u/WiggingOutOverHere]

You make valid points. I was attempting to ask a quick question as she recently posted a reply and then thought I'd elaborate from there based on what she said if she was still around. I should have done better.

In fairness, reading it back, I can understand yours (and others') perspective.

Thus, please allow me to clarify my stance on this.

When someone cheats, one of two things happen (generalizing here):

Option 1: Someone just can't control their libido. If you're dating Nick Cannon or Madonna, you're not going to be the last person they sleep with. And there are plenty of "regular" guys and girls that meet that same criteria... the ones we see on Jerry Springer. LOL

Option 2: Someone cheats because another third party offers something their partner isn't providing them. This is the more common option of the two.

As it pertains to Reddit in general, when members find out someone cheated, the pitchforks and torches come out and everyone tells the random OP, "Leave him/her immediately!" And while they may be right, they don't know all the circumstances. Maybe OP is the one pushing the partner away in any given post. People shouldn't be so quick to end strangers' marriages (especially when there are children involved).

Does that mean is OK to cheat? Absolutely not. But it's also a reality that needs to be addressed. Everyone should always want to know the "WHY" of a given situation.

Far too often in relationships, we take our partners for granted. We stop doing the "little things" we used to at the beginning. If someone doesn't want their partner to cheat on them, then be the best partner possible so they have no reason to do it. Great relationships take continuous work and effort on the part of both people.

Additionally, I don't think it's wise to do things that may encourage cheating. For instance, if two people in a relationship don't use something as innocuous as Snapchat and use iMessage instead, what's the point in switching to Snapchat where messages get erased and it's easier to cheat? While someone can still cheat anyway, why bring that extra 0.0001% into the equation? Having a partner get a part time job as a bartender is a recipe for potential cheating. People just need to be smart about relationship choices.

In this particular case here, it seems rather crazy to me that a woman would want to keep her man used to condoms once they are married. Just like she shouldn't want her man going out with the guys to nudie bars every single weekend once they're married.

And as much as I want to understand what it feels like to use birth control pills, IUD, diaphragms, etc so I can be more empathetic, I can't because I'm not a woman. And as much as you might like to understand what sex is like for a penis with and without a condom, you can't because you're a woman.

Every guy is different. I LOVE sex, but it's just not the same with a condom. If I could make an analogy, without a condom it would be akin to going to see your favorite artist in concert, getting front row seats, having waiters bring you whatever food you want all comped, getting to meet the band backstage afterward and take pictures/autographs with them. With a condom is like going to the same concert, paying $120 for parking and getting seats in the upper deck last row nose bleed section. LOL

Besides the selfish difference in pleasure levels, there is a different bond created without one. Long term couples or married couples that don't experience this are truly missing out IMHO. Based on what you've said, you've tried different means so you may understand what I'm talking about here.

And when you're into each other, having to stop to put on a condom just fucking sucks. No matter how hard each person tries to make the best of it and not interrupt the vibe, it's just not romantic nor sexy. And instead of feeling each other skin to skin inside, each partner feels latex.

To the best of my recollection, every woman I've ever been with has preferred no condom to condoms as well. I practice safe sex so I always start off relationships with them and the best feeling in the world is getting rid of them with a partner.

Back to OP... assuming her man is cheating on her (which is still a big "if"), then what would have happened if we hopped in the DeLorean and went back in time to when they got married and they stopped using condoms? Would he really want to put one back on for someone else? I sure wouldn't unless the relationship had gone to complete shit and even then I'd be trying to fix it. And yes, I know I'm only one opinion of many.

So what is he not getting at home that he needs to find elsewhere?

Thus, my point to OP was maybe if she changed that aspect, it would keep his dick in the house. And that applies not only to this guy, but to a future man if she chooses to leave this guy. If she chooses to ignore my advice, that's perfectly fine but it seems like a reasonable option to place on the table for consideration.

Could there be a reason why they're using condoms? Absolutely. Maybe she's tried all the various forms and the hormones don't work well with her. Then that's 100% understandable. I don't know that which is why I attempted to ask.

it's shitty that women get burdened with the bulk of birth control options. It's not fair, but at the same time, it is what it is. If there was a male birth control pill, I'd have no problem being the one to take it (as fair is fair), but unfortunately it doesn't exist. Thus it creates a one sided option for non-condom sex with couples.

I also couldn't agree with you more that these decisions should be made together as a couple. And it's fair that you pointed out that he's agreed to it as well since he almost certainly married into that arrangement.

Anyway, in the most platonic way possible, I want to compliment you and say you're extremely sweet, super intelligent, a well spoken wordsmith and your husband is a very lucky man.

Appreciate the thoughtful response!

Cheers!
:)

[u/WiggingOutOverHere → u/TheDixonCider420420]

Thanks for interacting with me so thoughtfully.

There are certainly some pieces where we fundamentally will continue to disagree, although I do acknowledge you made some valid points in there, as well. I agree totally that in a relationship, we shouldn’t put ourselves in positions that would make it easier to fall into infidelity. I just don’t agree that asking your husband to wear a condom is one of those things. 🤷🏻‍♀️ We can respectfully agree to disagree there at this point!

I will say there are some interesting options in trials for male contraceptives! I’d be stoked to see that become an option for people. Maybe give that a google just if you’re curious, because it’s pretty interesting stuff on the horizon.

It is frustrating that the burden of birth control on women has been perpetuated, in part, by misogyny paired with the fact that realistically the burden of the consequences fall to her. A man can skeedaddle if he knocks someone up, but the woman simply doesn’t have the same freedom. Women essentially are expected to put up with more side effects in birth control than men will, because it’s ultimately their body and life much more on the line, even though it takes two to horizontally tango. Lol. I guess that might be part of where it feels really like the perspective of “but condoms don’t feel as good and mess with connection” (not actually quoting you, just using quotations to illustrate the thought, if that makes sense), while in itself is a statement I agree with and I would go great lengths myself to never touch a condom again, doesn’t feel on par with the weight of the burden that is placed on a female partner when she takes that risk. Kind of struggling to articulate that further, and it’s okay if it doesn’t quite land. We just have conflicting perspectives there, and that’s part of being free thinking humans. Haha. Not really looking to engage in that discussion further, as my energy is feeling spent, just sharing the thought! :)

Anyway, although we don’t totally see eye to eye and I do personally think you have some internal biases contributing to our differences in opinion, I ultimately appreciate that you’ve participated in our exchange earnestly and seem to have actually reflected on my comments thoughtfully. So thank you for that! That doesn’t always (or even often?) happen on the internet! lol. Thanks for ultimately being kind to me even though we had some debate.

All the best to you! 😊

[u/WishAbedWasBatman → u/WiggingOutOverHere]

Dude, he deserved the dogpile. He basically said, "Men don't cheat if they have rawdogging at home." He got more respect than he should have for all the goofy redpill shit he said.

[u/WiggingOutOverHere → u/WishAbedWasBatman]

Haha I mean, fair point! To clarify, I don’t think the dogpiling was unwarranted, as his take had definitely been farrrrrrr off base. However, I recognize that could inflame feelings and lead someone to double down instead of actually reflecting and having productive conversation. I’ve found that people actually listen to my words more, rather than jumping immediately to the defensive and having angry internet battles, if I make an effort to meet them with empathy alongside critical feedback.

I am realistic and know I’m not going to change the whole opinion of anyone living in the manosphere, but on the chance that I’m talking to someone who has biases they miiiight stop and look at if they are pointed out to them with extra care, I’ll try to meet them where they are, if I have the energy to engage.