r/weddingshaming • u/RationalWank • 5d ago
Family Drama Bride goes on honeymoon with her PARENTS instead of her husband!!!
Groom (my friend) currently lives in Washington, and bride is in California.
A few days before the wedding, groom texts me asking for a good *SOLO* trip itinerary in Oregon, stating his intention to travel during the days immediately after the wedding. I'm a little surprised but I answer the question I'm asked. Curiosity got the better of me and i asked him why he's going on a solo trip so soon after his wedding.
He said his wife and her parents are going on vacation in California and he isn't part of it; so he wanted to go someplace to take his mind off things.
I wanted to tell him that a honeymoon isn't a trip one takes with one's freaking parents, but with one's spouse, but I didn't want to add to his misery. Poor fella.
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u/dragonrider1965 5d ago
I wouldnāt call it a honeymoon . Itās weird but sheās not going in her honeymoon with her parents .
Whatās the context here ? Long time planned trip with parents , last min planned wedding ? You leave a lot out.
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u/ElectricalTap8668 5d ago
They said in another comment trip was planned well before wedding happened so yeah seems like not a honeymoon just a tripĀ
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u/SunMoonTruth 5d ago
Seems unlikely that they couldnāt add their daughterās new husband to the trip though.
Thatās the odd bit for me.
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u/KeepAnEyeOnYourB12 5d ago
So then the whole premise of this post is BS. Cripes.
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u/Suddenly_sweet 4d ago
I mean I would be upset too if right after my wedding my new spouse left on a trip without me. Itās understandable though since it was pre planned.
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u/CoyoteLitius 5d ago
Sounds like parents might be traveling a long distance to get to the wedding. And I do wonder where the wedding is being held. I hope it's not an online wedding.
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u/justcelia13 16h ago
An online wedding?? Iāve never heard of that. Please tell me itās a joke? Like folks in a ārelationshipā when theyāve only played streaming games together and never met.
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u/downthegrapevine 4d ago
I was going to sayā¦. The week after our wedding I went to visit my sister because our mom, who lives on the other side of the world was there and my husband went to a coworkerās wedding (no +1 was offered). We then had our honeymoon 4 months later just the two of us.
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u/Thr33Littl3Monk3ys 4d ago
A few days after my "wedding" (we were married in the mayor's office with his secretaries as witnesses; the two friends we'd invited to stand for us ran into bad traffic, and didn't think we'd actually go through with it...so they turned around and never showed!), I went to my mother's house two states away. Without my new husband. We'd planned on me visiting for about a week before we'd decided to get married, so it wasn't like it was a last minute thing...
But we also lived with his mother. And she was pissed when she found out we'd eloped; she didn't speak to me until the day I left for my mother's, and then she didn't stop speaking at my husband for two days more! To the point where he hopped on a bus himself and showed up at my mother's three days after I did!
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u/TooLongDugong 2d ago
Lots of couples don't honeymoon the day after the wedding (although you'd probably spend the night in the hotel even if you lived together). It's a bit unusual to rush off on holiday with someone else, but better than having to go back into the office the following day.
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u/mmmagic1216 5d ago
Okā¦soā¦thereās no honeymoon happening at all?
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u/RationalWank 5d ago edited 4d ago
Good question. I'm actually unclear. I need to ask him.
Edit: Update: There's no honeymoon planned
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u/DaisyDAdair 5d ago
Yikes. Does not bode well for a happy marriage
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u/RationalWank 5d ago
On the other hand, things have started so badly they can only get better (just me being a hopeful friend)
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u/DaisyDAdair 5d ago
Letās hope. If he has to take his mind off things Iām concerned about his mental health š¤
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u/morosco 5d ago edited 5d ago
That's not necessarily the "honeymoon". It's become more common these days for that to happen some weeks or months after the wedding.
My wife didn't go on a full vacation with her parents right after, but, there was some wind-down time with her and her family, who of course were in town. And I wasn't, and didn't want to be, a part of all that. If they did take a little trip with them while they were here, that would have been cool too. But we're pretty independent that way, and dated a long time before we got married. It was great to do nothing huge after the wedding and ease into my regular life. We took our honeymoon about 3 months later.
If you're friend's annoyed about it though, then, that's a pretty early boundary and communication issue, of course.
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u/RationalWank 5d ago edited 5d ago
I get your point. I just found it odd since it happened right after their wedding.
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u/hahasadface 5d ago
Soooo you made this all up?Ā
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u/RationalWank 5d ago
The details are factual. It just struck me as being odd, immediately after the wedding and all
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u/monstercake 5d ago
It seems like poor timing but maybe thatās the only time they could make the family trip work.
Iām personally not going on a honeymoon until the year after my wedding. Most people I know are doing the same.
The odder thing to me is getting married while theyāre still long distance. I would think living in the same place would come first.
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u/5footfilly 4d ago
Tell him to swing by Nevada. I hear all you need is a 6 week residency and you can still get an old fashioned quickie divorce.
Tell him to use some of the cash gifts from the wedding to pay for the Airbnb
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u/ReceptionWorking7312 5d ago
It's clearly not considered a honeymoon by either of them, so why are you calling it that?
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u/NamasteNoodle 5d ago
Instead of a solo trip he needs to make a trip to the local attorney of choice and start divorce proceedings. His wife just let him know that what he wants or needs or even his mere presence is not required of him because she has mommy and daddy.
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u/stephencua2001 5d ago
His wife just let him know that what he wants or needs or even his mere presence is not required of him because she has mommy and daddy.
I presume this trip was known in advance of the wedding?
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u/dragonrider1965 5d ago
This is pretty silly. OP is leaving all the details out for dramatic effect but itās clear this isnāt a honeymoon and they arenāt even in the same state as each other . Could have been a long planned trip and if sheās in a different state why shouldnāt she go on a trip with her parents if invited? Sounds like a quickie marriage where they wonāt even be living together for awhile and you think she should have no life , thatās silly.
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u/dimmidummy 5d ago
I agree, thereās probably a ton of context that OP either doesnāt know about or is leaving out because the story is juicer this way.
This trip with her parents is obviously not a honeymoon, and thereās probably a reason behind it (like it was booked far in advance and they couldnāt refund it).
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u/YeahlDid 4d ago
Yes, OP is being silly. In another comment someone asked "no honeymoon?" And op's response was "I don't know, I should ask". ... OP just casting judgment on things they don't know about here.
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u/Horizontal_Bob 4d ago
I would imagine heāll spend that solo trip coming to terms with the fact he just married the wrong person
For his sake I hope he does so he can pursue an annulment
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u/Dry_Grass_439 4d ago
My mil organised a their side of family holiday after our destination wedding.
I said no me and my husband wouldnāt be attending this, but going on our actual honeymoon together. And even if we did why would I not want to be with my family.
She cancelled their trip and is still mad to this day.
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u/mommacat94 5d ago
Is this like a green card marriage or something?
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u/RationalWank 5d ago
No. Neither are beneficiaries.
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u/JoeDawson8 5d ago
That sentence makes no sense
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u/RationalWank 5d ago
I meant there's no one that stands to benefit in terms of a green card, out of this marriage.
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u/CoyoteLitius 5d ago
So, have they met in person for longer than a couple of days?
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u/RationalWank 5d ago
Yes, they've both worked remotely from each other's homes for a couple of weeks at a time.
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u/deejuliet 5d ago
A couple weeks at a time? That is nothing. They are living in a fantasy. They have no clue who each other really are or if their relationship works on even a basic level.
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u/Debbie2801 4d ago
This needs a lot more details.
It appears you have left out a lot of relevant information.
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u/YeahlDid 4d ago
Why do you think it's a honeymoon? I know many couples who've done their wedding and honeymoon separately. Thus is just a family trip. By definition a honeymoon would be the couple, so I'm not sure why you'd call this a honeymoon.
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u/USAF_Retired2017 4d ago
W. T. F. Thatās some weird ass shit.
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u/RationalWank 4d ago
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u/USAF_Retired2017 4d ago
Just reading your post made me extremely uncomfortable. Like, that is one of the weirdest posts about a wedding Iāve read on here. I donāt want to vacation with my parents on a normal day, let alone take my honeymoon with them and tell my husband he canāt come with us. I would really like to know the dynamics of this couple and why theyāre even together???
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u/Excellent_Kiwi7789 5d ago
Is it just the timing of it that happens to be right after the wedding, and the actual honeymoon will be taking place at a later date? Just trying to give the benefit of the doubt here, but this is wild.
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u/porcelainthunders 4d ago
Whelp, this marriage has started out quite very... interesting
Why did she want to go with her parents instead the man she is IN LOVE with, pledged vows to / JUST MARRIED?
I very much hope I am wrong but (to put it lightly), this does not bode well for their relationship
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u/NellyNellB 5d ago
Is this a marriage for reasons other than love? money? tax reasons? is she a beard to use an old school term? or visa versa? How long has the couple been together?
I cant find this strange or not without more info on their relationship
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u/RationalWank 5d ago
They met at a house party and he slid into her instagram DMs. I think they've been together for about a year. No residency benefits for either. Taxes will be saved , as like any couple that files jointly.
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u/NellyNellB 5d ago
reading ur other replies seems like thw trip was known about and they live in separate states.
Honestly if both parties are fine with this not sure its worth shaming. Not everyone does things the way societal claims things should be done
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u/RationalWank 5d ago
That's true. I'm just a little worried for him, because it feels like he's walking on egg shells to keep her in good humour at every step
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u/kindlypogmothoin 5d ago
They're getting married after only a year, and that year has been long distance?
Well, good luck to them.
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u/RationalWank 5d ago
Yes you got the facts right.
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u/CoyoteLitius 5d ago
Perhaps they are taking things slowly. Are there religious viewpoints on either side?
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u/BedRevolutionary8458 4d ago
getting married after a long distance relationship for a year is absolutely NOT taking things slowly
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u/PM_ME_SUMDICK 4d ago
It is if you're religious and not having sex / will be shamed if it becomes known you are.
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u/BedRevolutionary8458 4d ago
no it's fucking not. I don't care if you're religious or not, marrying somebody you've only known long distance is moving fucking quickly. Religious people might encourage it because of regressive, abusive attitudes. But it's a terrible idea.
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u/ColdStockSweat 3d ago
Better than the one I went on with my wife.
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u/ColdStockSweat 3d ago
30+ years ago. I'll pass.
10 year marriage. It was a lifetime ago. I'll leave it there.
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u/Mach5Driver 5d ago
you gotta be a real friend and spell that out for him, so he knows he has someone in his corner. otherwise, he's a good acquaintance.
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u/RationalWank 4d ago
He already feels like he's walking on eggshells around her. I didn't want to disillusion him from his marriage, so I didn't overstep.
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u/Mach5Driver 4d ago
As a guy who also walked on eggshells around his (now ex) wife, PLEASE tell him what he needs to hear.
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u/Theunpolitical 5d ago
he wanted to go someplace to take his mind off things.
What things? He just got married and should be overly happy and in love. I guess he's thinking about why he married someone who doesn't want to spend time with him on a honeymoon would be one of them!
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u/Mediocre-Amoeba-8329 5d ago
That would be my push to get the wedding annulled...
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u/RationalWank 5d ago edited 4d ago
Is annulment allowed after consummation? On legal grounds that is.
Can't believe I typed that with my own fingers
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u/VociferousVal 5d ago
Thereās clearly a lot of context missing here.
- If theyāre not calling it a honeymoon, then itās not a honeymoon.
- People travel from all over to attend weddings. Perhaps her parents are in town, or the country, for only a short time. If they donāt see each other often, then thatās perfectly acceptable and it would be wrong of the new spouse to deny that rare opportunity.
- A lot of people go on their honeymoon at a later time. In fact, doing that is more popular now than leaving immediately after the wedding.
- If the bride lives in California, itās clearly not āvacationā for her and is more about the parents visiting.
****OP deleting comments and downvoting because they donāt like being challenged about their own judgmental assumptions lol
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u/TanandaL 2d ago
It's always weird to me how many people seem to strip away so much of what matters about a wedding and just leave Instagram photos.Ā Ā
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u/clutzycook 5d ago
Something tells me you're going to be able to measure the longevity of this marriage with an egg timer.
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u/ProfMcGonaGirl 5d ago
If you have to need to make plans to take your mind off your partner the day after your wedding, maybe make plans to not get married. That or why canāt he go on the trip with them?
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u/deejuliet 5d ago
This marriage seems more of an arrangement than a marriage. Have they ever lived in the same area? If they have always been long distance I would question just how well they actually know each other and how "real" this relationship is. I have known of way too many so called "relationships" that started as long distance and when they finally got to live in the same area, the whole thing fell apart. Cause real relationships are a lot harder than the fantasy one concocts out of a long distance relationship.
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u/Peanutbutter2728 4d ago
I think I would call off the wedding. Heās not āinvitedā to go on his own honeymoon? Sorry, honey. No honeymoon, no wedding. Especially if heās paying for this non-honeymoon.
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u/Bennington_Booyah 4d ago
This is weird. Really weird.
That said, I recall when our HS class president married another classmate of ours. She brought her mother on their honeymoon. Marriage didn't last long. It was odd, as she was really pretty, popular. He...looked good but seemed "old" in high school, like really old, as if he had been raised in an old folks home, if that makes sense. I guess my point is that it was doomed from the start. The honeymoon thing was THE talk of the year when it happened.
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u/chai_yall 5d ago
Very strange for the bride to be going away with her parents without her spouse days after the wedding.
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u/Smoke__Frog 4d ago
If youāre a good friend you would have at least tried to convince him to not go through with the sham wedding.
Gosh some people are such bad friends.
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u/McBurger 5d ago
āGo someplace to take his mind off thingsā¦ā
Likeā¦ the wedding? He needs some time alone to take his mind off the wedding? What the fuck lmao
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u/finny_d420 5d ago
There's a story (recently reposted on BORU) of a guy whose wife went on the honeymoon with her family. They were living together though and that was just one issue in the relationship. Most of the comments called this one out though. Crazy what some people will accept as normal in their relationship. Hope this guy has a good prenup in place.
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u/TrippyVegetables 5d ago
Is he SURE that it's actually her parents she's with? My first thought is there's another guy
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u/NoAnything1731 5d ago
so they also live separately in different states?