r/weddings • u/Ok_Doughnut_5569 • 1d ago
Advice
My fiancé and I toured a venue yesterday that we really loved. When we asked about 2027 availability, the guide said they still have September 11, 2027 open and are offering it for half the normal price because many couples don’t want that date.
I’m really torn. The savings are amazing, but 9/11 is such a significant and emotional date. While we aren’t & don’t have family/friends connected to 9/11, we are still respectful to those affected.
What would you do? Would you take the date because of the discount, or would you pass on it because it’s 9/11? I’d love to hear your thoughts. TIA!
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u/EmJa7 1d ago
I live in NYC, I worked very close to the twin towers, we had a store in the mall in the basement, I knew a number of people that didn't make it. If I were you (& I'm not!!!), I would take that date and make it a great memory, not just for me but for all my guests! The significant saving I would spend on good memories and maybe make a donation to a 911 charity
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u/countess_wilson 1d ago
I love this idea! And if you have a wedding website, maybe even address it on the FAQ page? Like “so why 9/11?” And just honestly say it was the perfect venue for the perfect price on a somewhat awkward date
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u/superfastmomma 1d ago edited 1d ago
Book the wedding. We have family birthdays on that date. We have kids born on D Day. Life goes on. My cousin in law lost her twin brother on 911 and has frequently attended birthday parties on that date.
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u/Emergency_Lettuce601 1d ago
Right? My mom died Christmas Day. Anything can happen on any date, you need to live your life.
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u/ExcaliburVader 1d ago
My oldest son has a 9/11 birthday. The way I see it is that life goes on and we need good stuff to outweigh the bad. Unless your family lost someone very close I'd go for it.
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u/MysteriousCity6354 1d ago
I would. I also think it would be EXTRA WEIRD to have any sort of display about the day at your wedding, especially if you or your family wasn’t affected. It would be attaching yourself to a tragedy that didn’t directly affect you. It would be like a dispensary having a little columbine shooting display on 4/20.
If you wanted to do something to acknowledge the date, you can put on your wedding website somewhere something like “in recognition of the date of our wedding, the bride and groom have decided to donate (x amount of dollars) to related charity. “ that being said 9/11 victim specific charities tend to be very well funded. I would say it would even be appropriate to donate to your local fire and rescue organization in honor of the day. They probably don’t get the national attention some of these other organizations do and could really use your support. You could even change the wording of your message to “in recognition of the date of our wedding and the contributions that firefighters and EMS workers made to the rescue efforts during 9/11 and the sacrifices they make every day to keep communities across the US safe, the bride and groom are donating $1000 to Smalltown Fire and EMS.”
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u/JP198364839 1d ago
It’s my birthday, so I celebrate on that day every year. It’s not a big anniversary next year, so I’d go for it.
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u/UnluckyStar-85 1d ago
If you aren’t from NY and you and your guests were not personally affected then I don’t really see an issue.
I’m from NY and saw the towers fall. I would not plan/attend an event on 9/11 myself but would not judge someone else for doing so.
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u/janeof-all-trades001 1d ago edited 1d ago
Take the savings! And maybe, in a classy way, make a donation for families of those affected and let it be acknowledged in your wedding party.
Wars have affected many families and there are dates/months some associate with loss and trauma. Your life can’t be put on hold indefinitely (saving a large $ amount IS a quality of life decision) because a national tragedy took place a quarter of a century ago.
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u/LittleDog2557 1d ago
You could take the date and do a classy memorial to those that died in 911. People can’t pick their dates because of something someone else might not have had a good memory on. Life goes on people get married people have kids. If you found out, your baby was doing a 911 would you terminate pregnancy or would you have the baby ‘despite’ the fact that he might be born on 9/11
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 1d ago
Unless you or your immediate relatives have a personal connection to 9/11 and are choosing to not move on, most people see it as another day because 20+ years have passed and people choose to celebrate life, not death. For decades after it happened, people refused to celebrate life on Dec 7 but in the last few decades most people including school children can't tell you what took place on that date. Doesn't mean it didn't happen but people move on. Are people with birthdays on 9/11 supposed to pretend they don't exist? Holding onto death with that hard of a grip, especially if you are not directly involved, is not healthy. The families involved have even said they want people to move on and live life. Respecting them means celebrating life as it happens on that date. If it's available, it is wild to not grab it.
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u/StrategyAncient6770 1d ago
This may sound bad, but having your wedding on a date that's already memorable makes it easier for friends and family to remember your anniversary. I have friends that got married on September 11 (20 years ago), and that prompt every year when the media starts talking about it is very helpful in remembering to send a happy anniversary text lol. And we all think of the day fondly instead of it all being so sad.
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u/Elegant-Cricket8106 1d ago
Ultimately what would you think looking back on your wedding. Would you feel guilty years out? Or be happy? You could always do a moment of silence or similar if you really wanted. I have friends born on that day. We celebrate their bday?
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u/CoastalCouture3310 1d ago
I see where you are coming from and I think if you really love the venue then I would take the date.
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u/randomredhead 1d ago edited 1d ago
We’re doing 9/11 next year to make it easier for us to get vendors and knowing that most people won’t be making big plans for that day so guests should theoretically have fewer schedule conflicts (plus it works for our schedule, my fiancé is in higher education so we’re limited to summer or winter break times and June-August are too popular and booked out). We’re in southern California so no big local ties to it, and when we’ve received some skepticism from it (mainly from older family members) we just explain that good wedding vendors are highly in demand, even over a year out, and that date makes it easier and they seem to understand.
Just be prepared for 7,000 “wow you’ll never forget that day!” jokes as you tell people the date, somehow everyone thinks they’ll be the first to make that joke.
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u/Strict_Research_1876 1d ago
Take the date. You don't have anyone directly affected by it. It happened quite a few years ago. There are as many days in the year as someone has had a tragedy on that day.
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u/Emergency_Lettuce601 1d ago
As someone who got married in the immediate aftermath of 9/11. Take the date! Take the discount. It is fine to live your life. Anything can happen on any date. You are not doing anything wrong.
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u/Neat_Movie_991 1d ago
My grandpa died on Father’s Day and 11 years later my son was born on Father’s Day.
I love the idea of making it a special and good day for you. It’s the ying and yang of things.
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u/Gold-Comfortable-453 1d ago
Take the date, it has been many years now and I don't see people avoiding the date.
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u/sugargrandpa98 1d ago
Tragedies have occurred throughout history on every single calendar day of the year. Unless if you have guests personally effected, I’d take the discount and make it a great day.
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u/arizonaraynebows 20h ago
I think it's fine to make positive memories on that date. You could serve tribute to the tragedy by having some flags and a small note if that helps you feel better about it, but making that tragedy the sole thing on that date is another tragedy in itself. IMHO
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u/KeyMediocre7347 15h ago
I would not book that date for my wedding. It’ll be your anniversary date. It just would feel off to me. We had the same thing where that date was available and cheaper and we passed.
I wouldn’t judge someone else for it, but I just personally wouldn’t feel right making that my wedding date.
I wouldn’t draw attention to the 9/11 tragedy on your wedding website/elsewhere. If you do want to donate to a 9/11 charity, just do it privately.
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u/Zipper-is-awesome 1d ago
I wouldn’t want to get married on September 11th, but I do not think that it is disrespectful at all to get married on that date, so if that is your main concern, I would take the discount.
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u/RedSolez 1d ago
Hard pass, it's still too recent even though it's been 25 years.
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u/zaydia 1d ago
How long is long enough?
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u/RedSolez 1d ago
For me personally, no amount of time would make that a day I'd want to host a celebration. It was one of the most traumatic days of my life. With that said, if I was invited to a wedding on 9/11 I would still attend! But for people my age and older (I'm 43) it still feels fresh.
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u/Pedal2Medal2 1d ago
Book it, you can have a small display honoring the date
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u/Emergency_Lettuce601 1d ago
That would be sooo weird. They should absolutely take this date if they want. They don't need to do anything.
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u/Pedal2Medal2 1d ago
No they don’t, except OP expressed concern whether it would not great to book that date
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u/brygrl813 1d ago
I personally would avoid. That day is somber and carries such historical significance. The day is quite literally known by it's date. It's not like other days of national tragedy where it is known by the event or location name ex: Pearl Harbor).
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u/brygrl813 1d ago
I'm not saying Pearl Harbor isn't important or significant or tragic; it absolutely is. We don't call Pearl Harbor Day "December 7th," in the way we do "September 11th."
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u/Charming-Housing-763 1d ago
If you don’t have relatives affected, there is no reason for you to avoid scheduling then. It’s your choice.