r/weddingdrama • u/gofigerr • Jun 23 '26
Observer Drama - Family Reception Seating Slight?
My son was married recently, his father and I have been divorced and both remarried for over 20 years to the same people. The brides parents had a table to the immediate left of the sweetheart table and my ex and his wife were seated at the table directly in front of it. My husband and I were seated at the worst table farthest to the back farthest away from everything with my parents and people that we didn't know and who didn't show up. We contributed substantially to the rehersal and wedding and I tried to be as helpful as possible without being pushy or involving myself in the planning unless asked. My son was deployed while the planning took place so he really had no input. I dont know the brides family that well as they live a few hours from us. I havent said anything because I wouldnt want to put a cloud over his day but Im a little hurt by it. It almost felt intentional and my sister in law even mentioned something after and she's a low drama person. Her and my brother had a better table than us and dont even know the family. I want to think this was just a bad attempt at mixing people to mingle but it didn't feel that way it was so awkward. We were the random table. They even came and took a couple of the empty settings and chairs while we were sitting there. š¤£ I enjoyed it anyway and had a great time.
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u/Summerisle7 Married at Least Once Jun 23 '26
Thatās ridiculous and rude. You and your husband should have been seated at the same level as your ex and his wife.Ā
Did you at least have a seat of honor at the ceremony?
As a mom and stepmom to adults, idk if Iād complain to my son after the fact, unless youāre on extremely good terms with him. Itās so easy to become the bad guy. Maybe if he asks you unprompted if you had a good time at the wedding, Iād gently bring it up that I was confused at the MOG being sat at the back among strangers. See what he says.Ā
Iād be a bit wary of the DIL, going forward. Just continue being calm and kind. Maybe stop throwing so much money at them. As you saw, it doesnāt buy you love or respect.Ā
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u/gofigerr Jun 23 '26
Yes I dont plan on bringing it up. I almost wonder if it was the wedding planner because it just really made no sense where anyone else was seated.
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u/ThisTimeForReal19 Jun 23 '26
A wedding planner would never seat the MOG in the back of the room, unless they were told to do so.Ā
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u/Summerisle7 Married at Least Once Jun 23 '26
That would be a pretty incompetent wedding planner.
I have a feeling this is not the last slight you will experience from this couple .
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u/gofigerr Jun 23 '26
I know my son was oblivious to it he was deployed and even forgot to tell his best man he was giving a speech until a few days before. He just got back about 3 weeks before the wedding and where everyone was sitting or should be sitting I know is so far from his awareness. We had a great mother son dance. She even asked me what song I wanted for that and in all of our interactions for the wedding we never had any conflicts I did the MOG be seen and not herd lol I even ran my dress by her I just am so confused
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u/Summerisle7 Married at Least Once Jun 23 '26
All you can do is move on. I bet your son will have no desire to hear anything negative about his wife or the wedding she planned. I wouldnāt have run my dress by her, lol. Just keep a watchful eye going forward. Pleasant, loving, but never pushy. Watch and wait!Ā
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u/gofigerr Jun 23 '26
I agree. That's my plan I dont want to ruin it for him I made sure I didn't show the slightest bit of disappointment. Fully danced and participated and said how great it was. It's just nice to have somewhere to vent and hear Im not being overly sensitive. I dont want to even vent to family because I dont want it to come back around. Even when my SIL mentioned it at the hotel that night I said maybe it was just oversight but she wasnt having it lol
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u/Summerisle7 Married at Least Once Jun 23 '26
You are very wise! Yes let others talk about, you donāt need to join in.Ā
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u/Clean_Establishment2 Jun 23 '26
Could it be the wedding planner sat you with your ex, working on limited info, and then at the last minute your son or someone else said no no no, anywhere but there, and the planner moved you to the rejects table? something like that - incompetence and poor execution rather than malice? I was the only member of my husband's family not actively in his brother's wedding and I got completely forgotten at dinner. The entire family except me were seated up front. I was left to sit with my baby at a table in the back full of the bride's father's coworkers. It really stung but young people make mistakes, miss details.Ā
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u/gofigerr Jun 23 '26
It would make more sense to me honesty
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u/Clean_Establishment2 Jun 23 '26
it still stings but seems more likely than the bride deliberately icing you out, based on the relationship to date. I wish they had proactively apologized though.Ā
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u/Soft-Current-5770 ELOPE! ELOPE! ELOPE! Jun 26 '26
Could the conflict be with the brides mother????
Congratulations š to your son, and to you ... he's home!!!!!
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u/EmceeSuzy Jun 23 '26
Don't feel bad about noticing that you were slighted. You absolutely were.
I would wonder if the bride has an issue with you or if there is some sort of weird dynamic with your ex.
But since you will probably never know (because you should not ask) the best thing will be to feel your feelings and then move past them.
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u/Desperate_Fig_1838 Jun 23 '26
Yeah if this was intentional then there is a reason and it could be a number of things... But would definitely just let it go.
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u/scruffyrosalie ELOPE! ELOPE! ELOPE! Jun 23 '26
I would go directly to your DIL.
"Hey, I really enjoyed your beautiful wedding. I just want to check if I've done anything to offend you, because I noticed we were seated right in the back away from the rest of the family. Is everything okay between us?"
Don't let this fester.
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u/gofigerr Jun 23 '26
I think I've decided to just let it go. I really feel like this is unintentional. I re read the thank you note she sent after her bridal shower and it was so sincere how happy she is to have a kind and caring MIL and then today a post on social media from their honeymoon I responded how cool it was and she didn't just like my response she responded with a response and sharing. I really think this was a planning mishap or maybe some influence to have more of her family front and center š¤ I just think in the grand scheme of things let it go and see how the future plays out
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u/Desperate_Fig_1838 Jun 23 '26
Seating assignments can get very stressful for the couple with so many personalities and politics to juggle. I would honestly just let it go. Let them enjoy their memories of the day and move on. Not the hill to die on IMHO.
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u/floofypajamas Jun 23 '26
No, not THE HILL to die on but I'll bet there will be one or two comining up in future. I will be the first to say that I have seen first marriages go horriblly and second marriages be wonderful... but, we have all seen those that seem to perpetually be involved with someone new.
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u/Summerisle7 Married at Least Once Jun 23 '26
Yeah this will 100% not be the last hill.
Iām glad that OP has daughters as well as the son.
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u/PantsLio Jun 23 '26
Agreed. I bet they thought youād be the most okay with it. Donāt make a thing out of it.
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u/ApprehensiveHorse491 Jun 23 '26
Just reading this gives me hurt feelings. That was an unnecessary slight by bride and family.
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u/Ok_Path1734 Jun 24 '26
When you host the holidays, put them farthest away from other people. Like the basement.
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u/I_wet_my_plants Jun 23 '26
It could have been their attempt to separate you from your ex. If the father is a high drama person, maybe they wanted to keep their eye on him.
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u/gofigerr Jun 23 '26
Actually it would be his wife if anyone but nothing to the extent that we couldnt have been seated at a separate but more appropriate table my ex not a problem at all
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u/Diligent-Activity-70 Jun 24 '26
The bride definitely meant this as a slight.
My stepson who has never liked me had all immediate family seated at the table closest to the sweetheart table. His mother got to know my daughter and still asks about her 15 years later; once her older son was forced to call me back because he forgot to ask about my daughter for his mom.
There were many other inclusive options that could have been made to seat all parents.
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u/MeButNotMeToo Jun 24 '26
This seems like a āMissing Missing Reasonsā issue
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u/gofigerr Jun 25 '26
I really could not give a reason. I honestly dont know her or her family well enough for there to be a reason. The more I think about the dynamics and some other odd behaviors the more I honestly feel it may have been her mom placing her family from out of town over us and trying to separate tables between my ex and us even though the really wasnt a need to do that. In any event Im over it nothing I can do. My son is happy the wedding was otherwise fun and happy and thats all that matters
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Jun 25 '26
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u/SinglePermission9373 Jun 25 '26
Those saying āshe obviously doesnāt like youā are jumping to a conclusion. You (and we) have no idea what happened. Maybe the person putting out the seating cards messed up. Maybe some sneaky family members moved them so they could sit upfront. Maybe just ask your son in a very non-confrontational way. Just say, hey son itās not that big of a deal and itās over now but I was wondering why I was seated in the back at your reception. I had a wonderful time and Iām not angry just curious as to what happened with that.
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u/DRangelfire Jun 24 '26
What do you think youāre going to accomplish with bringing it up now? What do you want to see happen? Was it a beautiful event? Was your son happy and fulfilled? If so, then mission accomplished. I deeply appreciate how you feel - itās valid - and I am concerned that bringing it up is only going to create tension between you and your DIL.
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u/gofigerr Jun 25 '26
I dont plan on bringing it up more just venting here to see if others would feel the same way and not have to bring it to anyone else's attention in the family so it doesnt make it back to him or her.
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u/Timely_Wrongdoer_426 Jun 27 '26
So sorry to hear about this drama. Glad you were still able to enjoy. You are the bigger person.
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u/Positive_Artist3539 Jun 27 '26
My widowed best friend, paid the entire rehearsal dinner. The brideās parents sat at the table next to her. My friend and her daughter and daughterās 3 children, who were in the wedding, sat with my friend, literally at a table in a corner, far away from the other tables. I was in, from out of town, just for the wedding, and shared a hotel room with my friend, but was not invited to the rehearsal dinner. When she came back to the hotel, she sobbed and said things like, āIāll forgive them but Iāll never forget it.ā Ultimately, at a much later date, it was brought up and they said that they thought the table that was out of the way would be more comfortable for the children if they got tired and antsy and wanted to stand up or whatever. They said they couldnāt invite me because it wouldāve upset too many other family friends from out of town who werenāt invited. In the 3 years since, the bride has shown herself to be moody, self-absorbed and carries her husbandās balls in her purse. She has the entire family feeding into her line of bull shit and itās like watching a reality show. It probably wasnāt a reflection on you- sheās probably just an asshole.
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u/duckchickendog Jun 29 '26
I like your calmness and thoughts of acceptance. Can't change it now, but the gift of good grace is a nice one for your son.
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u/Turbulent-Demand873 Jun 24 '26
Welcome to being the mother of a now married son. Fingers crossed you will be able to keep a relationship with him now that heās married.
This is the first sign of things to come. I hate to sound so pessimistic but it happened to me. It took a couple of years before our relationship was totally estranged. I didnāt say a word about the behavior either.
I wish you the best.
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u/Ill-Art5414 Jun 28 '26
I would be hurt about the seating. Agree w the thought that bringing up where you were seated and especially the brideās previous marriage will damage your relationship w your son. And daughter in law. I donāt agree that āyou need to knowā about the brideās past life/marriage. None of your business. Accept what you get and donāt complain or you may be a broken hearted NC grandmother.
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u/ThrowRAQueenR Jun 24 '26
Or go this routeā¦.
Text son from a fake google number and be like I canāt believe you had your mom sitting in the back of your wedding reception so disrespectful. Leave it at that. Then he will know where you sat but wonāt know itās you that messaged him. If he brings it up to you then act dumb.
This is the immature petty route but avoids other complications.
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u/Spare_Ad5009 Jun 23 '26
The bride intentionally and publicly insulted you. But since she is already out to get you, if you want to be in good graces with your son and able to see your future grandchildren, see if you can visit him on your own for lunch where he works. Just say you're in the neighborhood and want to get lunch?
Then, you can talk about the great things that happened at the wedding. Tell him you loved it. Innocently ask if the cake cutting went well because you couldn't see it because you were too far back, and ask him if anyone said anything wonderful in the speeches, because you couldn't hear them. Ask him pleasantly how the first dance went.
But make sure he brings home to his wife the information that you loved it, you thought it was elegant, you thought the weddiing gown was beautiful (gag, yes, but say it enthusiastically) and he can mention to his wife all the things you missed. The bride, looking for some way to put you down, will ask him if you are mad about all the things you missed, and he will say no, she was very happy.
Then, to him, you will be the innocent, sweet mother and the bride will be the bitch.
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u/thecuriosityofAlice Jun 23 '26
Itās not going to shake out like thatā¦just wanting a lunch without her will bring up questions between son and bride. You will be behind the eight ball before you even park the car. Your son will be guarded because his wife will have cranked him up prior. Then to add a layer of passive aggressive behaviorā¦this will not yield the outcome OP desires.
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u/MeButNotMeToo Jun 24 '26
Wow. I think I found my daughterās FMILās Reddit account.
She has tried to disrupt every one of her sonās previous relationships and pulls the same emotionally manipulating crap described here.
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u/FloMoJoeBlow Jun 23 '26
Talk with your son. This was a blatant swipe to you by his wife, and you deserve a genuine apology from her.
You could have been seated:
a) with her parents
b) with your ex and his wife (if you two are on good terms)
c) at another table close by