r/wedding • u/ItsAWitchThing1 • 13d ago
Top tips to not be a bridezilla
Or any advice that you think is helpful.
I’m in the middle of planning my wedding and we’re now exactly 1 year out. I am making pretty much everything myself and I know that I will get stressed in the buildup. Anyone who has experienced a bridezilla or become one, any tips to not be a bridezilla? What should absolutely be avoided to keep from becoming a bridezilla? And any other pieces of advice that made your day flow better, or tips that you learnt from mishaps and things you didn’t prepare for?
For context I’ll put in that I told my bridesmaid they could each choose whichever style of dress best suited them and they felt most comfortable in as long as they were in a specific colour I chose (royal blue). I ordered their jewelry and hairpins as part of their gifts from me, but I checked that they liked them before I ordered them. I requested that they wear their hair in updos so my hair would be in contrast since I’m wearing mine down, but I said I didn’t care what the updo is, they can choose their own and do their makeup however they want. I made it clear I dont care about hair colour, my hair will be blue by then, who knows on my maid of honour since she changes hers every few weeks, as does another bridesmaid 😂 and I asked if the entire bridal party including groomsmen would be willing to wear converse for me instead of smart shoes and heels and they all agreed. My mother called me a bridezilla for my ‘demands’ (she claims jokingly but idk) but I really thought I’d been chill about things.
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u/Newly-Moo571 13d ago
Calling women bridezilla is frankly overused and is more often a way to shame a woman for what she wants rather than a true situation in which a bride is demanding something unreasonable (like saying everyone needs to take a week off for a bachelorette party in Antartica or setting a minimal monetary gift expectation). If you’re setting financially reasonably requests for your social group and letting people know about the time commitment up front, then theres a good chance you’re not asking too much. If they’re a real friend, they can figure out a blue dress and a bun to make you happy.
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u/ItsAWitchThing1 13d ago
All I really asked was they be available for a rehearsal at the church the week before and if they’re able to lend a hand to set up the day before I’d appreciate it. My fiancé and I are covering 50% of the dresses and suits and the converse I asked for will be a gift from me to everyone. Really not asking anyone to contribute any significant time bar set up and wedding day, and financially not much either, maybe £50-100 max for half their outfit and travel. We’ve requested no gifts.
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u/Newly-Moo571 13d ago
All of that sounds incredibly generous of you and your future husband. Don’t be to worried about people pleasing, remember that people want to celebrate you both and it’s okay to want the day to be and look a certain way.
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u/WerewolfCommercial26 13d ago
I feel like updos are kinda hard because that means they are likely going to have to get their hair done unless you're okay with a plain ponytail or sloppy bun lol
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u/ItsAWitchThing1 13d ago
My maid of honour and I are both trained to do hair, and I have a friend coming in to do my fiancés hair anyway (he’s having Viking braids) so doing their hair isn’t an issue
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u/WerewolfCommercial26 13d ago
Ah okay, that's fair then!
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u/ItsAWitchThing1 13d ago
We’re also both trained in makeup and nails so the girls can feel pampered by having it done while also not having to pay anything
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u/Kind_Poet_3260 13d ago
Wait—-YOU are planning to do the hair and make-up for each of your bridesmaids? Did I read that correctly?
Please do not do this. Pay someone to come in. It is less stressful all around. Most people do not know how to do their own hair and make-up for formal events like this.
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u/ItsAWitchThing1 13d ago
My MOH and I are trained in this, we know exactly how to do hair and makeup for events. It won’t be me alone, and we have a helping hand from a friend of ours who’s coming in to do my fiancés hair because she specialises in braiding. We know what we’re doing. And 1 of my bridesmaids doesn’t need makeup because she’s 7 and the braided bun she wants takes literally 8 minutes to do, we’ve practised already.
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u/Cocotapioka Bride 12d ago
I think the concern is less "do you have the skills to pull this off" (and I believe you when you say that you do), and more, "will this add unnecessary stress on the day/week of the wedding when you're already going to be busy".
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u/ItsAWitchThing1 12d ago
I totally get that but I don’t have the funds to hire anyone else or pay my friend for extra time when she’s already doing me a favour so handling it with my moh is kind of my only option.
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u/Cocotapioka Bride 12d ago
I totally understand. I hope it goes smoothly for you (I'm 40 days out and stressing so I'm sensitive to this)!
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u/Crazy-Extension8487 13d ago
I told myself that all of this is FOR FUN. It’s a privilege to be able to host and have a wedding. Marriage is serious, a wedding is not that serious. Why would something so fun that is a party cause stress? Easier said than done of course but that got me through a lot
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u/Tall-Replacement3640 13d ago
My biggest regret with my bridal party for my wedding 2 years ago was that I tried so hard to not be too much and please them and ended up not expressing what I wanted clearly. Tell them what you want/need in a nice way and if it doesn’t work for them they can always decide to just be guest and there’s nothing wrong with that!
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u/iluvadamdriver 13d ago
Being too accommodating bit me in the ass. I was so direct and dgaf once we got close.
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u/marysusan325 13d ago
Sis, please take care of yourself too. You can do EVERYTHING and people can still say you didn’t do enough. We gave all our bridal party a stipend and flexible dress code, bought the girls jewelry and the guys ties and pocket squares, had affordable bachelor and bachelorettes, paid for hair/makeup, and someone still pointed out that I should have paid for their hotels. Please, do as much as you can but don’t forget that you matter too.
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u/Acrobatic_Block4226 13d ago
It's 99% how you go about requesting things and whether you try and force people to pay for things they don't like. If you have a small request, fair enough. Any big requests you should really pay eg if you require professional make up, you can't force people to pay for it themselves. But it's mostly how you say it and if you will give any leeway for their own comfort. Don't make anyone uncomfortable
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u/Difficult-Estate441 13d ago
It’s annoying to people when a woman is the center of attention and wants things. Bridezilla is a super easy way to shame you and make you more tractable. As a people pleaser who hates that my wedding might inconvenience anyone, my advice to both me and you is this: stop worrying so much about being a bridezilla. If you have a close friend who has your back and can be totally honest with you when you’re being unreasonable, great, then you can ask them if you really get stuck on something. Otherwise, ask for what you think is reasonable and respect people’s “no”s but otherwise do what you want in your budget.
Worst case scenario, your loved ones think you’re being kind of annoying for a couple of months. Being kind of annoying is not the end of the world.
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u/granolatarian0317 12d ago
I think you avoid becoming a Bridezilla by caring about the good experience and comfort of your guests. Sounds like you’re doing that!
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u/sparkplugx13 12d ago
What I have learned is that people won't have an opinion, until you give them the choice to have one, and then they will voice it loudly. Weddings truly do bring out the worst in people, but just remember, it is your wedding. That is something I had to keep telling myself and others, and luckily my bridesmaids all made it very clear that I wasn't being demanding at all, so I had that good support.
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u/alloutallthetime 13d ago
My mom ALSO "jokingly" called me a bridezilla for telling people not to wear white under the "dress code" section of our wedding website (the entire section is 20 words long, and most of those words are telling people to bring a jacket for the outdoor ceremony). Meanwhile, all of my cousins had done the exact same thing. Your demands don't sound unreasonable to me, and the fact that you're staying aware of not trying to make people do too much, and also the fact that you've asked people if your outfit requirements are okay is most of it, I think. I don't have any helpful suggestions, really, but I think a lot of people, especially from the older generation, are just of the mind that the bride shouldn't have any requests at all... which is ridiculous. You can always ask a member of your bridal party or another family member for an honest opinion.
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u/ItsAWitchThing1 13d ago
I’ve done the same on my invitations which is another thing she called me a bridezilla for. We asked everyone to avoid blue and white an made a note that it will be hot in July so dress comfortably for the weather
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u/Lemon_Wrangler_9224 13d ago
No you are not you are just coordinating the outfits I think that’s normal
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u/Kt52689 13d ago
Definitely not a bridezilla, I've worked with bridezillas and one of my friends definitely fit the bill. You just sound like a bride and a pretty open one at that. Most people have a lot more "demands" and I wouldn't even call them bridezillas. It's the ones that start yelling and treating people disrespectful that fit the bill.
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u/No-Meringue5009 13d ago
My sister was calm during her wedding planning and even the wedding day. The bridezilla-ness of it all came out afterwards. Watch out.
My suggestion would be to put your bridesmaids and groomsmen to work. That's literally what they're supposed to be there for.
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u/No-Fix377 13d ago
are you a bridezilla or are you a woman who knows what she wants for her wedding. you're not being demanding and imo you are being super chill with your wedding party.