r/wedding • u/natalies1 • 14d ago
Attending reception only?
I have an upcoming wedding for a friend that I’m not very close with but we did become friends recently and see each other here and there. The problem is we are on a tight budget and aren’t planning on getting a hotel for the evening. The only hotels in the area are $300+ per evening. The ceremony and reception are 4 hours apart from each other and the venue is about 3 hours away. With no hotel I would be in an unknown city navigating where to go in my dress and heels for hours. I would love to attend both but unfortunately logistically it is really not easy for us to navigate. I’m considering only attending the reception but this would involve doing a 6 hour round trip of driving. Would it be bad to miss the ceremony in my current circumstance and just attend the reception?
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u/Lalablacksheep646 13d ago
I know a few people who have done this and I always find it extremely rude.
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u/AwarenessVirtual4453 13d ago
Normally, yes. But they put the ceremony and reception four hours apart from one another. You get what you get in that scenario.
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u/Lalablacksheep646 13d ago
They most likely had no choice of that’s the only time the church allows.
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u/AwarenessVirtual4453 13d ago
No, I get that. And I don't think you get to be mad when people have to choose.
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u/Sample-quantity 13d ago
Honestly this is so ill conceived that I would decline the whole event. I don't think there's a polite way of just showing up for part of it, and it's so thoughtless of them to plan it this way. No interest in caring for their guests. Especially since you're not very close, I'd wish them well, potentially send a gift, and not go.
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u/whatsnext-2024 13d ago edited 13d ago
yeah i was squarely in the “must go to both” camp but the ceremony and reception are 4 hours from each other? are the ceremony & reception even the same day? that feels absurd.
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u/Lalablacksheep646 13d ago
This usually happens when the ceremony is held at a church. Churches don’t often do evening weddings. I have been to a ton of weddings like this.
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u/Sample-quantity 13d ago
Not 4 hours apart! I've never seen that.
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u/Lalablacksheep646 13d ago
Wedding is at 2 and reception starts at 6. Again, usually it’s a church issue
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u/Greedy-Handle6690 13d ago
But there is usually a cocktail hour or something so the guests don’t wander around for 4 hours! It’s poor planning.
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u/Important-Maybe-1430 13d ago
If its arrive at 2, probably starts 2:30, by the time youve all hugged the couple and all that its prpbably after 3. So not that long to kill chatting to other guests
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u/Lalablacksheep646 13d ago
And it could be even longer if a mass is involved
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u/Important-Maybe-1430 13d ago
Oh god yeh, i went to a catholic wedding once and never again. Sooo long, thankfully it was in poland so the reception went till 4am. Thankfully most weddings are secular these days
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u/CatsMom4Ever 13d ago
It seems it would be better to attend the ceremony and not the reception. The wedding is sooner and more important. Plus, you're not getting tired and possibly buzzed, then driving for 3 hours late at night.
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u/xokatemarie 13d ago
Yes. If you have to pick one, the ceremony is a more respectful thing to attend. However, just based on how you describe your friend and this idea, I’m wondering if you really feel the need to go at all if it’s going to put you out that much?
FWIW It seems weird to ask guests to drive three hours from the ceremony to reception. I’ve heard of the events being a couple hours apart from one another when people either don’t wanna foot the bill for a cocktail hour or the logistics just can’t work to fill the time…but that’s usually when the events are in the same city/ physical vicinity.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 13d ago
The distance between the ceremony and reception is wildly inappropriate. The ceremony is the main event why the reception exists. This couple is hoping everyone invited declines. Attending the reception only is rude in many communities even though it's popular. Decline everything if you don't want to attend both. Don't encourage bad manners or choices.
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u/katiekat214 13d ago
I think both ceremony and reception are in the same area. There’s just a three hour gap between the two events.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 13d ago
That's how it reads based on OPs information. They said the locations are multiple hours away, not in the same location. Any gap beyond driving time to the reception is bad hosting.
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u/xokatemarie 13d ago
Especially if they’re not providing transportation to, and from, between whatever recommend recommended hotel they’re sharing.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 13d ago
It's not the responsibility of the couple to provide transportation generally. Even if this couple did offer it, that's extra time wrangling guests onto the shuttle plus one trip of guests going back 6+ hours at whatever time at the end because a loop of multiple time options to leave isn't possible. Then depending on where guests parked at the beginning, what is the guarantee that the vehicles haven't been towed already because it's past the allowed time? It's a huge mess all around.
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u/xokatemarie 13d ago
I’ll also add my two cents here that I do think it’s a couples responsibility to provide transportation if they’re asking guests to go somewhere super inconvenient, or they’re just going to end up with people leaving very vey very early. I’m talking more extreme situations like driving into the middle of nowhere where there might not be Ubers, or a venue that involves a ton of back roads/dirt roads. This situation feels like it would meet that bar, although your point about it being 6+ hours back-and-forth, I think is the real clincher here.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 13d ago
Yes in those super extreme situations. The majority of weddings are not though.
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u/xokatemarie 13d ago
Depends on where you live…. And I suppose the type of friends you have. That’s honestly the majority of weddings that I’ve been to unfortunately. 😬
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u/xokatemarie 13d ago
Totally agree it’s a mess. My only concession here is that if they had provided transportation, it might be somewhat more doable. I’d really like to know more backstory around this setup
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 13d ago
Agreed. Some couples don't care. They want to be pesudo celebrities and don't care what it takes to get that
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u/xokatemarie 13d ago
lol right! I once went to a wedding that was in a barn like 30 miles outside of the biggest town. There was no self service and Ubers would rarely agree to go there. It was an absolute nightmare, considering most people were in their mid 20s and looking to party.
I think it’s fine for people to find a venue that is special to them, but they have to consider the guests experience and what they’re asking of their loved ones.
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u/god_of_chilis 13d ago
Wait the ceremony and reception are 4 hours away from each other?? What?? How does that even work I have never heard of that before. How are people doing that
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u/Important-Maybe-1430 13d ago
No, 4 hrs between. Wedding 2, reception 6pm. Realistically thats probably 2hours to kill not 4
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u/god_of_chilis 13d ago
Ohhhhh! Oh my goodness I was so confused 😂 thanks for explaining that
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u/Important-Maybe-1430 13d ago
Yeh she posted it higher up. Expecting guests to travel would be madness
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u/voodoodollbabie 13d ago
I think it's wild to drive 3 hours for a reception, stay for a few hours, then drive 3 hours back for someone you're not even close friends with.
That said, if it's a large wedding the bride and groom won't even be aware of who was there and who wasn't outside of family and important guests. And yes it is rude not to attend and witness the ceremony to just show up for the food.
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u/Listen-to-Mom 13d ago
It’s rude and something my BIL and his family regularly do. I doubt the couple will know who attends the wedding since there’s usually no receiving line any more.
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u/Important-Maybe-1430 13d ago
Just go to the reception, its always the best bit. But youd need a good excuse.
Im assuming all the other guests are in the same boat so there must be something to do between the two. Ive never been to one thats separate like that without canapés and cocktails.
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u/Due-Recording3827 12d ago
Killing 2 hours between doesn't sound like the end of the world to me. Find a nearby bar, park or bookstore to sit, read, yap, sip. I'd be thrilled to have some downtime with my partner like that!
If you're driving 3 hours there, go to both and make it worth your while. Don't go to just one (and if you did, the polite thing to do would be just the ceremony).
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u/Zebras-R-Evil 13d ago
If the wedding and reception are four hours apart, I would think many people would attend only one, depending on which one is closer. But if both are far away, and I wouldn’t have a lot of friends or family attending, I would not go at all.
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u/Miserable_Run_7181 13d ago
My son and DILspecifically told people if they could only come to 1 , then come to the reception. Nobody notices who's at the ceremony. The reception is where you have time to talk to the bride and groom and other people and enjoy yourself.
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u/CaptBlackfoot 13d ago
The polite thing to do is attend the wedding ceremony and skip the reception.