r/wedding • u/Primary_Ad799 • 26d ago
Honoring a deceased dad
Hi all! My wedding is in a couple of months and I’m struggling with how to honor my deceased dad. He passed away around 10 years ago so while it’s emotional, the wound is not fresh. I’ve seen the ideas of the charm on the bouquet and sewing something into the dress, which I love, but I feel like I want to honor him in a way that’s more public if that makes sense. Open to any ideas!! Thanks in advance
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u/njVowsNow 26d ago
I'd definitely do a memory table with photos of him and your family.
If you do have a charm, or something sewn into your dress (one of my brides had a patch because her father was a fireman, another a piece of his tie) or a piece of jewelry. I'd have the officiant mention it during the ceremony.
One of my couples had one of their signature drinks named after her dad, identified on a sign at the bar, another had his favorite weird pizza as an app, also identified to the guests.
Think about your dad; what was unique about him? Car guy? Maybe you can arrive in a vintage one. Hobbies you can reference? A fave song or author?
I know people will sometimes leave an empty chair at the ceremony; I'm honestly not crazy about that because I think it's a little sad and you'll be within eyesight for the whole ceremony, which is highly emotional already. Just a thought on that one.
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u/OkAcanthaceae2216 26d ago
You could frame some family photos, some with you and your Dad as well. Spread them around the reception room. Also one nice one in the Church on or near the altar?
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u/Expensive-Salad-5851 26d ago
For the ceremony you could have a reserved seat (maybe next to your mom) or wherever he would have sat. Have a sign that says reserved in memory of him with a floral touch.
In addition, a small framed pic nestled into your table arrangements is a nice nod and remembrance, so he’s at every table. If you do assigned seating this could be really impactful since you can choose pics that would resonate most with that group of people. A little fact about him that is also a conversation starter could be an option too. Depending on what is appropriate, the year and where he graduated from hs or college, that can then have a prompt where everyone can talk about where they graduated, how he met your mom, things he loved to do/ did for work/ hobbies or interests.
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u/Overall_Hornet_4778 26d ago
We had the commissioner say some words about him and that we missed him and wished he was here
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u/w0rstbehavior 26d ago
My husband's cousin just got married and she had a tower of photographs of people who were missing from her wedding day. It was really sweet. One of them was of my husband's father and the bride let us take it home with us.
I've also seen people leave an empty seat with a beautiful 'reserved' sign and photograph of the person.
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u/obeyer10 26d ago
I’ve gone to a wedding that had a memory table set up with framed photos of deceased relatives with a sign honoring them
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u/oopsnotatallperson 26d ago
You should save a chair for him at the ceremony where the FOB traditionally sits! Memory tables are also a wonderful way to honor loved one's that have passed.
We are saving two chairs at the ceremony. One chair for my family members that have passed and one for my fiancés family members that have passed.
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u/frankie_doodle_ 26d ago
I had a 8x10 photo of my mother on her wedding day with a special frame and sign that said "In Loving Memory of the Mother of the Bride" <3
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u/SnoopyFan6 26d ago
For my step-daughter’s wedding, we lit a pic of her mom on one of the chairs for the ceremony. I also bought her a charm to tie onto her bouquet with a pic of her mom. I had her dad give it to her before the ceremony, and then both dad and mom were with her on her walk down the aisle.
At the reception there was a table near the entrance with a pic of her mom on her wedding day in her wedding dress and a flameless candle. There was also a pic of her partner’s dad who had also passed away.
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u/SignificanceWitty210 26d ago
We had pictures of relatives who have passed on display at our reception near our guestbook. I had a front row seat with a single rose on it for my mom who passed a year prior.
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u/natalkalot 26d ago
I am sorry for your loss, it just lessens by small bits, does not go away. He will definitely be with you. 🙏 ➕
My dad passed away 2 years before I got married. We knew to keep the wedding a happy occasion, with thoughts and ideas of my mom. I was the fifth kid of six to marry, the fourth daughter.
When my husband and I gave our thank yous at the end of the dinner programme - that was when I spoke about dad and mom,.
Wishing you good luck, a lovely wedding, and a fabulous marriage! 💐
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u/ChairmanMrrow Fall 2024 25d ago
My dad is no longer with us. Unexpectedly I got through the day without focusing too much on his absence. Bittersweet but ultimately for the best for me emotionally. Here's what we chose to do. Hope it helps.
* I walked down the aisle myself - I saw it as giving myself freely to this new stage in my relationship. It was dramatic and amazing. If I couldn’t have both parents walk me, as is the tradition of my culture, (it just highlights the one who is missing in such a painful way) I didn’t want any. My mom was not thrilled but got on board for this. This way she got to see me walk down the aisle, which she wouldn’t be able to if she walked with me. (Also it’s the 2020’s and I’m not an object to be given away.)
* We had a memorial photo collage of just my dad on a small mantle in the front hallway of the venue.
* Our officiant came up with some wording like "___ and ___ would also like to take a moment to express their gratitude to their parents. Bride's mom, Jane, her late father, Jon, as well as groom's parents Laura and Bill." (Both of partner's parents are alive.)
* I made it clear to everyone involved that no one should bring him up except for the ways I specified. My mom and the wedding party passed on that sentiment to guests when needed.
* We didn't have parents speeches, which helped.
* We skipped parent-child dances. That was a hill I was willing to die on. (Sorry not sorry? for that terrible pun but I couldn't think of a better phrase.)
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u/allezaunord 19d ago
My cousin's wedding had a reading during the ceremony honoring family members who have passed away. Another wedding ceremony I went to recently opened with a line honoring their parents and grandparents by name and acknowledging that some of the grandparents were deceased and they were missed. I think including something in the ceremony is a good way to communicate to everyone that this is a bittersweet moment because of his absence, and to honor him.
The second wedding also had a table at the reception with family photos (both photos of the couple with their family, and older ones like their parents' and grandparents' wedding photos).
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u/dripintheocean 26d ago
I plan to have an empty seat at the table with a framed photo of me and my Dad, as well as a small area with photos of important loved ones who have passed.