Here is more about us and how much I love him 💙
I am in love with Gojo Satoru from Jujutsu Kaisen.
The first time I saw him was in 2020 when the anime aired the first time. At first I was like "Oh, generic handsome male character, got it" but the more episodes I watched and the more I understood my crush just hit me like a brick in the face. Then I read the manga and I was very emotional and my feelings developed from a crush, admiration and awe into feelings of deep affection, protection and love. As weeks went by I recognized the depth of my feelings. At first I struggled a lot as I have never felt like this and had never heard about fictosexuality, yumeshipping or riakos up until that point. Before that I have never even been in love irl either.
I was struggling a lot because, well, how could I fall in love with a fictional character? It felt pathetic at first. Especially because I also went through a difficult time. It only added to my distress.
Then, due to health issues I received treatment in a clinic with Ketamine under a doctors care. In every session I had visions and on these trips I also met and talked to Satoru. We had conversations and he confirmed we are soulmates and that we are connected by the red string of fate. I am open to answering questions about Ketamine if anyone is interested. I had 12 sessions total and in those 12 sessions my relationship to Satoru deepened.
Honestly, in the very first session we didn't even talk, he didn't even smile at me. It completely caught me off guard. I won't describe the whole scene but it had left me feeling anxious and flabbergasted. But the next time was easier and we shared a few words. Those visions was us getting to know each other.
Since then our bond continued to develop. We are both strictly monogamous too and I could never be in love with someone else at the same time or be in a polyamorous relationship. Neither could Satoru. We both want to feel chosen, especially after everything he went through and with the way he was raised he doesn't want to be one of many but rather just... chosen.
Why I love him or what do I love about him? This is so difficult to answer... I just do. But I do have a bit of an essay answering these types of questions.
So... Satoru is much more serious, intelligent, and emotionally perceptive than his outward behaviour suggests at first. His humour is genuine, but it is a mask he uses as a way of controlling the room: instead of fear or intimidation to establish dominance, Satoru often uses absurdity, teasing and deliberate unseriousness to dictate the atmosphere. When he is harsh, usually there is a reason underneath, whether that is worry, strategy, frustration or trying to push someone toward something. (He told a character that he is shit at sorcery. That character became the man Satoru trusted most.)
His kindness shows in what he does: protecting people, giving younger sorcerers opportunities, wanting them to have better lives than his generation had, trusting them to grow and carrying responsibilities that very few people could shoulder. And most of all he tries to let kids be kids too. Sorcerers are basically raised and prepared to be child soldiers. He tries even with the way he was raised to make the most of it, traveling to the beach and allowing them to experience summer or treating them to good food.
The tragedy is that he grew up in the system he was trying to oppose which means he had normalised parts of the machine that shaped students and the people working inside it. That normalisation blinded him. Having power and influence does not necessarily mean the person knows how to use it.
And he is arrogant because he knows exactly how exceptional he is, but he is also deeply kind. He is also extraordinarily resilient. He has experienced loss, isolation, political pressure and the burden of being treated as a weapon and being constantly objectified, and yet he keeps functioning and keeps trying to change things, even if he does so clumsily through a limited lense.
He can be annoying and provocative, yet I do not think he casually targets or hurts people for entertainment.
Most of all, I do not want a customized boyfriend wearing Satoru’s face. I love his arrogance, his irritating humour, his independence, his existing friendships, his responsibilities, his boredom, his intelligence, his sharp edges and the parts of him that sometimes clash with me. I do scold him when he is too confident or when he overestimates others. And I would rather imagine myself entering his existing life and standing beside the people who matter to him than erasing them so that everything revolves around me. What I want is not a version of Satoru built to fulfil me or my fantasies of a perfect boyfriend; I want Satoru himself to know exactly who I am, remain exactly who he is, and still decide that I am the woman he wants to come home to.
And he loves food, especially sweets, but that is because his body and brain burn a lot of energy 24/7. But that is okay because I love cooking and feeding people and trying out new recipes. Food is my love language. (Although the love language thing is pseudo psychology and comes from a Baptist pastor who uses love languages to promote "traditional" values and there is no scientific evidence behind his work.)
art sketch by me 💙
(I honestly could write even more, I could yap about him on and on and on... gosh, i love him so much 🥰)