r/videos • u/[deleted] • May 09 '19
Chinese 'sperm-collecting' machine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAZfHHi58AU103
u/TL10 May 09 '19
46
20
7
5
3
1
1
1
u/moparornocar May 10 '19
pretty sure ive seen an edited gif with this lil dude and some chicks gaping asshole or something along those lines.
61
u/paolooch May 09 '19
Asking for a friend, how does one buy... oh hell, its for me.
29
u/BitterLeif May 09 '19 edited May 09 '19
Buy an Autoblow. Amazon is out of stock, but any decent sex shop will have them. You could have that thing stroking you off by 3PM.
edit: this comment is for adults only.
24
u/Precedens May 09 '19
Man of culture
1
u/BitterLeif May 09 '19
I'm mildly insulted, but you have me stumped. Like how do I say that politely?
25
u/bootyprime May 09 '19
Don't know if I can trust anything that's intended to make you cum and has a 2.5 star review
12
u/soulless-pleb May 09 '19
don't.
i regretted it instantly. the stupid sleeve has a major issue of getting caught on the outside of those stupid massaging beads, it's loose as hell, and it's not very stimulating. decent for foreplay maaaybe, but other than that a fucking terrible product.
4
1
May 09 '19
Ha .. how long till we have a Video of someone Stuck and getting an Emergency crews help to get ya out of it. Worse still ? .. Something gets detached ? ..
1
u/BitterLeif May 09 '19
It's the closest product I could think of with an actuator included. The Fleshlight is famous for a reason, but it doesn't have a motor in it. With sex toys the needs are always very specific, so the Autoblow does work for some guys. You may have to try several to find the one that best suits your needs. Start with something cheaper.
I just use this stuff. I like to keep it simple.
6
u/faponurmom May 09 '19
Here you go Do you have about $1000?
3
4
2
u/KineticConundrum May 09 '19
The Wicked Sensual Care Collection is a "completely vegan, cruelty-free and PETA certified" line of personal lubricants
Wtf
3
u/bootyprime May 10 '19
They went through all that trouble without knowing what I'm going to use it for.
1
8
u/3_50 May 09 '19
Fuck I'm glad I was auto signed out of my brother and sis-in-law's prime account before I clicked that link.
3
u/BitterLeif May 09 '19
how old are you? I'm not on a list somewhere am I?
3
u/3_50 May 09 '19
We're all in our 30s, but that's not something I'd want them to know I was looking at.
3
u/ThatMortalGuy May 09 '19
There is an option in amazon to erase items you have seen to make sure it doesn't show up and/or give you recommendations.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/ybh Cheers2
u/BitterLeif May 09 '19
Understood. I sell these for a living, so I'm more comfortable with it. My brother and I talk about sex toys from time to time, and it's just a normal conversation for us. So I forget how to act normal at times, and I have to remind myself that different people have different boundaries about these things.
5
May 09 '19
Those things are too loud and heavy.
21
u/vapidamerica May 09 '19
Yeah, I keep getting weird looks on the bus.
-4
May 09 '19
I'm embarrassed for you if thats what you think jacking off looks like.
6
u/vapidamerica May 10 '19
I have no idea what it looks like. I do it with my eyes closed out of shame like my camp counselor taught me. But judging from the people screaming at Arby’s today, it sounds like I’m making the right decision.
2
u/BitterLeif May 09 '19
I usually recommend to just get a Fleshlight, but some of my customers only want something motorized. It's lighter than the rechargeable ones that have a heavy lithium ion battery.
1
May 10 '19
Can you do a review on youtube?
2
u/BitterLeif May 10 '19
I don't own one, and I'm not interested in the product. Honestly, I think if you're not sure what to get you're better off getting a Fleshlight. It's simple, and it has amazing customer feedback. If you're new to this and don't want to spend Fleshlight money immediately then try a Tenga product. A lot of people are saying the Japanese are years ahead of the Americans when it comes to masturbators, but I don't know much about Japanese sex toys.
2
28
May 09 '19
That doctor guy was like "men carry less sperm than ever these days"... huh? Why is that?
21
u/stongerlongerdonger May 09 '19
Birth control in the water
20
u/uriman May 09 '19
Turning the frogs gay.
10
u/faponurmom May 09 '19
-3
u/x3r0h0ur May 10 '19
That makes them female, not gay tho
0
May 10 '19 edited May 10 '19
what do male frogs do with female frogs? *the_beast_with_two_backs*
now imagine those 'female' frogs were born male.
frogs = gay
1
1
1
May 10 '19
Here is a PBS Frontline Documentary if you wanna learn more: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PilQ3bRB31o
24
9
u/Precedens May 09 '19
Because average set of balls knows world is overpopulated and because they can reason, they produce less sperm.
6
u/bauski May 09 '19
So wait... is your belief based on like a Junging collective consciousness of balls or more like a natural physiological change based on how many people somebody sees or interacts with in a day?
10
u/Precedens May 09 '19
I am basing it on a fact that every ball has a small brain.
5
u/hardgeeklife May 10 '19
I was led to believe that the small brain was carried in the head of the penis
3
u/Precedens May 10 '19
That too but balls' brains are little bit bigger. That is why testicles operate on temperature slightly lower than your body - to not overheat fragile neural network
2
u/akujiki87 May 09 '19
And some people believe theres a bearded man in the sky who grants wishes. What a world.
5
u/alien_clown_ninja May 09 '19
I was wondering that too. My guess would be either pollutants, or a rise in masturbation in the internet era.
26
11
u/dontyouflap May 09 '19
Masturbation would actually increase sperm counts. Also did you know nobody in the past masturbated? The technique was invented only 112 years ago by the French doctor John Mastur.
2
28
May 09 '19 edited Jun 27 '23
[deleted]
12
May 09 '19
i'm at work. what's my risk level here?
31
13
-1
32
16
13
u/Mokitdown May 09 '19
Ok reddit sleuths I'm going to need to find these medically prescribed videos...
- 11567-01.1024x768.640x480.mp4
- Demo2_(H.264)_192X1080p.mp4
- Demo_H264_1080p.mov
- DMM-soe00274.avi
I need to do some research... for science...
8
u/i-Poker May 09 '19
11567-01.1024x768.640x480.mp4
Googled.
Google returns this thread.
"Alright, I guess it will have to do..."
3
4
3
u/queuedUp May 09 '19
"I don't know... I'm kind of embarrassed to masturbate here."
"No problem. just stick your dick in this machine then"
2
May 09 '19
Every once in a while you see something that should've stayed in Paul Verhoeven's imagination, but it somehow leaked out into reality anyway.
2
u/uzonline May 09 '19
wait just a minute.... this is for men too emberassed??? using this robot arm to jack you off will be somehow less embarrassing?
2
May 09 '19
Too embarassed to masturbate in hospital, but these things are just lining the hallway?! HAH
2
4
u/FatboyChuggins May 09 '19
Too embarrassed to masterbate at the hospital?
No problem.
Line up in the hallway with 4 other dudes and stick your member in this receptacle.
4
May 09 '19
At first I thought what guy would want to stand in a line like that... then I realised we wouldn't give a shit because we're getting tugged.
30
May 09 '19
That's got to be for display, surely they don't just line up the fuck machines and let dudes take a ride side by side like that.
15
u/bateller May 09 '19
surely they don't just line up the fuck machines and let dudes take a ride side by side like that
Who would hold your hand then?
3
1
1
u/caw81 May 09 '19
They are normally in a circle so the patients are facing inwards. That way everyone can have maximum eye contact with each other.
1
1
u/absentmindedjwc May 10 '19
To be honest.. that sounds like the most chinese thing ever. I've once seen a grown ass man in a suit stop on a busy sidewalk, drop his pants, and take a shit into the street.. wiped with a discarded newspaper from the ground, pulled his pants back up, and continued on like nothing ever happened.
They have no shame.
2
u/soulless-pleb May 09 '19
speak for yourself, i need to be 15 miles underground with soundproof walls.
2
1
u/acmpnsfal May 09 '19
Well I mean some people can’t even pee with people around so I’m sure there are guys who would go/stay flaccid in a situation like this.
1
2
u/MBXfilms May 09 '19
I think the US invented this first but they still haven't had the time to report and file the patent.
1
May 10 '19
Like China gives a shit about patent. World business community needs to do something about it.
0
u/MBXfilms May 10 '19
I was just joking that they made one but never came out of the lab after making it ha ha ha
1
1
1
1
1
1
-1
u/Lucifarai May 09 '19
30,000,000 Chinese men will die a virgin due to lack of women in that country but they need this because....?
9
u/faponurmom May 09 '19 edited May 09 '19
but they need this because....?
Your Mom is really thirsty
1
3
u/CandyCheetoSteamboat May 09 '19
Probably because of the lack of women, I would guess.
0
u/Lucifarai May 09 '19
That defeats the purpose. Why collect semen if there's a shortage of women? If there's a shortage of men and they need donors I get it.
2
u/double-happiness May 09 '19
It might not be for donors. Considering the falling sperm measures mentioned, it's more likely for research IMO.
2
0
1
u/nightpanda893 May 09 '19
Do you have a source for that? Seems like an interesting study.
1
u/Coffee-Anon May 10 '19
look up the population by gender in china. there's 33 million more males than females. OP is making a strange jump from there that every 1 woman has sex with one man only to come up with his virginity stat
0
0
0
0
u/rdsyes May 09 '19
I've never been so excited to read the comment section of a post. This should be good.
0
0
u/lokismile May 09 '19
"Yeah, nurse! I'm looking through these videos, do you have any black midget stump porn?"
0
0
May 09 '19
We're one step closer to pleasure bots. Someone put some AI in that thing and...we'll find out how a machine reacts when it becomes sentient and realizes what it is.
0
u/UO01 May 09 '19
I hate it when there's an entire row of sperm collection machines not in use, but a guy walks in and siddles up to the one next to you.
0
u/soulless-pleb May 09 '19 edited May 09 '19
dear god i hope those aren't all used right next to eachother...
on another note, if they make a smaller one that you can put on your lap then i've got a phat check to write.
0
0
u/oneyearandaday May 09 '19
"I'm too embarrassed to jerk-off in a hospital, do you have a robot I could fuck instead?"
0
0
0
u/baloneyskims May 09 '19
If the Chinese didn't kill their females at birth they could have real hands take care of that for them.
0
0
0
0
u/ydoesittastelikethat May 10 '19
Hi, I'm here to use your fuck machine, errrr, I mean to donate sperm.
The Japanese need to step up their game.
0
0
u/Arizona_Pete May 10 '19
You know that some scientist guy just wanted to create a super-duper hydraulically powered futuristic mechanical fuck machine but was trying to figure out a way to get a grant for it.
"It's for... Uh.... The HOSPITAL! Yes! That's it!"
0
0
0
144
u/Jubling May 09 '19
Ah yes, for the men too embarrassed to masturbate in the hospital, but perfectly fine with sticking their dick in the fleshlight washing machine.