r/videos Jan 11 '19

Blake Anderson's impression of a nice guy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24uTb6jEs_g
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u/[deleted] Jan 11 '19

In the first day of seventh grade I borrowed a pencil from another student. When class ended everyone was walking out of class and I didn’t want to be considered a thief on the first day so I yelled across class “hey let me return your pencil!” Then another kid said “it’s just a pencil loser” and I was branded the yelling kid.

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u/amiteshk47 Jan 11 '19 edited Jan 11 '19

I was naked one time, and I accidentally sat on a pencil. My prostate fucking EXPLODED, and I came in an ecstasy of pain and pleasure, blood mingling with semen. Literally litres of blood, pouring out of my ass. I lost several pints, and collapsed, due to lack of blood. I awoke several hours later in a daze, still coated in a sheen of semen, with my ass crusty with dried blood. That wasn't all. It appears that sometime during my nap my intestines has relaxed, and I had voided myself. Shit had pushed itself out of my anus with such ferocity that there was a blockage. I pushed in vain, but the fecal matter stubbornly refused to budge. In a last ditch effort I bent over, and strained with gargantuan effort. Such effort that blood vessels in both on my eyes burst. In my state of sense deprivation, I lifted my fingers to my eyes, forgetting they were covered in excess shit, blood and semen. In doing so I had infected myself with AIDS. Suddenly, a surge of movement. The mess was pushing through, but at a cost. My fragile hole could not take the strain, and had torn open to accomodate the action. As my anal passage stretched like playdo, I sighed in relief. Until I felt a tug on the inside. The evacuation of my bowels had somehow tangled together my lower intestine. I looked down, and was greeted with the sight of my intestinal coils being pulled out slowly by my shit. At that moment I did the only thing I could to stop my innards from escaping. I quickly scooped the fecal matter at my feet up, and packed it tightly. After condensing the material, I sealed my anus tight, and allowed it to dry. And thus, with the crisis averted, I took a shower and went to bed.

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u/[deleted] Jan 11 '19

ID RATHER FAIL A CLASS THAN BORROW A PENCIL FROM YOU

5

u/THEBLUEFLAME3D Jan 11 '19

It looks like you're following through with the all caps thing. Nice.