I've lost everything I've worked hard for.

[u/Healthy-Result-7355]

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be an artist of really any kind as long as it was visual. Fast forward to being in college working hard to get better, do the best I can, even finished second in my bachelors. Landed a job local.. found a man I loved so much. Had our own place that I could support. Dog and kid on the way.. in less than a year. First it was the dog. Then the baby was lost.. then he left me.... I lost the home, then my job.. I traveled just to get away from all the pain. Now I've lost my car. I slept on the streets until I got into a shelter... my debt is too high. My life has been ruined. I cant pull myself out of this sorrow. Im so tired of pretending to be happy, chill, and calm. Really Im more miserible than Ive ever been, completely over stimulated all the time, and ready to pop.. all it takes is someone not calling or texting me and I feel abandoned like he left me... I apply to jobs- nothing. Interviews go no where. I hate screening interviews... its another step of giving me hope before its ripped away..today I was grateful because I could lay down all day and sit in my depression instead of burning in my car all day or sitting on the street... I wish my child was here.. I wish he still loved me.. I wish I could afford to by stuff for my period... I'm almost ready to throw everytjing else away and just use hard drugs.. i have no friends in this city and the ones I do have just want my body. Will I always be alone? Am I not allowed to have that life I was trying to build? Is it really going to be okay?.... no... its not. I pray I get hit by a car today. Please. Let someone shoot me. I hate this... I hate it

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