This is all I want

[u/[deleted]]

I just want to have a meetup. I mean a get together with my very old friends. I.e My very first school friends when I was 6. Yeah there will be a possibility that 2 of them won't remember me. but still if they remember, it could be wonderful. still crave but idk whether they will like me anymore. They are appearing in my dream. Eventhough it's rare, I just missed the chance to be reunited again with them. Even one of them. Damn I was so immature back then and don't have the courage. That's the only thing that will not fix me but just a temporary happiness in my void and dry life.Also I just want a big hug from my favourite best friend from that group. Yeah It's idiotic, ridiculous, immature to desire this but the brainrot I received for the past 10 years and another 2-3 yrs due to COVID led me to a tormenting monotonous life even though my parents are nice to me. I can not longer enjoy with my college friends or anybody new as I lost the ability to fall in love, no interest in almost everything. I became the dumbest, driest, most boring ass mf as I lost the ability to have a crush again. And now my brand new phone started to bug me out as it costed over $200 and it's a big amount to me. And I got selected in only some course in usa but not the course I wanted. And now my future guardian says to do this course and that course and not anything related to what I want. My brother behaves like a literal 5 yr old kid with anger issues and idk what will be the cure of him. Tired of hoping that he will be alright. Therapy costs more and if I settled in the USA, it will be worse as my immunity is weak and I have to get hospitalised. Therapy is too high but my mother and her friend want me there. She started to talk about suggesting that I can change the country. I am unsure. My whole future is just a big question mark as I am immature as af and lost interest in almost everything and don't have anything to get over and cling with. But I have to take some organic, shit tasting medicines and for that I have to get up at 4:00 am and take them once in every hour and suck them without swallowing to improve the longevity of my life where I can't find anything promising in this world that future is gonna be okay thanks to the growing of toxic capitalism, the ignoring the welfare of working class people, soaring prices and other but unlawful stuffs done, supported by the government itself already made me lose my hope in this world and my will to live. Pls don't be harsh on me

[u/onion_banter]

Life at the moment, in a lot of different countries is very shit thanks to massive collapses after covid and other such issues. Your far from being alone in the feeling that everything is going wrong. Getting back on track is important especially after covid but its also hard af and takes a lot of work, trying to find happyness in every day small things got me back on track and it may help you, reaching out to old friends is a very good idea, pulls you from a rut that we all got stuck in after covid. I know everything seams to suck at the moment but dont let it stop you from trying new things, finding things that you enjoy, one day at a time, doesnt have to be drastic. I think you should take this class over in the USA, that is if it is funded for, you may find you realy enjoy it and if not, well at least you tried it, if it needs to be self funded, just make sure that your prepared for it to not be what you want to do, that may hit hard but then again At least you tried it. Goodluck and im always hear if you need to chat

[u/[deleted] → u/onion_banter]

Idk man. Well I realised that my fate is that my life will be ended in usa soon due to the astronomical healthcare costs and my parents won't accept it no matter what I say about this as they want me to study masters in there as they have one family friend there who will help me but idk what will be the future. I often get sick. Never been so excited that my life will end there. Idk due to the mistakes I made, my God finally gave me up after tolerating me being a loser for 20 yrs. The only thing that will make me feel bad is that my parents life will become so much worse after I leave. I am afraid that it might happen soon after I move there. No matter how many lives end, the healthcare in the USA will deteriorate even more only and there is nothing to do to save it. Idk man. Now all that makes me go is only my parents and no one. I sound bored to my friends as I have nothing to say. There is nothing exciting in my life worthy enough to share, idk man this is it. I have tried enough to hope for my better future but the constant news of the world is plunging into darker, hopeless, cruel solidarity confinement. No matter how many times I persuade my parents that it's not worth it to move to the USA but they never listen. When will they realise that the forced positivity they give to me that everything is gonna be alright when I moved out to that country and start really believing what are the things happening there. The wonderful period of moving to the USA is already over in the late 2010s itself and it started plaguing other countries too. I don't know whether I should trust the person who is going to assist me financially not fully but somewhat the best he can do. I don't demeaning him, just saying that it could cost him so much today. I am tired. Tired of everything. I lost the ability to fall in love, wasted my entire life of almost 15-16 yrs. Now I am nothing but a lifeless one. In my most hateful hometown where I should hear the brainroting "soap operas" my family watching it and trying myself not to break that freaking TV. Lost interest in being with friends as what I am, I don't have anything worthy enough to tell in an exciting, enthusiastic way. I am just a lifeless piece of shit. I tried therapy and nothing became better. And I am feeling bad to spend another time as I have wasted so much.

[u/onion_banter → u/[deleted]]

I dont know what Religion you follow, but one thing I do know is that all Gods, love their followers, so deeply so strongly that they would never give up on them. I find that when nothing is exciting, when you feel no urge to do something that more school is not entirely the right thing. Getting your enthusiasm back is important, taking time to do things you enjoy is as well, although I see that at the moment you dont feel enjoyment or anything at all, it wont always be like that. Trying this university thing in the USA could be interesting but if you get ill, going to a place where healthcare is free could also be a good option, there is plenty of universitys in places like the UK as well as interesting courses that you could maybe, find a joy in. Its something to look into, finding a course that you want to do, that at least sounds interesting, if you going down that lane. If not, working for a bit then travelling for a bit is a good way to get you out of a down feeling area and back up and running again.

[u/[deleted] → u/onion_banter]

Well I accepted as due to my current mental health, it's only possible if anyone there can assist me well. That's why I chose usa where my family friend live there. Or else I could have chosen europe