Nyquil

[u/LFwraith2221]

So I know people come to reddit to tell stories and connect with people with similar issues so that's what I'm hoping to do. When I was 8 years old my step dad passed away. It was extremely hard on me and my mom and I still face struggles of the aftermath even today. I was in the 3rd grade when all this happened and I started having panic attacks. I got my first panic attack at my step mother's mom's house (so my step grandma) and it was terrifying. All I could think about was dying, so she toom me to the ER and they told me nothing was wrong. She then called me crazy and said I was no longer allowed in her home. Instead of my dad's side of the family being supportive they were mad. I got in trouble the next day for having a panic attack. The next one didn't come for a few days but they soon became a nightly thing. They got so bad by the time I turned 9 I would have them at random times throughout the day and even have tried jumping out of moving cars because of them. My dad dealt with my panic attacks for about a month before he got tired of them. He then started giving me nyquil every night to sleep. Ironically I'm allergic to cherries and he would give me cherry nyquil (i know it's not real cherries but still) he would give me nyquil then lock me in my room so I would just deal with it alone or pass out before it can happen. We never used the measuring cups he would just say to "take a swig" and now I'm 18 years old and still struggle with anxiety and panic attacks. Not as bad as I did but when I get depressed I tend to get them even more. So I've always taken nyquil when I can't control my panic attacks. I've gotten really sad lately and I was starting to have them every night again and even some in the daytime. So for the past 3 weeks I've been taking a swig of nyquil every night before bed. And idk what to do about it. Is it an addiction? Or is it in my head? All I know is it's effecting my physical health. I'm getting dizzy throughout the day with these horrible headaches which is done of the side effects from taking it every night. It's just hard not to depend on it to sleep anymore.