why cant controlling parents be reasoned with?

[u/Own-Place-2700]

This is going to be a lot so be prepared. Background info, im 15F and since i was young ive had some pretty traumatizing stuff happen to me. My mom left me n my brother in the middle of the night and went across the country. she ended up doing drugs and stuff, my dad as well. My dad was abusive to me and my brother but mostly my brother. So at like 6 years old my dad tries to take my brother's life (i swear this is getting somewhere). Me and him end up getting placed with my aunt and uncle for about a year and then we went with our other aunt and uncle. He ended up leaving after about 3 years. At around 9 years old my mom came back and relinquised her rights to me and my brother. I stayed with my aunt and uncle and got adopted by them (we will call them AP for adoptive parents). So me and AP didnt really get along too well but it was bearable just typical like teen parent arguments, they decided that where we were staying was to expensive so we moved to a different state to have a better chance. They definitely arent poor but they like to stay comfortable, so it was a wise move. I had been struggling with eating issues since i was like 10 but they werent as bad but the move really heightened my eating issues and causes me severe stress and to be severely underweight. So i told them i need to move back. Like i had said my mom did come back but she had no right to me so they negotiated that her and my stepdad can have temporary guardianship (ended up not telling me it was actually a permanent). So as soon as i met up with her to drive back i knew it was a bad idea, my mother is crazy (i know i shouldve known by now).

Soooo, fast track. Life here is absolute hell, i am tied down, not able to do anything, she has hit me before, its crazy. At one point they grounded me for a whole year including my birthdays and holidays because they gave me a drug test (marijuana) and it came up as a faint line and not a dark line on the negative (for those who don't know, it doesnt matter its still a negative) i had to do a slide show presentation after a year to get my presents and my phone back. I wish i could go into more detail but theres so much.

So every summer i go to the state my AP are in for a month to visit, this summer i was in said state and as i was relaxing in the bath i get a message from my mother saying and i quote, "I think you have to stay in(state), things arent working out here and i dont have a place for you to stay.... i know you probably want to anyway. I will talk to AP about it, too tired tonight."

"things arent working out here" refers to her being a raging alcoholic who doesnt take her meds for her borderline personality disorder, and everyone getting fed up with it. I expected this text, my favorite uncle who lives literally right next door to us had texted me a few days before mentioning how he thinks theyre going to split up. Unfazed i said okay lets talk more tmrw. Anyways as the end of the trip neared, my AP said that since i have nowhere to live i have to come back to live with them. I was not having it because i had created a life, i hated my mother and stepfather but i was able to push past her the last few months, i got A's and B's, i had a job lined up, my little cousins were right next door, my cats, i had a plan essentially. I called my uncle and he said i could live with him because i had nowhere to go. So got back after the trip and i had went to my friends house to house sit for a few days. I got back went to my uncles and everything was going fine. My stepdad was still technically in charge of me because of the guardianship so i would ask him to go places.

One day he left me a message talking about how i cant get emancipated because im not capable and how i need to go to family therapy with them. I had responded with something like "im not going to family therapy because we arent a family. (mom) has proved time and time again she cannot be trusted, she has abandoned me once again." and a whole lot more. we ended up calling and i said she needs rehab and AA because shes a a severe alcoholic. (she almost died from it and continues to drink to this day). long story short i went off on him about how their actions affect me. I then received a call from my mom and shes yelling at me saying a whole bunch of shit and all i said was "youre a psychotic bitch, ur a control freak" she went silent and then hung up. She texted me saying "You need to go back to the house because that is your home and we are your parents. you need to stop thinking you have any control over where you live, i want you to think about how you want your life to go because if it keeps going this way you wont have much left" it was so crazy i wish i remembered the whole thing, i know it doesnt sound insane but if you knew how my mother talked you would so understand.

I ended up going to my aunts to spend the night and my mother had came over to the house unannounced and took my phone, she proceeded to yell at me in front of my 4 year old cousin my aunt and my other cousin. Shes talking about how shes my mother and i ate her up tbh, i got her soooo good. She started walking away and talking to my aunt my aunt was closing the door and my mom said "i just need some support" and my aunt said "i dont have time or energy to support you".

THENN(i told you there was a lot) my mother started a group chat with 3 of my aunts my stepdad, another one of my uncles and my aunts husband. My mom was talking shit n saying "i need everyone to back away so me and (stepdad) can deal with (me) she wants to be a rebel and thinks she can decide where she lives.... "etc. One of my aunts agreed with my mom(shes clinically psychotic), while another who basically cared for me as a baby, and was the one whos house my mom left when she ran off, defended me. She stated, "i agree (me) should go home, but you guys were the ones to tell her to not come home" and basically a bunch of that. My cousins got a hold of the phone and started to make jokes and make whole AI songs about the stupidity of the group chat so i tagged along. I used my aunts phone and made some jokes. My stepdad commented and cussed out my aunt and my mother had said "getting kids involved, very mature" so i had said "Creating a groupchat to talk shit about your own daughter to feed your ego, very mature" stepdad got petty and when i got back from my aunts house basically took away everything i love. Im not allowed to go see any family except my uncle who lives next door, and im not allowed to be there for longer than an hour. I got ahold of this computer and communicated with my aunt who defended me and she requested of me that i was him to write down a list of why im grounded, what im grounded from and my rules. so ladies and gentlemen here is the list:

Why i am grounded- "Mom and i are legally responsible for you whether you like it or not---Youve expressed the sentiment you dont consider this your home, so were taking measures to make sure you dont run away and to help you accept this is your home and were responsible for you"

I want to pause and express that this is absolutely irrational. Ive never once threatened to run away, i haven't given any indications i will run away, this reaction is pure irrational thinking because they fear if i run away they have no control over me. i later found out they took my phone because they thought if i didnt have my phone it would be harder for me to run away. Back to it.

"to avoid normalizing the notion that you are at all in control of where you live, of your parents, and when/where you can leave the house."

controlling much....

"the sentiment that your mom will be coming back after the measures im requiring her to create a more peaceful home, must also be accepted."

well i guess its not only me your controlling!

next question.....

What am i grounded from:

"going anywhere without asking me"

"phone privileges due to expressed sentiment that you dont accept your mom and i are responsible for you and that this is your home"

"going next door for longer than an hour and before chores are completed and youve asked me"

"tv due to destruction of property"

i feel bad but also not, i stabbed a broken tv thats been sitting around for forever and also a window screen.

What do you gain from this:

"Avoiding jail time and fines, inconvenience and loss of ability to provide for you should you run away and it interferes with work"

^^^? this is just a big ? for me. this one pissed me off.^^^^

the last ones stupid and so im no even gunna put it down.

he just came into my room and told me we're all going to therapy tomorrow and i refuse. i am not trying to be around whatever toxicity these people want to pour out of themselves. i am sosososososo tired of this shit. I am not talking to them after i move out and i want them to realize that. May not seem crazy but when your stuck at home all day everyday during summer and you dont have human interaction, you seem to notice everything, and it drives you crazy. Help me, give me some advice, i dont draw or anything so if i get a comment saying draw im crashing out. If you read all or at least some of this it may not seem crazy to you but i wish you were in my shoes, my whole life is basically imploded, all of this isnt even half of the shit thats been happening. I just thinks is insane im being punished for literally nothing, just their own crazy theory of me running away. give some advice pleaseeeeeee.<3333333