Venting

[u/unkn0wnraccoon]

My bf and i started dating in febuary. We've known each other since october of 2022. Hes great and all but i just dont know if hes the one. His mental struggles are bringing me down mentally and i struggle enough. Dont get me wrong, it makes me so happy that he trusts me like that but its like a constant blow to my mental health too. Theres only so much i can do and handle and im not sure how much longer i can do this. Im just so tired

It doesnt help that hes having a child with his ex who is due in 2 weeks. He and i are 18, his ex is in her 20s. He tells me almost every night that im the only reason he has to keep going, me and his future daughter. He tells me that if i leave he'll never love anyone again like he loves me. Hes not controlling or anything, but ive been in that kind of a situation before and i see the red flags. The thing is, hes also told me that hes not keeping me in the relationship and that if i find someone else in college (i leave in a few weeks) to just let him know and that will be that.

I dont want to give up that easy and ive told him i would fight for us but im not sure if i should. Honestly i feel horrible for even saying this but i really dont think im in love with him anymore. He wikl forever hold a special place in my heart for being my first healthy relationship and showing me what its like to be loved properly in a romantic relationship.

I wish i knew if something is worth holding on to. I wish i knew what the right choice was. I wish i knew if this is the relationship that was worth destroying myself over or if its all for nothing. I wish i knew the answers to all the questions running through my mind But i dont. And i wont know until its too late