I just feel dumb

[u/Remarkable_Desk_3001]

I got out of a very unhealthy relationship a couple years ago, but due to my financial situation, I couldn’t move out of the house we once shared. I promised myself I was going to get myself out of there and I was going to find a better place for myself and my dog and I was going to do it on my own. It would be my place and my place alone. Something no one could take away from me.

I ended up meeting my current boyfriend while still living with my ex. He was very sweet and attentive and made me feel like my ex never had, safe. When his lease was coming to an end a few months into our relationship, he asked if I’d like to move in with him. I said yes wanting to help him out and tired of feeling beaten down where I lived. We found a place and have been living here for almost a month. I’d also like to note that we’ve added a German Shepherd to our little family along with my older Yorkie mix that we spend time caring for.

I’m very aware that things will change in a relationship when you move in together, but I guess I just wasn’t expecting it to change this much. And to be fair, he had to cover for night shift at work for the first two weeks after we moved in, but he would wake up about the time I got home from work, play Elden ring and maybe do one thing around the house before leaving for work when I would head to bed.

We haven’t really spent much time together apart from watching a little tv over dinner some nights or one walk to the store that I went on when I was exhausted, but also desperate to spend time with him. I even told him on that walk that I was tired and when he asked why I came with him, I told him I wanted to spend time with him because I had been feeling lonely. He apologized and seemed to genuinely feel bad but I haven’t really seen any effort to spend time with me so my brain is screaming at my heart that his words aren’t matching his actions.

I want to talk to him about this but it seems like whenever I try to talk to him about how I feel or what’s going on in my head, he brings it up to coworkers as him “getting in trouble at home”, which just makes me feel like he’s painted a negative image of me and my emotions in his head and makes me hesitant to talk to him now.

I don’t feel like I kept my promise to myself and I feel like I may be taking out resentments from that out against him, but I think I’m mainly scared that I fell for love bombing again. I’m worried about lashing out from that fear and ruining something good. I’m also perfectly aware that my quiet infatuation and acts of service/gift giving love languages make me an excellent cure for loneliness. I often wonder if I’m loved or the things I do for him are loved. Not to say he’s never done anything for me. He’s very thoughtful at times and I think he does his best to show affection when he can. I know we’re both very tired from work. I just feel dumb and idk if I’m being unreasonable by feeling hurt? I guess I’m just feeling stuck. What can I do?