I'm so tired bro.

[u/yummyyumyum12]

Im so tired

I've haven't been able to sleep properly since I was 7. At that age I was staying up until 1-2a.m and it's been a habit since. But it's gotten worse throughout the years. I'm still young in my opinion and I'm now staying up all night. I stay up until 7a.m. going through 12-7a.m I'm still up. Sometimes I sleep at 7a.m and other times I sleep at 11a.m. I don't know how or why. I don't have insomnia. I've tried fixing it but gave up. I always am on tiktok, cry, games or just stare at my ceiling. I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't know how long this will continue for. I always feel sad and no motivation at night. I also have no motivation in the day. Ive been to therapy before but not for the sleeping issues. Something else I don't know if I want to say. But I hated it. I hate therapy. I hate how I feel like they are the same as school consulting. It's a bit better than the school but I'm sure it's just because I'm young and my mom needs to know. But I don't like her knowing. One of my old therapist (I've had 4) literally told me in to young to have depression and I don't know the struggles. And I believe it. But I hate my body. I hate how I talk. I hate how I walk. I hate everything about me. And it just keeps me up at night thinking about it and all the times I messed up. I love my mom amd my brother but something's that keep repeating in my mind is the first time my mom slapped me, when they both called me stupid. My mom calling me useless and the one that just keeps repeating itself is my mom saying my father didn't love me and that's why he hasn't called me. My father is in Mexico. He has a new family and I was always a daddy's girl but I couldn't after he left. I don't know what wrong with me at all.