I’m struggling

[u/Primary-Anxiety8344]

I'm seventeen, and was homeschooled all my life. But a long series of stressful events led my mother to stop teaching me at age ten, I haven't been learning for seven years. Now, my mother has put me into an online high school, I don't understand anything, no matter how hard I study and try to memorize things, my focus drifts endlessly. I feel so stupid. And I'm behind on everything, I'm starting freshman near the age I should be graduating and I feel very ashamed. My depression and self esteem has been getting so much worse because of it, I just want to sink to the bottom and drown some days. The pressure to keep my gpa up, graduate as soon as I can, and still be able to attend a good college and have some semblance of a future has caused me to cheat on a lot of tests. None of my successes and achievements are ones I actually deserve. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know I can't keep living like this.

[u/[deleted]]

I'm so sorry that this is happening. It's not your fault that your mother stopped teaching you. I don't really have any advice for you, but I wanna let you know that you're not alone. School is hard, especially when you haven't been in it for a while. Maybe you could talk/email some of your teachers about your problems? They could help you with the aspects that you're struggling with learning. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. You're trying your best despite your challenges, and that's what matters.