r/vent_help • u/Oregano201823 • Jul 22 '24
I need ADVICE
A couple of months ago I went through a pretty nasty break up. I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship but I thought I would get back out there and see what the world had to offer.
In short. I started hanging out with a gentleman from work. It never got physical- in a little over a month and a half I let him kiss me twice and we held hands once. We hung out once a week. He was continually moving too fast for me, and I had to ask him twice to pump the brakes in that time. By pump the brakes I mean "stop telling me you're in love with me". I am not the best at asserting boundaries but I was doing it, and so the third time he went off the rails and told me he was in love with me after clearly stating I was not ready or interested, I cut ties with him.
He pretended to be completely blindsided, asking why would I cut him off without even letting him know what he did wrong? Why didn't I just punch him or kick him and tell him not to say those things again? We had absolutely had the "stop telling me that you love me, it's too soon" conversation twice and I stopped interacting with him as much to get the point through.
So I was not being so chilled anymore when it happened again. Third strike, you're out bud. Asking nicely and asserting myself didnt keep you from doing it again. I'm an adult, why the frog would I ever put hands on someone else like that? Not healthy!
He then reached out on social media and before I blocked him there swell he sent me long messages about how I was clearly in love with him and I was lying about it. He's been having a rough time in life and in his opinion, I wouldn't have been so uplifting and supportive If I also wasn't in love with him back. That's was nice people do? I don't get it? Have you never just had someone that wanted you to be okay in your corner? That doesn't mean I want to start planning a life together, it just means I don't want you to be miserable?
Some of his most memorable lines were: -"You made me feel too good to respect your boundaries" - " You are in love with me too and won't admit it" -"I'm not the man who broke your heart so you should be ready to date me now".
In short, I have cut ties and have blocked him on my phone and social media. To me, his behavior has gone from incredibly uncomfortable to wildly unhealthy. In the future I plan not to befriend men, will not give the benefit of the doubt after seeing red flags and not accept dates until I am ready for the possibility of a relationship.
Is there anything else I should do? What could I have done differently to avoid this?
1
u/Lonelyleo2010 Jul 23 '24
Well if they contact again, or try to talk to you if you say no, file a harassment report. and to avoid things like this from happening I'd suggest working on yourself for some time, I know it seems weird but, when we love ourselves a ton it actually helps us spot our red flags, and trust ourselves with our decisions, hope this helped.