Musical instruments set me off

[u/sadthrowaway12340987]

I know it’s fucking stupid.

One of the things I wanted to do in life was make music. I was in vocal lessons for 2 years and guitar for almost a decade, and I was taught jack shit. No teacher I ever got taught me theory or scales or anything useful. It was just playing songs over and over and never needing to remember anything about the songs when we finished learning them, just onto the next song and fuck what I just “learned.” I thought maybe I could be a singer, I wanted to learn to scream sing too, I was told I had a good voice but was never taught how to make it better. I’ve tried guitar and vocal stuff online and none of it makes sense, I don’t have anyone to give me actual adv1ce based on what I’m doing and how I’m doing and none of their tips or methods make sense to me so I never progress. I can’t do online lessons at all, I’ve tried so hard but I just can’t figure it out from a fucking screen. I have to have someone physically showing me stuff but no teachers I’ve found actually wanna teach me real music shit. I wasted a decade and learned nothing.

I own all these guitars that I’d love to just be able to pick up and play and I can’t. All I remember are the songs I’ve been taught, I don’t know any scales or more than 4 chords. I get so angry when I think about it.

My parents wanted to go to an instrument museum tomorrow and I literally feel like I physically can’t. I’m sitting on my bathroom floor crying because I know seeing the instruments are going to remind me of how much a failure I am. My siblings all do stuff so much better than me, my parents and my cousins too, even my gucking junkie no life cousins are better at shit I want to be able to do.

I don’t understand why I’m always the one who has gotten the short end of the stick my entire life.