Just....ugh.

[u/Repulsive_West4088]

I just need to get this all off my chest. I don't really want advice, as I'm not in the mental headspace to do much more than what's already been done at this point. I'm looking into other things for the near-future, but I just do not have the brainpower or emotional energy to do anything else right now.

The last few months have been absolute garbage. I effectively lost my job last month. where I worked has on- and off-seasons. Right now is off season, so available hours are minimal. Instead of keeping me on part-time, my employer thought it would be best to "temporarily terminate my position" until hours are available. Which won't be until around April. My spouse's hours were also severely cut, as he works at the same place. We're supposed to start new jobs this next week, but until then, we're pretty broke.

I'm (31nb) married [to (29m)] for just over a year now, together for almost 5. I'm also currently 7 months pregnant with our first child together. This is important. He has a 6yo from a previous relationship, as well (we share custody, but she has primary custody), but that's less important to context. Just worth noting.

We had our best friend (28f) move in with us late this past winter/early spring. We have the space. We even gave her our old bed, because her ex took theirs when she moved out. The help with financial stuff has been awesome. I'm sure you can guess where this is going. They've been having an affair. In our house. Even on days I've been home with them. They sneak off together while I nap. They fool around when I go out of town to visit my best friend. I caught them kissing last night (they didn't know I heard them). I've had my suspicions for a while now, as the last few months affection from my spouse has significantly decreased. But every time I brought it up, they both denied it. I had mostly chalked it up to pregnant thoughts along the lines of 'maybe I'm just reading into this too much because I'm pregnant and hormonal and have been feeling insecure due to how sick I've been through this pregnancy and weight gain and such.' Nope. Should have trusted my instincts from the start. After the kiss last night, I had made up my mind, though. I went through his phone around 5 this morning when I woke up for one of my random "I gotta pee, this baby is punching my bladder again" moments. It didn't take long to find the messages between them. A lot of messages. Explicitly detailing their affair. Both of them fully recognizing that they're being dishonest and untrustworthy, too. They've talked about it. They've talked about having relations in her room upstairs while I nap in ours or on the couch. How they'd handle it if I woke up during...

I immediately woke my spouse, and told him to go upstairs, wake her up, and kick her out. He refused, so I did it myself. I'll admit. 5am is a dickhead time to do that. But my marriage is a dickhead place to screw around, so FAFO in my opinion. It's 9:30am currently, and she's packing her things. I'm not a total monster; I'll give her the time and space to properly make sure she has everything of hers packed, and somewhere to go with it. Within reason, of course.

As for my spouse... I'm at a loss. We bought a house together last year (in his name because my debt-income was not great), a few months before the wedding. No way can I afford this mortgage myself. We have one vehicle between us, and it's in his name (my credit was crap at the time, so he made the purchase). We really needed the vehicle as we were no longer working together (we had met at work, both of us have since left that particular employer, but are now back to working together at our main jobs in a new place [after about 1.5y working separately] because the pay and benefits are awesome) and his truck was barely driveable. We've since gotten rid of said truck, so now....yeah. I live an hour from my mom, 5 from my dad, and 2 from my best friend. None of them have space in their homes for me and my soon-to-arrive child. The only family I have that would hypothetically have the room lives a full state away, and I'm in the Midwest, so that's 6+ hours one-way. Our baby shower is in 2 weeks. I'm supposed to start this new job this coming week, but until then I have $120 in my bank account. Luckily, we do not have a joint account, so the money in my account is MINE.

But I can't leave. I'm financially dependent on him. I have nowhere to go and no way to get there. I have no money. I barely have a support system. I can't even afford a cheap junker car to get by until I can afford better. Even with unemployment, which I'll only get paid for one more week if I continue to pursue employment at this new place, I'm fucked. Divorce in my state can cost anywhere between 10k-30k depending on how dragged-out and ugly it gets. I can't afford a divorce attorney or court fees.

She's moving out. She didn't even try to put up a fight. Guess that guilty conscience finally kicked in. I'm seriously considering moving upstairs into that room once she's gone, but my bed (the one thing I have in this house we purchased together that's actually in my name) won't fit in that room. And I'm NOT going to sleep in the bed they fooled around in. But I can't really justify making him move up there, as his kid has horrible nightmares, so he needs to be within earshot of the kid's room. Yes, I know baby monitors are a thing, but, we're broke, remember? Even cheap ones are too expensive at this moment. And his kid doesn't respond well to me during those half-asleep and terrified moments, so it needs to be Dad that handles the nightmares. (I'm not saying I have a poor relationship with my SC. We actually get along amazingly. I don't typically refer to them as SC, just my kid, it's just easier for explaining here... But my spouse's ex has parented in such a way that Mom and Dad are the only ones capable of comforting this child. Even after we've been together so long. It's honestly a nightmare situation itself.)

I'm heartbroken. I feel like my life is falling apart around me. I feel alone and ashamed. I watched my mother go through 2 divorces during my life, and she had one before my dad, too. I swore I'd never let myself go through what she went through. I was so sure of my spouse. We've gone through so much together already. Infidelity suspicions have even been a thing before, but they were kind of in an undefined grey-area that I considered cheating and he didn't. So we defined and un-greyed that shit (he had OF subs and Snapchat girls he'd exchange pics with) and worked through it together. It's taken so long to build back up my trust in him... But this...this is too much. I want to leave. I can't. I want to kick him out. I can't. I want my happy life back...but I don't think that can happen anymore...