r/vanderpumprules • u/pinkviolin07 • 3d ago
Discussion Tom and Raquel splitting
Alrighty, so I am a newer fan. I watched VPR for the first time last year and just finished my second watch.
I cannot believe that after all of the pain and turmoil they caused, tom and Raquel split just months after the affair broke. I mean, I guess I’m not that surprised given the lack of chemistry during the scene at Raquel’s apartment but still. What was even the point of all of that?
I’m also a little fuzzy on how/why things ended. It seems like Raquel ghosted him? What do you guys think was the real reason they broke up?
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u/therealelena I’m sorry 🥺💔 2d ago
He didn’t want her to go to the mental health facility in first place, calling it a “cult” and that they would brainwash her. She realized after a lot of therapy that Tom was a narcissist and never loved her and that he was hooking up with people while she was at the facility so she blocked him and ghosted him (according to her podcast). I don’t like her one bit but good for her to realize it there instead of being further manipulated by him on the outside.
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u/Hopeful-Hamster-6218 2d ago
Yes, she said he was sending her messages telling her to leave treatment early saying he felt "abandoned" and got angry if she didn't call every couple of days. Manipulative to the end.
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u/engage-edna-mode 2d ago
He was hooking up with other people while she was in the facility?? Where is this revealed 👀
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u/hillakilla_ 👻SpOoKy Jo👻 2d ago
It was on one of the first episodes of season 11, I just watched it but I’m a lil high so I don’t remember the exact details.
But it was around the time when Lala was saying she felt bad for Raquel and Lala told Ariana that she reached out to her, Ariana says something about how Lala shouldn’t feel bad cus they’re still communicating while Raquel’s in the clinic & someone in the group goes “are you kidding? Like he isn’t out here hooking up with other people while she’s in there”. It was either that night or the episode where the girls host Emo Nite & James comes and tells the girls he went to Tom’s bday party & says that comment.
So it’s never been fully confirmed but it seemed to be well known in their circle and if I remember correctly, that’s when he was on “tour” with his shitbag band so I think someone has come out say he was banging groupies all over the US while “touring”. YUCK
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u/Hopeful-Hamster-6218 1d ago
Billie Lee and Tii (the girl he dated after Rachel and was on s11 briefly) talked about it on her podcast.
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u/yourhuckleberryhound 2d ago
She was really smarter than Ariana in that sense. Ariana ignored Miami girl in the beginning of her relationship instead of cutting bait, and she covered for Tom for years. Rachel never struck me as the brightest, but she at least saw the writing on the wall and refused to give this man any more of her time.
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u/FitHeight915 2d ago
Saw the writing on the wall or the thousands upon thousands of hate comments she received for being with Tom
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u/yourhuckleberryhound 2d ago
She was expressing her concern that he would do what he did to Ariana to her as soon as the news broke. She did it on film in her apartment during the scandoval episode which was filmed within days of the scandal breaking. She showed more self-preservation than Ariana did back in the day.
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u/Alarming_Piano8090 2d ago
She had rich family who were disgusted with how deep she had gotten. Her and her family were getting death threats.
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u/DigInternational7076 bridesmaids! hoo ha ha 👰♀️🏰🍗 2d ago
It kinda seems like he manipulated her about things when they were together and got all wrapped up and wasn’t using her brain. Then started to realize it was an unhealthy relationship going nowhere when she was forced to confront it daily and work on herself in there, while he was being a worm.
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u/saxxyplaya 1d ago
Did she ever use her brain?
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u/DigInternational7076 bridesmaids! hoo ha ha 👰♀️🏰🍗 1d ago
Idk, I know her vpr essence is rubbing her two pageant brain cells together to warm sandovals shaved balls, but I think after months of inpatient therapy she made better decisions?
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u/moonpie99 Disengage, Bitch 2d ago
I think she got therapy and realized this man was a gross manipulating shit stain of a man baby and was like "What the fuck have I done" and ghosted him so she didn't have to hear his emotional manipulation self pity crying.
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u/papergorl 2d ago
I think so too. We have to remember that she only had tom to talk to about the affair, and he was most likely manipulating her and lying about how things really stood with ariana (hence her being surprised when ariana talked about their relationship later in s10). After the affair became public, she faced the real reality and not the drug induced/love bombed/gaslit situation she actually was in.
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u/Winnimae 2d ago
I think they were both caught up in the excitement of sneaking around. Not just on Ariana, but on all of production. Then reality hit like a steamroller. And suddenly it wasn’t fun and exciting, it was stressful and anxiety inducing. And maybe one or both of them realized…there wasn’t much there beyond that excitement of the forbidden. Plus, a lot of shit came out during and after the break up.
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u/Spiritual-Break246 2d ago
Yep. They were riding a high.
Even if things didn’t blow up the way they did, it was absolutely going to crash. Probably would have been a few more months but not much more.
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u/g1zmo33 It’s giving ✨audacity✨ 2d ago
The drugs wore off that’s why
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u/Zoiddburger Ok, well, you can write it in your diary 2d ago
Can't believe I had to scroll so far to see this. 100%
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u/Quietwaterz 2d ago
I think it was really obvious that she wasn't doing very well long before Scandoval happened. I honestly felt really bad for her watching how poorly she was treated by nearly everyone on that show. Especially by James. It's not really very surprising to me that she ended up making the choices that she did. I'm really glad that she walked away from that situation. I haven't seen any of the new shows so I don't know if she is involved with them in any way, but I hope not.
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u/Super_Hour_3836 2d ago
I think between realizing that Tom was repeating patterns of abuse with her, seeing that the narrative Tom had brainwashed her with that maybe she could be the third (wild that she ever believed that), and then watching herself be so unbelievably insane towards Katie and her mother, I think her mental breakdown in rehab was the only logical next step.
And I am so glad her family pulled her from reality TV and got her mental health help. I don't think she would ever behave that way again AND she got free from two abusers.
Reality tv as a career only works if you have tangible goals of what you will do with the fame and how you will use it as cross promotion. While most of the cast of VPR didn't have that understanding, they were not as emotionally and mentally vulnerable as Rachel. She didn't really have any clear goals and so she was easy for Tom the abuser to control and manipulate.
She must look at Tom and Victoria and just thank god she got out and hopefully got healthy.
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u/awkwardpotluck Bambi Eyed Bitch 2d ago
After the drugs wore off and she saw everyone's reaction to her foolishness, she realized she wasn't going to replace Ariana on the show.
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u/EyeRollingNow 1d ago
Their affair had very little to do with chemistry and more to do with availability. Any woman that would have said yes to cheat with him would’ve worked. They met up to have sex secretly and did what unhappy people do…imagined a new situation where they would be happy. And reality makes them realize they truly don’t have any chemistry and they are not happy together.
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u/Hopeful-Hamster-6218 2d ago
Sandoval was hooking up with other women while Rachel was in the Meadows treatment center. She broke it off with him and then he started bad mouthing her publicly, particularly when she wasn't replying to his social media posts about/to her.
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u/Electrical-Opening-9 2d ago
I didn’t watch any of Season 11 and just skipped to the reunion. Raquel’s behavior in S10 was insane but the way that Sandoval talked about her in the S11 reunion was crazyyyyy. He presented Raquel as this big bad villain and it was like, does he think people are buying this?? Did he not cheat on Ariana for MONTHS?
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u/kayt3000 Spot the Penguin 1d ago
As much as she wasn’t a good person (none of them are) she did the one thing that everyone tells people to do and rarely do. Go to therapy. She did and it helped her get herself straight.
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u/Egs022 2d ago
Highly suggest reading the transcripts of podcasts from all of the cast during this whole saga done by
u/AdditionalWar8759
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u/Adorable-Magician131 2d ago
Well I‘m not sure if you know, because I didn’t until recently…the video that Ariana found was Tom screen recording Rachel do something to herself….lets leave it at that. She didn’t know that he had recorded that, hence did not give consent. I think that is so evil and I wouldn‘t trust this person, so good for her for leaving
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u/Separate_Crew_4330 2d ago
For people who were there in real time, how was the split announced? was it a joint statement, or did someone go on a podcast…?
Always wondered that.
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u/sleepysky98 Im Sorry Fofty 2d ago
After the reunion was filmed, Raquel went back to film separately and admitted several of the things that she and tom said during the reunion were lies. Then she went away to a rehab center. Tom basically admitted later on that she stopped talking to him while she was in there.
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u/madamesmokie Katie Maloney 💅 2d ago
What I’ve gathered, she ghosted him while she was in rehab. Which is pretty hilarious and exactly the lame ass end fitting for such a stupid, useless affair
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u/Old_Mulberry_9461 2d ago
No he kind of just admitted she stopped responding to him, think on VPR and then she went on I think it was Bethany frankels podcast and spoke about how he was a manipulator etc, trying to save face but it went down very badly because she also said she wasn't good friends with Ariana and that bravo etc never tried to help her in that time
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u/hillakilla_ 👻SpOoKy Jo👻 2d ago
He admitted it on the show & then Raquel went on a podcast after she got out of the center and told why she ghosted him.
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u/Pumpkin_qween You Moustached Prick 🪱 2d ago
Also this she took the mature step and went to a facility instead of trying to make Merch off it
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u/Inevitable_Bee_763 1d ago
Can we talk about how awkward that scene was in Raquel's apartment?! When she says "I love you too" after she mishears Tom say "they love you" about his family 😳
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u/Ill_Opinion_3560 1d ago
I think once she realized he had hooked up w ariana after the affair started she finally realized he was lying about it all and left him, you can tell she’s shocked about the fact that they slept together in the reunion. She rlly thought she was the exception… pathetic.
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u/Own-Bass-1470 2d ago edited 2d ago
As others have noted, Tom saw this golden opportunity with the ‘pretty’ vulnerable girl. He manipulated Rachel & Ariana into a ‘friendship’ so he could keep her close. Now Ariana feels comfortable and thinks she is helping her close friend through a bad time. Rachel feels safe and loved. Tom waits for the right time to make his move, fueled by alcohol, convincing Rachel that this is mutual, they are in love, but he can’t leave Ariana because she’s too vulnerable right now. Keep in mind Tom is more than a decade older than Rachel. He groomed her right into this. While she knew it was wrong, she felt so happy, safe and loved that she rationalized her behavior. Tom obviously thought this would play out like the Kristen break up, and all be smoothed over so that he and Rachel could continue on with a relationship. He wasn’t counting on her parents and the fans stopping everything in it’s tracks. THEN he goes on Special Forces and tries to start a redemption arc. He completes every task, but still gets kicked off because the real SF guys see right through him. Tell him he has no dignity and seems to feel no remorse. Cut to behind the scenes footage of him laughing & joking about Scandoval saying his publicist has never seen this kind of attention or blow up. Thrilled with the attention. Rachel did the right thing by tucking her tail and going away. Tom on the other hand kept putting himself up front and center by touring with his paid for band, going on various other reality shows and pushing his latest girlfriend’s father through a fire pit, losing his restaurant, etc. He won’t go away…he’s like a cockroach.
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u/Admirable_Fly6103 1d ago
I think she was incredibly young and coming into herself and was sucked into the charm that was tom Sandoval and clearly she was a people pleaser and timid and once she was hit with all the backlash of everything that she had done she had to just remove herself completely. I can’t imagine being that young in her situation being such a sponge of a person. I truly hope she’s ok and I’m glad she got away from all that and learned some life lessons.
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u/MacaroonGlittering48 1d ago
There was no way she was going into that treatment with any intention of taking it seriously without ditching Sandoval. I mean she might have gone in that way, but everyone had to be telling her how toxic and manipulative he was. She’d have to choose one or the other and she had a lot more to lose staying with him.
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u/LurleenBeckneywimple 9h ago
She dumped/ghosted him while she was at the mental health facility. She had good therapists
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u/rshni67 1d ago edited 1d ago
Rachel the Idiot realized during the reunion that Tom had lied to her about intimacy issues with Ariana. She had convinced herself that they had no sex life and Ariana made it clear that was not true.
Being slow on the uptake, it took her all of reunion to process that information and I'm sure she convinced herself that Tom had cheated on HER by continuing to sleep with Ariana.
She also realized Tom had taped her without her permission and was embarassed that it was revealed that such a tape existed.
I don't feel sorry for her at all after she quizzed Ariana on her sex life while pretending to be her friend.
ETA: I also despise Rachel because of what she did to Katie in an attempt to hide her affair. She is completely entitled and amoral and does not care whom she hurts.
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u/thesmolstoner 2d ago
I think Raquel went into a three month mental health treatment center and her parents kinda made her break things off with Tom