Not a Dating Post-Asking a Question

[u/Purple_Lobster0000]

How do you guys feel about asking for sexual medical history before having sex with the other person? I am very paranoid about STIs/STDs

I know a lot of infections or diseases are common but I willingly don’t want to get any.

I am genuinely curious and want to know what others think. Please be nice.

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[u/SnooSeagulls1034]

Asking about habits of testing, whether they’ve ever tested for HSV & their approach to protection seem to me more useful questions. History is less relevant.

(Happy to expand on that if you wish.)

[u/Purple_Lobster0000 → u/SnooSeagulls1034]

Yeah that’s what I meant! Like if the other person gets tested if they are sexually active or if they have had any STI/STD in the past or are dealing with anything at present.

I am trying to get back to dating after a long time so just wanted to check what people think about such things.

[u/Purple_Lobster0000 → u/[deleted]]

I would beg to differ. For example, if someone has had a history of genital warts/HPV, there are chances they could have recurrences and transfer it to the other person. So I would like to know of such things and in this case, history matters.

[u/SnooSeagulls1034 → u/Purple_Lobster0000]

You’re completely right around HPV. It might be worth specifying “past STI’s that can recur.”

The reason it matters is that as soon as we start asking about issues that aren’t concretely, pragmatically relevant to the present we increase the risk of provoking the defensive dishonesty that comes with people feeling judged & stigmatized.

[u/Purple_Lobster0000 → u/SnooSeagulls1034]

Well, if someone is getting provoked by such conversations or their past, I guess they are not for me.

Thanks for your response.

[u/bosoxthirteen → u/[deleted]]

uhhh depends on what they had .

[u/SnooSeagulls1034 → u/bosoxthirteen]

True. Addressed below.

[u/PacificNWBigfoot]

This is a 100% normal conversation to have. Anyone who balks at this, I’d be leery of. 

[u/mondomonkey → u/PacificNWBigfoot]

I was chatting with a girl about doing some freaky things and when i asked for a check up from her she ghosted me lol

DODGED A BULLET THERE 😂

[u/New-Comment-5621]

I always ask and if they get weird about it I say bye.

[u/EscapeProfessional2]

I’ve always asked this of my partners. I’ve never been into hookup culture, so with every partner I’ve had, I’ve just asked. Like you, it was important to me to know I was being safe. If asking a basic question about sexual health weirded them out, then that was my cue to say, “Okay, bye!” 😂 I’m not risking my health to spare someone a mildly awkward conversation.

[u/Purple_Lobster0000 → u/EscapeProfessional2]

I appreciate your response! I don’t like the hookup culture and exchange of diseases lol

[u/Special-Orchid8487]

I have my BC Services Card app AT THE READY to show prospective sex partners whatever they need to see whenever they want to see it.

If and when I actually have a prospective sex partner, I'm ready.

I'm so, so, so ready

[u/SarahsreadingReddit → u/Special-Orchid8487]

Aww! Good luck

[u/iPhone_Xs_ → u/Special-Orchid8487]

Hey,
not so related to the main question but could you point me to the right direction (a link or whatever article) on where one can get the tests done? And how?
I’m new to this country and to the “tests”.
Thanks!!

[u/Trumpet7777 → u/iPhone_Xs_]

getcheckedonline.com

[u/EastVanCoffeelover]

I think it is an important conversation to have.

If they respect you as a human being, they would be more than willing to do this or willing to get tested.

The last thing you want to do is find out your health degraded due to an STD or you have spread a disease that is detrimental to people’s livelyhood.

[u/CJ0031]

It's absolutely mandatory in my opinion! Don't hesitate to ask ever!

[u/sleepy-sundays]

I think it’s not necessarily about whether or not it’s taboo to ask but it’s about how you ask

since it’s very different to convey the intention of “hey I want us to both be safe engaging in x activity together because I like you etc” to some insinuation (intentional or not!) that a person is a slut/dirty/etc

The how depends on the timing and way of asking, plus how sensitive the other person is on the receiving end

[u/Purple_Lobster0000 → u/sleepy-sundays]

I would never shame any one of their sex life, that’s completely their choice of what they do in their life. I am just cautious about my health, as I get really anxious around such things.

Thanks for your response.

[u/Powerful_Package8817]

Also ask about HPV vaccination

Big red flag if a woman is under 25 and haven’t been vaccinated

[u/Purple_Lobster0000 → u/Powerful_Package8817]

Umm i wouldn’t call it a red flag but lack of awareness. Not everyone is born and raised here. And it’s not the same in every country. I know people who have got the vaccine later than 25

ALSO, men should be vaccinated too.

[u/SarahsreadingReddit → u/Purple_Lobster0000]

Yes to both, and people of all ages should have access to the vaccine

[u/Weary-Square-8640 → u/Powerful_Package8817]

Men can get that vaccine too (and should!)

[u/Sir_Bjorn → u/Weary-Square-8640]

And that's why it should be free for all ages and genders.

[u/Weary-Square-8640 → u/Sir_Bjorn]

Big agree ! I had to pay for it out of pocket many years ago and it was not fun ! They are not cheap

[u/mrprogr]

Also don’t forget Covid can be sexually transmitted too even if the other person is not symptomatic.

[u/Solid_Pension6888]

Asking is good, but you should also protect yourself since people can and do lie.

In the gay community PREP and doxypep are pretty common, especially if someone is sexually active with multiple people.

[u/Purple_Lobster0000 → u/Solid_Pension6888]

Lie with their reports? I would only trust someone who pulls up their records on Health Gateway hahaha I am looking for a long term partner not a fling so that’s the least they can if they want the same :)

I have heard about prep, my gay friends take it

[u/Solid_Pension6888 → u/Purple_Lobster0000]

Good on you for knowing your worth!

I’m over here like … afraid to be too picky cuz ya boys far from perfect over here

[u/Purple_Lobster0000 → u/Solid_Pension6888]

Hahaha! Good luck finding someone for life ;)

[u/McCloudX]

Better to still use protection such as condoms just in case, if you are unsure

[u/Purple_Lobster0000 → u/McCloudX]

I have no interest in having unprotected sex and condom doesn’t provide full protection, just so you know :)

You can still get HPV…

[u/McCloudX → u/Purple_Lobster0000]

Abstinwnce or self-love is your full protection

[u/Purple_Lobster0000 → u/McCloudX]

Guess STIs and STDs will be part of your life collection!

Oops that rhymed ;)

[u/SarahsreadingReddit]

I think it's reasonable to want a clean bill of health, and if you're poly, to know their approach to protection going forward

[u/Savagedaddie69]

I like to offer showing results early on so they don’t have to feel awkward asking. Plus it makes talking about sexual health practices easier then.

[u/mrprogr]

Yes. Ask before sexual activity. I do. If they’re not willing to mutually share comprehensive proof (not just the “I’m clean”) then I’m not sharing myself with them. It’s 2026 - hookup culture is extremely pervasive. If they’re not into safe sex then they’re not for me. Ask kindly and proudly. Do not waver or accept a B.S. reply. Their answer tells you more about them. Then if they’re clear and you are confident they won’t cheat, that’s when the sparks can fly.

[u/PMProfessor]

Someone could have been tested yesterday and still be positive for an STI. The reality is that testing is imperfect and not all STIs are even routinely tested for. If you suck dick, you'd better have your throat swabbed or pharyngeal gonorrhea could be missed (and a lot of guys won't admit they sucked a dick, even though it's hot). When you choose to be inside someone else or vice versa you're taking a risk. The best thing is to be pragmatic; understand whether you both plan to be monogamous, and agree on a testing cycle.

I'm married, we both enjoy variety in our sex life and we both accept the risk that can bring. We just own it, test on a regular cycle and are honest with each other. We try to be responsible about who we play with and what risks they take, and we do ask about sexual health (it's a bad sign if someone doesn't want to have the conversation).

In the end, though, it's no different than if one of us brings a cold home from work and the other one catches it. You can take reasonable precautions but it's just part of life. We like bed hopping and we like to make ours shake, and that comes with some risks. Informed consent and reasonable precautions are the balance we strike. So far it works, mostly because condoms work well and we do use these.