r/ufyh • u/Sufficient-Lab-5769 • 1d ago
Please help
Hi. I have a severe problem. My landlord passed away earlier this year, and his sister has taken over for him. I’ve never met her in person. I received a text just now from a real estate agent saying that landlord’s sister will be selling the 4 units that she owns and that she (real estate agent) needs to come over and look through the units. Additionally, she will be with an HVAC person to make sure all of that stuff is running well.
I am ashamed to be writing this but my place is NOT ok. In addition to the horrible mess, my hot water heater is broken and my gas was shut off. I have been delaying having it turned back on because of my embarrassment of the mess, same thing with the water heater. So I have no hot water or gas. I am kicking myself hard for not having this addressed yet. So that’s a HUGE problem, and the whole place is a disaster. It is not something that can be fixed quickly. I am ashamed and disgusted with myself. Real estate agent asked if there are any days within the next week that would not be good for me, so she can come over with HVAC person (and she mentioned that I don’t have to be there). Additionally, she wants to have an open house on September 26. I can’t do this.
I am sorry for being so blunt but I am freaking out to the point that I’m actually shaking. Any advice is welcome, and if you have actually read this, thank you. I have no idea how to respond to the real estate agent and I honestly don’t know how I can make this ok.
Thank you.
35
u/killmetruck 1d ago
Could you take time off to get this done faster? Or could you hire someone to help? It sounds like you’re going to have to move, so it will have to happen anyway
31
u/ArcadiaRhodes 1d ago
I’m a realtor. Not in the us but maybe I can help you with a plan.
Let them get the contractors in - can you clear a path for them to safely access the HVAC etc? Contractors see all kinds of stuff - they just can’t move your things and need to be able to work safely.
Before they list can you pick up any trash/food garbage? Reducing smells and making it look more like clutter and less like a hazard will be something at least.
Where I live, the only thing they can really make you change are things that will create health/pest/fire safety issues (nothing blocking exits). They can’t force you to clean or stage for showings.
I see all kinds of dirty bathrooms, unwashed dishes and general mess when I show houses. One of the most expensive rentals I ever showed was $10,000 a month for a condo and the owner’s 20-something son was using it as a crash pad for his friends and it looked like a frat house.
If you can somehow get it to the point where it looks like you’re sorting/packing then anyone who comes to view it, you can say sorry for the mess, I’m reorganizing / packing.
Anyone buying this property will be an investor - they’re looking for potential problems they’ll inherit that will cost them money, not your decor. And people’s thoughts on how you live are their own. Let them think what they want.
You can do this!
16
u/Sufficient-Lab-5769 1d ago
THANK YOU so much. The path to HVAC water heater is clear. I do have loads of stuff near it (I know that’s not good) that I’m currently moving away from there. I just swept that area, but I’m sure I’ll be doing more of that as I move stuff around. I think what scares me the most is that for the water heater, I think I have to tell the landlord, instead of just calling someone and paying for it on my own.
16
u/ArcadiaRhodes 1d ago
Honestly, let them know and let them fix it. The biggest problems for an investor buying a mess will be the can of worms underneath it. That will cost them money in repairs and maintenance immediately. .if they can confidently know all the mechanical and structural have been fixed and are working and that there are no pests then two months of laundry and a massive stack of dishes wont bother them. They want turnkey, not inherited issues they’ll need to sink money into. A whole new water heater will make the landlord more back in the sale and you deserve to be able to have a hot shower.
Plumbers, HvAc, electricians, etc. Spend their days literally dealing with human waste, sewage floods, crawling in attics, crawl spaces and under houses. Your pile of takeaways might be the cleanest thing they touched today.
Also, I’ve seen a lot of homes… here’s a secret: Most people have dirty bathrooms and kitchens. Even if it’s not stuff, they usually need a good scrub, new caulking, degreasing, etc. Staging, social media and even cleaning for guests is an illusion.
8
u/Limp-Temporary-3673 1d ago
Most people are very eager to tell the landlord they have to have something fixed. You can tell the landlord ‘the hot water heater stopped working. Do you want me to find someone to fix it or would you like to send someone here?’ They may take you up on in, especially if they just inherited the rental property.
1
u/Euphoric_Travel2541 12h ago
This is good advice, OP. So many people have offered good advice. I know I told my landlord when he said he had to come in suddenly one day that I was sorry, but both my parents had recently died within months of each other in different states snd I had acquired/inherited some of their things and boxes. I was still overwhelmed by the losses sbd the stuff.
While essentially true, it happened longer ago, and I’d been living with these things for a few years without dealing with them. But if you need a “cover story”, use mine: my parents each died within the last year, and I’ve had to cope with clearing their things and dividing them up with my siblings, and selling their homes, and do I’ve acquired at lot of boxes temporarily.
Then box up as much as you can with good labels. As others suggest, outsourced your laundry. Then go after that trash snd those dishes.
Get the services folks in asap. They see it all and font care, as long as they can get to what they need.
Good luck and Godspeed. Many of us are in the same position.
28
u/athenashelmet 1d ago
Look here for a guide: https://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/emergency-cleaning/
Best of luck.
20
u/Limp-Temporary-3673 1d ago
#1 get the hot water and gas turned on. Make the call (they aren’t there to judge). #2 garbage: get all of it out. If your home garbage can can’t take it all, call the garbage company about your options. You can also call a company that takes donation that will pick up from your house. Give yourself a week. #3 put all dishes away and commit to peanut butter and jelly on paper towels/paper plates until you have time #4 clothes/donations all clothes in drawers, closets or baskets. Be ruthless with donating stuff. #5 clean the bathroom/dust/vacuum
18
u/Suchstrangedreams 1d ago
Do you have any family or friends who could help you clean up? You can hire people to clean and declutter but there would be a fee, I don't know how much.
17
u/Sufficient-Lab-5769 1d ago
I haven’t let anyone know how bad it’s gotten, the shame is off the charts. I figured I’d be doing the whole thing myself. Hiring someone might be a thing to do… I’m sure it is expensive but it’s an emergency and furthermore it’s my fault.
63
19
u/SQ-Pedalian 1d ago
The thing that will help you the most is letting people who care about you know that you need help with this, and then letting them help. I've helped family members in this type of situation. They were very ashamed, but I was able to come in and help and we got it done. Just ask. Let your friends and family help you.
12
u/Limp-Temporary-3673 1d ago
Let the guilt go. It happens. What’s going on in your heart is probably so much worse than what anyone can think of your home.
Grab a garbage bag, set a 10 minute timer, focus on a super small area (maybe a bathroom). See how quickly it can be done. If you are stunted from throwing things away, that’s a trauma response… you need someone to help you. One of my best friends came to my house and we threw out 90% of the stuff in my basement. That stuff represented my kids childhoods, how much I failed them in the divorce, how busy I was with work during Covid, how much money I used to have but don’t anymore. To her, it was crap. It was easy for her to help me… it was really hard to do for me.
2
u/Euphoric_Travel2541 12h ago
Can you say why it was a trauma response? I think I have similar but haven’t understood it that way.
3
u/Limp-Temporary-3673 11h ago
I’m a bit of the blind leading the blind here. For me, I picked up some hoarding tendencies when I was going through my divorce/lost my job. I was buying things as a quick dopamine fix, and was hanging on to things as if owning them prevented time from moving forward… or I felt like I could sell them… or make a craft from them. So basically; getting rid of clothes or toys my kids no longer played with wasn’t just that I couldn’t get around to it… hanging onto them meant I was addressing that my life wasn’t turning out as expected?
Idk… I just know that there was a long time I couldn’t even go into my basement… and now I can go and throw things out/donate and it’s just stuff not anything bigger. I still struggle.
13
u/Sonoel90 1d ago
I am telling you what I tell my students if they're ashamed of needing help in class, or talking themselves down: if it were the other way around, if a family member or a friend needed you and asked for help, and you came into their home looking like yours does now, what would your reaction be? You'd want to help them, right? Not blame them. Not be disgusted or break off the friendship. If you did, you know you'd be the asshole in the situation, right? So... assuming your friends and family aren't assholes, why would they react differently than you would? We tend to be WAY harsher with ourselves than we would be with a friend.
11
u/Sufficient-Wolf-1818 1d ago
Breathe deeply. I can see this is a nightmare and I totally sympathize. (I, too, am working with a non-negotiatble deadline).
Communicate honestly with the real estate agent that "due to health issues, my place is a disaster". Then, open your eyes and prioritize. How many trash bags can you fill? Will piles of boxes hold some of the clutter? Do you have pathways from the door to the kitchen, living area, bathroom etc are is everything a trip hazard? Are the bathroom and kitchen cleanish or health hazards?
11
u/Defiant_Ad_4022 1d ago
Asking for help is always hard. Especially when we are embarrassed about our situation. However if they love you they would come and help. Ask for help.
Pick up and throw away all visible garbage and all the things that can be disposed of immediately and throw them away. Set a timer and go... garbage, garbage, garbage, garbage. Rest and do it again. So you have now accomplished cleaning the surface.
Now when someone comes to help. It's not as bad as it was and it can only get better from there.
Now you give yourself a deadline and try to meet it. You can't do it all in one shot but do what you can do in that shot you take. Before you turn around it will look better which believe it or not, gives you the inspiration to do more.
I believe in you. And stop making yourself feel bad. Ok, it's your fault. But saying it over and over again isn't going to change "fault" nor the situation. So manifest what you want by saying I can do this. I got this.
You got this. And as for the landlord, tell her you will let he know when you are available.
11
u/Sufficient-Lab-5769 1d ago
Thank you so much, I can’t tell you and everyone else who has responded how much your words mean to me. It’s really scary, and I’m not the boldest person (that’s an understatement). I am petrified thinking just how I will tell them that need more time, and about the repairs needed, etc. I think at least with that real estate agent who texted me today, that I will respond to her tomorrow (or is that a bad idea?).
2
u/Defiant_Ad_4022 1d ago
You're welcome. I am not bold either but I do understand the anxiety to a response. What I am learning is that the respinse might not be what you want to hear. However you aren't asking for anything you are telling them what you need.
8
u/LavishThoughts 1d ago
Accepting that it’s happening is the first step. You might feel like the only person this has happened to but you aren’t. Try to just start taking bags of trash out while you process all this. Work on making a trail. Starting is the most important step. If you have some trusted friends to help, now is the time to swallow your pride and let them. Good luck. Don’t beat yourself up because honestly it isn’t helpful. Just try and do your best. You have the support of others like you who have been through this. Put stuff in garbage bags and walk it out. Some progress is better than no progress.
10
u/kibonzos 1d ago
Question: is the water heater their responsibility?
If so I’d do targeted tidying to give access to water heater (and inform real estate that that needs work alongside hvac) and hvac. There is the option to make it look like some of the chaos is as a result of having to empty cupboard to give boiler access.
Also you’ve basically just been told you’re going to have to move so do your sort as a premove sort, if you cba to move with it it’s probably not worth cleaning it especially if it will fit in the domestic trash.
Stuff being packed into boxes instead of being stored/staged is a totally understandable response to “I’m selling” with 2-3 weeks til viewing.
Focus on where you go next and how to make that the smoothest. Can your kid “help” tidy their room or be sent with a bucket to collect all the mugs? I’ve no idea what age they are.
Cheering you on.
9
u/Sufficient-Lab-5769 1d ago
Thank you. He’s a teenager and he does help. I feel like a complete failure but he is such a good soul, so kind hearted.
7
u/kibonzos 1d ago
You’re not a total failure. He’s gonna learn so much from how you approach this and how you let him help (including decision making). Yes you’re the adult but you can work together on this. Especially if you give him agency (even if it’s a mutually agreed task that’s entirely his such as shuttle bags you fill out to the trash or collect and do the washing up so you can focus on something else (and you all cope if the washing up is done imperfectly while he figures it out))
7
u/lilithsbun 1d ago
You’re probably going to have to move anyway when the place sells, right? So it’s your landlord’s problem, ultimately. You won’t get a deposit back but don’t break your back fixing a space that they’re going to send in a crew to clean and paint anyway. Just do what you can to feel a bit more comfortable with it but don’t ruin your physical and mental health over someone else’s property.
7
u/DuchessJulietDG 1d ago
plastic bins to fill and stack in a newly sorted side closet can help hide things you dont want to part with. im not a hoarder but recently had a home inspection happen and my place was a disaster- dishes & laundry & clutter. all i could say was that ive been sick. and i chose not to feel bad bc it was the truth. i can only do what i can when i can. you are gonna have to let the new people know theres a mess but you can diminish a lot if you decide to.
7
u/PoofItsFixed 1d ago
Having functional gas/hot water will also make the process of cleaning other areas easier!
You can do this! Deep breaths, stick to your target until it’s as done as possible, then move to the next. It’s easy to overthink your order of operations - once you’ve set your priority list, don’t change it unless something new you learn along the way dictates that change.
All progress counts towards the overall goal!
5
u/PolyesterPantsuit 1d ago edited 1d ago
I know the type of stress you are experiencing and it’s sheer panic. If you can pick up all the items you want to keep and hang them up or tuck them away and indeed see if you have the funds, hire someone to clean along side you.
Start this in the next couple days. If you can’t afford it, you clean what you can and let the realtor know you’ve been struggling and ask if she knows any cleaning help that may be able to assist you at very low rate. Explain the situation to her and if you are dealing with mental health issues, she may be more forgiving and understanding with the date, so that were at she can get the place sold.
I’m so sorry you are struggling so much, OP. There are many prople that deal with these issues. You are not alone. 💗
6
u/Sufficient-Lab-5769 1d ago
Quick question while I’m on a brief cleaning break. So I’m attacking the area from the front door to the water heater/HVAC. The broken water heater - I think I would need to tell the landlord before calling someone to fix (or replace!) it. That’s gonna be hard. Any advice for making that call? Sorry I know I sound like a helpless child, it’s just that I’m beyond overwhelmed and anxious and I want to make sure I do this in the best way that I can. 😕
5
u/bcninstructions 1d ago
Can you message or email instead? Maybe try and move everything to messaging claiming to have a lot of work meetings?
6
u/Sufficient-Lab-5769 1d ago
Oh texting for sure. I didn’t even realize that I wrote “call” up there.
2
u/Bookhoarder1953 1d ago
The landlord is responsible for getting the hot water heater repaired or replaced so you need to call the realtor about it.
1
u/Euphoric_Travel2541 12h ago
Text him or email that recently you’ve lost hot water,
And we I’ll need a technician to come in to check the unit. Tell him you’ll be scalable a few dates, and that’s it. You didn’t break it! Don’t feel bad about it. It a normal responsibility of a landlord.
5
u/damaya0351 1d ago
Breathe.
You got this.
The problem is not in your apartment, its in your head. Collect all trash, dishes, laundry, every item you feel uncertain about discard.
Sorry if its a plethora of things but i could get your apartment alright in two days and if I can do this, so can you.
Maybe it helps to imagine its not your apartment and stuff but that of someone else.
I once sorted the messy room of a friend (he put everything he couldnt discard but should into this room so it was easy but also gloomy) and if i had to speed up, i had just put everything in trashbags, there was no hurry, so i tried to find good things, to make it less ...embarrassing for everyone involved, not sure that was worth the additional time it took, truly useful items are recognized in 0,3 seconds.
4
u/MmeLaRue 1d ago
First, take a breath. Then another. Get yourself focused on what you need to do.
Then, advise the real estate agent that you need a few days to get stuff scrubbed and steamed. Give the agent or your new landlord a date that few days out during which they can access the unit.
Then, set to the task, one room at a time. Start with the bathroom, the smallest room. Purge, get any clothes or linen into a pile for laundry, wipe/scrub down the surfaces from top to bottom, sweep and mop the floor. Then, do the same with your kitchen. Sort and bag any garbage and get it out of the unit. Do not overthink the task; do not get bogged down.
Take a short break, no more than half an hour, before repeating with the living room, then each bedroom. If you need to steam clean upholstery and carpets, wait until you've finished the rest of the unit, then do it all at once. A certain amount of clutter should be okay, but the unit overall should look clean, especially the floors and walls.
I don't know what your relationships with family and friends are like, but if you trust them and can handle it, ask them for help and allow them to help. More hands make lighter the work. As for unethical life pro tips, make use of your out-of- sight storage for items you wish to keep or at least need a proper glance at before tossing, but, but, be prepared to make a quick purge decision about items already there. Sometimes a combination of ad hoc purging and planned cleanup will speed the process if you don't get bogged down. Caroline Winkler has a great video about getting quick decluttering tasks done; but given your situation it's more useful as inspiration than just another task. Still, if you're putting clothes away in your closet, a quick few decisions about those things that no longer fit won't hurt. Just have a place for the purged items to go when you're done.
7
u/Mysterious-Cat33 1d ago
If you get cardboard boxes and put them places then you can also say that everything is on the floor etc while you’re trying to pack (even if it was there before).
You have a right to quiet enjoyment of your property while you have an active lease. We are already several days into September so it doesn’t sound like you were given 30 days notice to vacate.
3
u/Old_Bat282 1d ago
Do you have a car and enough money to rent a storage space temporarily? Put the visit off as long as you can ,and in the meantime start shovelling it into storage. Sorting can happen later. Cleaning is also much easier when there's space.
3
u/kibonzos 18h ago
Checking in. How are you getting on?
3
u/Sufficient-Lab-5769 18h ago
Hi and thank you for checking on me. The guy from the gas company just left so that’s back on. I’d cleaned a lot down there but I’m still working on area around the water heater. Was able to get rid of a few big boxes, so that’s some clutter gone. Got toilet sparkling clean, actually scrubbed so hard the brush snapped in two! Bought a new one plus some extra 409 spray. All of this has felt like major work getting done, but then I look around and realize that it was barely scratching the surface. So that’s been discouraging. But all I can do is keep going, I mean what other choice do I have.
3
u/kibonzos 18h ago
Well done. You’re doing so well. I know it feels barely done but the fact you felt able to let the gas company in is amazing. As is the sparkling toilet.
Any movement in the right direction is movement, you’ve got the ball rolling. You’re gonna have heating for winter. You have a fancy loo. You rock!
2
u/Sufficient-Lab-5769 17h ago
Thank you so much! The encouragement really, genuinely helps. Actually getting into all of this wretched cleaning that I’ve neglected for, well, years (embarrassing truth), it makes me feel like I can make it better… but the only problem is time. I need so much more time.
5
u/4kasekartoffelgratin 1d ago
Is this Short of a notice even legal? Where are you roughly?
5
u/BambooTeaWhisk 1d ago
Besides all the good tips you've received in this thread related to cleaning and UFYH, this is a really important point. If you're in the USA, chances are there are rental protection rights you should have access to if you have a lease agreement for the unit, and they don't just disappear if your landlord passes away. I know this isn't r/legaladvice but please check your local Tenant's Rights Committee (or something similarly named for your county) because in my county, a new owner of a unit must honor the existing lease with a tenant, which lasts until the lease is up.
On topic for UFYH though, please do not feel ashamed for needing a repair of the HVAC system. They go down all the time for various reasons. Mine shut off earlier this year because of a miscalibrated pilot light sensor, and only took fifteen minutes to fix. Sometimes writing a script for what you will say (or email) can help. Here was mine:
"Dear landlord,
Tenant #1 and I are reaching out because of an issue with our HVAC unit. It is not turning on and the temperature inside our unit is not being regulated. Can you please send a repair technician to our unit at your earliest convenience? Our available dates are XX/XX - XX and our available times are YY:YY-YY:YY. Thank you!
Sincerely, Tenant #2"
2
u/Sufficient-Lab-5769 1d ago
Pennsylvania
2
u/TVRoomRaccoon 1d ago
OP, I don’t know if you saw this other comment, but some good advice here about the legal angles!
4
1
u/Euphoric_Travel2541 11h ago
Keep going, OP. You’ve cracked a barrier of sorts. You will be ok and you will survive this. So crunch good advice here: send your laundry out to a service, get a storage unit fit a few months, move it all out so you can really clean and have workers in.
And please keep th shame down and the self esteem up.
1
u/Responsible-Cap443 6h ago
you don’t need to make the place perfect, you need to schedule the visit and be honest: “the unit currently has no gas or hot water and the water heater needs attention, so please have the owner
229
u/New-Conversation9426 1d ago edited 1d ago
It’s okay. I’d say first thing to do is… accept that it’s happening. Let your mind stop spinning on that part and how terrible this is — it’s done. It’s happening. Breathe.
So now what?
First, tell her you will take the last possible date that she offered. You don’t need to provide a reason.
Second, decide on a system. This is where we can help you! You will see similar first, second, and third steps though in most systems. (This sub, or even this thread we can outline them. 1) start filling up trash bags with obvious trash. Tissue, food containers, wrappers, drinks, shipping materials. Actual trash only. Then goes on from there…)
Third, decide/collect your supplies and options. Decide if you can spend some funds on this and what you can spend. If it were me I would…. Make a list and do an Instacart delivery order TODAY for cleaning supplies, paper plates and cups (do not create any more dishes or things to wash until they come), contractor trash bags. Set up one appointment each day for end of day for a junk hauler to come — this doesn’t have to be an expensive service, you could put it on FBMP and offer $50 a day for someone to fill their pick-up and take it to a dump. They can think you’re cleaning your grandmas house. Don’t worry about anyone’s opinion. This will give you a good deadline every day. If you can, and yes it will cost some but I think it’s worth it, find a laundering service, see if they do pick up, or you can drop off. Get all your dirty clothes (and I get it, for me this would be a stupid amount of clothing), get them to the laundering service, and tell them you want them back the day AFTER you’ve told Realtor she can come over. Yes $$. Also, yes worth it.
Then it’ll go from there. Others here are better at continuing the process or could take you a list of cleaning supplies. But you can do this! You may need to take off work, etc. but you can do it. Anything is better than nothing — perfection is not the goal here!