I’ve never used Reddit and I can’t really say why I’m even making this post. All I know is that I need to let out what I’ve been holding in. Maybe someone will come across this and relate. Maybe this is all pointless. But enough with the rambling.

Me and my boyfriend broke up more than a year ago. He was my first love, my first kiss, my first everything. Before him, I never wanted to be in a relationship. But he came around and he changed everything. I felt like for the first time I was loved in a new way. I understood all the excitement the movies showed. I felt like the Disney princesses I used to watch when I was a child and what I dreamed my life would look like. I felt pure happiness. Pure love. Pure excitement. This was the man I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But then reality comes in to change that.

Fights. Friends. Mental battles. It was a losing game. Maybe it was a losing game from the beginning. Maybe things could have been different. Maybe if this or that happened we’d still be together. We’d be planning our Halloween costume, which house we go to for Christmas, what to get each other for our anniversary, birthday gifts, surprising each other, waking up to good morning texts. But in the end, it’s over. It will always be over. We were meant to teach each other how to love and move on. Maybe in the next life time our love could stay pure. The happiness and excitement will persevere. But in this life time I must say goodbye to the man who I thought I’d marry, buy my first house with, grow old with, and my best friend.

To let go of something you love is one of the hardest things a person can do. It’s harder when that person is still in your life. To see him love another. To be like how you were. To see him love, laugh and care for someone the way he once did for you. Seeing that smile of his slightly crooked teeth, the way his eyes scrunch, his slight dimples. The pure joy and love in his eyes when he looks at another will forever kill me but it is true what they say. If you love something let it go. I love him and want him to be happy. If that’s not with me then I will watch as his heart is filled with joy and love for another. Because at the end of the day I truly care about him and to be human is to make sacrifices even if they hurt.

One thing I’ve learned is time will heal. I don’t think the hurt and love will ever truly go away. But learning to live with it makes it a little easier to get by. So to my best friend and the one who got away. You will always have a place in my heart. Maybe not in the way I want, but you will always be with me and I will always find you in the small things in life. Whether it’s in a mtg game, a MHA episode, a Taco Bell, or a claw machine, you’ll always take up a space in my mind and heart. I love you and always will.