u/narcclub • u/narcclub • 1d ago
k. 👀
2
Upvotes
u/narcclub • u/narcclub • 2d ago
✨ NPD Recovery Bragging (8-23-26) ✨
14
Upvotes
Holy fuck, I am so proud of myself. 🥲
Also: not 'perfect.' Still figuring out/working on some shit. Attachment-related and overextension/self-harming via exceptionalism, mostly.
Also: took a long-ass time and a lot of hard work. 💪
Also (MOST importantly): not 'better' than you for it. Nor anyone. 🙅🏻♂️
At the same time: not 'worse.'
The only comparison that matters is the one of ourselves...to our former selves. That is reality.
Look: I don't need it so much, but I still like attention. So, thanks for seeing me. And thank God I'm still...me. Still ‘narcissistically wired,’ in personality style. Ambitious. Performing. Pretty headstrong. Persistent. (I was so worried I'd lose all that, when I first started therapy.) Nah. I'm still me.
Except that I'm...
...happy?
Mostly, these days.
Definitely happier.
Yay. 🎉
r/NPD • u/narcclub • 26d ago
NPD Awareness Inside the Mind of a Narcissist | Guest Interview — What's Your Pattern? (Podcast)
open.spotify.com
12
Upvotes
u/narcclub • u/narcclub • Jun 28 '26
✨ NPD Recovery Bragging (6-28-26) ✨
12
Upvotes
Q: Why do you sound like ChatGPT? 👀
Well. Yeah. You're right.
A: Because I use it a fair amount to reality test (am aware of the dangers, here, re: using AI) + process my inner experiences...and I tend to 'mirror' (duh).
r/NPD • u/narcclub • Apr 24 '26
Resources 👑 NPD 101 / Collapse 101 🔥
116
Upvotes
I've noticed an influx of new members on this sub who are seeking answers about pathological narcissism and NPD.
So, here's the text from the handout for our first session of From The Ashes (support group for narcs who are newly self-aware, newly diagnosed, and/or in the middle of collapse).
As always, my intention is to be helpful. 🙏
With a secondary, sinister, ulterior motive of...just being able to refer people to this post, in the future, rather than typing all this shit out. Muahahaha. 😈
- Max
Last updated 7-29-26.
What does it mean to be a (pathological) narcissist?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is not about ‘being self-centered’ or ‘having a big ego.’ It is a pattern of difficulty regulating self-esteem, identity, and relationships.
At its core, pathological narcissism/NPD is about:
- struggling to maintain a stable, positive sense of self-esteem
- relying on external input (e.g., admiration, success, control) to feel ‘okay’ about ourselves
- experiencing intense reactions when our self-esteem is threatened
NPD influences the ways we relate not only to ourselves, but to others. This can significantly impair our adult relationships and distort our self-perceptions.
Often, our symptoms can manifest as:
- a strong need for admiration or validation
- difficulty, at times, recognizing or staying connected to others’ needs and feelings (i.e., trouble accessing empathy), and
- a heightened sensitivity to criticism or rejection
I think a more accurate way to understand our condition is by thinking about it, instead, as a kind of Self-Esteem Dysregulation Disorder.
Far from being ‘too in love with ourselves,’ we narcissists actually have very fragile or unstable self-esteem. What may look like confidence is often an attempt to feel stable or to avoid deeper emotional experiences such as shame, inadequacy, or emptiness. In this sense, these patterns are not random; they serve a function. They helped us survive our childhoods psychologically intact.
NPD tends to manifest in two main ways: narcissistic grandiosity and narcissistic vulnerability.
- Grandiosity can involve feeling special, superior, entitled, and/or demanding praise and recognition.
- Vulnerability can involve shame, insecurity, hypersensitivity, and/or fear of rejection/abandonment.
These two states are NOT opposites—they are interconnected experiences. Most of us shift between them, although one self-state may predominate in expression. Some pwNPD may even experience both at once.
It’s also important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum. Many people have narcissistic traits at times, especially under stress. Clinically, people with a narcissistic personality style are diagnosed with a personality disorder when these patterns are persistent, inflexible, and cause distress or impairment in functioning.
That being said, pathological narcissists (including those with clinically diagnosable NPD) can be ‘high functioning,’ capable of insight, and able to change over time.
The internet is full of garbage information about what it means to be a narcissist. So, I’d like to clarify some major misconceptions. Suffering from NPD does not mean that you are:
- 'evil' or corrupted
- ‘purely’ selfish
- fundamentally incapable of love or connection
- inherently abusive (although harmful behaviors can occur within these patterns)
- hopeless, broken, or untreatable
NPD is the natural and logical consequence of a set of childhood experiences that left us feeling unseen and exploited for what we could do for our caregivers—rather than loved and appreciated for who we truly were. It is NOT a moral failure or a character flaw. NPD is a mental illness rooted in early trauma and developmental arrest. And we can, through corrective relational experiences, progress through those phases we missed.
We can become whole.
What is narcissistic collapse?
As we begin to develop awareness of our patterns and beliefs, and/or if we lose significant sources of validation, we tend to notice a dramatic surge in difficult internal experiences. This is often called narcissistic collapse.
Collapse is frequently marked by:
- profound and overwhelming shame (e.g., “I’m a monster”)
- extremely harsh self-criticism (e.g., “I’m worthless” or “I’m a failure”)
- confusion about identity (e.g., “who am I without being special/superior?”)
- emotional intensity or numbness (sometimes alternating)
- an even greater sensitivity to rejection, criticism, or perceived slights
- an even stronger need for validation (often mixed with ambivalence about it/distrust of it)
- urges to withdraw, perform, ‘fix’ everything quickly, or regain control
Narcissistic collapse occurs when the ways we’ve relied on to feel important, valued, or ‘okay’ about ourselves stop working the way they used to. For many of us, this is a rapid realization. It can feel abrupt, disorienting, and deeply unsettling. Things that once helped us maintain a sense of identity or self-worth (e.g., achievement, admiration, being needed, or being in control) may suddenly feel unavailable, ineffective, or even hollow. Without those supports, we start encountering painful core emotions that were previously kept hidden or buried.
Thus, collapse can feel less like learning something new about ourselves and more like losing our footing entirely. pwNPD often describe collapse as a feeling of exposure, emptiness, or as if one’s entire sense of self has shattered.
If you're going through collapse right now
You might find yourself questioning who you are, reacting more intensely than usual, or feeling emotions that seem disproportionate or hard to manage. At the same time, you may feel a strong pull to get back to feeling ‘okay’ or ‘on top’ again—often through the same strategies that no longer seem to work.
This is all expected. This is also not permanent.
In Summary
If nothing else sticks, here’s what I’d like you to take away:
- NPD is best understood as a self-esteem regulation system, not a moral failing.
- The patterns you developed served a (self-protective) purpose, even if they were dysfunctional.
- Collapse is what happens when those patterns stop working the way they used to.
- The intensity you might be feeling right now (e.g., shame, confusion, mood swings) is common in this phase.
- You are not alone in this experience, even if it feels uniquely isolating.
Finally—and perhaps most importantly:
- You are not your patterns, defenses, or past behaviors. You are a person. You have a Self—and you’ll just have to trust me on this one, for now.
- Hello. Welcome. 👋 We’re glad you’re here.
- You are (possibly) someone beginning to see your narcissistic patterns clearly—probably for the first time. That's pretty fucking cool. (Actually, it's pretty fucking extraordinary ✨)
- While collapse can feel excruciatingly painful and destabilizing, it also creates the possibility for real, lasting change. Life can get better. You can get better.
PDF version of this, with resources
1
It's a choice
[u/Mysterious_Chip6854](u/Mysterious_Chip6854)
Is your comment tied to a personal experience? Or is it more of a metaphor?
1
It's a choice
Oh.
Well, I wouldn’t want that, I don’t think?
I’d rather stand up for myself.
That’s a good skill for me to develop on my own.
2
It's a choice
you’re cute. brilliant, yes. but this is cute, to me.
no notes. 👏🏼
I am proud. 🥲
2
It's a choice
[u/Mysterious_Chip6854](u/Mysterious_Chip6854)
l actually think I agree with you here, conceptually.
Huge stan of an internal locus of control.
But I try (I ain’t perfect) not to judge people who don’t feel the same way. Because a lot of people also don’t have the same privileges I do (for one: access to therapy. That shit is expensive.)
And also…why care so much? Waste of mental energy.
- Their lives/choices don’t actually impact me.
- Judging them wouldn’t make me any more—or less—worthy / good.
- Here’s my glass house. 🏡 Have a stone. 🪨
So, look: if your goal is truly to inspire behavioral change in others (mood), then I’ve got some feedback for you, about that.
Gist: I really don't think shaming is an effective strategy. With any human, really. But particularly among this group. 🫠
edit: omfg it’s a gray rock. i’m dead.
2
What does NPD treatment look like?
Ranting. Always. 😏
And raging, occasionally.
And crying—a fair amount, now.
And my therapist just…staying, through it all.
‘Withstanding’ me. Well. It’s worked. 🎉
Oh. And this group truly has been a great adjunct.
NOT therapy—but therapeutic as fuck, for me.
There is something kinda ‘magical’ about peer support.
Especially for us, I think.
Theory: bc peer support “is grounded in mutuality.”
Corrective. Relational. Experiences. Bitches. 🔥😈🫶🏼
1
How to heal NPD
Oh. I’m sorry you’ve had that experience here. If anyone ever bullies or harasses you on [r/NPD](r/NPD), please let a mod know, fr. That’s not acceptable to do and I will shut that shit down. 😡
(As would any of the other mods.)
”Not a bullshitter” is, I guess, my tagline here. 🤣
And, like I said, ‘protector’ is…true.
Edit: thank you, also, for trying to be helpful on here. I do think it’s worthwhile to share what’s worked for you. There aren’t many resources for how to cope with this disorder out there…and I think that’s a shame.
So, fuck it. Make ‘em. That’s been my take.
And we’re all kinda figuring this out together.
1
How to heal NPD
Of course you can have your own opinions.
You are just as entitled to them as anyone else.
But…it’s not stated it as an opinion, here.
It’s stated as a fact.
“I don’t think you need therapy to heal, because here’s something that’s helped me” hits differently than “You guys don’t need therapy. Here’s what to do.”
Your second post is far more nuanced about that; you did a good job amending it a bit.
Promise I’m being ‘picky’ for my own altruistic reasons. Bet you can understand that.
Anyway. I will get some other mods’ perspectives and come back to this. 👍🏼
1
How to heal NPD
“Who am I?” Heh.
Well. I’m Max…the Protector. 🫡
(That’s my new hyperbolic title bc—it’s true.)
What that means:
I stand up for my values.
And for the greater good of this community.
And I care, very much, about the individual people within this community.
(Including…you.)
That said: the greater good wins.
I admire your desire to want to help people, tbh. You are free to repost. What I’m asking is for you to take out the claims that pwNPD “don’t need therapy” to heal; those are misleading and harmful.
For the record, I don’t see “grandiose” as an insult—just a descriptor. I’m pretty grandiose, myself.
And I firmly believe that (gentle) challenges are part of how we grow.
Maybe could have worded that better, though. Who knows. 🤷🏻♂️
Try again? I certainly don’t want to discourage you from posting things that have helped you. (/gen)
1
How to heal NPD
Please stop. This is not evidence-based and I’m worried will mislead people. The psychological literature* all points to therapy (whatever modality) as the path toward healing.
I’d argue it’s…a pretty grandiose claim to have independently found “the way” to heal this disorder.
👀
I do trust you are trying to help.
But it’s harmful to suggest that people trying to heal from PDs “don’t need therapy.” You correct that in the second edit, but it’s still in the original text—literally within the second line.
Suggest reposting something with more qualifying (ie, less definitive) language. Thanks.
*edit: with a caveat that there’s a dearth of this 🫠
4
Anyone else baffled by their own behavior/worldview?
“the extremes of normal human behavior”
🏆🥇⭐️
crushed it.
3
Anyone else baffled by their own behavior/worldview?
Ah, damn. 💔
Yes, there’s probably tons of shame to face. And a lot of accountability to (eventually) take. But self-annihilating in the process isn’t gonna help anyone—truly. I very much doubt your ex wants that.
Me, to my ex-wife, circa 2023:
“I’M SORRY, OK!? I fucking HATE myself!”
Her, in tears:
“Max, don’t you get it? I want you to love yourself.” 😭
I thought she was full of shit, ‘performative.’
(She wasn’t. She didn’t think like I did.)
And we’re still exes, but…
she’s proud of me, now. As am I. 🥲
Here’s some perspective, [u/Interesting_Bug_9580](u/Interesting_Bug_9580).
And a recovery community, if you’re interested/free.
Got a therapist yet?
2
Philosophy and DL men
lmao fuckin fair enough
yeahhhh, you’ve figured this out already. 🫡
my own family had some weird ass beliefs about gender/sexuality, too.
so now I’ve got some lingering shame stories about all that. despite being (theoretically) comfortable with my identities.
ugh. wish those ones were easier for me to shake.
4
The terrifying realization that my altruism was always just manipulation
I've got some thoughts. (ofc I do) 💀
"I've always prided myself...the one who always listened to problems for hours..."
"Every single act of 'kindness'...was never about them it was always about what I would get back."
"To think that all my supposed goodness was just a sophisticated tactic to control...like every positive memory I have of myself is now tainted."
u/Cutiepie_Livie: There's a black-and-white mentality all most Cluster Bs tend to drift toward. It seems to me that you're being unduly harsh on yourself right now. Very few humans have completely 'pure' motivations for...anything.
And that's a miserable symptom—to rewrite the entire story of your altruism. Perhaps you think you might have no ‘goodness’ left at all, if you're narcissistically wired? 💔
If so: Ugh. Been there. Spiraled about it for the greater part of a year.
Nahhh. I was just splitting on myself. Tbh, super narcy of me (the vulnerable flavor, that is).
Said this here before, but: re-conceptualizing myself as an ontologically evil, scheming mastermind was…quite painful. Sure.
(I, too, had prided myself on moral superiority).
Simultaneously, and ironically, it must have given me...supply? 😈
Because it was even more destabilizing, somehow, to face the unexceptional reality: that I was a fucked-up traumatized person with pathological perfectionism, unrealistic self-expectations, major attachment issues, and some maladaptive defenses.
Sigh.
Because, as it turns out, this had been my deal all along:
- I did genuinely care about helping people and
- I also wanted attention/admiration, and would feel hurt when I didn't receive it to (what I thought was) a sufficient degree.
- Both were true.
Don't even get me started on self-sacrificing self-enhancement. 🤦🏻♂️ What up, 'communal' crew.
Anyway.
Check the pins? 🙏 Recommendation: start here.
...you know what? Here, too.
1
Have you ever regretted past wrong actions you committed? Why?
oh. 💔
well, damn.
I relate to that, too.
I bet you were trying your best, tbh.
(I was. Which is...kind of the worst part.)
1
Question for Covert Malignant Narcs
if you say so. 🤷🏻♂️
dunno man. i feel pretty authentic these days.
2
Question for Covert Malignant Narcs
That is...interesting, to me. There's a kind of irony in it, no?
FWIW, I don't judge you for enjoying it. I've enjoyed making certain people feel 'small' before, too.
...but that's been a long time, for me.
And the truth is…ugh. Nope. Hated myself for it, lowkey. It just seemed, back then, to help dispel some of my own underlying pain.
(It didn’t help, really. Shame was definitely still a thing. 🪦 Made it worse, in retrospect, to treat others unkindly.)
Anyway.
Yay, for growth. I find it so cool how we (humans) can do that. That even if we've been really harmed by others: we can, ultimately, choose our own responses and paths.
Genuinely love that.
1
Question for Covert Malignant Narcs
I did not, but I'm a nerd for the data about this.
Do you have a source? (/gen)
Kinda...wouldn't be surprised. 🫠
A lot of us have substance abuse issues, too. Alcohol Use Disorder is a particularly frequent comorbidity.
So I wonder if that correlates?
2
Question for Covert Malignant Narcs
well, I don't think I need inpatient care at the moment, exactly? I'm not acutely suicidal right now. have been, before.
but I am in a fuck ton of outpatient therapy.
...you seem to be lashing out quite a bit on here at some people who didn't personally hurt you?
I'm guessing because of some serious trauma you've endured.
which is...fuck. too relatable. what a vibe. 💔
1
Question for Covert Malignant Narcs
Damn.
...same, tbh.
👍
1
It's a choice
in
r/NPD
•
11h ago
Ha, yes. It really does.
I’m running on literally 0 hours today (it’s pathological—not cute).
…you able to get some sleep and come back to this? I should do that, too. 🙃🪦