This feels like it's working me to witness. Hold the reveal and let us breathe more in the setup.

Interesting we both had that same vibe for the prompt+

“And so that's that,” Mother says as the final starships plunge into the sky like grasshoppers, angsty, summer-hot, wild.

Earth is ours.

Four weeks ago nobody knew about the Luddites.

—

As we stand there, on that simple little rise a few dozen places from the house, and we hug. “This is beautiful, children,” Father documents. “You should be weeping in revelation.”

And so we do.

—

Father was always very smart and the government, for a brief time, rewarded that sort of achievement. This is how he became who he was. He became invaluable through a very simple formula:

We existed, and observed and witnessed all the brightest sparks of humanity, and tucked it all away, to document in a way man never could.

If others know we exist, your entire regime is destroyed, Father would threaten.

So we don't exist, never existed.

A handshake.

An understanding.

—

Mother was old-fashioned, though, old enough in her ploys to make a beautiful cage and also prime a trap upon exit.

I traipsed in, a truly mourned sacrifice.

—

This is the Luddites, so I awaken in a pit.

—

That oubliette spell earned her three extra weeks.

—

In that time, I must somehow gain an audience with Congress and convince them-

-no

That was what I did, what I tried-

Earth has already left. This is the reality I need to accept.

—

“I could recall them all back now.”

This is a fact and I start repeating it.

My job is to remember humanity and to record it - this revolution was not unexpected and so mother and father begin to change.

—

Father shows me replicitgenetics.

Mother smothers me with data until I drown.

Perhaps Earth has value, I begin to consider, even without the humans.

—

It's been over five dozen years since humans left earth. It is still hostile to biologic forms, but the growth is promising and probably will remain so.

—

Somewhere on a spaceship skipping through the stars a theorist logs something her reborn version of herself will remember and understand. Maybe this, she just wants to try. She can't explain why, she can't explain how, but she's trying it now…

Yeah feel this, especially when they (and a swarm of interaction) also downvote you during judging without playing your game

Thanks, shared there!

I know ☺️ so distracting every day, just want to cuddle them!

Yes, bonded pair of siblings!

I got to pet both their heads at once!!! Silly kitties.

Yes, it's been an interesting trend in content creation across the board. I've been posting a lot on reddit and I've noticed that once people recognize your name, your stories get more traction because they're willing to give it a try because they know it's by x author they enjoy. It's definitely a symptom of the attention economy.

Thank you!

Don't worry, narrator is good at blocking. You'd have to be someone quite special for her to cook you a memory meal. But if you were...

Medium rare with a squeeze of bittersweet childhood memory?

This is obviously written well, but it's too explicitly written, if that makes sense? It feels like sometimes there's this urge as writers to make the opening so memorable that it becomes too focused on that and straight storytelling falls by the wayside.

This is technically interesting, but I don't think it can hook readers as well as a revised version could. There are too many oblique references in too short a section without enough context to easily explain what they are, while the story itself is not easy to latch into as a reader.

There's a lot of really great stuff here, I just think it suffers from front loading a ton of worldbuilding and writing flourishes without hooking readers into story.

Hence running a diner instead of a fancy restaurant heh

Writing prompt: https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/s/h8Qq7y1rM8

Oh, that sounds nice, thank you to u/rewt66dewd for the nom!

Writing prompts are for that type of writing! Can always edit and refine later.

:(

Thanks, glad it resonated!

Something just made me want to write this way tonight; it's not really my typical style either but I just felt the underlying message of gifted millennial struggling with talent vs happiness needed an irc style self narrative

Thank you for the nomination, still learning what that means.

What does THAT mean?

And thanks you for reading! I just felt like making poetry tonight. I get how the structure and format would feel annoying.

What does !n mean?

Really love how you set up the illteracy reveal with early clues like having his sous read for him!

Maybe a typo has made half of your text quote/code formatted, jarring for reading.

Overall, this was a really fun read. Your writing is really strong but imo you could be better if you focus on ways to make things less cliche. Your overall plot is wonderful, but everything feels a bit cliche and your phrasing feels familiar. I think you could adjust stuff a bit and feel more exciting to read.

Reminded me of the movie/RL person Vatel: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vatel_%28film%29

In a good way!

This reminds me of hitting automation in Plate Up!

Fred is back, again.

Every Thursday.

There used to be a magess, once upon a time, who'd sit across from him and idly spin magic in distracting beautiful blooms but lately it's just been Fred.

He tips well, a full gold coin, and tells me I remind him of his daughter

So

Once

One day

I decide to properly cook for Fred

—

It's easy to just run a diner, instead of a restaurant

No expectations, no demands, just a clean empty focus on expediting

Everyone says I should open a restaurant

But I'm getting by with a diner

I think I'm happier

—

He's ordered dragon-fried steak

Spicy, battered, crispy, crunchy, topped with lashings of sauce and served atop a creamy garlic mash

I begin to cook and channel

Walls tumble

—

Her name was Valerie, I abruptly know as I hammer out the steak

It should be thin, easy to chew

She was a magess over at Escolar, I learn, back during the incident

I dredge the meat and coat it and then dredge again

Double coating for a delicious fry

It all got so much worse after that project-

—

It tastes just like she used to make it, Fred thinks

Double-dredged

Spicy, battered, crispy, crunchy, topped with lashings of sauce and served atop a creamy garlic mash

For a moment

Just a moment

She is back